Change of Heart
by DarkSkye
Summary: A string of murders in Boston brings John and his estranged father back together and he finds out he has a sister
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Profiler or any of it's characters...I work in retail so, have a heart and don't sue :o) 

Boston: The Red Dragon

Roy Langston sat looking at his cards not really interested in playing but pretending to be. Besides, he was winning. "I check." He said looking over at the man sitting next to him.

"I fold. " Lewis threw his cards down and smiled over at Krieger the other player at the table. "It's up to you."

Krieger looked at his cards. He had a pair of Kings. He looked up at Roy searching his face for a clue of what to do, but of course it showed nothing. Roy's face was always cold and expressionless ...winning or losing it would look the same. "I fold." He said tossing his cards into the center of the table.

Roy put his cards down and grinned. "You should've called me on it, Krieger. I hope you're better at killing than you are at a simple game of cards."

Krieger looked at the cards in disbelief. Roy had not only nothing that could have beat him but nothing at all. Zip. Zilch. "Damn," he grumbled. Then looked up at Roy with his own grin. "And I assure you when it comes to a kill I'm one of the best."

"Good to hear."

"So, Mr. Langston, who is it we're suppose to kill?" Lewis asked picking up all the cards and shuffling them.

"Ultimately the target is Patrick O'Doyle...but I want him to suffer a bit first. I want to hurt his businesses, maybe kill a few of his men...and then... his children."

"Children?" Krieger interrupted. "I thought he only had a daughter. Didn't the boy die with the mother in the car crash?"

Langston nodded. "Yes, the youngest boy...but he has another son from his first wife. He's an FBI agent in Atlanta. O'Doyle has no contact with him."

"Then why would he care if we hurt him?"

"Because he's still his son." Roy stood up and rubbed at the numbness in his right leg. "I want Patrick O'Doyle to suffer...to feel pain. He will pay for he what he did to me. Beating me to a pulp, shooting me and leaving me for dead in a ditch is going to seem like a holiday compared to what I have planned." He grinned at the thought. "Now,do you think the two of you could handle that?"

"I don't know...Mr. Langston...Patrick O'Doyle? He's pretty high up there in the Irish mob. He's a powerful man." Lewis said and instantly wanted to take it back when he saw the look on Roy Langston's face.

Roy grabbed him by his shirt, lifted him up off the chair and had him pinned to the wall with his elbow at his throat. He had done it so quickly that all Krieger could do was stand there wide-eyed. "Patrick O'Doyle is just a man!" Roy said through clenched teeth. "Whatever you think he could do to you is nothing compared to what I WILL do to you, I promise. Because I am more than that man...I am HATE." He let go of Lewis and smiled straightening out his shirt. "Now," He looked over at Krieger. "Shall we get started?"

"Ready when you are." Krieger said and he and Langston both looked at Lewis.

Lewis nodded, still visibly shaken. "Yes, sir. Let's get started."

Roy Langston smiled so big almost all his teeth showed. He looked like The Joker. It scared Krieger and Lewis, but they didn't show it.

VCTF Headquaters : 8:00 a.m...one month later

"Okay Georgie, what do you have?" Bailey asked as his team was gathered around the command center looking through the files that were placed in front of them.

"Boston P.D. is looking for some help on multiple murder victims." He put some pictures up on the screen from his computer. "There are 13 in all, in the last 4 weeks. All different ages...different classes...um both sexes...no relations to each other ...nor do they have a connection anywhere else..."

"Are the death's similar at least?" John asked looking through the files.

"Some...there's beatings, stabbings, gunshot wounds, hangings...some have multiple causes. If this is the work of one guy...he's all over the place."

"What do you think, Sam?"

"I don't know Bailey...whoever did this is so erratic...the death's seem random...nothing in common...no one in common. I mean look who we have here...a housewife... a waiter...truck driver...store owner...there was no robbery involved...look, the truck driver was found with $800 dollars in his pocket. It doesn't make sense." Sam tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and stood up to pace. "But,there are too many to be a coincidence...not in such a short period of time. There's got to be something Boston PD is missing."

"Maybe they're mob hits?" Nathan suggested

John looked up from his files. "Maybe it's just some psycho who gets off on killing people for no reason." He offered. He didn't want to go the mob route. He didn't want to think about his father.

"Nathan could be right." Bailey said and he threw John a knowing glance. "Maybe Boston P.D. is getting to close to someone and they're cleaning house...cleaning up evidence." He stood up. "Grace,we're having some of the bodies flown here...we need to go over them with a fine tooth comb. Georgie, I want you to cross reference, again, every victim. Check their families, friends, financial situations...the works. John...Nathan I want you fly to Boston and talk to the officers handling the case. I want files, notes, crime scene evidence...everything they got. Sam work with Georgie on a profile. I want to meet back here in 24 hours and have something to work with."

"Boston...huh...maybe you can show me your old stomping ground" Nathan said clapping John on the back.

"I don't think so, Nate. Let's just go and get back okay?" John said quietly.

"You okay?"

"Sure, I just...ya know,don't like going back there."

"No problem buddy," He put a hand on John's shoulder before they got in to the elevator. "We'll be there and back before you know it. You won't even know you were there."

Feel free to read and review...just be gentle cause it's my first time and I'll be sad... :o) Fire away...


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Yeah...still don't own any of it :o)

VCTF Headquaters : 8:00a.m...next day

"John just called.. he and Nathan are on their way up." George said stirring a cup of coffee.

"Hopefully they found something more out in Boston." Bailey grabbed a bagel from the center of the table and offered half to Grace.

"Mmmm...thanks." Grace smiled tiredly at him.

"Boys keep you up late?"

Grace nodded suppressing a yawn. "Their new thing is they need a glass of water every five minutes."

"I remember those days." Sam grinned.

John and Nathan walked over to the table each had two boxes in their hand "Here's everything." Nathan said as they but all four boxes in the center of the table.

Bailey watched John as he went to his chair and sat down. He wasn't himself. He is used to the younger man practically bouncing in every morning... all smiles and talking a mile a minute. "Everything go okay in Boston, John?"

"Sure, Bailey, we didn't have any problems. Everyone was very cooperative."

Seeing that he wasn't going to get much from John and not wanting to push him, he turned to Nathan. "Find out anything new?''

Nathan looked over at John, then at Bailey ."Uh ..yeah there is something. There were 6 other murders that Boston P.D. didn't mention"

"What?! Why wouldn't they disclose information about 6 other murders." Bailey asked shaking his head in disgust.

"They chalked them up to mob hits. Seems they all worked for the same man...Patrick O'Doyle."

Sam looked at John, he looked uncomfortable and was tapping his pen nervously. "So maybe these other victims were marks...people who owed-" She didn't want to say his name. "...money or something"

Bailey was watching John also. He felt bad about going on but they did have a case to solve. "You can't get what's owed to you from someone who's dead...it doesn't make sense. And why would you kill 6 of your own men..."

"I think Sam is right about them being marks...looking at some of these financial records. There's debt, gambling, prostitution..." George scrolled through his computer screen and found that each victim for one reason or the other was financially in the red.

"So we have 6 men all working for Patrick O'Doyle dead and potentially 13 dead marks ...I say we get a warrant and bring him in for questioning."

"Bailey-" .

"It's the most obvious place to start, Sam." He looked at her knowing she was concerned about John. "Nathan get started on that warrant. John can I speak with you in my office for a moment?"

John didn't answer he just got up and followed Bailey to his office.

"Look John, " Bailey closed the door, went to his desk and sat on the edge of it. "I know this is going to be difficult for you...especially if it turns out your father-"

"It's okay, Bailey, I'm fine with it. Believe me I'm not surprised about anything my father does...I know what he's capable of." John tried to speak as calmly as possible, holding back everything he felt so Bailey wouldn't take him off the case.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay with this John? It's okay if you're not...I understand. We all understand."

_' No they don't, they couldn't.' _He thought to himself. He lied of course. "Yes, Bailey, I'm okay. I want to be part of this case."

Bailey nodded but he was still unsure. "Okay then. We'll have Patrick O'Doyle picked up and brought here. He may be more cooperative on our turf."

_'Don't count on it' _ John said to himself then, grinned halfheartedly. "Sounds like a plan. Can I go now?"

Bailey nodded and watched him leave. "This is going to be a rough one"

BOSTON : Patrick O'Doyle's Penthouse...same day

Patrick O'Doyle sat at his desk staring at the computer screen of his laptop. He was going over his list of marks carefully looking for something to pop out at him...anything to link them to anyone else. Looking at the screen was starting to give him a headache so he stood up and went to the window to get some air. He looked out over the city and sighed. "What the hell is going on around here?" He asked aloud, knowing full well he wasn't going to get an answer from the air. He heard a knock at his door and turned to look at the man who entered. He knew from the look on his face the news wasn't good. "What is it, Bobby ?"

Robert Gibson sat down in the chair in front of Patrick and turned it to face him. "I just got a call from Boston P.D. they have a warrant for you issued from Atlanta. They want you for questioning...for the murders. Apparently the case has been turned over to the VCTF. It goes without saying that they at least linked 6 of the victims to you because they worked for you...they may have found out the others were marks."

Patrick went back to his desk and sat down closing the top of his laptop. "The VCTF, huh? The mayor must be freaking out to involve them." He said easily, like Robert just told him the sky was blue.

"Look, Pat, I can stall and try to buy you some time so you can get out of here for a while-"

"No," Patrick interupted him. "I'll go and talk to them. I have nothing to hide. It's definitely no secret those men worked for me."

"But the others," Robert said with concern in his voice. "What if they find a way to link you to them. Or in digging for information they turn up something you DID do?"

Patrick grinned at Robert. Genuinely thankful for the man's concern for his well being. The 2 men had known each other for 20 years. He was one of the few people Patrick trusted completely. He was also a very good laywer. "I think we'll be okay...and I'll look guilty if I run, don't you think? Besides, maybe they know something we don't. Maybe what they've got can help us find the cowardly son-of-a-bitch that's trying to get to me"

Robert nodded. Patrick had a point. "Okay. I'll call and make the arrangements. We'll leave in an hour. What are you going to tell Jessie?"

"She's with Sal at the tracks. They'll be there all day so, I'll call her once we get to Atlanta and we know what the situation is. You'll make arrangements to fly her to Atlanta ..."

Robert nodded and headed towards the door to get started on all the calls he had to make."What about your son?" He said turning back to face Patrick.

"What about him? I have nothing to worry about where my son is concerned and in turn he has nothing to worry about from me."

"You're the boss. I'll get started on the phone calls. I'll meet you downstairs in a hour."

Remember...be gentle :o)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Let me check...nope...still don't own anything Profiler...except on DVD 

VCTF Headquaters : 3:00p.m...same day

Nathan walked to Bailey's office with a big happy grin on his face. " Hey," He said happily opening the door and poking his head in. "I just got word from Atlanta P.D. they're picking up Patrick O'Doyle at the airport as we speak... he'll be here in 20 minutes."

"Good" Bailey said but he wasn't so sure it was a good thing as he thought about John. "Set him up in an interrogation room and call me...oh and tell Sam too. I want her there."

"Yes sir, chief." Nathan left Bailey's office and went to the command center where Sam, John, and George were going over the files from Boston. "Hey, O'Doyle will be here in 20 minutes...Bailey wants you with him in interrogaton Sam."

Sam looked immediatley at John but his eyes never left the file he was looking at. "Um... yeah, sure." She pushed her hair behind her ear nervously. Her eyes never left John.

John could feel Sam looking at him and it was making him shift in his seat. He finally stood up, not meeting her gaze, and walked towards the bathroom.

Sam followed.

"This is the MEN'S ROOM Sam." He told her pointing at the sign on the door,then walked in.

Sam followed.

"What?! What do you want?" He shouted angrily and started to pace in front of her.

"I just wanted to know if you're okay..obviously you're not. It's okay to be upset about this John, he's your father-"

"I know who he is Sam, believe me, you don't have to remind me!"

Sam reached out and touched his arm so he would stop pacing. "When was the last time you saw him?" She asked gently trying to calm him.

"When I was nine...look Sam I appreciate the concern, I really do...but I'm not gonna do this with you right now, got it? I'm fine." He walked past her towards the door but turned back around before he opened it. "Do me a favor and pass that on to everyone else around here...I'm fine...no 'poor John' pity parties, understand?" With that said he turned around and walked out.

Sam followed him out and watched him as he headed towards the elevators. She noticed he punched the 3rd floor button. The gym was on the 3rd floor. 'He's going to hit something for awhile' She said to herself. 'Not the way I'd prefer it but he needs to get his feelings out' She waited for him to get in to the elevator then walked back to the command center.

_Interrogation Room_

Patrick sat at the table with Robert waiting for whoever was coming to talk to them. He took off his jacket and leaned back in his chair.

"Like he's at home, on the couch, watching a ball game.." Bailey said as he, Sam and Nathan watched through the two-way glass from the next room. "Where's John?"

"Last time I saw him he was headed for the gym. Bailey, he doesn't need to be here."

"I know Sam. I'm just worried about him."

She nodded. "Shall we?"

Bailey opened the door to the interrogation room. "Nathan wait out here in case John shows up." And he and Sam walked in the room to meet the infamous Patrick O'Doyle.

"Patrick O'Doyle. " Bailey said as he sat down in front of him and opened a large file. "I'm Agent Malone and this is Dr. Waters...and these are why you're here." He pulled a stack of photographs from the folder and spread them out in front of Patrick.

Patrick looked at the crime scene photos. He recognized the ones of his men immediately and he had to control the anger that was welling up inside him. "Some of these are my men." He said looking up at Bailey.

Bailey nodded. "And the others?"

Patrick looked down at them again. "Don't know. They could be from the neighborhood."

"Could they people you've loaned money too?" Bailey asked sarcastically trying to bait him.

Partick just grinned. "I can't be sure Agent Malone...I've given so much to so many." His grinned faded and he leaned forward towards Bailey. "Besides I can't get back borrowed money from a corpse."

"Is there someone maybe angry with you...trying to force you out of...ya know the business." Sam asked trying to read the expression on Patrick's face.

"I have more enimies than most Dr. Waters...so I've thought about that, but there's no one that comes to mind.."

"Or no one you want to mention?"

"Exactly." He smiled at her.

Sam cringed. She thought of John when he smiled and it occured to her how much he and John looked alike. She looked him in the eyes. There was definitly no John there. They were the same color as John's but they were colder and expressionless where John's were softer, usually dancing with his happy-go-luckiness. He was as tall as John, maybe taller, and they had the same dark,wavy hair. She could see John in Patrick but not Patrick in John and she was thankful for that.

"Well until you can come up with someone YOU'RE our prime suspect. We have enough information based on your knowledge of 6 of the victims to obtain warrants to search your home and your businesses." Bailey informed him matter-of-factly.

"Now, wait a minute.." Robert who had been silent up until now, spoke up suddenly. "Being the employer of 6 victims does not make him a suspect."

"It does when it comes to his line of business."

"Okay, I've heard enough-"

"Easy, Bobby, easy. Let them do what they need to do." Patrick looked at Sam and Bailey and grinned. "I have nothing to hide."

_Observation Room_

"How's it going in there?" John said walking in the observation room where Nathan was watching Sam and Bailey question Partick. "Are they getting anywhere?"

"Not really." Nathan looked at his friend and could see the anguish in his face as he looked through the glass at his father. "John you don't need to be here...or hear what's going on."

"I'm okay, Nate...and yes I do." John said quietly never taking is eyes off Patrick.

_Interrogation Room_

"Look, If you plan on keeping me here I'll need to call my daughter. She doesn't know where I am and I don't want her staying in Boston alone."

Both Sam and Bailey looked at him, shocked expressions on there faces when Patrick mentioned having a daughter. John never mentioned having a sister. "You have a daughter?" Sam asked confused.

"That's what I said isn't it? And I'll need to call her."

_Observation Room_

"You have a sister?" Nathan asked John. "How come you never mentioned her?"

"Cause I don't have one." John said angrily and went for the door of the interrogation room.

"John you can't-" But it was too late Nathan couldn't stop him."This should be interesting."

_Interrogation Room_

Bailey jumped up when John came bursting through the door. "What are you doing,John?"

"Johhny!" Patrick smiled happily. "I was wondering if I was gonna get to see you. Too bad it's under these circumstances."

"You said you have a daughter!" He shouted. He was trying to squirm away from Bailey but he had a tight grip on his shoulders. "You have NO daughter. I would've-"

"Oh, on the contrary Johnny-boy, I do have a daughter. Her name is Jessie." He looked at Bailey. "It looks like someone gets an incomplete on their homework."

"Nathan!" Bailey shouted and when Nathan ran in he through him an angry glance for not keeping John out of there. "Jessie O'Doyle. Have George run a check on her. I want it yesterday!"

Nathan left and Bailey tried to pull John out the door behind him. "C'mon John..out."

"No Bailey, I'm stayin."

"C'mon Agent Malone let my boy stay-"

"I'm NOT your boy!" John's face was red with anger and Bailey could feel him trembling.

"John sit!" Bailey practically threw him in the chair next to Sam. "Don't get up."

"You have a daughter! How can you have a daughter!? How could YOU of all people bring another child into the world!?"

Patrick winced. His feelings hurt by John's outburst, but only Sam noticed. "Johnny, I'm not the-"

"Stop calling me that! The name's John. John GRANT."

"Okay that's it. Sam take John out of here." Bailey stood up and went to reach for John's arm, but was distracted when Nathan walked in. "Well?"

"Jessie Morgan O'Doyle. Age 21. Born in Boston September 22, 1985 to Carolyn Morgan and Patrick O'Doyle. Carolyn Morgan was killed in a car accident in 1997 along with Travis John O'Doyle. Age 6. There's a couple misdemeanor drinking and substance charges, but that's it."

"Another car accident to get rid of another wife!" John shouted. "Bet you didn't expect your son to be in the car."

Patrick stood up and angrily started to unbutton his shirt. He pulled it off and threw it on the table. He watched their faces when they saw his upper body. It was covered with scars. The skin on his arms, chest, stomach and left side was raised and twisted with 3rd and 4th degree burn scars. "I was in the car when the accident happened!" Patrick shouted at John, then more quietly. "Just me and Jessie survived it." He picked up his shirt and started to put it back on. "Can I call my daughter now, please?"

"Nathan get a speaker-phone in here." Bailey ordered.

"I didn't kill your mother John...no matter what you think, I didn't do it." Patrick tucked his shirt back in and sat down.

John shook his head. " I don't believe you. You found out we were at Ben's and you killed her for leaving you."

"I knew where you were 6 months after you left! Your mother called me and told me where she was going. She said she was tired of running. She said if I loved her...if I loved YOU...I would let you both go. I didn't want to and it hurt like hell, but I did it. I sent money every month and your mother called when she got the check to tell me how everything was going..and how you were doing." He sighed remembering it. "I couldn't stand livivng in the house anymore...not without the 2 of you, so I sold it. That's when I met Carolyn."

John's mind was racing he didn't want to believe anything Patrick said but now there was a moment of doubt. Could he have been wrong all these years? "Why didn't you come for the funeral then?"

"I wanted to. I wanted to come and take you home with me. But, when Ben told me how devastated you were and how you were convinced that I had killed her, he thought it best that I leave you with him. I figured I had hurt you enough and I owed you that much...to stay away."

"Here ya go." Nathan said walking in with the speaker-phone. He looked around at everyone, the room was awfully quiet. "I'm sorry, did I interupt something?"

"Nothing important." John answered.

Bailey set the phone up in front of Patrick. "This isn't going to be a private call." He told him. "Press 9..when you here the tone.. dial the number."

Patrick did as Bailey told him. He didn't care that they were listening he had nothing to hide. Despite everything that was going on he couldn't help but smile when he heard her voice.

_"Hello?"_

Patrick could tell in her voice she didn't recognize the number he ws calling from. "Jessie, it's me."

Jessie's voice perked up immediately. _"Hey guess who one in the 5th today?"_ She said happily and answered before he could. _"Yep, my buddy Blue.I told Sal he wasn't ready to retire yet_. _You should have seen him, Dad, he was awesome."_

"You made Sal pay up of course?"

"_Nah, he lsot big on his other races_, _but he says he's never gonna doubt me again."_ She paused a moment. _"Hey where are you? We went by Ray's but he said he hadn't seen you all day."_

"I'm in Atlanta. There's a special FBI task force here that's been assigned the murders that are happening there. They needed me to answer a few questions."

_"Everything's okay though?"_

Patrick heard the worry in her voice ."Absolutely." He reassured her. "But, I may be here another day or two so I've made arrangements for you to fly here first thing in the morning."

_"Okay."_

"Where are you now?"

_"The Harbour Breeze."_

"Who's with you?" He asked and when she hesitated answering him, he got angry. "Jessie!"

_"I know, I know...I'm sorry, okay? I just needed a break from-"_

He cut her off. "Dammit, I told you with everything that's going on!!..I didn't want you going anywhere alone!!" He tried to keep his voice calm so he didn't upset her but it wasn't working.

_"I know." _She said quietly. _"I'm sorry."_

"It's okay," he said taking a deep breath and matching her tone. "I just need to know you're safe."

_"Are you mad.?"_

"No, I'm not mad, Jess."

_"Promise?"_

Patrick smiled hoping it would change the tone of his voice and it did. "I promise. Now, would you do something for me?"

_"Of course."_

"Go home and pack up a few days worth of clothes and stay with Sal until your flight tomorrow. Joey will pick you up..he's coming with you. You won't be able to call me, but call Robert when you get home and then when you get to Sal's."

_"Okay, I will"_

"Good. I'll see you in the morning then. Try to get some sleep...at least on the plane. You sound tired."

_"I'll try. I'll see you tomorrow."_

There was a long silence and Patrick thought she had hung up but then he heard the worry back in her voice.

_"Dad, I really am sorry."_

Patrick wanted to kick himself for shouting at her earlier, she hated for someone she cared about to be angry with her. But, if she thought Patrick was angry with her, she was crushed. "I know, Jess. Honey, I'm not mad though, honest. Please don't think about it anymore."

_"I won't. See ya tomorrow. Bye, Dad."_

"Bye Jess." When he heard the dial tone again, Patrick sat back in his chair. After a moment he turned to Robert. "Call Sal and find out why MY daughter was left alone...let him know Jessie's staying the night. Tell him to call you as soon as she gets there."

"Yes, sir." Robert knew how angry Patrick was and it was better not say anything else, so he just got up and left.

"We'll send someone to the airport tomorrow to pick them up." When Patrick just nodded at him Bailey continued. "We're gonna need to ask her a couple questions too."

"Fine," Patrick was too aggravated to argue with him. "Just don't show her those photos."

"Don't wanna show her what Daddy's job is all about." John's voice was pure venom.

Patrick ignored him and looked at Bailey. "I don't want her to see them."

"Understood."

"Thank you, Agent Malone. Can we take a break? I have a headache and I would like to use the restroom."

Bailey nodded. Looking at the older man he actually felt bad for him. He looked drained. "I'll have someone take you down to a holding cell for a couple hours. We'll get you something for the headache and you can rest." He stood up to leave. "Sam can you wait here with him? John, you're with me."

John opened his mouth to speak but he could tell by the look on Bailey's face nothing was open for discussion, so he stood up and followed him out.

Patrick shook his head after John left. "The boy really hates me...not that I can blame him much...after everything I've done." He looked at Sam. "I'm not the same person I was with him and his mother."

Sam didn't know what to say. Patrick looked so sad. She had noticed when he was talking to Jessie that his whole demeanor had changed. The mobster persona had completely disappeared and was taken over by a loving father. He had that same look now. "Maybe you should tell him."

"I think it's best I leave him be." Patrick gave her half a smile.

This one's a bit long but once I get started it's hard to stop...


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Still just the DVD...darn

Bailey's Office

Bailey waited for John to walk in his office then he came in behind him and slammed the door. "You're off the case!" He slammed the files he had down on his desk. "What the hell WAS that down there, John!"

"I don't know! I just couldn't...I don't know. I'm sorry." John started pacing in front of Bailey. "I didn't think he could still get to me. I thought I could handle it."

Bailey reached out and put a hand on John's shoulder. "You're too close to this to continue on thinking clearly. You can work with George...you can help Grace...but that's it. You will NOT be involved with any further investigation in to your...in to Patrick O'Doyle." He corrected himself quickly. "Now, go home. Take the rest of the day off."

"Thank you." John ran his fingers through his hair. He needed to get out of there and was glad Bailey saw it too.

"Hey John," Bailey said as John opened the door to leave. "Do you really believe he killed your mother?"

John shook his head. "I don't know what to believe anymore." He answered tiredly and left.

VCTF Headquaters: 11:00p.m...same day

John had paced around his apartment and tossed and turned in his bed until he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't rest with Patrick being so close. He needed answers. He threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, took a couple shots of Jamison's Irish Wiskey, and headed back to work.

He went right to the first floor when he arrived, he didn't want to take a chance that he might be seen, and showed his I.D. to the desk clerk. "I need to see Patrick O'Doyle."

"We just did checks a few minutes ago. He was sleeping. This can't wait until morning?"

"We may have caught a break in a case and I need to ask him a few questions.You can call up to Bailey Malone..." John hoped the clerk would accept his bluff.

"No. No need." He gave John a pass. "He's in number 3"

"Thank you. I shouldn't be long." John took a deep breath and headed towards holding cell #3.

He stopped just beyond Patrick's cell and looked in at him. He was sleeping. He looked towards the exit and then back at Patrick nervously. He didn't know what to do. Suddenly his father's voice made him jump. "What?" John didn't hear what he had said.

"I said...Hey." Patrick got up and walked to the front of his cell to get a better look at his son. "What are you doing here?"

John was torn between leaving and staying, after a moment he said. "I just wanted...no, I need to know the truth."

"The truth about what?"

"My mother." John whispered.

"John I told you. I didn't kill her...I wouldn't. Despite everything I did, I did love her."

"Why didn't you tell me before? Why didn't you ever try to contact me?"

"You were happy being away from me...your mother and Ben made it clear to me that you didn't want anything to do with me. Hell, I didn't blame you. For a change I wanted to do what's best for you."

John leaned back on the wall and slid down to sit on the floor. "I don't know what to believe anymore."

"I'm sorry," Patrick wanted to pick him up and hug him. "I'm sorry about what happened to your mother...and I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I wish I could go back and change everything but I can't...all I can do is say I'm sorry. I'll say it every day if you want."

John wished he had brought the whiskey with him he needed a drink badly. He brushed away the tears he felt running down his face. He couldn't beleive his father was acknowledging hurting him all those years and then saying he was sorry. It was too much, but he wasn't ready to leave. "What changed you? Was it just us? Me and Mom?"

"God, no! The monster I was to you, had nothing to do with you or your mother. It was me. I was a mean drunk trying to make his way up the ranks of the Irish mob. I thought I should handle my wife and son the way MY father had done...but I was SO wrong. It took losing you and your mother to realize that. When I met Carolyn... she was so wonderful John, you would've liked her...I knew I couldn't lose her too." Patrick wiped at his own tears. "I was scared to death when she told me she was pregnant. I was afraid of hurting my child...again. I didn't want her to have it, but she insisted. She promised it would be different and it was." He sat down on the floor and leaned back against the wall. He looked over at John and smiled as he remembered the past. "She made me go to every doctor appointment. We went to birthing classes. She had me talking to her belly and feeling every kick. I was quite the sight to see, but it felt good. When it was time for Jessie to be born she had me right there in the room...God, I was horrified and excited at the same time. After they cleaned her up Carolyn insisted that I hold her first." The tears came freely now and he didn't bother wiping them away. "She was so beautiful...so little. I held her so tight ...so close because I was afraid to drop her. Her little hand wrapped around my finger and she smiled...not even and hour old and she smiled at me...that was it ...she had my heart. That's where I went wrong with us, John. I never bonded with you...I swore from that moment on I was going to be a good father...the one I should've been to you." He looked at John pleadingly,tears streaming down his face. "I am truly sorry John...do you ever think you could forgive me?"

John stood up, he needed to leave, it was getting hard to breathe. His father breaking down in front of him was tearing him apart. "I don't know." His voice was shakey from trying to hold back his emotions. "I have to go." He turned around and practically ran out of there.

When John got home he went straight for the Jamison's bottle and quickly downed four shots. He couldn't stop the tears from coming and he was exausted. He sat down on the couch and cried until he fell asleep.

Tbc... :o)


	5. Chapter 5

Discalimer: Same as chapters 1 thru 4

VCTF Headquaters : 10:00 a.m...next day

John wasn't looking forward to getting off the elevator. He felt miserable. His head ached, his eyes were sore and his neck was stiff from falling asleep on the couch. Bailey called and woke him up at 9:00am so he was now 2 hours late. He was dreading the looks and the questions that were about to come when they saw him. He took a deep breath and walked down the steps to the command center. Smiling at everyone he took his seat. "Sorry I'm late Bailey."

Bailey nodded with a half smile. "Don't worry about it John." Looking the younger man over he knew he had had a rough night. He didn't have the heart to reprimand him or jokingly give him a hard time about it. "We were just going over Grace's autopsy results." He gave John a copy of the reports." Then turned to George. "Can you put the pictures up?"

They went over the autopsy reports, the crime scene photos, and the physical evidence they had. Sam told them she thought it was more than one person commiting the murders. "The deaths are are so different. Some are more violent than others..according to the evidence some were done by someone who was left handed and right handed. They're not random...I think these people were specific targets. I think the were hits...or someone trying to get Patrick O'Doyle's attention." She bit her lip nervously and looked at John. "I think someone may be targeting HIM...I think these other murders are meant to hurt him...they start with his business, then his men...eventually I think Patrick O'Doyle himself is going to be the final target. I think they're just playing with him now" She stood up and started to pace. "I'm thinking they were maybe part of his organization at one time...they want revenge ...they want to hurt him in every possible way." She stopped pacing. "We have to look at his men. Past and present."

"That's gonna be a very long list."

"Yes it is Nate, but maybe we can get Patrick O'Doyle to help shorten it." Sam sat down again. "I mean if you really wanted to hurt him before actually getting TO him...where would you go?"

Bailey raised an eyebrow as he was getting what Sam was saying. "His daughter. She could be a possible target."

John, who had only been half listening to the morning's discussion because he couldn't get last night's visit with his father out of his head, looked intently at Sam. "So...so you think Patrick's the target and not the suspect?"

"Yeah.. I do." Sam wanted to reach over and put her arm around him, but knew that's not what he would want. He was trying hard to show everyone that he wasn't affected by what was going on, but his eyes were giving everything away. They were swimming with emotion and it made tears well up in her own eyes. She brushed them away before anyone noticed.

"Hey," George said motioning with his head towards the elevators that just opened. "I think she's here."

They all looked over as Robert Gibson and a young woman got off the elevator. She was dressed in jeans and an oversized New Jersey Devil hooded sweatshirt. _'Jeez_, _she_ _could_ _be_ _Chloe_ _11_ _years_ _from_ _now_. Sam thought. She pictured someone like 'Meadow Soprano'...not someone who would fit in with the cast from 'Everwood'. She watched as another Agent pointed them towards the command center and they headed their way. "Um...George maybe you should take the crime scene photos off the screen."

"Oh...right." He punched in the command on his keyboard and the large screen in front of them went blank.

"Mr. Gibson," Bailey greeted him. "Jessie O'Doyle?" He held out his hand to her. "I'm Bailey Malone."

Jessie shook his hand and smiled at him. "Nice to meet you."

"Let's go to my office. I need to ask you a few questions, then I'll take you to see your father." Bailey thought about introducing the rest of the team to her but he wasn't sure what to say when he got to John. He didn't know how much,if anything,she knew about him. He looked over at Sam. "C'mon Sam."

"Oh..okay" Shrugging at everyone she followed Bailey,Jessie and Robert Gibson up the stairs and in to Bailey's office.

"Have a seat." Bailey said as they stepped inside and he closed the door. "Jessie, this is Dr. Samantha Waters."

"Doctor?" Jessie looked at Robert nervously.

"It's okay," He told her. "She's a profiler."

"You don't like doctors?" Sam asked.

"No. Not doctors and not hospitals." Jessie didn't like where this conversation may go so she decided to nip it in the bud. "I thought this was about the murders back home?"

"It is." Bailey handed her a piece of paper. "Do you recognize any of those people?"

Jessie looked at the list of names. She put it back on his desk and pointed to the names she recognized. "These 6 worked for my Dad. This one...Jordan Dunn was a bartender at Ray's and this one...Charles Stevens owned the convinience store a few blocks from where I live."

"Did your father know them as well?"

"Sure. Everyone knows Uncle Charlie...and we go to Ray's alot. I'm sure he's seen Jordie there."

"Did they borrow money from your father?"

"Don't know.. you'd have to ask him."

Bailey handed her another piece of paper. "Can you remember where your father was on any of those days?"

Jessie laughed while she studied the dates. "Agent Malone, I can't remember where I WAS on any of these days." She started to hand it back to him then stopped. "Wait..I found one. September 22. That's my birthday. We went to my Grandparents house. We went to dinner and stayed overnight."

"Where do your Grandparents live?"

"New Jersey. We left early in the morning, went to dinner about 6:30, and didn't get back to Boston 'til about 8 the following evening."

"The men that were killed that worked for your father...did you know them well?"

"Sure. I know all of the men that work for him pretty well."

"Any reason he may want them dead?"

"Of course not-" Jessie stopped in mid sentence. "You think MY FATHER killed all those people?" She looked at Robert. "Why didn't you tell me!?" She asked angrily.

"Jessie, listen, Patrick didn't want me to tell you. He wanted you to answer anything they asked truthfully." Robert explained.

"My father didn't KILL anyone!" Jessie stormed out of the office.

"I knew that was a bad idea...not telling her everything." Robert shook his head as he stood up to go after Jessie.

"I'll call downstairs and have them bring Partick to an interrogation room. Give it about 10 minutes, then take her to see him."

"Thank you, Agent Malone."

After Robert Gibson left Sam offered up her opinion. "I don't think she knows anything Bailey. I mean... even if Patrick HAD done anything I think he would totally sheild her from it. And I'm still going with he's the primary target...not the prime suspect."

"I think I agree. Now what?"

"I think Patrick O'Doyle will do anything to protect his daughter..including help us."

BOSTON : The Red Dragon...same day

"Hey, I thought you said 12:00?" Krieger said as Roy Langston came bouncing in happily at 1:15.

"Sorry boys," He really wasn't. "But I had to do a little extra digging." Roy threw a couple of pictures on the table. "These two are your next job."

Krieger picked them both up glanced at them then gave them to Lewis. "Who are they.?"

"Paul St.James is a one of O'Doyle's marks...shame too, he's just about payed up." He smiled that too many teeth smile. "Susan Grey...is a friend of O'Doyle's...a very SPECIAL friend." He took 2 stacks of money out of his jacket pocket. "Here ya go. I want this done now by the way."

"Now? Mr.Langston we need time to prepare. We can't just-" Lewis objected.

"Yes you can...and you will. You see, I can't carry on with my plan if Patrick O'Doyle is sitting in a jail cell in Atlanta. I want him out of there." Roy walked behind Lewis and put both hands on his shoulders and sqeezed. "Committing murders while he's in there rules him out as a suspect and they have to let him go. I want him back HERE in Boston so we can finish this."

"Are we gonna do him when he comes back?" Krieger asked, hoping they could get this over with soon.

"Not right away. I have a "welcome home' death planned." He slapped Lewis on the back and sat down in front of him. "Then we get Jessie O'Doyle and John Grant."

"John Grant?" Lewis was glad Roy had sat down and wasn't near him anymore.

"His son." Roy poured each of them a drink from the bottle of whiskey that was sitting in the center of the table. "Now, drink up and get to work. I want O'Doyle home by tomorow night."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: ...nothing's changed

VCTF Headquaters: Interrogation Room...same day

Patrick was pacing in small circles around the interrogation room. When they told him Jessie had arrived and was coming down to see him he couldn't stop smiling. That of course ended when she walked in and he saw how upset she was. "What happened?"

"Why didn't you tell me they think you killed all those people? You shouldv'e told me."

"Because I know how you get...you get all defensive and sarcastic...and I wanted you to be totally relaxed. I didn't want you to think before you answered." He walked over and put his arm around her. "Look, your tired-"

"Are you kidding me?! I'm over-reacting now.. because I'm tired?!" She pushed his arm off her. "You should have told me. I could've handled it."

He reached out for her shoulder again. "You're right, Jess, I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to feel like you had to protect me. C'mon sit down with me for awhile." Patrick led her over to the table, pulled a chair out for her to sit and sat down next to her. "Tell me about Blue's race." He smiled hoping that telling the story would change her mood.

Observation Room

Bailey, Sam, and John walked in to the observation room to find Robert Gibson sitting on the counter talking on his cell phone. He gave them a small wave and continued on with the conversation he was having. They walked over to the two-way glass and saw Patrick and Jessie talking contently. They were both laughing as Jessie was telling Patrick something. Sam reached over and turned a knob and then they could hear what was going on in the room. She wanted to see how Patrick and Jessie interacted with one another, but she also wanted John to see it too. To see that his father had changed.

"..._after_ _he_ _won_ _and_ _they_ _took_ _him_ _to_ _the_ _winner's_ _circle_.._it_ _was_ _great_.. _he_ _looked_ _so_ _happy_. _I_ _swear_ _he_ _was_ _smiling_."

"_Bet_ _you_ _Sal_ _won't_ _sell_ _him_ _now_."

"_Actually_ _he_ sa_i_d _I_ _could_ _have_ _him_..._that's_ _okay_ is_n_'t _it_?"

"_Sure_, _we'll_ ha_v_e _something_ bu_i_lt _for_ _him_ _at_ _the_ _country_ _house_. _I'll_ _have_ _Robert_ get _started_ _on_ _it_ r_i_ght _away_..."

Sam couldn't help but noticed that Patrick was beaming with happiness. Everytime Jessie smiled his smiles got bigger. She looked over at John and saw in his face that he had noticed something too. "You okay?"

"He's changed." John nearly whispered his eyes never leaving Partick and Jessie. "That's definitly NOT my father in there."

Sam put her hand on his shoulder. "Well maybe you could get to know THIS father."

"I don't know..." His voice trailed off and they continued to watch and listen.

Interrogation Room

"...Joey's getting a hotel room for the two of you-"

"You're not coming with us?"

"No, they could hold me for one more day before they have to either press charges or let me go. It'll be okay. I'll be out in the morning." Jessie gave him a half smile but he could tell she was upset. "Hey, one day, okay? I promise."

Jessie nodded. "They don't like you very much, do they?"

"Probably not, but alot of people don't, kiddo, it's the business."

"But they live HERE, they don't even know you."

"It's okay, so what if they don't like me ..." He laughed. "They're not the first and I'm sure they won't be the last."

"I don't like it." She said quietly.

"Hey," Patrick wanted to change the subject. "Maybe on the way back we can stop at Brenda and Rick's and get some fishin' in before winter." He smiled when she brightened up a bit. "We'll send Robert and Joey home and just hang there for a couple days, sound good?"

"Sounds good."

"There's something else I have to tell you..." He wasn't sure he should tell her about John but he didn't want her to find out from anyone else. "John's here."

"Really?!" Jessie was suddenly excited about the possibility of meeting her half-brother. "Did you see him? You talked to him?"

"I did." Patrick said evenly.

"It didn't go well." Jessie reached out and put her hand on her father's. "I'm sorry,Dad."

"I got to tell him I was sorry.." Patrick half smiled. "At least I did that." He looked down not wanting her to see how sad he was about he and John, but she saw it, and before he could look back up she was hugging him. "You are just what I need today." He whispered playing with the curls of her hair.

Observation Room

"I'm uh...I'm going back upstairs." John turned from the two-way glass and quickly left the room.

"Watching them.." Bailey said Sam after John left. "It must be hard for him."

Sam nodded. "Jessie has the relationship with HIS father that HE wanted. It's hard for him to see that his father changed and that he's missed out on something."

"Bailey.Sam." Nathan said walking in. "Boston P.D. just called..there's been 2 more murders. Same pattern as the others."

"Who was murdered?" Robert asked hanging up his cell phone and finding this coversation more interesting.

Nathan looked at his notes. "Paul St.James.."

Robert nodded. "He uh...borrowed money from Patrick."

"The other is Susan-"

"Grey." Robert finished for him. He shook his head. "This is not good. Susan Grey is a woman Patrick's been seeing for the last 2 years. This is not good." He repeated and looked at Bailey. "Patrick is going to go ballistic."

"What hotel is Jessie staying at tonight? I want to get men posted over there a.s.a.p."

"The Radisson on-" Robert realized what Bailey was telling him. "Jesus, you think they're gonna target Jessie too?"

"We have to cover all the angles. With the death of Susan Grey they are getting more personal."

"I am not looking forward to telling him this." Robert said quietly.

"We'll go in with you." Sam told him. "He has to help us stop these murders before it's too late."

"He will." Robert opened the door to the Interrogation room and the four of them walked in.

"What's going on?" Patrick asked not liking the look on Robert's face.

"Jessie we have to talk to your Dad and ask him a few more questions. I need you to go wait upstairs, where we were earlier,okay?" Bailey pointed Nathan out. "That's Nathan Brubaker. He'll stay with you until we're done."

"I'll see you in the morning." Patrick caught on that they wanted her out of the room so they could tell him what happened so he nudged her along. He could see she was worried about him. "Everything's gonna be okay."

She nodded but she didn't really believe him. "Okay."

Patrick stood up. "C'mere and give your old man a hug." She did and he kissed her forehead. "Now, don't worry about me...I'm going to be fine. Get some sleep tonight.." He put his hand under her chin and lifted so she would look at him. "I mean it Jess, you need to get some rest."

Jessie knew something was up but she also knew that no one wanted her there to hear it. It made her angry and scared. "I can't come back later?"

"We'll see how everything goes. It's very possible." Bailey answered.

"Maybe I'll c-ya later." She told him as she walked out, not completely hiding the anger in her voice.

When Bailey was sure Jessie was out of the observation room he turned to Patrick. "There's been 2 more murders."

"2 more associated with me right? Who was it?"

"Paul St. James." Bailey told him.

"Paulie...I loaned him money a couple times. He's always been good for it..he was almost paid off on his current loan." Patrick explained to them. "I liked him. Who's the other one?"

"Susan." Robert looked down at the floor not wanting to see Patrick's face.

Patrick's face fell. He shook his head. "No..no not Susan...God, please not her.Tell me it's not her, Bobby."

"I'm sorry, Pat." He said softly reaching out for his friend's shoulder.

"This is NOT happening!" Patrick shouted, tears welling up in his eyes." She had nothing to do with my business...she was completely innocent!"

"We think whoever is committing these murders is targeting you personally ...it's not your business they're trying to shut down...it's you." Sam walked over to him and put her hand on his arm. "The victims are going to be close to you now. You have to help us so we can stop them."

Patrick looked into her big blue eyes and knew he could trust her to tell him the truth. "Do you think they'll hurt Jessie?" New tears formed and fell from his eyes. "They'll try to kill her?"

Sam nodded, her eyes watery around the edges. "Yes."

"I'll do whatever it takes." Patrick told her. He turned to Bailey."You'll help protect her...keep her safe?"

"We will." Bailey thought for a moment. "We'll release you today.You can stay at the hotel with her tonight ...tomorrow we'll all head to Boston to figure this out."

"Thank you."

"I'll have someone take you back to your cell while Robert and I work on your release. You'll be out of here in a couple hours."

Patrick nodded. "Thank you, thank you both." he said looking at Sam.

TBC... :o)


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Don't own it...wish I did

VCTF Beakroom...same day

After John left the Observation room he went out to the parking deck to get some air. He couldn't believe that Jessie knew about him...that Patrick had told her he had had another son. He wondered how he had explained why he wasn't around. Why Patrick didn't see him. He decided he was going to talk to his father again. He took a deep breath and went back up to the Command Center. No one was around so he went to the breakroom. He stopped in the doorway when he saw Jessie sitting there with George and Nathan.

Nathan noticed he was standing there and motioned for him to come in. When it looked like he was going to turn around and leave Nathan called out to him. "John! Hey buddy, c'mon in... have something to eat. Grace made some kick ass lasagne."

George and Jessie looked up from George's laptop. "Yeah, c'mon we're playing 'Doom'." George pointed to the chair next to Jessie.

John wanted to kill them both but all he could do was smile because Jessie was watching him. "Sure." He forced a smile and slapped Nathan hard on the back as he walked passed him. "Thanks buddy."

"No problem." Nathan wasn't finished yet though. "Jessie this is John Grant. He's an agent here also."

"It's good to finally meet you." Jessie stood up and put her hand out to him.

John shook it, a bit confused. "Finally?"

"You're my ... you're Patrick's son. He told me you were here." She stopped herself from calling John her brother because she didn't want to make him too uncomfortable.

"How did you know it was me.?"

"He told me you changed your name to Grant...your mother's maiden name." She grinned at him. "Besides I've seen plenty of pictures of Dad when he was younger...you look like him."

John couldn't help but smile back. He walked around George and sat down in the chair next to her. "So...what level are we on?"

Bailey and Sam walked towards the breakroom and stopped just outside the door. Neither of them could believe what they were seeing. Grace, Nathan, John and Jessie were all sitting around George while he played a game on his laptop. "Check that out. " Bailey whispered nodding towards John and Jessie. They sat side by side, John sitting so close that if he leaned over to see the screen any further his head would be on her shoulder. She was talking and pointing at the screen apparently explaining something to him but he wasn't really paying the screen any attention, he was watching her. He was studying her...her face...the way she talked...the way she gestured as she talked...he was taking in everything and smiling. Not the fake smile he had been using the last couple of days to let everyone know he was fine but a real, genuine, smile. Bailey grinned. "Something good may come out of all this after all."

Sam was smiling also. "Maybe." She said as they walked in to the room.

Bailey cleared his throat when they didn't acknowledge he and Sam coming in. " Doesn't anyone work around here? Can I assume the case is solved?"

George closed his laptop at the sound of Bailey's voice. "Sorry, Bailey."

Grace looked at him innocently. "We were just entertaining our guest."

Jessie stood up. "They were just-" she started. " I'll go wait oustide for Robert."

"Whoa, whoa... " Bailey stopped her from going any further. " I was just busting on these guys. You don't have to go. It's okay." He smiled to reassure her.

"Damn," George said as he opened up his laptop. " I forgot to save the game."

Everyone laughed.

"Um...Jessie, Patrick will be up shortly. There's been some new evidence, so we're releasing him."

"Really? Awesome, Agent Malone, thanks!"

"You're welcome." Bailey turned around when he heard voices coming up behind him. "Here he comes now." he moved a side so Patrick and Robert could fully enter the room. " Everything go okay downstairs?"

"Yes, thank you." Patrick answered quietly. He looked around the room and despite how upset he was about losing Susan, he grinned when his eyes fell on Jessie and John sitting side by side. He wanted to enjoy the moment longer but he need to leave so he could start grieving for Susan. He was doing everything he could to keep the tears from coming. "Ready to go, Jess?"

"Yes, sir." She answered happily then turned to John as she stood up. "Maybe we could hang out sometime..."

"I'd like that." John said and before he knew what he was doing he stood up and hugged her.

Jessie was caught off guard by the hug but it felt right, so she hugged him back. "Whenever you're ready." She whispered.

"Thanks." John broke up the hug and smiled at her.

Jessie turned and put her hand on George's shoulder. "We still need to finish that game."

"You bet...anytime. Then we'll work on the next one. "

"Okay." Jessie went over to Grace and Nathan. "It was nice meeting you both. Thanks for keeping me busy while.. ya know.. everything was going on."

"It was my pleasure, sweetie. It was nice meeting you too." Grace had liked Jessie right from the start, it was almost like when she met John for the first time.

"Don't let that guy be a stranger." Nathan smiled motioning towards John.

"I won't." She told him. "Thanks Nathan." She walked to Patrick and for the first time noticed the look in his eyes. He looked on the verge of tears and she could tell from their redness and puffiness that he had cried earlier. "What's wrong?" She asked suddenly panic stricken. "Dad, what happened?"

Patrick half smiled to reassure her but it was unconvincing by the look on her face. "We'll talk at the hotel, okay? Everything's going to be okay."

Not wanting to upset her father any further Jessie nodded and followed Robert out of the room.

"We'll be staying at the Raddison. You have my number in case anything else comes up...please don't hesitate to call. I guess we'll see you in the morning. Thank you, Agent Malone. Dr.Waters." Patrick glanced back at John and then left.

"New evidence?" Grace inquired.

"There's been two more murders...another of Patrick's marks ...and his girlfriend of 2 years." Bailey told them. "We're going to work from Boston starting tomorrow...working with Patrick we're going to catch these guys before they kill again."

"Killing Patrick's girlfriend suggests that things are going to get more personal...we'll have to start keeping an eye on people who are close to him." Sam added.

"C'mon lets head to the command center and look at the latest crime scenes... then we'll get what we need from here to get ready for Boston. We leave at 8:00 a.m. sharp tomorrow." Bailey headed towords the command center with his team following behind him.

The Raddison Hotel

The ride to the hotel was quiet and it scared Jessie a little. Her father looked miserable and she wanted to know what was wrong but she didn't want to push him. "Can I get you anything?" She watched him sit down on the couch. He leaned back into it and closed his eyes.

"No, but thanks." He patted the cushion next to him. "C'mere and sit ...there's something I need to tell you."

Jessie walked slowly to the couch and sat down. When she saw tears well up in her father's eyes she decided she didn't want to know what happened. The pained look on his face was unbearable. "Dad.."

Patrick brushed at the tears running down his face. "Susan...Susan has been...has been murdered." He barely got the words out before the sobs came.

Jessie stared wide-eyed at him, her own tears starting to fall. She knew how much Patrick loved Susan and he was completely heartbroken. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. "I loved her too...I'm sorry Dad...I'm so sorry." When he broke down and let himself really cry against her shoulder, Jessie held him even tighter. "It's okay, Dad...I love you."

Twenty minutes later Patrick pulled himself away from her brushing whatever tears were left from his eyes. He looked at Jessie. "I don't know what I would do without you." He pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek. "I love you too. Thank you...for taking such good care of me."

"I'm sorry about Susan..."

"I know, honey, thank you." He sighed. "I'm really going to miss her."

"Me too..."

Patrick sat back on the couch and pulled Jessie close to him. He put and arm around her and she laid her head on his chest "I don't know about you but I'm exhausted."

Jessie nodded then looked up at him. " Dad, I'm scared...I'm scared that whoever is out there is gonna hurt you."

"Nothing's gonna happen to me...let's get some rest okay?" He ran his fingers through her hair as he leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Okay." She answered tiredly and within minutes they were both sleeping.


	8. Chapter 8

Discalaimer: Same old ...same old

The Raddison Hotel

Robert entered their hotel room an hour later with some chinese take-out and a bottle of scotch. He smiled when he saw Patrick and Jessie asleep on the couch and decided not to bother them. He knew how worn out Patrick was and any time they could get Jessie to sleep was a blessing, so he grabbed his briefcase and went over to the desk to look over some paperwork. He was deep in a brief when he heard a knock at the door. He went to it and looked throught the peep hole, then opened the door for John. "What's up? Is something wrong?Was there another murder?"

"No,no...everthing is fine. I just wanted to...I just wanted to talk to Patrick." He said nervously.

Robert noded towards the couch. "He and Jessie are sleeping. Patrick's pretty upset over Susan..."

"Yeah...I know...Bailey told me what happened. I should go..."

"Stay..." They both turned towards the couch when they heard Patrick's voice. "It's okay."

John walked closer to the couch. " I didn't mean to wake you..." he whispered

Patrick gently slid out from underneath Jessie, put a pillow down where he had been sitting and eased her down on to it trying not to wake her. "Sshh.." He said as she stirred and mumbled something. He ran his fingers through her hair and whispered to her. "It's okay...I'm right here...sshhh." When he was sure she was comforted back to sleep he stood up and motioned Jonh and Robert away from the couch.

"I didn't mean to wake you..." John repeated.

"You didn't...I heard Robert come in...I've been awake for a little while. I just didn't want to wake Jessie." Concern washed over his face. "Is something wrong, John? Did someone else..." His voice trailed off.

"No, nothing like that...I just wanted to, ya know, talk to you."

Patrick nodded. "Okay..sure. There's a balcony outside the master bedroom...let's grab some chinese food and the scotch and go out there. Bobby, can you listen for Jessie?"

"Sure no problem, I'm catching up on some paperwork."

Patrick grabbed the scotch and a couple glasses and John picked up a couple plates with the chinese food. They went through the master bedroom and out to the balcony. Patrick reached in and turned on the light, then settled in to one of the chairs across from John. It was a warm night but there was a slight breeze that kicked up every once in a while that felt good. He poured John and himself a drink.  
"Anything in particular you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry about what happened to your... friend."

Patrick nodded. "Thank you. She was a wonderful lady...beautiful inside and out."

Not wanting Patrick to get upset again John changed the subject. "Jessie knew who I was...how long has she known about me?"

"Since she was 6." Patrick poured himself another drink. " Carolyn was in the hospital, she had just had Travis. Jessie was sick with the flu so she couldn't visit them, so I spent my days with Carolyn and the baby and my nights with Jessie at home. She was really upset about not getting to visit ...one night I brought home some pictures ...so she could put them in the photo album and when we turned the pages to find an empty one...Carolyn had put in pictures she had found of you and your mother."

"Me and mom? Why...?"

"I told you before that when I met Carolyn I told her everything that happened...ya know, with us." Patrick smiled as he remembered his second wife. "She was hoping one day you and your mother would come around again and she'd get to meet you...and when your mother passed away she had hoped you would come stay with us. She understood why you didn't though." He added when he saw the look of guilt on John's face.

"I'm sorry about that...I probably should have-"

"John, do not apologize for anything you did back then. Nothing was your...or your mother's fault. I was a terrible husband and an even worse father. " He brushed tears from his eyes as he cleared his throat. "Anyway...getting back to the photo album...Jessie asked who you were ...so I told her everything... who you were, who your mother was and why the 2 of you were no longer around. I don't know what I was thinkin' she was only 6, but I knew I couldn't lie...so everything just came out."

"How'd she take it?"

"I was terrified she'd be afraid of me...afraid that one day I'd hurt her too." He sighed and more tears fell. "Instead...she climbed up in my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck and said, I'll never forget it,...she said 'Don't worry, you're not that mean Daddy anymore and one day if you say you're sorry mabye John will come back to Boston and I'll have a big brother and a little brother'...can you believe it?" A sob escaped him and he tried to compose himself quickly.

John reached over and put his hand on Patrick's shoulder, squeezing gently. "It's okay...you've been through a lot today. I'm glad you told her about me." To his surprise John wiped at his own tears.

Patrick sat up straight and took a long drink. "I'm sorry I got so worked up, but thank you." He said looking at John's hand that was still on his shoulder. He smiled. "When I saw the 2 of you in that breakroom today...it's just something I thought I would never see."

John nodded. "I'm just sorry it couldn't have been sooner...I wish I had known about her before, ya know? I missed so much."

"John...no apologizing remember. If the past could be changed there'd be a hell of lot more happy people...and a few not so happy ones"  
He laughed and poured himself another drink. "I never thought we'd be sitting here talking-" He stopped suddenly. "Did you hear that?"

"No, something wrong?" John asked cocking his head slightly trying to here what Patrick heard.

"Jessie." Patrick said, then hurried back in to the room with John not too far behind.

Robert was kneeling in front of Jessie when they entered the room. He had his hand on her shoulder and was shaking her gently. "Jessie wake up, honey, you're dreaming." He kept saying over and over in a soothing voice. He looked up noticing John and Patrick. "I can't get her to calm down. Must be a bad one."

Robert moved away so Patrick could get next to her. "Get some water, Bobby. She's burnin' up." Patrick said as he touched her arm. Her hair was sweat soaked and her skin was hot to the touch. She was hyperventilating and coughing and when she could get it out she called her younger brother's name. "Jessie, I'm here...I'm right here...sshh..." Jessie seemed to calm a bit when she heard Patrick's voice. "I'm here, honey, it's okay."

"T.J. ... can't ..open...the door." Jessie said in her sleep. Her breathing had slowed down but she was coughing and waving her hands around. "Too...much...smoke..."

"Jesus, what's she dreamin' about." John said looking on nervously.

"Jessie, wake up, honey...it's just a dream. You're here with me...I'm right here...Dad's right here." He took the water from Robert and dipped his hand in it, then he ran his hand down her cheeks and across her forehead to cool her off. "Ssshh...I'm right here." He dipped his hand in the water again and ran his hand down her arms. "Dad's right here..." He repeated putting water on her face and arms until her breathing had calmed completely and she stopped coughing. She no longer felt hot, but now tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Patrick put the glass of water down and gently sat her up to hold her. "Sshh...Jessie it's okay..." He rocked her as she continued to cry in her sleep. "It wasn't your fault, honey...sshh ..."

"Is she okay?" John asked shaken by the whole situation.

"She'll be fine." Robert answered. He knew Patrick was concentrating on Jessie and probably forgot John was even in the room. "She has these dreams alot..."

"What are they about?" John watched as Patrick held Jessie rocking her and whispering now, things he couldn't really make out.

"The car accident...ya know...the one that took Carolyn and Travis. She dreams Travis is trapped in the car...calling for her to help him but she can't get the door open." Robert shook his head. "Poor kid, she hasn't had a decents night sleep since."

Though their situations weren't the same John understood about having bad dreams about losing someone you love and feeling guilty about it. He had done so about his mother more times then he could count. He wanted to hold Jessie himself and tell her everything would be okay. She was awake now but she was crying as she tried to tell Patrick what the dream was about. Patrick was crying too as he tried to comfort her and John wanted to hug them both. He looked over at Robert, who was looking as helpless as he was. "Are you sure they're okay?"

Robert nodded and cleared his throat trying to hide the sadness in his voice "Happens all the time. He'll stay with her like that for hours if he has to."

"I should go." John said quietly

Robert walked him to the door. "They'll be fine...don't worry. Thank you for coming and talking to Patrick. He really needed it. You and Jessie are all he has left."

"He has you.." John stated matter-of-factly and smiled.

"That he does. We'll see you in the morning." Robert reached out his hand and John shook it. "Thanks again...and don't worry."

"Call me if ..ya know.. they need anything"

"Will do. G'night." Robert watched John walk down the hall, then sighed as he closed the door. He looked over at the couch. Patrick was still trying to comfort Jessie. He went through the master bedroom to the balcony and picked up the bottle of scotch. "We're gonna need this." He went back in to wait Patrick and Jessie out, in case they needed him when it was all over.

"Hey, you okay?" Patrick asked after Jessie had quieted completely. When she nodded against his shoulder he smiled. "That was a bad one, huh?" Jessie nodded against his shoulder again.

Robert sighed in relief when Jessie had finally calmed down. It had been 2 hours since John left and he had started to worry that Jessie would never snap out of it. "Can I get you something, Jess? Maybe something to drink?"

Jessie turned her head so she could see Robert. "Water, please."

Robert smiled at her. "I think I can handle that." He went to the kitchenette area and got Jessie's water. He ran a hand towel under warm water, rang it out to stop the dripping, then grabbed 2 empty glasses and walked back to the couch.

Jessie sat up when Robert handed her the glass of water and the damp hand towel. "Thank you." She said as she wiped her tear streaked face with the towel, then drank the water.

Robert filled the 2 empty glasses with scotch and handed one to Patrick. "You okay?"

"I'm good, Bobby, thanks." He took a long drink of his scotch and leaned back in to the couch cushions. After a minute or two he sat up quickly realizing his son was not there. "Where's John?"

"He left a couple hours ago. He...uh..didn't want to...he thought it be better if he left you guys alone."

Jessie looked down at her water guiltily. "Sorry...I messed up your visit with John." She said quietly.

Robert cursed himself silently for not coming up with a different reason for John leaving, he tried to fix it. "It wasn't just that, kiddo, he had to go and get ready for Boston tomorrow. He had to pick some stuff up at the VCTF Building."

"YOU didn't mess anything up...ya hear...and even if you did it wouldn't matter. When you need me there is nothing more important than that."

"But, Dad-"

"Stop it Jessie, I won't have it. I won't have you feeling guilty about nothing." Patrick pulled her close to him and she put her head on his shoulder, so he kissed the top of her head. "Me and John talked...we talked for a long while...I think me and him are gonna be okay." He finished his drink and motioned for Robert to pour him another. He yawned in between drinks.

"Pat, why don't you get off that couch and go lie down...it's been a long couple days ...and we'll probably be in for a few more." Robert knew better to suggest that Jessie go to bed too. The couple hours she had gotten tonight would be it for the next couple days. "Me an Jessie ...we'll find ourselves something to eat...and then watch some t.v." He looked over at Jessie. "Sound good?"

Jessie sat up. "G'head Dad, I'm fine... really. You should get some sleep." Then she lookesd at Robert. "You should sleep too...you and Dad will probably be busy with Agent Malone for the next couple days, so you need to be up and ready."

Patrick leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "You sure, you're okay?" She nodded and he looked her over. Except for a little redness around her eyes she seemed to have gotten over her dream. "Okay...if you need me you come get me." He kissed her forehead again. "I love you."

"I love you too, Dad." She smiled up at him as he got up and headed towards the bedroom. "G'night."

"There's chinese food on the table and some soda in the 'frige...NO scotch." He smiled when she tried to grin innocently. "Uh-huh, just what I thought." He stood up, leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. "See ya in the morning, kiddo. Just hollar if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks Robert...for everything. G'night" She watched him go in to the other bedroom and close the door. Thankful to be alone for awhile she sighed and leaned back in to the couch. She thought about the days to come...the investigation...Susan's funeral...it was going to be hard, especially on Patrick. "This is gonna suck." she said aloud, then turned on the t.v. and waited for morning to come.

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer : The usual...don't own 'em

Raddison Hotel 6:00a.m.

"I'll get it!" Robert yelled as he walked from his room to answer the knocking at the door. "Good morning." He said letting John in.

John handed him a box. "I brought some donuts and bagels. How did everything go last night? Are Patrick and Jessie okay?"

Robert nodded. "They're fine. Patrick's getting dressed...Jessie's taking a shower...we should be ready to go in a half hour."

"It's okay...there's not really a rush. We're taking the VCTF jet, so it's not like we have to go through baggage checks...as long as we get to the airport by 7:30 we'll be fine. Any later than that I'll have to deal with Bailey." John laughed.

"We won't let that happen." Robert grinned. "Thanks for this." He said making him self a bagel.

"No problem. Hey.." He said as Patrick came out of his room. "Good morning...I brought bagels and donuts."

"Thank you. We'll be ready in a few minutes. Jessie's almost done."

"We have plenty of time, don't worry."

Patrick nodded and sat down to have a bagel. He looked up at John. "Look, about last night-"

John shook his head. "Don't worry about it. You guys needed to take care of each other...I'm just sorry I couldn't help."

Patrick reached over and put his hand on John's arm squeezing gently. "Don't be...and thank you."

"Hey, " Jessie said as she walked in to the room with a towel on her head rubbing it in to her damp hair. "Sal just called he wants me to go to the races with him...will we be home by then?"

"Nice look." John said grinning.

Jessie pulled the towel away from her eyes and smiled. "Thanks." She walked over to the table and looked in the box of donuts. "Sweet...Boston Creme...mmmm."

Patrick shook his head laughing. "That girl would live on those things if she could." He gave her a napkin to wipe the creme that had squirted out the back of the donut and down her arm when she bit into it. "We should be home around noon...but I want you to hang with me the next couple days, okay?"

"It's SAL , Dad...being with him IS like being with you. It'll only be for a couple hours..."

"Okay, okay...after that you're with me until these guys are caught." Patrick conceded.

Jessie grabbed another donut and headed back to the bedroom. "I'll be done in a few minutes."

BOSTON : Lexington Hill Apartments

"I don't like this..." Lewis said pacing in front of Krieger. "Killin' this guy is a mistake...he's gotta lot of friends..."

"Look, we're almost done with Langston...we made a ton of money and we're gonna make a ton more if we finish this through to the end. Just keep your cool...don't blow it."

"Why is Langston coming for this one? He's never wanted to be there before...I don't like it."

"Langston says he owes this guy...so he wants to be there. He says he wants this one to be special... really wants to get O'Doyle's attention this time."

"I still don't like it...I gotta bad feeling this isn't gonna turn out the way he thinks it is."

"Just keep your trap shut and do what I tell ya." Krieger snapped as a black Lexus pulled to a stop in front of them and Roy Langston got out.

"Good morning, gentleman, shall we get started." Roy Langston smiled his "Joker" smile.

Krieger looked over at Lewis noticing the man had visibly cringed when Roy smiled, he put his hand on Lewis' shoulder and squeezed hard enough to get his attention. "We're ready...right Lewis."

Lewis nodded. "He's in apartment 4c."

"Good...let's pay our pal, Sal, a not so friendly visit." Roy headed in to the building and Krieger and Lewis followed.

BOSTON: Patrick O'Doyle's Penthouse

"God, it's good to be home." Jessie threw her bag down in front of the door and dove on to the couch.

"Yes, it is.." Patrick agreed. "I just wich we could truly enjoy it."

"I was trying not to think about that. " She said quietly.

Patrick sat down next to her. "I know...but we have to...it's the only way we're going to stay safe. I called Joey, he's gonna pick you up and take you to Sal's...after the races I want Sal to bring you back here, okay? No stopping off for drinks or anything...just come straight home."

Jessie nodded. "So how long is this lockdown gonna last..." She said sarcastically, then wish she hadn't because of the sudden terrified look that came across his face. "Dad-"

"I don't know what I would do if somethng happened to you...especially if it was my fault. Susan...and all the others..they...they died because of me. If...if...I couldn't-" He stumbled over the words he wanted to say and finally gave up putting his head down.

Jessie threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean it. I'll come straight home, okay. I won't even go if you don't want me too." She said quickly trying to fix the situation.

Patrick pulled away from her and kissed her forehead. "No, no...I want you to go with Sal, okay? It's okay, Jess. I just need you to be safe..."

"Are you sure? I could stay here with you..."

"No, honey, you go hang with Sal for awhile. After Agent Malone and his team gets settled in to their hotel and then swing by the police station they're coming here...we're gonna see if we can find the murdering bastards that killed Susan..." Patrick felt his cell phone vibrating so he dug it out of his pocket and flipped it open. "It's Joey, he's downstairs." He smiled. "Put some money on Blue for me, okay? Go have some fun."

Jessie gave him a quick hug. "Thanks, Dad...see ya later."

Tbc...


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Still only own the dvds :o(

Lexington Hill Apartments

"Hey, ya want me to stick around until you guys leave?" Joey asked Jessie as they pulled up in front of Sal's building.

Jessie got out. "No, go back to the penthouse Dad may need you. I'll get a ride back from Sal. He said he wanted to stop iby and see Dad and Robert."

"Okay, I'll see ya later then. Be careful."

"Yeah, yeah. Later Joey." Jessie watched him pull away and then went in to the building.

As she walked through the lobby she pulled out her cell phone and dialed Sal's number. He was expecting her but she wanted to give him the heads up she was there in case he had company or he was doing something business related. Not getting an answer she left him a quick message and decided to go up anyway. She had a key so if for some reason he had to step out she could still get in to his place and if he was occupied with company well...then he should have answered his phone. She grinned at the thought and pushed the up button to the elevator.

His apartment door was locked so she used her key. Poking her head in the door she looked around an empty living room. "Sal?" She said stepping in and calling out to him. The apartment was completely silent. She walked through the living room and the smell of something that had been burnt on the stove earlier still lingered in the air. "Jeez," Jessie said aloud. "What were you trying to cook?" Heading towards the kitchen she stopped dead when she got to the doorway.

Sal was sitting bound to a chair covered head to feet in blood and looking at her with his dark lifeless eyes. Jessie locked up. Her legs went numb and she felt like she had cement blocks tied to her ankles. Her stomach dropped, like she had just went down the first big drop of a rollercoaster, and started to roll slowly. She didn't realize she was holding her breath until her body forced her to gasp to take in oxygen. She couldn't turn away, she just stared at him and each blink of her eyes was like a camera taking pictures. Pictures that would be stored and recalled like a slideshow in her memory forever.

Blink. His face was covered in blood. He had deep gashes running from temple to chin on both sides and his nose was nothing but mush sitting in the middle of his face. Both his bottom and top lip were split showing missing and broken teeth. Her eyes move to the top of his head. There was a large part on the left side of his head were there was a piece of his scalp missing. His hair was matted with blood and brain matter and before she could stop herself she searched the wall behind him. There it was, the missing piece, stuck to the wall by the force of the blow and blood. She closed her eyes willing herself to faint, to move, to throw up...anything to keep her from looking at him again but it didn't work. She opened her eyes.

Blink. Her eyes moved down to his torso which was riddled with bullet holes. There was a hole the size of a dinner plate where his stomach should have been and she could clearly see inside him...almost through him. Parts of him had started to ooze out in to his lap and her rolling stomach threatened to empty out but left nothing but a burning in her throat and a sour taste in her mouth. She started to shake.

Blink. She caught a glimpse of a shiny metal on the floor and her eyes went to it immediately welcoming the chance to look away from him. The handle of Sal's meat tenderizer...that's what she saw. She had seen Sal use it hundreds of times while preparing meals and she knew that the blood that covered it had nothing to do with his cooking. Following a trail of blood with her eyes she saw what it had been used on, his feet, though if they were all you had to look at they could not be identified as feet. They had been reduced to a pile of flesh and blood. A couple of pounds of chop meat lying in front of a pair of ankles. She was cold. She could feel sweat running down her back but it felt like ice water.

It took her several minutes to realize her cell phone was ringing. willing her arm to move, hand shaking, she pulled it out and stared at it. Her father's number moved across the screen and she flipped it open.

" It's about time..." Patrick said on the other end of the line. " Are you at the track yet? I've been trying to call Sal but he's not answering his phone..what the hell...did he forget it? Hey, you there?"

Jessie tried to speak but just noises came out .

"You're breaking up...I can't really hear you."

Closing her eyes she concentrated on her father's voice. "Dad..."

"Jessie can you hear me? I can hear you now..."

"Sal's dead..."

"What!? What did you say? Jessie, where are you?"

She could hear the panic creeping in to Patrick's voice. " Dead...Sal's dead." It was all she could say.

"Are you still at Sal's?!"

"Sal's dead."

"Jessie get out of there! Go downstairs and get some help! Do you hear me? Get out of there now!" Patrick yelled in to the phone.

Any other time Jessie would have flinched at her father's yelling but it was as if he whispered something to her. She couldn't leave though...her legs refused to move.

Patrick O'Doyle's Penthouse

Patrick paced back and forth in his office. His mind racing as he continued to yell in to the phone. "I know you hear me...dammit... Jessie talk to me! You need to leave Sal, okay? Get out of the apartment!"

"What the hell is going on?" Robert asked coming in to the room and looking for whoever it was that Patrick was yelling at. He felt cold when he saw the look on Patrick's face. The older man was a picture of pure panic. "Pat, what is it?" He asked walking closer to him.

Patrick stepped away and continued to pace. "Call Bailey Malone and the police. Sal's been murdered."

"What?!" Then it hit Robert that Jessie was with Sal, he suddenly felt sick. "Jessie... is Jessie okay?"

"She's on the phone...in shock I think." Patrick stopped pacing and looked at Robert. "She found him, Bobby."

Robert nodded in understanding, then went for the phone on Patrick's desk. "We'll get her out of there. She'll be okay. Keep talking to her Pat."

Patrick could hear her breathing but nothing else. He took a deep breath and spoke as softly as he could. "Jessie...Jessie close your eyes. Don't look at him, okay? Just turn and walk away. I know it's hard, honey, but you have pull it together and get out of there. Jessie, please, talk to me..."

He heard her take a deep breath and at the end of it he heard her say " There's so much blood." And that was it. That's all he got from her.

Patrick closed his eyes and cursed silently. He could only imagine the condition Sal was in and it pained him that Jessie found him that way. She was already haunted by her younger brother's death and now she had this to deal with. He rubbed at his temple with his free hand and spoke in to the phone again." Jessie...I love you."

"Bailey and John are on their way over there. He said to stay here and that he's sending people over to secure THIS building. He'll call when they know what the situation is." Robert informed him as he hung up Patrick's desk phone. He walked over and put his hand on Patrick's shoulder. "John will take care of her. She'll be alright."

Patrick nodded but he didn't feel any better. "Jessie...John is coming. He's going to take care of you, okay? He'll get you out of there." No response. Nothing but her breathing. "I"ll be right here...home...waiting for you, okay? John will bring you home."

Tbc...Sorry I took so long to update but I deleted a couple of chapters by accident and of course had no other copies, so I got frustrated and said "screw it" for a awhile. I actually like the newer stuff better so the frustration worked out well. Hope you enjoy.

:o)


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: See previous chapters

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Lexington Hill...Sal's apartment

Bailey and John pushed into Sal's door, guns drawn sweeping them over the immediate area. They moved forward motioning for Nathan to follow but holding Grace and Sam off.

"Nathan, check out down the hall. Be careful. I don't think there's anyone else here but better safe than sorry." Bailey told him as he and John continued through the living room.

They walked through the living room to the dining area and saw Jessie standing across the room just outside of the kitchen. If she knew they had come in she gave no indication. She just stared straight ahead not moving. John gave Bailey a worried look and they moved towards her. They put their guns away when they got to the kitchen and saw that it was just she and Sal in the room.

Bailey grimaced at the sight of Sal's body. _'The_ _man_ _must've_ _went_ _through_ hell.' He said to himself, then to John. "Jesus, look what they did to him. This is much worse than the others."

John moved around to stand in front of Jessie blocking her veiw of Sal's body. "Jessie..."

It took her a couple of seconds to realize she wasn't looking at Sal anymore and she looked up slowly, noticing John for the first time. "Sal's dead."

"I know." He said gently. She was so pale. He put his hands on her shoulders and felt her trembling. He pulled her in to a hug holding her head to his chest and pulling her as close to him as he could to let her know he was there and she was safe. "It's okay now." He told her.

A minute in to John's embrace Jessie's body relaxed. The weight she felt that kept her from moving melted away and she wrapped her arms around him. She was still trembling and the warmthness of him felt good. Then, it hit her. When her body relaxed and her senses kicked in, she remembered what John was protecting her from. Her stomach came to life rising and falling...twisting and churning...she pushed him away and barely had enough time to turn from him before it emptied itself out.

"The rest of the place is clean and clear." Nathan said walking in behind them. "Is she okay?" He asked John as he knelt next to Jessie while she was sick. John nodded so he went over to Bailey who was looking over Sal's body and the area around it. "Damn. They're stepping it up, aren't they?"

"Yes they are. Tell Sam and Grace we're clear in here and let's get CSU started after Grace has a look at the body. Get Boston P.D. to start canvasing the building from the lobby up and let's get with building security so we can get copies of there security camera recordings from last night and this morning... inside and outside the building."

Nathan nodded at Bailey's instructions and then left to carry them out.

John rubbed Jessie's back talking softly to her as he did so. Telling her everything would be okay, that he was there now and he would take care of her. When it seemed like all she was doing was dry heaving he pulled her up and walked/dragged her to the bathroom. Holding her up with one hand he pulled a towel down from a nearby shelf, turned on the cold water and wet half of it. After squeezing most of the water out he tried washing her face but she fought him as she continued to dry heave. He closed the lid of the toilet and sat down pulling her down with him. Wrapping both arms around her he could feel how her stomach turn violently. "Breathe with me, Jessie." He pulled her closer to him, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Take a deep breath and let it out...breathe with me...you can do it. In and out...slow deep breaths...calm, slow deep breaths." He put his chin on her shoulder and whispered in her ear. "Think about something else...you have to SEE something else...breathe with me and see something else."

Several minutes later the dry heaving stopped and Jessie relaxed against him. Other than trembling she had completely calmed.

John slid out from behind her and picked up the towel again. He knelt down in front of her and began running the towel along her cheeks and forehead. Her eyes were glassy from unshed tears and she looked completely lost. Far away. Haunted. Putting his hands on each side of her face he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. "It's okay." He told her and she leaned forward into him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close and rocked her gently. "It's okay."

After a few moments he sat her up and looked at her. She was awfully pale and her eyes still had that far away, haunted look. "You okay?"

"Cold." She said weakly, wrapping her arms around herself.

He reached up, pulled another towel down from the shelf and wrapped it around her. "I need to go talk to Bailey," He said as he rubbed her shoulders to try and warm her up. "I need you to stay right here, okay? I'll be right outside the door."

Jessie nodded, pulling the towel tightly around her.

John stood up and pulled the bathroom door open. "I'll be right outside." He told her again, then walked out leaving the door open half way so he could hear her if she needed him.

"How's Jessie?" Bailey asked as John walked over from the bathroom.

"She's not hurt but she doesn't look good. She's in shock."

"Bailey, this murder...it's a message. A message of what's to come. The other murder's were quick...simple. This one was drawn out...whoever is after Patrick was involved in this one and I think he knew this victim well. He wanted him to suffer..." Samantha paced on the other side of the room, then stopped and walked closer to them. "I think this is about revenge. I think this is someone Patrick has hurt...or had someone hurt badly...almost close to death. This guy, today...he may have been part of it and that's why his death was more extreme than the others. It will be worse from here on out." She motioned over to where Grace was examining Sal's body. "That will look good compared to what they do next. "

"We need to get Jessie, Patrick, and Robert out of town...a safe house or something." John agreed with Sam totally and did not want to see his family part of a crime scene that looked like something from a horror movie.

Bailey put a hand on John's shoulder. "We'll take care of them. I already have a safe house being prepped."

"Time of death was between 8 and 10 a.m. " Grace called out to them. "Most of the wounds were inflicted to be painful but not deadly...the shot to the head and stomach are the most severe...they're large caliber...probably close range with a shotgun and with all this damage it was probably sawed off at the end..." Grace felt like she was being watched so she looked up, thinking the others moved closer to see what she was saying, and saw Jessie.

Somehow she had come out of the bathroom unnoticed and was watching, wide-eyed as Grace poked and prodded Sal's body. Jessie face turned a greenish-white and she started to sway. Grace knew what was coming next, "Bailey, get Jessie!" She shouted as Jessie's eyes rolled back and she fell backwards.

Bailey, who was standing closest to her, hurried over and caught her just before her head hit the floor. He picked her up and put her in John's arms. "Get her out of here. There should be EMT in the lobby." He shook his head as John Hurried out. "Poor kid, havin' to walk in to this mess.." Then, "Okay, Grace, What else do you see?"

* * *

Tbc... 


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer:...I wish

* * *

The EMT's met John halfway through the lobby and he laid Jessie gently on the gurney. "She's not hurt." John told them as they started checking her vitals. "She fainted. She's in shock." 

"Let's get her outside by truck...the fresh air will do her some good and I have some Gatorade...she looks dehydrated." The one EMT told the other and John.

John nodded and followed them outside where they stopped at the back of their ambulance. "Uh...Rodriguez." He read the name tag of the EMT who was flashing his penlight in Jessie's eyes. "She's okay, right?"

"Her stats are normal..." He checked her pulse again. "What caused the fainting?"

"A friend of hers was murdered...she found the body."

"Was she unconcious when you found her?"

"No. She threw up alot and was cold and shakey...the crime scene is pretty bad...alot of blood...she fainted when she saw our M.E. going over the body."

"Hey, Rodriguez, she's waking up." The other EMT had been watching her as Rodriguez talked to John.

"Billy get a Gatorade...back left corner of the truck by the I.V. poles." Rodriguez leaned in towards Jessie. "How do you feel?"

"Tired." Jessie answered groggily. "Where's John?"

"I'm right here, kiddo." John got down on one knee next to the gurney. He pushed hair off her forehead. "You fainted."

Jessie nodded solemly and started to sit up.

"Whoa, whoa...take it slow. Here drink some of this." Rodriguez helped her sit up and gave her the Gatorade.

"Thanks." She took a long drink and looked towards Sal's building.

"Hey, " John put his hand on the side of her face and turned her to face him. The dark, haunted look was back in her eyes. "Don't think about him like that, okay?"

"What they did to him...there was so much blood-"

John put his hands on her shoulders. He could feel her trembling. "Sshh...stop, try not to think about it.You-"

Jessie pushed him away as the Gatorade she had just drank came back up and when that was all through she started dry heaving again. Her stomach muscles were already sore from her first round of dry heaving so she wrapped her arm around it trying desperately to make it stop. If only she could stop the images of finding Sal from playing in her head, she could control her body's reaction to it. "John.."

John was behind her in an instant. He sat down and wrapped his arms around her leaning her back against him. "It's okay," He whispered in her ear. " I got you...I'm right here. Deep breaths, remember? Slow deep breaths." He looked at Rodriguez. "Can you giver her something? Something to calm her down?"

"I can give her a sedative but she should go to the hospital so they could monitor her in case of a reaction."

"No! " Jessie shouted. She was struggling to stop dry heaving so that she could talk and fighting it hurt her stomach even more. " No hospital..please John."

"Jessie, you have to give yourself a break you're in pain, it could get worse."

"I'll be okay..." She doubled over and curled up as her stomach muscles knotted in pain. "Make it stop, John...please...like you did before"

John pulled her back up so she was leaning against him again. "You have to see something else.." He told her. "That day in the breakroom...remember...playing 'Doom' on George's computer. You showed George that tunnel with all the ammo and he was calling himself 'Rambo'..." It was working but not as quickly as he wanted it to, he gave Rodriguez a pleading look. "Just give her the sedative, will you? Look, her doctor's upstairs...she's an M.E... she could look after Jessie when we get her home. I'll take full responsibility for anything that happens. I'll even give it to her if you feel you can't."

Rodriguez looked from John to Jessie and watched her struggle in pain as she continued to dry heave. "Okay, okay...I'll give her the sedative." He went inside the ambulance and came back out with a syringe. "You BETTER take care of her and take her to the hospital if something goes wrong."

"I will. She's my sister...I'm not gonna let anything happen to her. " He put his chin on Jessie's shoulder and spoke in her ear. "He's gonna give you something to help you calm down. You'll sleep for awhile, okay?" He nodded towards Rodriguez and held one of Jessie's arms so he could administer the sedative.

"It should only take a few minutes." Rodriguez said stepping back.

They waited. The dry heaving stopped and John felt her body relax against him. He loosened his hold on her and she looked up at him. She was fighting to stay awake.

"No hospital...promise." She said sleepily.

"I promise. Don't fight it." He said rocking her. "I'll take you home...sleep now."

A moment later he felt her go completely limp against him. Her breathing was deep and steady. She had given in to the sedative.

John realized he didn't like the feeling of her feeling so lifeless in his arms. It scared him, especially after what happened to Sal. He turned her so that she was facing him, so he could see that she was just sleeping and he could feel her breath on him. He kissed her forehead, her skin felt warm and it re-assured him. The scary feeling went away. He looked up at Rodriguez. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Rodrigeuz looked towards the building. "It's bad in there, huh? To cause a reaction like that..."

"It's bad. They really made a mess of the victim and what makes it worse is that she was really close to him. She loved him alot."

That's tough...I hope she'll be okay."

"She will...I'll make sure of it."

"How's she doing?" Bailey asked as John as he, Grace and Sam came up behind him.

"Still not good." John nodded towards Rodriguez. "He gave her a sedative.You guys done up there?"

"Yeah. Nathan's gonna stick around and handle the clean up and get the security tapes put on discs. Let's get her to the hospital and get her checked out."

John shook his head. "No. I promised her no hospitals. I'm taking her home."

"John, it's just a precaution-"

"Bailey, Grace can check her out and make sure she's okay...right Grace? I promised, Bailey."

"Grace?"

"It's alright, Bailey... I'll look after her." Grace told him.

" Okay...let's get her home. I'll call Patrick and give him an update. We'll need to discuss getting everyone to a safe-house also."

John stood up cradling Jessie in his arms and followed the others to the VCTF van.

Patrick O'Doyle's penthouse

Patrick was pacing back and forth in front of the door since he had gotten Bailey's call telling them they were on there way back. He told him Jessie was fine but she was in shock and had to be sedated. He didn't go in to details about what had happened to Sal but he was told that the crime scene would have been pretty horiffic for anyone to see and Jessie was very shaken by it. So he paced. He believed that Jessie was alright but he wouldn't rest until he saw her for himself.

"Pat, sit down before you give yourself a heart attack." Robert told him from the window. He had been standing by it, watching for the VCTF van to pull up since Bailey called. "She's fine, Bailey said so."

"Sure, she's not hurt," Patrick was still pacing. "But what she saw, Bobby...dammit, she doesn't sleep as it is."

"She's stronger than you think, she'll be okay.." Robert caught a glimpse of a car pulling up, so he looked, and saw the VCTF van come to a stop. "They're here." He told Patrick. He watched as Bailey, Grace, Sam, and John, who was carrying Jessie, enter the building.

Patrick opened the door so they could walk right in. He didn't stop pacing until Bailey walked in followed by John.

"She's okay. She's just sleeping." John told him.

Patrick stood in front of her and brushed his hand along her cheek. She looked peaceful. He looked her over from head to toe and was satisfied that she wasn't harmed in any way. _'Well_ _not_ _physically_.' He thought sadly. "Thank you for bringing her home."

"Why don't we get her to bed, She'll be asleep for quite some time." Grace put her hand on Patrick's shoulder. "She's going to be fine." She smiled at him.

Patrick nodded, smiling back. "Her room's upstairs."

John and Grace followed Patrick to Jessie's room. He laid Jessie down gently and started to pull the covers up over her.

"Wait, John. " Grace turned to Patrick. "Can you get her something I can change her into? She shouldn't be left in those clothes."

Patrick looked Jessie over once more and saw that her shirt and jeans both had vomit on them. He went to Jessie's dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. "These okay?"

"They're fine."

John came out of the bathroom with a damp washcloth and a dry towel. He gave them to Grace and put his arm around Patrick. "Grace will take care of Jessie...c'mon let's go downstairs."

Patrick leaned down and kissed Jessie's forehead and cheek. " I love you." He whispered.

"I'll be down in a few minutes," Grace said as John and Patrick left the room.

* * *

Tbc... 


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Profiler or any of it's characters...however I did create Jessie and Robert :)

* * *

John followed Patrick down the stairs and sat next to him when he went to the couch and dropped tiredly.

"Are you, okay?"

Patrick looked at him and smiled. He could see the genuine concern for him in John's eyes and it made his heart swell to know his son cared for him again. "I'm fine, Johnny, thank you."

"Patrick, I want to take you, Robert and Jessie to a safe-house until we can catch whoever it is doing this. I want to leave as soon as possible..tomorrow...after Jessie has time to recuperate." Bailey sat down on the chair across from him. "They're gonna try and kill all of you...I'm sure of it."

Patrick nodded. "Ill go wherever you want me to go but not tomorrow or the next day either. I WILL be going to Susan's wake and funeral...no one will keep me from that."

"But they could be anticipating that.. they could be waiting for you there."

"They could be, John...but I shared my life with Susan for the past 2 years...and she was killed because of ME. I'm going. I'm going so I can tell her that I loved her, that I will miss her terribly, and that...that I'm sorry she had to die because of me."

Sam sat down on the other side of him. "Her death...wasn't your fault, Patrick. None of them were. YOU didn't kill anyone."

"All those people died because I associated with them in one way or another...it is my fault."

"Hey," Geroge said walking in from Patrick's office. "I've got three guys here that worked for Patrick that are unaccounted for." He handed three pieces of paper to Bailey. "I can't find a trace of them anywhere."

"Roy Langston?" Bailey said looking at the first profile.

Patrick's shook his head in disgust. "Langston never worked for me...he worked for my father. After my father died, I assumed he went to work for another family."

"None of your father's men came to work for you?"

"My father and I worked very differently...especially after my second marrige...his men were unneccasarily cruel and I didn't like their strong-arm tactics."

"Christoper McAffee?" Bailey moved on to the next one.

"Bangor, Maine." Robert told them. " He went there about 6 months ago. His mother was very sick...he went home to take care of her."

"You ever have any trouble with him?"

"No, not at all. He was young...he was one of my drivers...he mostly ran errands."

"Maybe he was angry that he couldn't do more..."

Patrick shook his head with a smile. " The kid didn't have it in him to do anything else...and he knew it. He was happy to drive and run errands. He became good friends with Jessie...he looked out for her."

"Okay, but we'll look into him ayway...see if he's still in Bangor." Bailey looked at the last profile. "Steven Lewis?"

"Lewis, huh?" Patrick voice had an edge of anger in it. "Lewis was ignorant and a coward...he didn't work for me for long. I let him go and he went to work for my father. I don't know where he went after my father died...everyone knew his reputation, I don't think any of the other families in Boston would give him the time of day."

"Why'd your father hire him after you had let him go?"

"To spite me of course." Patrick smiled. "My father paid for it in spades though, having to constantly clean up Lewis' screw-ups."

"Maybe Grandfather had him killed?"

"No, he ws definitly alive when your Granfather died," Patrick told John. "He came to the hospital, where I was recovering from the car accident...he wanted to ask me if he could work for me again."

"What happened?"

"He never got in to see Patrick. Sal threw him out." Robert smiled at the memory. "Sal never told me exactly what he said to him but I never saw Lewis move so fast in all the time I had known him."

"I'm sure Sal scared the hell out of him...although it wouldn't have taken much." Patrick sighed. "He should be here...Sal should be here." He wiped at his eyes before tears could fall.

"The safe-house." Bailey brought it up again.

"Look, I meant what I said...I'm going to say goodbye to Susan. Take Jessie and Robert tomorrow, get them safe, I'll join them after the funeral."

"You're not going to alone, Pat." Robert stated matter-of-factly. "I'm not going to let you go through that by yourself."

Patrick knew Robert was just as stubborn as he was so, he wasn't going to try and change his mind. He smiled at his friend. "Thank you, Bobby."

Bailey put his head in his hands for a minute frustrated. He knew he couldn't make Patrick do anything he didn't want to do and that Robert was going to go right along with him, but he did understand. "Okay," He said after a deep breath. "This is what's GOING to happen...Nathan and I will go with the two of you to Ms. Grey's services. The rest of you will take Jessie and go to the safe-house and set up camp-"

"But shouldn't I-" John started to say but a glaring look from Bailey cut him off.

"Jessie will no doubt want to stay with you, " Bailey looked back at Patrick. "But you need to convince her...no TELL her that she can't. Right after the funeral service we are leaving for the safe-house. No if's, and or but's."

Patrick nodded. "Understood...I'll explain everything to Jessie."

"What about Sal? Won't he have services also?" John asked him.

Bailey's shoulder's slumped. "_Here_ _we_ _go_ _again_." He thought.

"We were his only family." Robert explained, knowing Patrick couldn't. "He wanted to be creamated and his ashes spread on the lake by Patrick's country home. As soon as your done with...with his body, I'll make the arrangements for the creamation. We could carry out his wishes...after everything's over...ya know, when you catch the bastards that killed him."

"It shouldn't be more than a day or two." Grace told him. "We processed most of the evidence already."

"You can make the arrangements for the creamation before we go to the safe-house." Bailey told him.

"That'll be fine."

"You okay?" John noticed as Patrick put his head in his hands.

"No," Patrick didn't look up. "Susan...and now Sal. I should've done something."

"What could you have done?" Sam asked putting her hand on his shoulder.

Patrick turned towards her, grateful for her comfort, and half-smiled. "I don't know."

"Excuse me." Bailey said as his cell phone rang and he answered it. After a few moments he ended the call. "That was Nathan, he's sending over some evidence and photos from the crime scene. He'll be by later tonight after they get the security tapes on discs."

"Pat, why don't we send one of the boys out to get some dinner? It's gonna be along couple days and we all need to keep our strength up." Robert said _'all'_, but it was Patrick he was worried about. He knew the stress of everything that was happening was going to take it's toll if he didn't take care of himself. They weren't young men anymore.

"Yeah, okay. Send Joey."

"What do you all feel like eating?"

"We're F.B.I. we eat anything." Bailey grinned.

"Pizza good?"

No one objected.

"Any preferences?"

"Anything but anchovies." John grimaced. "How people can put fish on pizza is beyond me."

Everyone laughed.

"Okay, I'll call Joey and put the order in." Robert went to Patrick's office to order the pizza. He was also gonna have him pick up some soda and beer.

As Patrick came out of the office there was a knock at the door. Bailey got up to answer it with John close behind him. He looked through the peephole and took his hand off his gun.

"It's the C.S.U tech with the crime scene evidence. " Bailey told John and they both relaxed.

* * *

Tbc...

Everthing okay so far? It's hard to tell for myself but I enjoy the writing. Hope you do too. :o)


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Nothing's changed...damn

* * *

The pizza arrived soon after and they all ate in relative silence finding it hard not to bring up a subject that didn't upset anyone. After eating a couple slices of pizza Patrick went upstairs to check on Jessie. Grace told him it would be a little longer before she would wake up but it didn't matter. He just wanted to see her. To be close to her and make sure she was okay.

Even in the low light of her bedside table lamp he could see how pale she was. He sat down on the bed next to her taking her hand her hand in his. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." He told her as his tears fell. He reached up with his other hand and ran his fingers through her hair while he sobbed quietly.

* * *

"Pat, you okay?" Robert asked from Jessie's doorway.

Patrick looked startled for a moment. He wiped at his eyes with the palm of his hand. "I'm fine, Bobby."

"Well, you don't look it." He moved closer. "You've been up here for almost a half hour."

"A half hour? I..uh..must have lost track of time."

"It's okay...you're exhausted." Robert nodded towards the other side of Jessie's bed. " Why don't you get some sleep too."

"No, I'm fine... actually I'm still kind of hungry."

"There's plenty of pizza left...and I don't know about you but I could use a drink."

Patrick smiled at the understatement. "Okay." He was still holding Jessie's hand, he brought it up to his lips and kissed the top of it softly, then he leaned down and kissed her forehead. " I love you, kiddo. Sleep as long as you need to."

Having finished eating Bailey, Sam, Grace, George and John were sitting around the coffee table looking over the evidence the C.S.U tech had brought earlier. John was looking at the crime scene photos and hadn't noticed Patrick and Robert coming back from upstairs. When Bailey cleared his throat he looked up at him noticing his sideways glance towards his father and Robert. He picked up the photos and slid them back in to the envelope.

"Those were the pictures from Sal's place, right?" Patrick asked him.

John nodded. He cursed silently knowing what was coming next.

"I want to see them."

John cringed and Bailey spoke up. " I don't think that's a very good idea. You're too close and you're obviously upset."

"Bailey's right. Don't do that to yourself, Pat."

"How could you say that, Bobby, after what Jessie has been through? She saw it first hand...but I shouldn't see the pictures? I need to see what happened. I want to know what shook her up so badly. I want to SEE what she saw. How can I help her through it if I don't see for myself?"

"You can help by just being there for her-"

"It's not enough, Bobby." He looked at Bailey. " I want to see those photos."

Bailey looked at Sam for help. She gave it a try.

"Patrick, you don't need to see those pictures to help Jessie...all you have to do is talk to her...talk her through it...make sure she doesn't bottle everything up. Isn't knowing her reation to what happened enough?"

"Look, Jessie is not the only reason I need to see the pictures. I've known Sal for over 20 years, we were friends...hell, we were brothers. I need to see what he went through. He died because of me...I owe it to him to see how it happened. He would've done the same for me." Patrick went to the couch and sat down next to John. "Please, give me the photos."

John knew it was a mistake, but he also knew Patrick wasn't going to take _'no'_ for an answer. He gave it one more try. "Patrick...Dad, please don't."

A warm feeling started from his chest and spread through out his body when John called him _'Dad'_. He wanted to hug him and forget about the pictures but he couldn't. He had to see them...for Jessie and for Sal. "John..."

John handed them to him and sat back on the couch . He shook his head pinching the bridge of his nose. _'Not_ _good_.' He thought to himself.

Patrick made it through the first 2 photos before he lost it. The third one was a close up, full view, photo of Sal. He saw the lifeless eyes, the gaping wounds, the oozing shot-gun blast and the destroyed feet. Staring at it Bailey's words kept playing over and over in his head _'They're_ _gonna_ _try_ _and_ _kill_ _you_ _all.'_ He stopped seeing Sal in the picture. He saw Robert...John...and God help him, Jessie. That was it. Something broke inside him. He dropped the photos his body shaking from the gut-wrenching sobs that escaped him. "Jessie, that could be Jessie." He managed to get out before he lost himself in his grief.

John put an arm around him pulling him close. He leaned towards him so his forehead rested on the side of Patrick's head. "That can't be Jessie," He told him gently. "Because I'm not going to let anything happen to her...not to you or Robert either."

* * *

Jessie opened her eyes and squinted against the semi-darkeness. She tried to focus. First her eyes then, her thoughts. She was warm and in her own bed but she felt wierd. Disoriented. Weak. She sat up and felt the protest from her stomach that the movement caused. It felt like she had been do doing crunches all day. She looked over at her alarm clock. It was 7:45p.m. She'd been back in Boston for over 5 hours. _'What_ _the_ _hell_?' She thought. She remembered the hotel in Georgia. She remembered the flight home. She remembered walking in to the penthouse with Patrick. He had wanted her to stay home but she was going to the tracks with Sal. _Sal_. It was like running in to a brick wall. All at once she was bombarded with the images of what they had done to him. She felt cold. _John_. John had held her and made her forget, even if it was just for a minute.

She jumped put of bed and ran from her room to the stairs. Concentrating on not falling down them, she ran down the stairs not looking up until she reached the bottom. When she did look up she froze. Patrick was sitting in between John and Robert, his head on Robert's shoulder, sobbing...hard.

They all heard her coming down the stairs, well all but Patrick, and they looked at one another, each wondering what was going to happen next. When she stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking like a deer caught it headlights, Bailey stepped towards her.

"Patrick's okay...he's just upset."

Jessie didn't look at him, she looked at the pictures that were lying on the coffee table in front of Patrick. Even from where she was she could see what they were pictures of, she looked away from them quickly. "He saw...he saw what happened to... to Sal." It hurt to say his name and the image that came with it made her shiver.

"Yes." Bailey moved closer and Jessie backed away. He looked at John and motioned, with his eyes, towards Jessie.

"Go on," Robert told him. "I have Patrick."

Patrick didn't even notice when John let him go. He wasn't aware of anything. He was too lost in his own hurt.

"Hey," John stood up and walked towards her. "He'll be fine in a little while...he just has to get it all out right now. You okay?"

"He saw..."

"I know...but he'll be alright. I promise."

"I can't help him..can I?"

"No, Jess, not right now."

She looked over at Grace. "You'll take care of him, won't you? You'll make sure he's okay?"

Grace understood that she was worried about his physical well-being. "Of course I will, honey. Do you feel alright?"

She didn't, but it was nothing like what she felt at Sal's. "Just tired. I'm gonna go back to my room." Looking back at Patrick she quickly turned and ran up the stairs.

John followed.

* * *

Tbc...


	15. Chapter 15

Discalimer: Still don't own any of it

SHOUT OUTS! to Maricole and foxfieldco...thanks for the reviews...I appreciate it!!

* * *

John followed her through her room and out the sliding glass doors to the balcony. He watched as she walked to the railing and looked over. 

"It's beautiful isn't it? The city at night."

"Yes, it is. I miss it sometimes."

"The shadows make it beautiful...Sal use to say shadows make everything beautiful." She looked from the city to the full moon that seemed to hover just above them. "He's really gone."

"I'm sorry."

"He took care of me when Dad was in the burn unit for almost 2 years. I guess you can say I was a bit of a handful after the accident...but Sal put up with all of it...he never got angry...never raised his voice...and never hit me. He would pick me up from Granfather's -"

John remembered vividly his own visits with Shawn O'Doyle and he hoped Jessie's weren't the same. "You stayed with Shawn O'Doyle?"

Jessie nodded. "I had to stay with him until Dad recovered...he didn't like me much."

"He hit you, didn't he?"

"With...with a belt. He use to lock me in the closet too. He said I was a brat and that I made his son weak."

"That son of a bitch." John said angrily. It made him sick to think that his Grandfather was colded hearted enough to abuse Jessie after she had suffered such a traumatic loss. Of course she would be a little hard to handle, she had just lost her mother and brother...and her father was in a hospital burn unit unable to comfort her because he was sedated most of the time.

"Sal found out what he was doing...he took me to the cemetary to bring flowers to Mom and Travis...I got upset and he hugged me...I cried out when his hands touched my back. Grandfather had hit me with a belt the night before, so I was still sore. He turned me around and lifted the back of my shirt...I heard him say something under his breath...then he picked me up and held me. He kept saying he was sorry. When we got back to the car he told me I wasn't gonna have to stay with Grandfather anymore...I was going to live with him until Dad got better."

"Did he tell Dad?"

"I don't think so...he promised he wouldn't. I told him Grandfather said Dad would be upset If he knew I was being so bad that he had to punish me...and Grandfather told me if Dad got upset he could die. He promised me he wouldn't tell Dad and upset him...he would only tell Grandfather that he wanted me to stay with _him _from now on. He never got to talk to Grandfather though... he died of a heart attack that night. Sal took care of me until Dad recovered."

"Sal never told him? Not even after Grandfather died?" John didn't believe it. He did not believe that Sal kept what happened from Patrick. He also found it very hard to believe that Shawn O'Doyle conviniently died of a heart attack the day Sal found out he had abused Jessie. He wasn't upset about it, but he didn't believe it. Not for a minute.

"No, I mean, I don't think so. Dad has never said anything and I never talked to him about it. I was only with Granfather for 9 months, so it wasn't that bad...I mean it could've been much worse."

"Well, I'm glad Sal was there to look out for you. From what I've heard he loved you very much."

Jessie nodded and wiped at the tears that welled up in her eyes. "He use to tell me that I spoiled him...that he would never have kids of his own because he loved me too much. Dad told me he had a medical condition that prevented him from havin' kids..." Jessie smiled. "He had a way of making things look smooth instead of rough around the edges. I was never 'the boss' daughter'... he loved me unconditionally...It was like having another father." The tears were flowing freely now and she looked towards the moon to try and focus on something else.

John saw her struggling with her composure. "Hey," He said softly and when she turned to look at him he held his arms open to her. "C'mere."

Jessie hugged him fiercely and cried in to his chest. "God, I loved him."

John held her. "I know, Jess. He knew too." John kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back until she was done. "C'mon let's go inside...It's gettin cold."

* * *

Patrick pulled away from Robert and sat up taking a deep, quivering breath and wiping his face with his shirt sleeves. He was done. He couldn't cry any more tonight he didn't have the energy. He was totally drained. Mentally and physically. He sat quietly for a moment to pull himself together. He could feel eyes on him but he didn't have the strength to look up. 

"Sam, can you grab the Scotch and a glass, please?" Robert asked as he picked up the pictures from the coffee table and gave them to Bailey. "Thanks" He filled the glass half way with Scotch and put it in Patrick's hand. "Here ya go, buddy."

Patrick took a long drink, a deep breath and then finished it off. He handed the glass back to Robert and waited patiently as he poured him another. "Thank you, Bobby" He said finally finding his voice.

Grace brought Patrick a damp, cold washcloth. "This will help."

He smiled at her. "Thank you." He ran the washcloth over his face and then held it over his eyes for a moment. The coolness felt good on his sore, puffy eyes.

"You okay?"

"I'm tired...I'm just tired." He couldn't think of anything else to say. He rubbed at his temples as his head started to throb.

"Go lie down Patrick...get some sleep."

"There's still alot to talk about and I should check on Jessie."

"There's nothing that can't wait until morning." Bailey told him. "Go ahead and get some rest."

"John's with Jessie...she's fine. I'll go up and check on her later." Robert put his hand on Patrick's shoulder. "She's worried about you...it wouldn't make her feel any better to see you like this."

"Okay, Bobby, you're right." Patrick gave in, he was just too tired not to. He stood up and walked towards the hallway that led to his bedroom. "Don't let me sleep later than nine Bobby, no matter how bad you think I need to."

Robert smiled. "Nine it is. Sleep well."

Patrick went to hs bedroom and changed his clothes. Lying down on his bed he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

* * *

John walked around Jessie's room looking at the pictures she had on her walls while he waited for her to come out of the bathroom. He stopped at one of a little boy he guessed to be about 4 or 5 years old. He had blond, curly hair and bright blue, green eyes. He was smiling proudly in a baby, blue cap and gown as he held a rolled up piece of paper tied with a blue ribbon in his hand. 

"Travis' pre-school graduation picture." Jessie said from behind him.

"You okay?"

Jessie nodded and looked at the picture. "He walked around with that stuff on for 2 days. He couldn't wait to go to _'real'_ school."

"He looks like you..."

"He's got your's and Dad's eyes...Mom's blond hair."

"What was he like?"

Jessie smiled fondly as she remembered her little brother. " He was very sweet...talked a mile a minute, ya know? He loved books ...could read as well was any first or second grader and he wasn't even 5 yet. He was really smart. He loved animals...said he was gonna be a vet and work in a zoo when he grew up." Jessie sat down on the edge of her bed. "He loved watching cartoons and The Animal Planet but didn't care much for anything else on t.v...he'd rather play outside or look at books. He loved being outside no matter what the weather was like...especially when it rained. He loved the rain. He was afraid of clowns and the dark. I use to lay with him every night until he fell asleep and if he woke up in the middle of the night he would come to my room...he would put my arm around him and snuggle close...and sometimes his shaking would wake me up, but he never told me what he was afraid of. He told us everyday that he loved us." Jessie looked up at John. "I never thought of him as a pest or a tag-along...I was always happy to have him with me whenever he was."

John sat down next to her. "Thank you for that." He sighed. " I wish I could have known him."

"You would have loved him...he was the best little brother, ever."

"I'm sure I would have loved him as much as I...well...well as much as I love you."

"Really? But you...you don't even know me...not really...not enough to-"

"Love you? Well, I do. I love you...I love the idea of having a sister...of having _YOU_ as my sister. Patrick...Dad told me he loved you from the moment he held you for the first time and it was the same for me. When I hugged you back at the VCTF...you were a bit unsure at first...I felt it...but then you hugged me back...and that's when I felt it. I felt like I was home...like nothing bad had ever happened and I was home. I loved you for that."

Not knowing what to say Jessie hugged him.

"I'm sorry." John felt her start to cry against him.

Jessie pulled away rubbing her eyes. "I'm okay. It's just, ya know, remembering T.J., it got to me...I haven't talked about him for a long time." She smiled. "Sorry, I've been such a cry-baby."

"Don't be sorry. You've been on an emotional rollercoaster for the last 24 hours...trust me, you're handling it very well. You're also exhausted and probably still have a bit of the sedative in you."

"I am tired." She yawned. "Will you stay...until I fall asleep."

"Definitly."

Jessie got settled in to her bed and John took his shoes off and sat on the bed besider her, leaning against the headboard. She curled up next to him and he put his hand on her head rubbing it gently as ran his fingers through her hair.

When he was sure she was sleeping he slid off the bed and put his shoes back on. Walking out the door he turned and watched her sleep for a moment. "Everything will be better tomorrow." He whispered. "Everthing will be okay."

* * *

TBC... Sorry it's been awhile for an update but I've been working crazy hours and my brain is mush. I'm halfway through chapt. 16 and 17 will follow a bit quicker...I promise. 


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: "Profiler" and it's character's do not belong to me and that kinda sucks

* * *

"Jessie's asleep?" Robert asked as John came down the stairs.

"Yeah. Where's Patrick?"

"Sleeping."

"Good, he needed it. Have you heard from Nathan?"

Bailey nodded. "He'll be here shortly, There wasn't anything we could use on the apartment building's security tapes but there was a bank across the street so he went over and processed their tapes as well."

"So what's our plan tomorrow?" John asked sitting down on the couch.

"I"m gonna have George go over to the safe-house early tomorrow so he could supervise the the installation of the the equipment. Sam and Grace are going to take care of getting the essentials we need...so if you have any food requests make a list. They're also going to be stopping by our place's for clothes, so again, if there's anything particular you want them to bring... make a list. I figure you and Jessie can hang around with Patrick until we go to the wake at four. The funeral is at 9:00 a.m. Wednesday morning so we should be at the safe-house no later than noon. Then, we work on nailing the bastards."

"Who's in on where we're going?"

"Just us. Boston P.D. and Patrick's people will continue to watch the penthouse and the businesses but they will not know where we are going." Bailey said as he picked up his vibrating phone from the table. "Nate's here."

"We'll need George's computer." Nate said excitedly as he walked in. "We got 'em."

They all went to Patrick's office, where George had set up his equipment, and waited as George downloaded the information on the disc.

"They managed to avoid all the camera's in the apartment building." Nathan told them. "But they didn't know about the camera outside the bank that faces the street. We've got them clearly as the get out of the car and go in to the building and we have them coming out...with blood on their clothes. Fast forward to 10:34, George."

"That's Roy Langston..." Sam noticed as soon as the fast forwarding stopped.

"And Steven Lewis." John added.

"Who's the other guy?" Bailey asked watching the screen.

Everyone seemed to turn to Robert at once.

"I don't recognize him." He told them.

They watched the three men talk for a few moments and then enter Sal's apartment building.

"Okay, now fast forward to 12:22."

They watched as the three men exited Sal's building. Roy Langston and Steven Lewis had blood on their shirts and Steven Lewis was nervously wiping his hands on his jeans, which also had blood on them.

"George, run the third guy through facial recognition...maybe we'll get a hit there.."

They watched as George isolated the suspects face and magnified it so they could get a clear, close-up of him. George uploaded the picture in to the facial recognition program and seconds later thousands of images blinked across the screen before finally stopping.

"That's our guy." Bailey patted George's shoulder.

"Thomas Kreiger.." George read the screen. "Age 37...born in Brooklyn, NY...arrested for assualt and battery, assualt with a deadly weapon...suspect in 1,2,3...8 murder cases...weapon's charges...more assualts..."

"Sounds like he's a guy for hire."

"And you've never seen him before...dealing with anyone Patrick knows or maybe one of the other Boston families.."

Robert shook his head. "No, I've never seen or heard of him."

"Okay, well now that we've put names to the suspects we need to work on motive. John go to the Boston P.D. in the morning and see what information they have on Kreiger...we'll need to know if he's a visitor or if he's been in Boston for long...remeber to be back to go with Jessie. Nathan, we'll need to talk to Patrick's men again...this time about Thomas Kreiger. We have a lot to do before the wake tomorrow, so I suggest we call it a night and start early." Bailey looked at his watch, it was almost midnight. "We'll get everything rolling at 6:00 a.m."

"There's three guest bedrooms ...two with double beds and one with two single beds. I'll crash in here on the couch." Robert unsuccessfully stifled a yawn.

"Grace and I could share a bed." Sam offered and Grace nodded in agreement.

"Nathan...George you two take the room with the single beds...John you can have the other room. I'll take the couch in the living room."

"Bailey, you sure? I can sleep on the couch-"

"Take the bed John, I'll be fine."

* * *

Jessie rolled over and looked at her alarm clock. It was 4:30 a.m. She had probably got more sleep in the last twelve hours than she did the entire week so she felt like she was hung over. Like she had been sleeping for days instead of hours. She got up yawning, went to her dresser for some clothes and headed to her bathroom to take a shower.

She felt much better after the shower. She had let the hot water run down her body until it started to turn cold and it seemed to have releived the tension and she no longer felt hung over. She left her room and went downstairs. Noticing Bailey on the couch she walked down the hall to her Father's bedroom and entered quietly. She stood by his bed and watched him sleep for a few moments, then gave him a feather-light kiss on the cheek before leaving. Not wanting to wake anyone up she headed for the kitchen. She hadn't eaten since the flight from Georgia and her stomach was definitly sending _'feed_ _me'_ messages.

"Mmmm...they orderd pizza." She said aloud as she took 2 plain slices the box, then she went to the refrigerator to get herself a drink. Passing up the soda, milk, and orange juice, she grabbed a beer. "Sweet."

"Little early for beer..." Bailey walked in to the kitchen and smiled when Jessie jumped when she heard his voice.

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, I was thirsty." Bailey got a glass and poured himself some milk. "Want some?" He shook the milk container at her.

"No thanks...don't like milk."

"Juice then?"

"No thanks, I'm fine with what I have...and don't go all adult on me, I am 21, ya know."

" I know...are you okay?"

"I'm fine Agent Malone-"

"Bailey...call me Bailey."

Jessie nodded smiling. "I'm fine, Bailey."

"Really?" Bailey raise his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Well...as fine as I can be considering the circumstances. I'm trying not to think about it so much...cause it hurts...alot, when I do. Both times I woke up I was hoping it was all a dream...that everthing was okay. That _EVERYONE_ was okay. They're gonna catch up to us eventually, right? You can't protect us forever."

"We have a lead on who they are now. We'll get them...and I'll protect you for as long as it takes."

"Thanks Agent...sorry...Bailey. Thanks Bailey."

"You're welcome. John's family is our family...don't ever forget that." He sat down next to her and went throught the pizza boxes until he found a pepperoni slice. "Mmm...cold pizza.

Jessie laughed.

They sat in the kitchen talking quietly about anything and everything for an hour before anyone else got up. They laughed as others started walking around looking like zombies.

"Coffee." Robert said groggily as he went to the cabinet that had the coffee mugs.

Jessie laughed. "Good morning to you too."

Robert smiled a sleepy smile and kissed the top of her head. "Morning, Jess. How long have you been up?"

"About 4:30."

He sat at the kitchen table in front of her. "Yuck ...I'm glad you woke up Bailey and not me."

"She didn't wake me...she was very quiet." Bailey told him.

"What time is it anyway?" Robert asked squinting at his watch.

"Almost seven."

"I'm gonna call one of the guys downstairs and have the get some breakfast...any special requests?" Robert stood up as he finished the last of his coffee.

"We had pizza. " Bailey winked over at Jessie.

"Cold pizza...yum. Okay then, I'll have him get bagels, muffins and a few orders of pancakes, scrambled eggs and toast from the diner down the street. Jess, I'm gonna use your bathroom to take a shower."

"There's a clean towel hanging up behind the door." She told him as he left the kitchen. "Busy day today, huh?"

"Very...we have to follow up on the crime scene, try to get a location on the now identified suspects, get the safe-house set up, go to Ms. Grey's wake and keep the three of you safe."

"I forgot that was today...the wake, I mean." She said sadly, then looked a Bailey. "Safe-house?"

Bailey forgot Jessie didn't know about the safe-house yet, so he gave her the basics. "It's just a location no one is going to know about but us. These guys know too much about where you go and where you stay...so we're gonna change that for a while...for as long as it takes. We're all going so no one has to worry about anyone else...we're going to keep you and your Dad and Robert safe while we track these guys down. Okay?"

Jessie was unsure, but nodded. "When are we going?"

He hesitated for a moment before answering. "Some will go today...and the rest will be there Wednesday."

Bailey sighed in relief when she simply nodded and didn't ask anymore questions. He was very happy to let Patrick explain the rest.

* * *

TBC... See I kept my promise.. :o) 


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: "Profiler" does not belong to me...there I said it.

* * *

By 9:00 a.m. only Bailey, Jessie, Robert, and Patrick were left in the penthouse. Everyone else had gone on to the assignments that Bailey had given out the night before. Robert and Bailey were going over some files and pictures in Patrick's office while Jessie sat in the living room watching t.v.

"Hey Jess," Robert called from the office doorway. "Go wake your Dad up he wanted to be up by now."

"Yeah, okay."

Jessie went to her Father's room and walked in quietly. She noticed he was awake and was looking up at the ceiling. "Dad, it's a little after nine...Robert said you wanted to get up."

Patrick looked at her and smiled. He sat up and turned so his feet were on the floor. "C'mere." He patted the bed next to him.

Jessie sat down next to him, already feeling tears in her eyes. She hugged him burying her face in his neck.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry you had to see him like that. He loved you, don't ever forget that. I'm so sorry, honey."

Jessie pulled away from him and wiped at her eyes. "Last night you were...you saw what they did...I was scared."

"I was too. It was horrible...what they did to him and they will pay dearly for it...but for a minute I saw you ...and John...and Bobby in those pictures. I couldn't take that...it was too much. Sal was like a brother, I sure loved him like one, and it hurts that he's gone. But, I would not make it if something were to happen to you and your brother. It would kill me."

Jessie hugged him again. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Jess." He kissed the top of her head and gave her a tight squeeze before letting her go. "I'm gonna jump in the shower and get dressed."

"Robert ordered breakfast...I'll heat some up for you."

* * *

After Patrick ate breakfast he went into his office to see what Bailey and Robert were working on. Jessie went back to watching t.v. not really wanting to know what was going on.

"Hey, how're you feelin this morning?"

"Better than last night, Bobby. Thank you for...well for everything."

Robert nodded smiling. He didn't want Patrick to feel like he had to thank him or say anything else, he just did what any friend would do.

"We identified the men who killed Sal." Bailey told him. "Roy Langston, Steven Lewis, and Thomas Kreiger. Do you know Kreiger? Heard anything about him?"

"No, I don't know him and have never heard of him. Roy Langston and Steven Lewis? I don't understand. Roy langston never worked for me nor have I done any business with him...and Steven Lewis? What is he angry I fired him or something? I've had nothing to do with him after I let him go. What the hell do they want with me?"

"That's what we're trying to work out." Robert explained. "But we can't seem to connect them with anyone you have done business with...past or present."

"They both worked for my Father and he's dead...that's the only connection I know of. Any way of tracking them down?"

"John's working with Boston P.D. now and Nathan is talking to some of your guys to see if they have heard what Langston and Lewis have been doing the last couple of years and if anyone has heard of Kreiger." Bailey sat down on the edge of Patrick's desk. "With things heating up, are you sure about going to the wake today? I'd really like to get everyone to the safe-house today."

"I'm sorry Bailey, but I have to go. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't...I loved her too much."

"Okay, we'll stick to the plan then. I mentioned the safe-house to Jessie this morning."

Patrick nodded in understanding. "I'll talk to her."

* * *

It was just after eleven before they emerged from Patrick's office, but they had learned nothing. John had called and told them they had nothing on Thomas Kreiger, so that had been a dead end also. He told them he was going to call the N.Y.P.D to talk to the detectives that handled Kreiger's last arrest and see where that takes them. Bailey went to the kitchen for some coffee and to make a few phone calls, so Patrick and Robert joined Jessie in the livivng room.

"Just the break I needed," Robert leaned back into the couch cushions. "Jerry Springer."

"Hillbilly weddings." Jessie said smiling. "That guy there...is about to marry his first cousin...and the girl fightin' with the bride is his girlfriend and mother of his five kids. They met while he was in prison."

"Where do they find these people? Wherever it is I never want to go there."

Jessie looked over at her Father who was looking at the t.v. but not really watching it. "You okay, Dad?"

Patrick smiled at her, it was fake, but believable. "Just thinkin, Jess. I'm fine."

"Okay." She turned her attention back to the t.v. just in time to see the Bride and Groom make-out while they were covered in food and cake. "Gross."

"That just ain't right." Robert cringed at the sight of them but couldn't turn his eyes away.

Twenty minutes later Bailey came in from the kitchen.

"We need to talk." He told Patrick. He was angry but tried not to show it in front of Jessie.

Patrick was puzzeled by the look on Bailey's face. "What is it?"

"Let's talk in your office."

Patrick followed Bailey into his office. Robert and Jessie looked at each other, both of them wondering what was up.

"I"ll go see what's wrong. Stay here and don't worry, okay?"

"Sure, Robert, like it's that easy."

"I know, kiddo."

* * *

Bailey and Patrick were both pacing the office yelling quietly when Robert walked in.

"...I told you already. I've never had anything to do with Roy Langston. Jesus, I wouldn't lie..."

"What the hell is goig on?"

"Bobby, would you tell him...tell him _again_...that we've never dealt with Langston."

"Look, several of your men have heard that Roy Langston was dead because Patrick had Sal kill him."

"What!? That's crazy. Why would Patrick have him killed and he certainly wouldn't have Sal do it...Sal wasn't...Sal did not work for him that way."

"I'm just telling you what Nathan is hearing from y_our_ own men."

"So they're just saying it happened but don't know why?"

"So far." Bailey watched as Patrick paced back and forth angrily. "I can't help you if I don't know everything there is to know."

Patrick turned on him not worried about keeping his voice in check anymore. "I HAVE NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH ROY LANGSTON! ...AND I DID NOT PUT A HIT OUT ON HIM." Then, in a dangerously soft tone, he added. "If I had...Langston would most definitly be _DEAD_ and not out there trying to kill me."

"Pat, calm down okay. Bailey's just doing his job...following up on a lead."

"Okay," Bailey conceded. "You haven't seen Langston since your Father died...was there anything going on at that time that could shed some light on this? Your Father died of a heart-attack...maybe Langston thinks differently and wants revenge. Was he close to your Father?"

Patrick and Robert looked at each other nervously, talking without words. Could Langston really know? They doubted it.

"What? Are you remembering something?" Bailey asked breaking their silence.

"My Father did die of a heart-attack but...not naturally."

"You put a hit out on your Father?"

"No, if I could've done it myself I would have but I was still in the burn unit then..."

"Sal?"

Patrick nodded. "He took care of it for me."

"You could have mentioned this before!" Bailey said angrily.

"I didn't think it was relavent. Jesus, he was beating Jessie while he was suppose to be taken care of her. I've been on the receiving end of a beating from Shawn O'Doyle and I've seen John after one as well...I was not going to let him get away with doing that to her...Father or not. I didn't want a _family_ war so we made it look like natural causes and it did. Only Bobby and Sal knew the truth."

"There's no way Langston...or Lewis for that matter...knows what really happened. There's got to be another reason that this is happening."

"What I'm not getting is why they think Langston is dead and that your responsible...and how does Lewis and Kreiger fit in to it?" Bailey rubbed at his temples, frustrated that with all the new information he still had more questions than answers. "We're missing something...and I think your friend Sal had something to do with it."

"Sal would have never done anything without telling me...he never did things on his own. It not my way and my people know that. Besides, we've already told you, Sal was not a killer."

"He wouldn't kill to protect you? Or Jessie? Maybe he knew something and before anything happened he took Langston out...or tried to, but something went wrong."

"That would explain what they did to him. I mean, c'mon Pat, he wasn't just murdered like the others...he was tortured."

"I don't believe it. I don't believe he would have done something so drastic and not tell me...especially if the reason was to protect me or Jessie. Why? Why would he do that?"

"If Sal's the only one involved...we may never know." Bailey said tiredly.

* * *

TBC... "The Jerry Springer Show" does not belong to me either...and where do they find people for the show? Lol :o)


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Don't own it

* * *

When they came out of Patrick's office the t.v. was off and Jessie was not in the living room. Patrick called out to her but there was no answer.

"You don't think she heard us talking about Sal, do you?" Robert started to see panic in Patrick's eyes.

Bailey took out his cell phone and called downstairs to one of the agents that was watching the front of Patrick's building. "It's Malone. Has Jessie O'Doyle left the building. Okay. Good. Keep an eye on her." He closed his phone. "Jessie's outside talking to one of your guys...Joey. She doesn't have shoes on, so I don't think she's planning on going anywhere."

Patrick nodded. His panic gone but it was replaced by anger. He was angry that she had left the penthouse without telling anyone...especially him. Anything could have happened. He was glad she was going to the safe-house today. He sat down on the couch and waited.

Jessie walked in fifteen minutes later smiling with a handful of dvd's in her hand.

"Hey, Joey brought us some-" She stopped, noticing the looks she was getting. "What? What happened?"

No one answered but the look on Patrick's face said it all.

"C'mon...it was just a few minutes...downstairs...with Joey. You know, the same Joey you send everywhere with me wherever I go? What's the big deal? You have agents crawling all over this place, right Bailey?"

"Yes, but that doesn't make you leaving without telling anyone okay."

Now Jessie was getting angry. "Leaving? I went outside the lobby to talk to someone! I wasn't bar-hopping and running the -"

"That's enough." Patrick stood up. "You have seen first hand what these people are capable of...do you really think they couldn't get to you if they really wanted to? You practically handed yourself over to them. Dou you want to end up like Sal? Is that it?"

"No! I'm sorry, okay? It was Joey...he just brought movies... I didn't think-"

"Well, that's part of the problem, Jessie...sometimes you don't think." As he was sitting on the couch, waiting for her to come back, Patrick was thinking about how he was going to get Jessie to leave him behind and go to the safe-house without him. He knew she would try to talk him out of it and eventually he would have given in, it was just too hard not to. He knew the only way was to make her think he was _really_ angry with her. That would break her down...the only way he could get her to listen. He saw the confused look on her face but he tried not to let it get to him. "You're going to the safe-house with John this afternoon. I'll be there Wednesday after Susan's funeral..."

"I wanted to go with you...to say goodbye Susan. You'll need someone-"

"Bobby's coming with me...and Bailey and Nathan are coming to make sure nothing happens."

"Then why can't I come with you? Dad, I'm sorry, okay?...please I wanna stay here and go with you."

"You're going today...with John."

"All this because I went down to the lobby and didn't tell you!? I' sorry, okay!? How many times do I have to say it!? I'm not going with John, I'm going with you!"

Patrick could feel his resolve start to give way. He hated seeing her upset. He did the one thing that he knew would really get her attention and quiet her anger. He shouted. "God dammit, you'll do what I tell you!" He snapped. Jessie visibly winced and he hated himself for it. "You will leave with John today and you will do so without a hassel, do you hear me?! And when you get there you will do whatever they tell you to do, understand? Do you understand me?!"

Jessie nodded keeping her eyes focused on the floor.

"Look at me when you answer me." He almost regretted saying it, because when she looked up at him she had such a confused, hurt look on her face that all he wanted to do was hug her. But he had to see her face. He had to make sure he had gotten through. He did.

"Yes, I understand." She said quietly.

"Good. Go pack your things...you'll leave when John's ready."

"Dad-"

"Go now, Jessie."

"I'm sorry." Her voice was barely a whisper as she walked past him and went upstairs to her room.

"You had to Pat, it was the only way. She'll be okay. Jessie will understand ... you did what you had to to."

"I don't even understand it, Bobby. I'll be in my room if you need me before the wake."

"That was hard for him." Robert said when Patrick was out of sight.

"I know. They can work it out in a couple days though."

* * *

"Where is everybody?" John called out as he walked through the penthouse door and didn't see or hear anyone.

Bailey came from Patrick's office. "Hey John. Find out anything?"

"Nothing ...it's like these guys literally crawled out of the woodwork." He looked around. "Where's everyone else?"

"Robert's lying down in one of the guest rooms. Jessie's upstairs and Patrick is in his room."

"Is everyone okay? Something happen?"

"Patrick told Jessie she was going to the safe-house with you this afternoon and to get her to do it he was a little rough."

A flash of anger passed through John's eyes. "He didn't hit her or anything-"

"No, no...nothing like that. He had to get angry with her...there was just alot of yelling." He motioned for John to sit down on the couch as he sat in the chair across from it. "There's something you should know...Patrick had Sal kill your Grandfather and make it look like natural causes."

"I know...well I figured out as much anyway. Jessie told me about getting beaten and that Sal about it. When she told me my Grandfather died the same night Sal found out about the abuse...well I knew he went right to Patrick and they took care of him."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I understand why they did it, Bailey, I might've done the same thing...I know what it was like to be around him."

"Patrick didn't keep him from beating you."

"He wasn't the same man...they're my family, Bailey, I have to protect them now."

"Well if you can pretend you didn't hear _that_ particular story...I guess I can too."

"Thanks, Bail. I'm gonna go check on Jessie.."

"We'll be leaving in a hour for the wake, so you and Jessie can leave soon after. I'm gonna call George and see how things are going over there."

* * *

"Hey why the sour face?" John asked poking his head in Jessie's room. "You look like this..." He scrunched his eyebrows together and stuck his bottom lip out.

Jessie couldn't help but smile. "I don't look like that."

"Okay, not quite like that, but it's close. What's up?" He sat on the side of the bed next to her.

"Nothing...just waiting for you. We're going to a safe-house right?"

"Jess, what's wrong?"

"Dad...he's really mad at me. I went down to the lobby to see Joey...they were in his office talking...I just went for a few minutes...I didn't think it was a big deal, ya know? He was so mad...I didn't mean it...to make him mad like that."

"It's just the circumstances, Jess. He's under a lot of stress and he's scared that something may happen to you."

"He asked me if I wanted to end up like Sal..."

"Stop thinking about it, okay. He's not really mad at you, I promise. He feels just as bad as you do." He hated that Patrick brought Sal in to it. Sal's death was still an open wound for her. "Hey, we have some time before we have to go, let's watch a movie or something, okay? You need to get out of your head."

"Okay, but we'll watch it up here...in the den."

"Fair enough. What're we watchin?"

"Have you seen ...uh... 16 Blocks ?"

"No. Who's in it?"

"Bruce Willis-"

"Enough said. Let's go."

* * *

An hour in to the movie Patrick, Robert, and Bailey came upstairs to tell John and Jessie they were leaving for the wake.

"George has new cell phones for everyone, so after you get there that will be the only way we communicate. You know the drill...you're in charge until I get there Wednesday afternoon. We'll check in with each other regularly...every two hours."

"Every two hours, got it. We'll leave after the movie. I'll take care of everything, Bailey, don't worry."

"I wasn't." Bailey smiled.

"I'll call you tonight, okay?" Patrick said, hoping Jessie would look at him.

"Yeah, okay." She was concentrating hard on her socks. Noticing they were dirty from walking outside earlier, she made a mental not to change them before she and John left.

"I'll see you Wednesday, right after the funeral. Hey, can your old man get a hug?...since I won't see you for a couple days."

Jessie looked up at him and nodded. A small smile escaping her lips. She stood up an walked in to Patrick's embrace.

"I'll call as soon as I get home. I love you, Jess."

"I'm sorry. I-"

"Sshh, don't worry about it." He tightened the hug and then let her go as he kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too, Dad."

As the three men were leaving Jessie called out to Bailey.

"Bailey, take care of my Dad and Robert."

"I will. We'll see you in two days." Bailey told her and the three men left.

Jessie sat back down next to John. She could feel him looking at her.

"You have the remote...hit play."

John elbowed her, grinning from ear to ear. "Told ya, he really wasn't mad."

"Bite me." She tried to hide her own smile.

"Nice." John said laughing, then seriously. "Told ya." He elbowed her again.

"Yeah, yeah." Jessie grinned happily, she couldn't help it. "C'mon let's finish the movie." She took the remote from him and pushed play.

* * *

TBC... 


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Profiler' !

* * *

"That was really good. " John said when the movie finished. He stood up and stretched. "I guess we should get going. Grace and Sam are making a big dinner for our first night. Get your bag...hey, grab some movies too. I'll go get my things from the guest room."

"Any requests?"

"Whatever you bring should be fine...I'm sure you have stuff everyone will like." John went downstairs as Jessie started going through her movies.

After John got his bag from the room he had slept in, he called Sam to let them know they were on their way and to see if they needed anything. Sam told him they had everything they needed and that dinner would be ready by the time they got there. He was about to go upstairs to hurry Jessie up when there was a knock at the door. He put his hand on his gun and looked through the peephole. It was Boston P.D. The officer had an envelope in his hand. John took his hand off his gun and smiled as he opened the door.

"Did you guy's-"

That was as far as he got because Steven Lewis moved his other hand from behind the large envelope and fired a taser gun. The electrodes hit John along the right side of his chest. He went down instantly, his body convulsing from the electricity going through his body. Lewis fired again and hit John on his left side. He convulsed for a few more seconds and passed out.

"Where's the girl?" Thomas Kreiger asked as he stepped over John and walked in to the penthouse.

"How the hell am I suppose to know?" He said agitated as he cuffed John's hands behind his back. " I'm a little busy here."

Kreiger ignored him and started searching the rooms.

"I'm gonna bring him down to Langston!" Lewis told him. "I'll be right back."

After searching all the rooms downstairs and finding nothing, Kreiger went upstairs. He was walking towards Jessie's room when he heard shuffling noises down the hall so headed for the sound. He found her in the den sorting through dvds. She had her back to him, so he stood in the doorway, waiting patiently.

Jessie felt someone watching her so she turned around expecting to find John, with his arms crossed and tapping his foot, mocking impatience as she waited for her to get through her movies. She was surprised to find it wasn't John, but a police officer. She didn't give it a second thought.

"Hey," She greeted Kreiger. "Are you coming with us?"

Kreiger nodded. "Anything I could help you with Miss O'Doyle?"

"No thanks, I'll just be a minute." She turned back to the pile of dvds in front of her.

Kreiger was behind her in an instant. He took the nightstick from his belt and hit her in the side of the head with it. He caught her unconsious form before it hit the floor. "Sorry, sweetheart...nothing personal." He put her over his shoulder and took her downstairs.

Lewis was coming back in as Kreiger was headed out. "I see you found her." He saw blood on Kreiger's uniform where Jessie's head was resting. "Jesus, did ya hit her hard enough? Langston's gonna be pissed if you killed her so soon."

"She ain't dead. C'mon, let's get out of here."

* * *

When Lewis opened the side door of the van and Kreiger laid Jessie's limp body inside next to John's, Roy Langston couldn't help but smile. That ear to ear, all teeth 'Joker' smile. He had them both and it was all to easy. They had been watching O'Doyle's building for two days waiting for an oppertunity to make a move. When they saw Patrick leaving with his lawyer friend and the two FBI agents, he knew that it was now or never. They _'aquired'_ two Boston P.D. uniforms and Lewis and Kreiger had no problem getting in to the building. Roy waited in a van at the basement level of the parking garage. Everything went as smooth as butter. Now he was ready. He was ready to let Patrick O'Doyle know, who it was who was reaking havoc on his life for the past few months. He couldn't wait to see his face. To see his face when he found out he was still alive. To see his face when he killed his children in front of him as they beg him for death. It's been what has sustained him nine years and he was as excited as a kid at Christmas.

"Did you get a cell phone?" He asked through his grin as Lewis and Kreiger took their seats.

Lewis handed him John's cell phone. "You're not gonna call now, are you? We need to get outta here and back to the wharehouse." Lewis said nervously.

Roy put his finger to his lips "Sshh." He flipped open John's phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found Patrick's number. "Let's give Daddy a call."

Patrick was in the bathroom washing his face when his cell phone rang. He dried his face and hands with a hand towel, then answered his phone.

"Hey John, you guys there yet?"

"_Well, well, well if it isn't the big man himself...Mr. Patrick O'Doyle."_

Patrick nearly dropped his phone. _'No_, _no_, _no'_ he kept saying in his head. He already knew but he had to ask. "Who is this?"

"_Oh you'll find out soon enough, don't you worry_."

"Where's John?"

_"He can't come to the phone right now...he's a bit under the weather...but he's breathing...for now."_

Patrick drew a quivering breath. He was shaking. "Jessie?"

"_Mmmm she's here too...grew up to be a very pretty girl. We're gonna have some fun with that one, huh fella's."_

"If you touch her...I'll kill you...I swear to God, I'll kill you!!"

"_I don't think your in any position to threaten me right now, buddy. In fact, if I were you I'd be trying to make me happy... not piss me off."_

"What do you want?"

"_See_, _nice_ _is_ _much_ _better_! _Hell_, _I want you of course. We have a lot of catching up to do...alot of pain to share..."_

"What do you want, dammitt!"

_"There's that temper again...go to the Harbour Breeze...a man will approach you and you will leave with him without any trouble. Make sure you come alone O'Doyle cause it won't be good if you don't. I promise you I will tear, your precious kiddies, limb from limb and mail you a piece of them everyday...'til you have them back. Do you understand me? Your buddy Sal's death will be a picnic compared to theirs. Be there in a half hour." Roy Langston hung up the phone laughing_.

Patrick threw his phone at the mirror over the sink and watched as a spiderweb-like crack spread over the glass slowly. He ran out of the bathroom, and through a small gathering of people, in a a blind panic and headed for the exit. He spotted a man who had just pulled in to the parking lot and was checking his visor for something. The man jumped when Patrick pulled open the car door and yanked him out of the driver's seat. He drove away almost hitting two other cars on the way out. All the while, a voice screamed in his head. _'This_ _isn't_ _happening_, _this_ _isn't_ _happening_, _this_ _isn't_ _happening'_... but of course, it most definitly was.

* * *

TBC...


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer : I don't own 'Profiler" or it's characters...just the ones I created

* * *

"I'm going to see if Patrick's alright."

Robert watched, sadly, as Patrick went to Susan's casket to say goodbye. He saw his freind put his hand on hers and lean in to kiss her cheek. He talked to her as his fingers ran up and down her arm. _'He's_ _blaming_ _himself_ _and_ _apologizing'_ Robert thought to himself. Then he saw Patrick's composure slip as his shoulders hitched as he tried to keep from sobbing. He leaned in to kiss her again and then walked away wiping at his eyes.

Now, it was fifteen minutes later and Robert was worried about him. Worried that his friend went off somewhere by himself to break down. He went out in to the foyer and scanned the small groups of mourners that were standing around talking, but Patrick wasn't among them. He went to the men's room.

"Hey," A man was standing in front of the broken mirror, holding up a cell phone. "Someone broke the mirror with this, there's glass in-"

Robert recognized Patrick's phone immediately. He stepped forward and took it from the man. "Where'd you get this?"

"On the floor. I almost stepped on it when I came in."

"There was no one else in here?"

"No, no one. You okay, Mister?" The man asked as Robert lost some color in his face.

Robert didn't answer him. He hurried from the bathroom to get Bailey and Nathan.

"Bailey!" Robert called from a few aisles behind them.

Bailey turned. He noticed the anxious look on Robert's face and stood up. He tapped Nathan's shoulder. "Something's up, let's go."

They followed Robert out in to the foyer. Robert began to pace nervously.

"This was in the bathroom...it's Patrick's...there was a broken mirror...I can't find him."

Bailey and Nathan instinctively scanned the people in the area looking for anyone one who may not belong there. Bailey noticed to police officers walking in the front door with a man in between them, complaining about something Bailey couldn't quite make out. He apparoached the two officers and showed them his badge.

"What happened?"

The officer to the right spoke. "Mr. Meyers, here, was sitting in his car when another man yanked him out and drove away with it. Witnesses outside say the perp came from in here."

"Describe him." Bailey told the victim.

"Late fifties, early sixties...over six feet tall...stocky...dark, wavy hair. He had on a dark suit. He looked scared...like he just saw a ghost, ya know?" Meyers thought about where they were and what he had just said. "Sorry."

Bailey nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Meyers." He addressed the officers. "I'll get back to you. I'm pretty sure I know who took the car. I'll take care of it." Turning to Nathan and Robert he urged them forward to the door. "We need to go."

They hurried out the door and down the steps walking quickly to the car. "Robert, you drive. Nate, go through Patrick's phone and see who he talked to last. I'm calling Ridge and Jackson." Bailey asked his security detail outside Patrick's penthouse how things were looking. Jackson told him everything was clear. Except for a couple of police officers dropping something off for John it had been quiet. " John wasn't expecting anthing from Boston P.D...call for back up and get inside now! I want a C.S.U. unit there! Double the manpower around the perimeter. I want the place locked down when I get there." He closed his phone. "Dammit!"

"Bailey...John was the last person Patrick spoke to...approximately twenty minutes before we left." Nathan said from the backseat.

Bailey dialed John's number. "No answer." He dialed Jessie's phone. "Jessie's not answering either." He called the safe-house and slammed his phone shut in frustration. "They're not there. Sam said they were expecting them for dinner-"

"They have them, don't they? Those crazy bastards have John and Jessie!" Robert was scared and angry at the same time.

"I'm afraid so...they must have called Patrick from John's phone...threatened to kill them if he didn't meet them somewhere alone."

"Now what, huh?! Now what do we do?!"

"We get them back, Robert. We _take_ them back."

* * *

John groaned and opened his eyes, blinking them into focus. He was standing with his arms stretched out over his head his hands cuffed, the cuffs draped over a metal hook that hung from the ceiling. His chest hurt where the electrodes slammed in to his body and he felt weird. There was a tingling sensation running through his entire body. He was shirtless and his ankles were tied together. He looked around him. He was in a small, low lit room with concrete walls. There was an overpowering smell of mildew. He could see it along the bottom of the walls where it met the floor. There was a half closed door in front of him, but he heard nothing on the otherside. Getting on his tip-toes he turned himself around, slowly, to see what was behind him. He saw Jessie. She was sitting on the floor, leaning forward slightly with one hand cuffed to a pipe on the wall.

"Jessie! Jessie wake up!" He called out to her.

No movement. No answer.

"Jessie! Wake up, honey, It's John. C'mon, Wake up!" When again, he didn't get a reponse he looked at her more closely. He was relieved when he was sure he saw the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. He noticed she had dried blood on the side of her face and the hair above her temple was darker. _'She_ _was_ _hit_ _in_ _the_ _head_. _She's_ _just_ _unconsious_.'

"Jessie-"

"John Grant...F.B.I agent and son of a mob boss..." Roy Langston said from behind him. "Nice to finally meet you." He said stepping around and coming face to face with John. Steven Lewis stood next to him, a nervous grin on his face.

"Roy Langston...complete psycho. Steven Lewis...well, from what I've heard, you're a complete idiot." John said sarcastically.

Lewis stepped forward and punched John in the side of the face. John felt the inside of his cheek split. Lewis, then punched him in the left side, twice, and then in the solar plexis. The air left John's lungs immediatley and he doubled over as far as his restraints would allow.

"Feel good?" Lewis asked. "Not bad for a complete idiot, huh?"

It tooke a few moments for John to straighten up and catch his breath. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" John smiled defiantly.

"Hhmm, more jokes. You think this is funny." Langston took his switch-blade from his pocket and put it ay John's throat, pushing it forward to draw blood. "Where's that smile now, boy?" He brought the blade down and across making a 'L' shaped gash on the left side of John's chest. He grinned when John yelped.

John looked down and winced at the gash and the blood that ran from it, but he refused to let Roy Langston see the fear that was starting to grow inside him. "Sloppy," John looked up and into Langston's eyes. " I hope you don't carve the turkey on Thanskgiving."

Langston shook his head in disbelief of John's sarcasm, considering his situation. "If I didn't want your Father to see you die...I'd show you my carving skills, my friend" He brought the blade up again this time bringing it down hard and deep down John's side. He laughed when John cried out. The gash was deep, Langston could see the white bone of John's ribs gleaming through. "Oh, that's a nice one." He looked over at Lewis. "Down to the ribs...ouch."

John watched as blood soaked the top of his pants and he could feel it run down his leg. He looked down at his feet and saw a puddle of blood growing beneath them. A dark shadow crept up in the corners of his vision and was moving in fast, pulling him towards it. The darkness was warm. He let it take him without a fight.

"Looks like our boy's out." Langston grinned, his 'Joker" grin. He looked over at Jessie. "Hopefully that one will wake up soon. Kreiger should be here with O'Doyle soon and then the real fun will begin. C'mon, I'm hungry. Are you hungry?"

Lewis followed Langston out of the room. _'He's_ _gonna_ _get_ _us_ _all_ _killed_.' He thought to himself.

* * *

Tbc...


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: See previous chapters... :)

This is a long one...I didn't realize it until I finished...it sure didn't seem that long. The language is a bit stronger in this one, so I'm sorry if I offend anyone.

* * *

Patrick recognized Thomas Kreiger as soon as he saw him sitting at the bar. He walked right up to him.

"Kreiger, I'm here and I'm alone."

Thomas Kreiger turned from his drink and looked at Patrick. "The infamous Patrick O'Doyle." He scanned the bar behind him looking for cops. "You follow directions well. How do you know my name?"

"You screwed up when you murdered my friend. They identified all three of you, so even when you kill me, it won't belong before they catch up with you. All those people you murdered...you'll never be able to stop in one place."

Kreiger flinched, but just for a second. "Well, I've never been one to settle down." He thought for a moment. "It was the bank across the street right? We missed one of the cameras."

Patrick nodded. "It was just a matter of time before you screwed up. Especially with Lewis working with you."

Kreiger laughed. Patrick was right, because it was Lewis' job to take out the cameras. "You really pissed off Langston, huh?"

"Did he hurt them?"

"Not really...not yet, but he will. Langston, I'm afraid is a bit crazy and obsessive. He's determined to punish you."

"Take me to my children, now, please."

"What, no last drink? No last meal?" He shrugged when Patrick shook his head. "Okay, your loss. Let's go."

* * *

They pulled around back of a wharehouse Patrick knew very well. It was one of his Father's old shipping places. There was a small bunker built underneath the office floor where Shawn O'Doyle hid drugs and other contraband. _'This_ _is_ _it'_ Patrick said to himself. _'They could throw our bodies in that bunker and no one would ever know to look there_.' He followed Kreiger inside where Langston and Lewis were waiting for them.

"The man of the hour." Langston said as Patrick and Kreiger walked towards him. "Glad you decided to join us."

"Like I had a choice."

"I bet you're surprised to see me...alive and kicking."

"I didn't know you were suppose to be dead. What the hell is going on?"

"Your buddy Sal, although he did manage quite a bit of damage, did not finish the job...so here I am. Though I probably wouldn't be if I was stumbled upon by a man who lost his dog." He circled Patrick slowly. "Eight years...it took me eight long years to get back here. I had to re-learn everything...walking...talking...hell, I had to learn how to hold a fork to God damn eat...and the pain all of it caused." He stopped standing nose to nose with Patrick. "But you know what the worst part is? The worst part ..." He grabbed Patrick's hand and pulled it to the crotch of his pants. "There's nothing there! I have to take a piss like a damn woman! Six times...that bastard shot me six times...I look like a fucking 'Ken' doll, you son-of-a-bitch!"

Patrick pulled his hand away from Langston. "You're crazy. I never put a hit out on you. I don't know where you got your information, but I had nothing to do with it."

"Denial, huh? Can't face up to the truth? Well, I'm gonna help you along." He looked over at Kreiger and Lewis grinning. "Let's take him to his offspring."

Kreiger pushed Patrick forward urging him to follow Langston to the door ahead of them. Lewis walked to the left of him holding his gun loosely at his side.

Patrick gasped when he saw John cut and bleeding. Kreiger and Lewis each grabbed one of his arms when he tried to go to him. John was concsious and was surprised to see Patrick there.

"I'm okay." John told him. "You shouldn't have come, Dad. Bailey-"

Langston walked over to John. "Enough talking." He punched him in his already wounded side.

John cried out and Patrick struggled to break free of Kreiger and Lewis.

Langston turned and punched Patrick in the stomach causing him to double over. Grabbing Patrick by the hair he forced him to look up. "Anything coming back to you yet?"

"I don't know what your talking about." Patrick said, still trying to catch his breath.

"We'll see." Langston went to the corner of the room and brought over a black duffle bag. "My goody bag." He told Patrick, his all teeth grin in full force. He pulled out a piece of razor wire that had a small wooden handle on one end and a loop at the other. He went to John and wrapped it around his thigh. He put the wooden handle through the loop and pulled the razor wire close around John's thigh.

John was watching Langston nervously. He could just feel the points of the razor poking through his jeans.

"Anything you need to say?" Langston asked Patrick.

"I don't-"

"Not a good start." He pulled hard on the handle pushing the razor points deeper into John's thigh, then he started the twisting.

John held out as long as he could but it was no use. He couldn't help but yell out each time Langston pulled and twisted the razor wire deeper into his thigh.

"Stop!" Patrick screamed. "Stop, please! I'll say anything! Tell me what you want me to say!"

By the time Langston stopped the razor wire was so deep into his leg it almost wasn't visible. John fought to stay concsious. He tried not to move because it seemed even the slightest movement caused the razors to cut deeper.

"Don't Dad, " He said weakly. "Don't tell him anything he wants to know."

"Your boy's hard-headed, Patrick. He hasn't learned a damn thing since he met me." Langston slid the handle out of the loop and yanked the razor wire from John's thigh.

John screamed. He thought for sure his leg was going to come off at the thigh. The pain was incredible and he couldn't help but let the tears, he had been holding back, fall in streams down his cheeks. He felt the shadow of unconcsiousness falling over him again when he heard his name followed by a muffle groan. _'God_, _no'_ He thought. _'Jessie_.'

Humming. That's what stirred her. Humming in different tones and pitches. Her head felt like it was packed with mud and even the simple act of opening her eyes hurt, so she kept them closed. She put her hand to where her head seem to hurt the most. She felt a huge bump through a clump of matted hair still wet and sticky from drying blood. She groaned and called John's name.

Langston nodded to Kreiger and he let go of Patrick's arm and headed towards Jessie.

"No, don't." John begged as he walked past him. "Leave her alone."

Lewis put his gun in Patrick's back and pushed him forward so they were on the other side of John and in front of Jessie. Langston grabbed John's arm and spun him around as he walked around him. Now they were all facing Jessie.

Jessie felt someone standing over her. "John?" She opened her eyes and tried to focus. Kreiger crouched down in front of her and she saw it wasn't John, but the police officer that waited for her while she went through her movies. "What happened?"

"Sorry, sweetheart, guess I got a bit carried away." He pulled her up and held her loosely against the wall as she tried to keep her balance.

"Thirsty." She said, not yet getting where she was and what was happening.

Kreiger pulled a bottle of water from his jacket pocket and took the lid off. "Here ya go, kid"

Jessie went to reach for it but her arm wouldn't go any farther than waist high. Confused she looked down and saw she was handcuffed to the wall. "What..." She looked past him and saw Patrick standing a few feet a way a gun pointed to his head, to keep him quiet. Then, she saw John. He was covered in blood. A wave of nausea hit her and she started to slide down the wall.

Kreiger pulled her back up again "Whoa, whoa...no fainting now, sweetheart." He put the bottle of water in her left hand and brought it to her mouth. "Drink up." He poured the water into her mouth until it became too much and she started to cough it up. "Have enough?"

Jessie turned away from the bottle trying to stifle the coughs that were causeng her head to throb.

Langston walked over to her and ran his hand down her cheek. "You were a cute kid...now look at you...all grown up." He ran his hand down her other cheek.

"Who are you?" Jessie asked backing away, but there was nothing behind her but wall.

"You don't remember your Uncle Roy?...I'm hurt." He ran his fingers down her neck and he smiled when she tried to move away. He let his fingers wander lower.

Jessie closed her eyes and tried to go somewhere else, she felt Langston's hand move slowly down her neck and then down the center of her chest. He moved his hand to the left cupping her breast and sqeezing. Patrick ignored the gun at his head and charged Langston.

"I'll kill you! "

Kreiger put his gun to Jessie's head stopping Patrick from going any further. "I'll kill her, you know I will."

"You keep your hands off her! I'll rip you apart before they could stop me!"

"Am I bringing back old memories, O'Doyle? "

"For God's sake I don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

"You're a liar." Langston took his switch-blade from his pocket. Flipping it open he grabbed her left hand, turned it over and cut her wrist vertically.

Jessie screamed trying to pull her hand away but Langston held on tight. Despite his own wounds and pain John struggled against his restraints. If only he could get his hands on Langston.

"What a big man...roughing up a girl handcuffed to a wall... your're a fucking coward!"

"I'll feed you your tongue for that, Johnny boy...but not until I'm finished with her." He turned to Patrick. "You sent Sal to kill me, admit it."

"Why? Why would I have you killed?"

Langston made another vertical cut. "Your Daddy really wants to see you bleed all over the place." He told her. He showed her wrist. "Look at that...pretty gross, huh?"

"Do whatever it is you want to do, to me...please don't hurt them anymore." Patrick pleaded.

"Who told you about me? Who told you that they saw me with your precious, little girl?"

"What?! What are you talking about?"

"Someone saw me kiss her and they told you ...you sent Sal to kill me."

"You did what?! " Patrick was shaking with anger. "You did something to my daughter while she was staying with my Father!?"

Jessie's eyes widened with the realization of who was standing in front of her. Uncle Roy. Her Grandfather left her with him one day and he had tried to force himself on her, but he was interupted by another one of Shawn O'Doyle's men. Sal had come minutes later to pick her up ,so it never went any further. Shawn O'Doyle died a day later and she never saw Uncle Roy again.

"He tried to...but someone came in...then Sal picked me up...I forgot..." Jessie managed weakly. She was dizzy and she wanted desperately to sit down.

"You really didn't know...oops. Sal must've wanted to spare you the knowledge and tried to take care of me himself... it's a good thing I took part in making him suffer before he died."

"You sick bastard, you killed those people...all those people for nothing!"

"Kreiger, take him down." Langston ignored Patrick and waved his hand towards John.

Kreiger went to a switch on the wall and lowered the hook that was suspending John. He lifted the handcuffs from the hook and John fell to the floor. Langston went to him and grabbed a handful of his hair. Pulling his head up he put the switch-blade to John's throat.

"Well, I'm not going to change my plans because of small technicality. You will watch them die and then you'll beg to join them."

As Langston went to cut John's throat Patrick elbowed Lewis in the face, instantly breaking his nose. He ran at Langston, grabbing the arm that was at John's throat and shoving him backwards. Kreiger went to grab him but noticed Lewis aiming his weapon at Patrick, so he backed away. Langston noticed too.

"Lewis don't!" He yelled.

Lewis ignored him emptying his gun in Patrick's direction. John watched as Patrick's body jerked from the impact of the bullets that hit him. He counted at least four. Patrick looked down at him and tried to talk, but nothing but gurgling noises and blood came out of his mouth.

"No!" Jessie screamed as she watched the blood spread out across Patrick's shirt. She yanked and pulled at the handcuffs that kept her from going to him. "No!" She screamed again as he fell to the floor.

John crawled over to him. He put his hands over one of the five bullet wounds that peppered his upper body. "Don't quit, you hear me?"

_

* * *

_Tbc... 


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: Ditto...the other chapters

* * *

Jessie's right wrist was raw and bleeding from struggling to break free of the cuffs or the wall. She slid down the wall exhausted and weakened from the blood loss of her cut left wrist.

"Dad...Dad please...don't leave me." She whispered to him.

Patrick looked at her and smiled. "...love you.." He managed to say between trying to catch his breath and coughing up blood. He turned to John again. "...didn't know."

"I know, It's not your fault. Don't talk." He moved his hands from the wound he was covering to wipe the blood away from Patrick's mouth, when he did blood bubbles came oozing out and each time Patrick took a breath air whistled through the hole in his chest. John covered the hole again, putting as much pressure as his handcuffed hands would allow on it.

"...can't save me...John..." Patrick weezed out.

"Shut up! I said don't talk...your fine, you'll be fine." He knew Patrick was right and he started to cry. He looked over at Jessie. She had her knees drawn up to her chest, hugging them with her arms, and was watching her Father intently, her eyes wide and filled with tears.

Patrick coughed, spraying blood through the air, as he did so, and grabbed John's arm tight. "...ohn."

"Yeah, I'm here."

"...love..you...ways...have..."

Patrick's voice was fading in and out and it sounded like he was gargling water, but John understood him. He loved him and he always had. "I know." John took a deep, quivering breath trying not to lose it completely. "I love you, too."

Patrick smiled. He coughed again. "...essie..." His breathing was getting shallow with every breath he took.

"Sshh...I'll take care of her, I promise."After a few moments John felt the chest under his hands stop moving. He looked at Patrick's face. If it wasn't for the blood that covered it, he would of thought his Father was sleeping. His features were soft and still, no longer showing signs of his struggle to breath. He laid his arms across Patrick's body and buried his head between them and let go. His sobs shook his entire body.

* * *

"What the hell was that?!" Langston yelled after Lewis had shot Patrick. He got up, from where Patrick shoved him and stormed over to him. "You ruined it! You fucked up everthing I wanted to do!"

"He hit me! He broke my nose!" Lewis stammered.

Langston punched him in the face and Lewis fell to the floor as blood started to pour from his already broken and bleeding nose. "I should have taken care of you along time ago." He held his hand out to Kreiger and Kreiger placed his gun in it. "John was right...you are a complete idiot." He put four bullets in to Lewis' face. "There, now you have alot more to worry about than your nose."

"Jesus, Roy, your losing control...get a damn grip, will ya?"

He gave Kreiger his gun and glanced over at Patrick as he lay dying on the floor. "I guess there needs to be a change in plans." He looked down at Lewis' body. "Idiot!"

"Enough, Roy! What are we doing here? They know who we are...we need to finish this and get the hell out of here."

Roy paced in front of him and Kreiger grabbed his arm and brought him to a stop.

"Get your shit together! I'll kill us both before I go to prison, understand?"

Roy nodded. "Now, get your hand off me." He motioned towards John and Jessie. "You take them to the bunker and leave them in there...they've lost alot of blood, it won't take long to die. I'll take Lewis and Patrick and dump them down by the docks. We'll clean up in here and blow this town. Sound like a plan?"

"Good enough."

While Langston dragged Lewis' body out to the car Kreiger pulled John off Patrick.

"Sorry, pal, put it's time to go." He grabbed John around the chest and pulled him backwards.

John struggled and tried to squirm from Kreiger's arms but he was to weak.

"Stop fighting me...you're just hurting yourself more." He half dragged/half carried John to the office and set him on the floor. "If you move... or try anything , it's not gonna be you I kill, you got me? You'll never beat me to her."

John nodded. He watched as Kreiger moved the desk and pulled the carpet under it away to reveal a trap door. Kreiger opened it and pointed.

"Let's go...get in there. There's a light switch to the left once your down there, but only one of the lights work...it's better than nothing."

John crawled across the floor and swung his legs in to the trap door entrance. "She'll be with me right? You won't take her with you..."

"She'll be with you...now go." He watched as John struggled to get down the ladder. When he got to the bottom and turned on the light Kreiger pulled the ladder up and closed the trap door. He went back for Jessie.

When he got back Langston was dragging Patrick's body away and Jessie was watching him, a look of complete horror on her face. Kreiger actually felt bad for her. He unlocked the handcuff from her wrist and she didn't even notice. He pulled her up from the floor and turned her head to face him.

"Hey, I'm gonna take you to your brother, okay?"

She looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears. "My...my..." was all she managed to get out. She leaned her head forward until it rested on Kreiger's chest.

"_Jesus_," He said to himself. _'This_ _is_ _not_ _what_ _I signed up for.'_ He pulled Jessie away from him, the pain and anguish in her face made his chest hurt. "I'm sorry." He told her. "This is not the way things were suppose to happen, but I'm gonna take you to your brother...you'll be with him...'til it's over." Knowing she wasn't going to walk, or rather couldn't walk, he picked her up and put her over his shoulder. He carried her in to the office and sat her down on the desk while he opened the trap door.

"I'm gonna lower her down." He called down to John.

John stood under the entrance and reached up as Kreiger lowered her in to the bunker.

"This is not how it was suppose to be." He told John. "But at least this way, you may have a chance." He threw the keys to the handcuffs John was wearing inside the bunker, then he closed the trap door, placed the rug and desk back in their original positions and left.

* * *

Tbc...Sorry if this is a little short, but I felt kinda bad...I really liked Patrick :( 


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer...don't own it ...yet...yeah right, like I ever will

* * *

John set Jessie gently on the floor and she immediately went to a corner in the bunker and slid down into it. John picked up the keys to the handcuffs and unlocked them, then sat down and untied his feet. His side and thigh felt like they were on fire and he had to bit his lip to keep from crying out. He sat still for a moment hoping some of the pain from his movements would ease some. He looked over at Jessie. She had her knees drawn up to her chest with her arms folded across them. Her head was down, her forehead resting on her arms, and she was rocking herself as she cried. John crawled over and sat next to her. He put his arm around her and she pulled away without looking up. She inched away from him and continued to rock and cry.

"Okay..." He said softly. "I'll leave you alone...for now." He put his hand on her head, she flinched but didn't move away, and moved his fingers through her hair. "I'll be right here."

As he sat with her, he looked around the bunker to acess their situation. Because it was used for storage there was absolutely nothing they could use. There was a rotted pallet in one of the other corners and a tarp that was riddled with holes that would probably disenagrate if it was touched. Other than that there was nothing else in the bunker besides the two of them. _'Not_ _good_," John thought. _'Not_ _good_ _at_ _all_.' He wondered about the temperature. All he had on was a pair of jeans and although Jessie was fully clothed, he knew that blood loss caused body temperature to drop. If it got cold enough the two of them would be in serious trouble, himself especially. There was also their wounds to think about. He had no way to clean them. No way to dress them. No way to control bleeding. He glanced over at Jessie's wrist. The bleeding had slowed considerably, but it still bled. He looked at his own wounds. The 'L' shape cut on his chest had clotted and wasn't bleeding at all. The cut on his side was a mix of clotted and fresh blood. It would stop bleeding if he didn't move but the location made it impossible for him to control. Hell, when he breathed he could feel the cut expand and contract in time with his chest. It hurt like hell too, but it still didn't come close to the pain in his thigh. Though he couldn't get a good look at it through his jeans, he knew it was a mess. He could feel that his flesh was torn away or just hanging there in some parts, from when Langston had yanked the razor wire out of his thigh. There was no comfortable position for him, standing or sitting caused the same pain, and his leg throbbed constantly.

Jessie's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"He...he dragged him...away...wh-where-"

John silenced her by pulling her to him. "Sshh...don't think about that."

She pulled away from him and looked up at him. "I'll...I'll never see him again, will I?"

He couldn't take it. The lost, heartbroken look in her eyes was too much for him to keep it together any longer. His own tears started to fall and he again pulled her in to his chest, which was now heaving from his sobs. He laid his cheek on the top of her head and held her tight. "We're gonna get through this...I promise."

* * *

When Langston came in from putting Patrick in his car, Kreiger was busy hosing down the floor to wash any evidence of blood away. He had Langston's 'goody bag' and their jackets set aside and ready to go.

"Damn, I never realized how big O'Doyle was. Ready to go?"

Kreiger turned off the hose and picked up his jacket. "It's pretty clean in here. If any one were to happen by they wouldn't notice anything."

"And our permanent guests?"

"They're not going anywhwere."

"Good. What do you give them like a day or two...two tops?" Langston grinned happily.

"I don't know maybe." Kreiger looked towards the office door. He was having trouble getting John and Jessie out of his head and he didn't like that at all. "We should've just killed them, Roy."

"We did...it's just gonna take time for them to actually _be_ dead." He picked up his jacket and bag. "I'll go dump the bodies at the docks...you go about fifty miles South and get rid of everything in the van, including Lewis' stuff. We'll meet in an hour at The Red Dragon to celebrate a job well done and then...well, maybe we'll work together again someday."

"Sounds good. Let's get the hell out of here."

Kreiger drove two miles before he pulled over on the side of the road and turned off the engine. He punched the steering wheel and sat back in the seat angrily. He was angry at Lewis for 'fucking up' the camera job and getting them all identified. He was angry at Langston for 'fucking up' the job and not getting the facts straight. He was angry at himself for not checking in to the job thoroughly and letting Langston get out of control. And he was angry at Jessie O'Doyle for leaning in to him for comfort..._him_. The man who knocked her unconcious, who stood there and smiled when Langston touched her, and the man who put a gun to her head. She had made him feel something he'd never felt before...guilty. In the twenty and some odd years Thomas Kreiger had been for hire he had killed well over a hundred people, all in one way or another guilty of something. He made sure of it...until now. The only thing Jessie O'Doyle and John Grant were guilty of was having a mob boss for a Father and a Grandfather and despite that fact neither of them used it to their advantage. Fuck! He sat up and punched the steering wheel again. Think! Think! Think! He got up and went to the back of the van. They had brought John and Jessie's packed bags with them. He went through them finding nothing but clothes. Good. He picked up Lewis' backpack or _'snackpack'_ as Lewis called it on there many surveilence nights. There was a variety of snacks inside...chips, crackers, twinkies, chocolate bars, and small cans of vienna sausage. Well, he wasn't the one that was going to be eating it. He pulled a small cooler from underneath the passenger seat and found there were five bottles of water left in it. Good. He reached under the driver's seat and pulled out a bottle and a half of whiskey. Even better. He looked over the inventory he had piled in to the center of the van and smiled, satisfied with himself.

"I can't let them go, but I can try to give them the time they need for someone to find them."

He got back in to the driver's seat and headed back towards the wharehouse. He smiled when he noticed John's cell phone on the dashboard. He picked it up and put it in his pocket.

"I'll get my money from Langston... three days...I'll give myself a three day head start and then call someone for them. That'll do it...that will make this damn knot in the pit of my stomach go away."

* * *

Tbc... 


	24. Chapter 24

Discalimer: Do we really have to do this for every chapter? ...still don't own it

* * *

John was sure he heard something moving above them. He loosened his hold on Jessie and pulled away to look at her.

"Did you hear that?"

She didn't hear anything but his heartbeat, at first, then she tilted her head to the side and listened harder. "Sounds like there's someone up there." Her eyes widened with fear. "You think they came back for us?"

"I don't know." He answered honestly. "Stay here, okay." John stood up, ignoring the pain that ran quickly through his entire body and walked under the trap door. "Hey!" He yelled. "Anyone up there?!"

He backed away when the trap door opened. When he saw it was Kreiger he moved and stood in front of Jessie.

"Come to finish the job?" He asked sarcastically.

"No." Kreiger said simply. He threw down their two duffel bags and Lewis' backpack. "I put water and whiskey in there too." He said nodding towards their bags. "Wait, there's something else." Kreiger walked quickly down the hall to one of the other offices and yanked the first-aid kit off the wall. He walked back and dropped it down through the trap door. "Probably not much in it."

"Why are you doing this? If you want to help us, why not just let us go?"

"It's complicated, kid, and I don't have time to tell stories. I have your cell phone...in three days I'll call someone for you...who do you want it to be?"

"We could be dead in three days." John said angrily.

"You're right...but either way someone will find you. Who do you want that to be?"

"Bailey Malone."

"Okay. I give you my word that in three days Mr. Malone will know exactly where to find you." He looked past John to Jessie. "Sorry about all this, sweetheart. I'm usually smarter when it comes to chosing an employer and a job. I fucked up...it won't happen again. You won't have to worry about Langston anymore...I owe you that" He looked back at John. He wasn't sure he wanted Jessie to hear what he was going to say next, but it wasn't like she could leave the room or anything. "Langston, he...uh dumped...took...he took your Father's...he uh...took the bodies down to the docks. I'll let someone know they're there...he won't be there long."

John looked down at Jessie, fresh tears ran down her face, he cursed silently as he faced Kreiger again. "Thank you, for that." It was both sarcastic and genuine.

Kreiger nodded in understanding. "I meant what I said...three days." He closed the trap door and put the rug and desk back in place. He sighed in relief as he left. The knot in his stomach was starting to unravel.

John gathered everything Kreiger had thrown down and kelt down in front of Jessie. He cupped her face in his hands and wipe the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. He leaned in and rested his forhead on hers.

"I know it's hard, Jess, but we have to be strong, if we're going to get through this."

Jessie took a deep, quivering breath and nodded. "I'll try, John. I just...I can't believe...I wish this was just another one of my nightmares."

"I know, Jess." He kissed her forehead and pulled her in to a hug.

* * *

Bailey paced back and forth, anxiously, as he waited for C.S.U. to finish going through Patrick's penthouse. _'How_ _could_ _things_ _go_ _so_ _wrong_, _so_ _fast_.' He thought angrily. He glanced over at Robert, who was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, talking to himself. He was angry, terrified and lost, and Bailey couldn't help but feel for him, because he felt the same way. He went over and sat next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"We'll do everything we can...we won't stop until we find them."

"Yeah? That's just great, Bailey..." Tears welled up in his eyes and rolled slowly down his face. "What if they look like Sal did, when you do?"

Bailey didn't know how or want to answer him, so he stood up and began pacing again.

Nathan came down a few minutes later with a C.S.U tech.

"There's not much, but we found some blood upstairs." The tech told Bailey.

"In the den...by the t.v. and dvd rack." Nathan added.

"We're putting a rush on everything, Agent Malone, we'll have the fingerprints sorted out and the blood identified in a couple of hours. We also found the tip of a tazer electrode embedded in the bottom of the front door."

"So...they hit John with the tazer at the front door, he would've of opened it for Boston P.D., while Jessie was still upstairs...after the movie. The blood must be her's."  
Bailey suggested.

"Or...if she put up a fight, maybe the blood belongs to one of them."

"Bailey nodded. "Let's hope so. Nathan get on the phone and tell Sam and the other's to get back here. We need to double time it and track these guys down. I think they'll play with them for a while, but they most definitly have no intention of letting them live." He turned to the C.S.U tech. "You guy's just about done here?"

He nodded. "They're cleaning up now. I'm gonna run this down to the lab and get it processed." He said holding up a small box of assorted plastic bags containing the evidence they found.

"Thank you." Bailey put a hand on his shoulder and smiled. "Call my phone directly...as soon as you know anything."

"Will do, sir." The tech nodded and hurried out.

"Hang in there, John." Bailey said quietly. "We're coming."

* * *

Kreiger was sitting in the backroom of the Red Dragon playing solitare while on his third beer when Langston came in smiling. He clapped Kreiger on the back, sat down across from him and finished off his beer. He pulled out a thick, yellow envelope and pushed it towards Kreiger.

"Final payment...as we agreed...and I threw in half of Lewis'. Though it didn't go down exactly the way I wanted it...it's been a pleasure, Tommy."

Kreiger picked up the envelope and stuffed it in his jacket pocket. "We need to dump the van."

Langston nodded. "Agreed. We'll drive it out to the construction site by Foxborough Estates...they've stopped working when they ran out of money, so it's pretty much abandoned at the moment. We'll torch it, then I'll drop you off at...well, wherever it is you want to go. Let's go out front and get something to eat, first, I'm starved."

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

When they got to the abandoned construction site Kreiger followed Langston to the furthest point of the area and parked the van behind a half built structure, that probably at some point will be an apartment building.

"This should be good enough." Langston said getting a container of gas out of the trunk of his car. He walked towards the van and stopped short, almost dropping the container. "What the hell are you doing, Tommy?"

Kreiger had his gun pointed at Langston's head. "You fucked up, Roy. All those people we killed...you hired me to help you get back at the man who tried to have you killed...you told me it was because you were going to take over his Father's businesses and he wanted them for himself." Kreiger lowered the gun to Langston's thigh and pulled the trigger. He stepped closer after he fell to the ground. "You tried to molest _that_ girl...that's why they wanted to kill you-"

"Jesus Christ! Why does it matter?! You got paid." Langston said through clenched teeth as he put pressure on his bleeding thigh.

"Because had I been there, I would've killed you myself...and to top it all off, you had the wrong man pegged for it. I killed innocent people for you...because of you-"

"Innocent...whores, theives, gamblers, soldier's of a known crime boss, and the crime boss himself...Patrick O'Doyle...they were _not_ innocent."

"Maybe not, but they were innocent of any wrong doing when it comes to you...and those two kids...the only way I'm gonna be able to forgive myself, Roy, is to kill you." He pointed the gun at Langston's head again.

Langston put his hands out, as if he could stop the bullet. "Wait...more money...I'll give you more money! I'll double what I already gave you!"

"I don't want money ..I want piece of mind...and I want to do what Sal Minucchi tried to do eight years ago. You deserved everything you got, Roy...everything except your life..."

Roy Langston opened his mouth to protest, but he was shot dead before he could utter a sound. Kreiger had hit him dead center, right between the eyes.

"You were already dead, Roy, it just took eight years to catch up with you."

Kreiger put Langston's body in the van, soaked it in gasoline and set in on fire.

* * *

Tbc... 


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: Not!! I don't own it.

* * *

"Hey..." John pulled away from Jessie and put his hand to the clump of matted hair on the side of her head. It was still damp with blood. "We need to take care of our cuts, okay? This is not a real safe place to have opened wounds."

"John, do you think he'll do it? That he'll call Bailey?"

"I don't know, Jessie...he gave his word, we'll have to wait and see." John opened the first-aid kit and was surprised to find that it was well stocked. He pulled a sweatshirt and a bottle of water from his bag. "Im gonna clean this up..." He said touching the matted hair again. "So, I can see how bad it is. Tell me if it hurts too much,"

John poured some water on her head where her wound was and moved his fingers through her hair, gently, to work through the clump of matted hair so he could see what it looked like underneath. He wet part of his sweatshirt and used it to clean the side of her face , then he parted her hair and gently dabbed at the cut on her head to get a better look at it.

"It's not too bad...it's a little deep in the middle but it's not really bleeding anymore." He reached in to the first-aid kit and pulled out a small bottle of alcohol, square gauze bandages, a roll of gauze and some tape. "This is gonna sting, okay? Hold still." He poured alcohol on to the cut on her head and she flinched. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

He folded two of the square bandages in half and covered the cut with them. He picked up her hand and put it to her head. "Hold that there for a minute." While she held the bandages in place, he used the roll of gauze, wrapping it around her head to keep them there.

"Is that really necessary...I feel like I should be rididng a horse next to The Lone Ranger."

John smiled. "It needs to be kept clean. There..." He taped the end of the gauze down to hold everything in place. "That should do it. Now, let me see your wrist."

Jessie held her arm to herself protectively. "It's okay."

"C'mon, Jess, let me see...it's till bleeding. I can see it on your shirt." He held out his hand. "Please, let me take care of it."

She hesitantly put her hand in his and turned it over so he could see her wrist. He winced. There were two cuts the length of his index finger and the one to the left was deeper than the other one, it was still bleeding steadily. He poured some water on them to wash away the blood so he could get a better look. _'Pretty_ _nasty_.' He said to himself.

"I'm gonna have to put alcohol on this too. I'm not gonna lie, Jess, it's gonna hurt like hell...alot worse than your head did."

"Ya think?" She said sarcasticaly.

"Jess..."

"Just do it.." Jessie turned her head away, because she knew if she saw him come towards her with the bottle of alcohol she would move away. She closed her eyes and waited for the pain to come.

He tightened his grip on her arm, just a bit, and then poured the alcohol on to her cut wrist. She yelped and tried to jerk her arm out of his grasp. "Okay.." He said putting the alcohol down and putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'm done ...it's over. Relax. I know it hurts." He got a small box of butterfly strips from the first-aid kit and used them to close up the deeper cut on the left. Then he used another roll of gauze to reinforce the strips and help close the other cut. He wrapped it tight so the pressure would stop the bleeding and keep her from moving it around.

"It's not perfect but it'll do for now. Try not to bend your wrist or move it too much. You okay?"

She looked at the bandage on her wrist and then up at him. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. She nodded. "I'm okay."

"I'm gonna need your help with mine...I'm not gonna be able to do it by myself. They're pretty bad and the pain is worse." He sat quietly for a moment, thinking. "We'll do my leg first cause I've been sitting on this dirt floor." He stood up undid his jeans, and pulled them off slowly, but it sent waves of pain down his leg anyway. "Damn.." He said as he examined his thigh. He had been right. There was a jagged circle of deep gashes going around his thigh, some had chunks of flesh hanging from them while others were missing chunks of flesh completely. Rolling up the leg of his boxers, he looked over at Jessie. She was staring wide-eyed at his thigh and she had paled a bit.

" Jess, i'm sure it looks worse than it is...hey, look at me..." Her eyes slowly found his . "I'm okay."

"It looks really bad though..."

"But, I'm okay...don't worry. I'm gonna lie down on my side...there's not much alcohol left so we'll use the whiskey...you'll pour it on my thigh, so it runs down both sides and then wrap it up for me, okay? I won't have the strength to hold it up for you to wrap it, after you clean it with the whiskey, so I'll put a duffel bag between my legs so you can get around my thigh." He handed her a bottle of whiskey, then he lay on his side and put a duffle bag between his legs.

"John, I don't know if I could do it...I don't want to hurt you."

"It can't hurt much more than it already does, but if it isn't cleaned it can get infected. Don't be scared...I need you to do this for me, Jessie."

Jessie knew infection would be bad. "Okay," She said moving closer to him. "I'll do it."

John smiled. "Okay." He watched as she screwed the cap off the bottle. "Jess, no matter how bad it looks like it hurts or how loud I yell...don't stop until you go over it completely."

Jessie nodded and poured the whiskey on the gashes on his thigh. John cried out and then buried his face in his arm to muffle any other screams that wanted to force there way out. He didn't want to scare Jessie, anymore than she already was. He didn't want her to know that it felt like she just set his leg on fire. He bit his lip and waited for the pain to ease, even just a little, so he could tell her he was okay. He pushed away the shadows that were trying to pull him in to that welcoming, pain-free darkness that would give him some time away from the fire that had settled in his leg, even if it were only for a few minutes. He kept the shadows at bay and waited for the pain to become more bearable.

"John?"

He looked up in to her panic-stricken face and tried his best to smile. "I'm okay...it's not so bad anymore."

"Is that, okay?" She pointed to the bandages she had put on John's thigh.

John looked surprised. He didn't even feel her put the bandages on. The pain must have been worse than he thought. "You did really good, Jess." He sat up slowly and put his hand on her shoulder. "Thank you."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah...it hurts, but no worse than it did before." He pulled his duffel bag to him and took out a pair of sweatpants and a tee-shirt. He put both on, pulling the tee-shirt down gently over his cut side. That would have to be cleaned next, but he needed to give himself some time to recuperate from the pain in his leg. He sat back against the wall and closed his eyes. He felt Jessie sit down next to him and he put his arm around her drawing her close to him. "I'm okay...we're gonna be okay."

She closed her eyes, as well, and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm not tired...are you tired?" She asked sleepily.

"We'll just rest for a couple minutes, then we'll do the cut on my side...k..."

"Mmmhmm."

It only took a few minutes for exhaustion to claim them both.

* * *

Tbc... 


	26. Chapter 26

Discalimer: Don't own it...

Okay, sorry guys but I've been without a computer for what seems like forever. The tech left my house.. so hopefully I'm fully functional now. Another chapter will be right behind this one and hopefully I can get back to posting regularly. Thanks for being patient :o)

* * *

John wasn't sure how long he slept but one thing was for sure, he didn't feel any better. His leg was stiff and there was a steady throb that ran up and down his thigh, like a heart beat. He put a hand to his side and it came away wet with blood. It hurt too. Not a throbbing pain like his leg but a hot, searing pain, like a burn from steam but multiplied by ten. He opened a bottle of water and took a drink. He wished it was colder but it felt good when it ran down his dry throat. He looked down, just realizing that she wasn't leaning against him anymore, and saw that Jessie was curled up on the floor, using a duffel bag as a pillow. 

"Hey," John shook her shoulder gently. "Jessie, wake up."

Jessie stirred and rubbed at her eyes. She sat up and groaned, putting her hand to her forehead.

"You, okay?"

"Head hurts." She said groggily.

He looked through the first-aid kit and took out two packets of aspirin. "Here, these will help." He gave her water to wash them down with. "You may have a mild concussion...do you feel sick? How's your vision?"

"I feel a little queasy...but I can see fine, my eyes aren't bothering me."

"The aspirin should help...at least a little." He opened a bottle of whiskey and handed it to her. "Take a few sips of that...it'll take some of the edge off."

Jessie took two long drinks from the whiskey bottle and shivered as it hit the bottom of her stomach. She put the bottle down and drank some more water. "Ug...that stuff has the worst after taste."

John laughed. "Are you sure you're Irish?"

"Ha ha ha, you're funny. How long did we sleep?"

"Not sure...couple hours maybe. I want to get my side cleaned up, so I can put on a sweatshirt...it could get cold in here as it gets later."

"Yeah, okay." She said hesitantly. She saw how much pain he was in when they had did his thigh, she didn't want to hurt him like that again.

John pulled off his tee-shirt and used water and the sweatshirt, he had used on Jessie's head earlier, and washed the blood from his side. _'God_, _that's_ _deep_.' He said as he examined it. He could just barely make out the white bone of his ribs. _'This_ _is not gonna be good_.' Lying down on his other side he pulled the duffel bag, Jessie had been using as a pillow, over and put it under his head.

"Ready?" Jessie asked him reaching for the whiskey bottle again.

John nodded but stopped her when she got close to him with the bottle. "Listen...I almost passed out when we did my leg...it hurt...it hurt alot. I think this is gonna be much worse. If I pass out, don't be scared...don't worry, I'll only be out for a little while. I'll be okay once it's all over, I promise. If I do pass out...there's sterile tape... cut it in strips...use it to close the cut as best as you can...pull it tight and tape the ends down so they stay in place. Then, layer it with gauze and tape it up." He looked at her and smiled, trying to reassure her. "Everything will be okay."

Jessie was worried and scared. Worried that the pain would be really bad for John and he would definitly pass out. Scared that she would be alone after he did pass out and that despite what Kreiger had told her, he and Langston would be back to finish what they started. A tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away and rubbed at her eyes, trying to hide them from John. It didn't work though, he had seen everything. He sat up and pulled her hand away from her face. He ran his fingers gently down her cheek and then leaned in so there foreheads were touching.

"I'll be okay...don't be afraid of hurting me...you're gonna help me...what you're doing is gonna help me, okay?" He kissed the top of her head and leaned back to look in her eyes. "Trust me, okay?"

"I do...I...I will."

"Alright, then, let's do this." He laid back down on his side and smiled. "Remember what I said..."

Jessie nodded. "Okay." She poured the whiskey on his side and cringed when he cried out from the pain.

John's entire body stiffened as the whiskey went deep and the pain spread, like a brush fire in the wind, along his side. He groaned and bit down on his lip until he tasted blood. He closed his eyes, clamped his mouth closed and waited...and waited hoping for the pain to stop. It felt like he was being stabbed with a hot poker over and over again and he didn't think he could take much more. Tears rolled down his cheek and he just wanted to scream for it to stop. Finally, like a bottle of spilled ink, a darkness settled over his mind and and his body relaxed. '_Thank you_.' He thought as his body's defenses took over completely and took him away from his pain.

Jessie had dropped the bottle of whiskey and put her hands over her ears when John had cried out in pain. She watched him fight to keep from screaming and she hated that there was nothing she could do for him. _'Pass out, pass out, pass out..._' She chanted in her head. When she saw his face and body relax she brought her hands down and moved closer to him. She put her hand on his chest and was relievd when it rose and fell normally with each breath he took. She picked up the damp sweatshirt and wiped blood off his lips, from when he bit down on his bottom lip to keep from screaming, then she went to work on his side. She cleaned the cut again, this time with water, closed it with the sterile tape and bandaged it, like John had told her to. Struggling a bit, she sat him up, put a clean tee shirt and a long sleeve denim shirt on him, to keep the wound clean and him warm, and laid him back down. She sat and watched him for a moment, smoothing his hair back and touching his cheek, hoping that he would wake up and tell her he was okay. When he didn't, she laid down next to him, getting as close as she could without actually touching him, and closed her eyes. Images of her Father immediately came forward and she pushed them back as tears rolled down her face. She reached over, took John's hand and placed it on top of her head. It was comforting and she felt safe. She closed her eyes again and relaxed, letting the feeling of his hand on her head calm her. She imagined him rubbing the side of her head and running his fingers through her hair and everything disappeared from her mind. She felt sleepy and dark shadows danced slowly behind her eyelids,coaxing her to let herself get lost in them, and she did. Content, she let herself drift away.

* * *

Kreiger stopped at a diner, just outside of Boston, to call Bailey and let him know where to find Patrick's body. He sat down at a booth and ordered a coffee when the waitress came over. When she left to get it, he took John's phone from his pocket, looked up Bailey's number and hit the call button. 

Bailey couldn't open his phone fast enough when he looked down and saw John's name moving across the front display of his cell phone.

"John! Thank God, where are you!?"

"This isn't John Grant, Agent Malone."

Bailey's heart sank at the sound of the stranger's voice. He covered the phone with his hand and addressed the others in the room, who got excited when he mentioned John's name. "It's not John. George, see if we could get a signal from John's cell...maybe we could get a lead on where the call is coming from" He turned his attention back to the caller. "Who is this? Where's John?"

"You'll get that call in two days...this one is for Patrick O'Doyle. He's dead...and I promised them I would call and tell you where to find him...Agent Malone?"

Bailey closed his eyes and shook his head when the caller had told him Patrick was dead. He cleared his throat and started pacing. "I'm here."

"Good. You can find his body down by the docks...east side...closest to the draw bridge. If the tide hasn't pulled him in, he should be under the third pier. He's only been there a few hours...Steven Lewis is there too."

"Am I going to get the same call about John two days from now?" He asked angrily.

"They were alive when I left them and I won't be going back to see them...neither will Roy Langston."

"Thomas Kreiger..."

"I'll call you again in two days Agent Malone. Go tend to O'Doyle's body...the girl was very upset...it would not do her any good for her Father's body to be found in worse condition than when she saw him in last."

The line went dead and Bailey closed his phone and stopped pacing.

"What is it Bailey?" Sam asked as she watched him struggle with what to do next.

"Nathan, get with Boston P.D. and head down to the east side of the docks by the drawbridge...underneath the third pier...Grace you go with him. Call me as soon as you find anything."

"What exactly are we looking for?" Nathan asked, although he was sure he really didn't want to know.

Bailey looked around the room at everyone until his eyes settled on Robert. "That was Thomas Kreiger...he said Patrick was dead and that his body was down at the docks. I"m sorry, Robert."

It took a few moments for what Bailey said to sink in. Patrick was dead. Patrick was dead and his body had been dumped at the docks. Robert put his head in his hands and shook his head. "We shouldn't have went to the wake...we all should've went to the safe-house...we could've stayed in Georgia...after Sal was killed we should've got the hell out of here...we should've...we.." Robert's ramblings trailed off and he started to cry.

Sam sat down next to him and put her arm around him. She looked at Baiely, her eyes filled with tears. "What about John and Jessie?"

"He said he would call in two days to tell me where to find them. George, did we get anything from John's cell?"

"No, there wasn't enough time...if he uses John's phone again we'll know."

"Good. Nathan...Grace get down to the docks. Grace give us a call when you're done at the M.E.'s office...we'll uh...come by." After Grace and Nathan left he sat down across from Robert. "Robert, there's a lot of things we could have done differently...that we should have done differently...but there was no way we were going to keep Patrick from that wake and funeral...and they anticipated that. They were one up on us and that was my fault."

"It wasn't your fault." Robert said quietly. He looked up at Bailey. "Do you think Jessie's...gone too?"

"I don't know...Kreiger said they were alive. I guess he's giving himself some getaway time...he said he'd call back in two days to tell us where to find them. Let's hope he's a man of his word."

"He did call and let us know about Patrick." Sam added. "He didn't have to do that...he obviously feels remorse...something must have went wrong. I don't think things went as they planned."

"He said we could find Lewis' body with Patrick...and that Langston wouldn't be a bother anymore...he may have killed them both."

"After everyone they've killed why leave Jessie and John alive?"

"I don't know, Robert...it could be just another game."

"I'm not so sure about that, Bailey. I think something happened...I think Kreiger, in the middle of everything, something changed his mind...he may have been misled somehow."

"I hope you're right, Sam."

* * *

Tbc...


	27. Chapter 27

Discalimer: Don't own it...still

* * *

The first thing John was aware of, when he came to, was his hand on Jessie's head. He opened his eyes and despite the pain he still felt, though it had eased considerably, he couldn't help but smile at her. He rolled on to his side, to face her and ran his fingers through her hair, being carefull not to wake her. She was doing well...hell they both were, considering what they've been through and their current situation. He knew a reality check was inevitable, but he hoped it would wait until they got out of the bunker. Until Kreiger called Bailey and the team came to the rescue. He sat up holding his side. It hurt alot but not as bad as before. He lifted up his tee-shirt and looked at the bandage Jessie had put on it. _'Nice job_.' He thought. Blood had seeped through but it was dry, which he took as a good sign. It meant that it had stopped bleeding, for now. He awkwardly, unsteadily stood up, trying to keep his movements and pain at a minimum. It worked for his side but he had to take his weight off his injured thigh for several moments, as he waited for shooting pains to stop running down his leg and the stiffness to loosen up. When he was able to put his weight on it and take a steady step, he began exploring the bunker. He knew it wouldn't do any good. There was nothing useful lying around and no way out, but it made him feel like he was doing something. As he looked, he wondered what Bailey and the others were doing to find them. Had Kreiger called? Did they The find Patrick's body? Patrick. Dad. He shook his head, to clear it. Thinking about what had happened to his Father would not do any good. It would have to wait. He stopped under the bunker's trap door, stood on his tip-toes, and stretched his arm up, as far as he could, to see how close he could come to touching it. Had he been another four feet taller, he might have had some hope. He laughed at himself. Not only because he even tried to reach it, but because he remembered Kreiger struggling, as he pushed the office desk off the bunker's trap door. He had no doubt that Kreiger pushed it back in to place, so even if he could reach the trap door and push on it, he wouldn't have the leverage or strength to lift the weight of the desk. _'Oh well, can't say I didn't try._' He laughed again. He was about to walk the bunker again when he heard Jessie crying, so he went to her. She was crying in her sleep. Her cheeks were wet with tears and she was wimpering softly. He sat down next to her and shook her shoulder.

"Hey..."

She stirred and stopped whimpering but did not wake up.

"Jessie, wake up..." He pushed the hair from her face and rubbed the side of her head.

She turned her head towards his touch and opened her eyes. "Hey." She said sleepily.

"You okay?"

She nodded, yawned, and sat up.

He put his hand to her cheek and wiped the wetness away with his thumb. "You were crying in your sleep...what were you dreaming about?"

"I don't remember." She lied. It was her usual dream about Travis, but now it involved her Father and Roy Langston. She wiped both eyes and cheeks with her shirt sleeve. "I'm okay."

"You can tell me, ya know that don't you?...you can tell me anything."

"I don't remember, John...really."

"Okay, but if you change your mind...hey, nice job on the bandage by the way..."

"Thanks. Does is still hurt?"

"Yeah, but just a little. You hungry? The backpack Kreiger gave us is filled with snack food."

"Cool. What's in there?"

John picked up the backpack and opened it. "Okay...we have Doritos, sour cream and onion chips, Hershey bars, Twinkies-"

"I'll have a Twinkie."

"I didn't finish yet...uh...crackers...mmm...little vienna sausages..."

"Yuck. I still want a Twinkie."

"The little sausages are good...especially on the crackers-"

"John...twinkie." She said holding out her hand.

He tossed one to her and gave her a bottle of water. "We've only have four of those...to last two days...so try not to drink unless you really need to." He said as he opened a can of the vienna sausages and a pack of crackers for himself.

"Okay. How long do you think we've been here?"

"I don't know a few hours, I guess. They took us after the movie...sometime after five...so maybe it's about eight or nine right now. With no way to judge day or night, time's gonna go by pretty slow...a couple days is gonna feel like a week."

Jessie was half way through another Twinkie, when a thought hit her, like an on coming train. "D-do you think Robert is okay? "

"I'm sure he's fine. He was with Bailey and Nathan."

"So was Dad. What if they got to him before they got to Dad? Then everyone will be gone and-"

John could see the start of panic in her eyes so he shifted closer to her and put his arm around her. "Hey, hey...listen to me, we can't think about _'what if',_ okay? You want to know what I think? I think Robert is fine. I think they seperated Patrick from Bailey and Nathan somehow. I think Langston told him that he had us and Patrick didn't fight them...or maybe he came on his own...either way, I don't think anything happened to Robert."

Jessie nodded solemly, calmed for the moment by John's reasoning. She wrapped up the other half of her Twinkie and put it aside. "I'll finish that later."

"Jess, I know it's not much, but we need to eat what we can to keep our strength up."

"I know, I'll finish it later. I'm just tired, okay? I'm gonna lay down for a little while."

She did look tired. Her face was pale and the dark circles under her eyes made her look like she had two black eyes. Maybe sleep would make her feel better, he could always get her to eat more later. "Okay. Want to take a few more aspirin? Do you have a headache? How's your wrist?"

"I'm okay. I don't need anything." She crawled over to the duffel bag they had been using as a pillow and layed down, resting her head on it. She sat up a minute later. "John, will you...will you...can you lay with me for awhile?"

John smiled. "Absolutely."

Jessie couldn't help but smile too. "Thanks."

She layed back down and he crawled up next to her. He knew what she wanted. What she needed. He put his hand on her head and moved his fingers through her hair. He moved his fingers in small circles up and down the side of her head and he smiled when she finally closed her eyes. He continued until her breathing became steady and slow with sleep. He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight, Jess. We're gonna be okay." He closed his eyes and let her calmness, calm him. He was asleep in minutes.

* * *

Bailey, Sam and Robert stood patiently oustide the room while Grace cleaned up after her examination of Patrick. She put her instruments in a stainless steel basin and put them in the sink, threw out anything that had blood on it and washed any remenants of blood from Patrick's body. She pulled a sheet up to the top of his shoulders hiding the closed up Y incision that was standard with performing an autopsy. When she was satisfied with the clean up she opened the door and let Bailey, Sam and Robert in. She put her arm around Robert's waist and led him to the autopsy table.

"I am so sorry, honey."

Robert put a hand on his fallen friend's shoulder and was sickened by how cold it felt. "He's really gone." His voice broke with grief.

Sam moved around to the other side of Robert and put her arm around him, between her and Grace they were practically holding him up. "We're all here for you, Robert" She was struggling with her own composure as she comforted him. She had liked Patrick and was happy to see the effect he was having on John. How having his Father back in his life, though it hurt at first, was allowing him to start to let go of the hatred and anger, he had been harboring all his life towards Patrick, and get to know the new man...the new Father, that he had become. Their time together had ended too quickly and she wondered what effect _that_ may have a John.

Bailey stood quietly behind them, watching as Grace and Sam comforted Robert. He felt guilty. Responsible for Patrick's disappearing and then his death. Had he gotten to close? He told Jessie, as they left for the wake hours before, that he would take care of Patrick and Robert, but look where he was now. Standing in the Medical Examiner's office watching as Robert cried over his friend's body. He shook his head, disgusted with himself for letting this happen. What was he going to tell Jessie...and John. He walked around the table to face Robert.

"Robert, I-"

Robert looked up at him wiping at his eyes and taking a deep breath. "It's not your fault, Bailey. Besides hand-cuffing Patrick to your wrist...there really wasn't anything more you could have done. " He smiled, looking down at Patrick. "He was one of the most stubborn people I knew...and when it came to the people he loved, it was a hundred times worse. There is nothing he wouldn't do...including risking his own life. I never expected him to live as long as he did...twenty years ago he was a dangerous man...had no regard for his life or anyone elses...he was a drunk...reckless...fearless...then he met Carolyn." He looked back up at Bailey. "When she gave him Jessie, and he held his baby girl, for the first time...the dangerous man died, and as cheesy as it may sound, a new Patrick O'Doyle was born that same day. He never looked back after that .. the only regret he ever had, from his old life, was losing his son. It haunted him...John was never far from his mind. The last few days, though, at least he had that. He had his son, not just the memory of him." He leaned down and kissed Patrick's forehead. "You were not only my closest friend...you were my brother...I'll miss you, Pat." He straightened up. "I'll take care of Jessie, I promise."

"And, we'll help him." Bailey added.

Robert smiled. "Thank you." He leaned towards Grace and kissed her cheek. "Thank you for taking such good care of him." He said looking at Patrick.

Grace hugged him. "If there's anything else I could do..."

"Thank you. I'm gonna go get some air...I know you guys need to talk about evidence and all, so I'll wait outside." He gave Patrick one last look and left.

"Bailey, you okay?" Sam asked, as Bailey stared in to space.

"I'm fine, Sam."

"He was right, you know, it's not your fault. We did everything we could."

"Maybe. What did you find, Grace?" He asked changing the subject.

Grace picked her clip board off the table and gave Bailey her notes. "He took five rounds from a .45...two were fatal...without medical attention, he would have died in minutes. There were two other blood types on his clothes besides his...one was Steven Lewis'. His was found underneath Patrick's. It was on Patrick's hand and there was a little spatter on his shirt sleeve. Since Steven Lewis' nose was broken, it's safe to say, Patrick was the one who broke it. The second blood type was John's. His was found over Patrick's. It was found on the left side of Patrick's shirt and at the chest exit wound."

"He tried to help him...to stop his bleeding." Sam said quietly.

Grace nodded. "From the amount of his blood on Patrick's shirt...I'd say he's hurt pretty bad too. It must be his stomach or maybe his side...and he bled on Patrick as he leaned over him."

"No sign of Jessie?"

"No. There's hair that doesn't belong to John or Patrick...or Lewis, for that matter and some fibers that most likely came from the car he was transported in...we're still looking in to that. Also, and this is a bit strange, we found coffee ground particles all over the back of Patrick's clothes."

"Coffee gounds? You're sure?"

"Checked it twice."

"Well they may help...coffee grounds and he was dumped at the docks...the docks...ship yards...wharehouses." Bailey was quiet for a moment while he brought his thoughts together. "He could've been killed at a shipping wharehouse...where coffee was stored or more likely drugs were off loaded and kept for distribution. Probably one belonging to mob...maybe even one of Patrick's...that would be fitting wouldn't it? John and Jessie dying in one of his own wharehouses...that's got to be it...they have to be somewhere, trapped, in the area of the ship yards and wharehouses. Let's go," He said ushering Sam and Grace out the door. "We need to get George on this and Boston P.D. to start searching every wharehouse within twenty miles of the dock, where Patrick was found."

With any luck they had a lead and was headed in the right direction.

* * *

Tbc... 


	28. Chapter 28

Discalimer: Don't own nuttin' Profiler...'cept the dvds

* * *

_Jessie is sitting in the backseat halfway between sleep and awareness. She's mostly awake, being in the car always makes her sleepy, but she's still too tired to open her eyes, so she just sits there and listens. Her Mother is in the front seat, driving, singing a song from The Lion King...what was it? Oh yeah, 'Hakuna Matata'. Her brother is sitting next to her, in his booster seat, laughing at the way his Mother changes her voice for the different characters that sing the song. She opens the corner of one eye and watches him. She loves the way he laughs. She smiles and closes her eye again. Underneath the singing and the laughing she could hear her Father, snoring lightly in the seat in front of her. He had gotten a bad cold the last couple of days they were at Grandma and Grandpa's and the medicine he had took for it made him sleepy. 'That's why Mommy is driving instead of him.' She thinks. She hopes he feels better soon, because she doesn't like when she can't be close to him when he's sick. She can't help but smile again when her Mother finishes the song and her brother starts bouncing up and down his booster seat. 'Sing it again , Mommy! Sing it again! Please...' Her Mother laughs and of course gives in, unable to refuse him. "Okay, Travis. Just one more time, okay, buddy? Mommy needs to rest her voice and be quiet for a while.' Travis giggles with happiness. 'Okay Mommy, just one more time.' Her Mother starts singing again. This time Travis, or as she calls him T.J. starts to sing with her and Jessie is tryng her hardest to keep from laughing at his interpitation of some of the words. Suddenly, her Mother stops singing and yells out. 'Oh my God!' and Jessie could hear the the car's horn blowing, in one continuous honk, and the sound of screeching tires. Scared, she closes her eyes tight, as she feels herself being turned upside down, then right side up, then upside down, then right side up, then...nothing._

_When Jessie finally opens her eyes, she realizes she's no longer in the car, but lying face down in the grass. She puts both hands underneath her and tries to push her self up, but only gets halfway before she has to stop and cries out in pain. She rolls over on to her back and looks at her left arm, at what is causing the pain. She stares wide-eyed at the two, long, vertical, bleeding gashes that run side by side about two inches starting at her wrist. They are gushing blood and her stomach is so queasy she thinks that if she keeps on looking at it, she's gonna throw up, so she holds it against her side and unsteadily stands up. Looking to her right, she sees her Father's car and stumbles towards it. She stops midway and puts a hand to her head, feeling something warm running through her hair and down her face, and pulls it away covered with blood. She breathes quicker now, panic setting in, and runs to the car. As she gets closer she could hear crying coming from inside, so she runs faster. She stops at Travis' window and looks in to find nothing but smoke. Smoke is covering his entire booster and seeping through his window. She can't see him, but she can hear him and he's calling her name and crying. She tries the door but it won't open and his cries are getting louder and more desperate. Tears are streaming down her face and she moves to her Mother's window and looks in, horrified by what she sees. Her Mother is laying in a bloody heap across the steering wheel, her head turned at an awkward angle as she stares lifelessly out the broken winshield, her Father has his down on her side crying and stroking her hair. Fighting the urge to throw up, she manages to look away from her Mother and mumble for her Father. 'Daddy...' He looks up, his face wet with tears and then sits up. 'T.J.'s crying.' She tells him. She notices five little red dots spread out on his shirt and she swears they're getting bigger, the longer she looks at them. Patrick looks in to the back seat where Travis seemed to be engulfed by smoke and then looks back at Jessie. 'Sometimes you just don't think..' He tells her. 'Now, look what you've done.' She stares at him confused and scared and watches as the red dots gets bigger and bigger. Blood. 'It's blood.' She says aloud and as soon as it leaves her lips blood starts pouring from the center of each red dot, like five miniture water fountains. What scares her the most is that her Father doesn't seem to notice the blood at all, he just sits there shaking his head, saying over and over. 'Sometimes you just don't think. Now, look what you've done.' He coughs and blood drips down his chin, she turns away unable to look at him any longer and tries to open Travis' door again. He is still crying and calling her name, and she can still see nothing but thick smoke. She pulls at the door and bangs on the window, yelling for him to reach for the door handle inside the car, but he just continues to cry and yell for her as if he can't hear her. She runs to the other side of the car to find that there is no handle on the other door and she kicks at it in frustration. Her Father is looking at her through his window. He rolls it down and continues his mantra. 'Sometimes you just don't think. Now look what you've done.' He gurgles, as blood comes from his mouth when he talks. She backs away him and runs back to Travis' door, pulling and kicking at it..._

"What the...hey..." John said groggily as he opened his eyes. Jessie had just kicked him in the leg. "You okay?" He looks over and sits up quickly. "Jessie!"

Jessie is kicking and struggling with something in her sleep. Hyperventilating and covered in sweat, she yells. "It won't open! It won't open!"

John puts his hands on her shoulders and tries to hold her still. "Jessie, wake up!"

_...A car screeches to a halt next to their car and Jessie is relieved for a moment, thinking that now she would have some help. A man gets out of the car and walks towards her. 'Help me! Help my brother!' She yells at him. As he gets close, she freezes up for a moment. She knows him but can't remember how she knows him. 'Don't worry kid.' The tall, lanky man says. 'Your Uncle Roy is here.' Her eyes go wide and she backs away from him but he grabs her and pulls her to him. 'Where do you think your going?' Roy Langston asks smiling. She can see all his teeth. There's too many of them and they are pointy with jagged edges, like a sharks. It feels like he has four arms and they snake around her, his hands touching every inch of her. 'Daddy, please help me!' She cries out to him. Patrick leans across his dead wife and sticks his head out the broken window and smiles. Blood covers his mouth and teeth and she cringes. 'Sometimes you just don't think. Now look what you've done.' He tells her. She's crying so hard now, that it's getting hard to breathe, and she struggles desperately in Roy Langston's arms, pushing his hands away from her. 'Don't touch me! Daddy please, make him stop!' Patrick smiles, his bloody smile. 'Everyone's gone now, kiddo, you'll have to stay with your Uncle Roy. He'll take good care of you, I promise.' 'Yeah, you'll be my very own little girl.' Roy Langston laughs and pulls her closer. 'Noooooo!'.._.

"Nooooo!" Jessie screamed and struggled even harder against John.

John was having a hard time controlling her. Her body twisted and turned violently, her arms were swinging wildly and she kicked at the air, as she tried to break free of him. He had re-opened the cuts on her wrist, so her left arm was now slick with blood, and he was having a hard time holding on to it. "Jessie, wake up!" He yelled shaking her. "C'mon, wake up, it's just a dream!"

_...Jessie wasn't sure who she was scared of most...Roy Langston or the crazy looking man with the bloody smile, that was her Father. She tried one last time to reach him. 'Daddy, please...' She begged. Still smiling, that bloody smile, Patrick repeated what he had been saying to her all along. 'Sometimes you never think. Now look what you've done.' Her body, hitching with sobs, as she tried to catch her breath, she turns towards Roy Langston and pushes at him and punches his chest. 'Let me go!'..._

Her hyperventilating is getting worse and it scaring John. _'She's gonna give herself a friggin' heart attack.'_ He thinks, as his mind races frantically. He picks her up, getting hit and kicked as he does so, turns her around and wraps his arms around her tight, pinning her arms to her side. He pulls her with him, as he moves to sit up against the wall, and puts his legs over hers, pinning them to the floor. She's still struggling against him, bucking like a fish out of water, but he sqeezes her tight and leans over to rest his chin on her shoulder. He rocks her back and forth, slowly, as he talks to her. "Jessie, wake up...it's okay, you're okay...I know you can hear me, I need you to wake up, right now...it's just a dream...you have to let it go."

_...Jessie stops. She hears someone calling her name but can't make out who it is. She turns away from Langston and faces her Father again. He changed. It was a good change. There wasn't a trace of blood on him and he was holding a sleeping Travis in his arms, rocking him gently. A calmness ran through her and she took a deep, quivering breath and smiled at them. 'Dad-' She stopped, suddenly. She felt funny. She was flickering back and forth, from a twelve year old to a twenty-one year old, as the voice calling her name got louder and closer. 'Jessie, wake up, baby...it's time for you to go. There's no one holding you here anymore...Langston's gone.' Jessie turned around. He was right Langston was gone. She turned back to her Father. 'I can't go with you?' 'No, Jess, you can't. You need to go...wake up...and go. John needs you...he's scared for you.' 'John?' 'Yes. He needs you to wake up...you have to let go...he's calling you...' She listened. She could hear John's voice so close now, it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. 'But I...' 'Sshhh... just go...we'll be okay. Hey, I love you, you know.' She nodded and reached in to the car towards them, as they faded away. "No! Don't leave me! Please, don't leave me!'..._

"No! Don't leave me! Please, don't leave me!" Jessie cried out.

"Ssshh...I'm right here, Jess. Wake up...and you'll see."

"Stop..." Jessie groaned. "Stop rocking..."

John stopped rocking her. "Hey..." She stopped hyperventilating and fighting him, so he loosened his hold on her and put a hand on her head, so he can stroke her hair. "You really scared me there for a minute."

She opened her eyes, they were red and stinging with unshed tears, and turned to look at him. She saw her Father in his soft blue/green eyes, and she opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't. She wrapped her arms around him, burried her face in his chest and cried.

* * *

Tbc... 


	29. Chapter 29

Discalaimer: Profiler belongs to someone else...I'm just borrowing it for a minute :o)

* * *

Jessie grew quiet, but John knew she hadn't fallen asleep, she was holding him so tight, he could feel her blink against him. Her clothes were damp with sweat and he could feel her shivering. He ran his fingers throught the back of her hair.

"Hey, are you okay?"

She nodded against his chest.

"You should change your clothes...you're cold...and I need to take a look at your wrist. It's bleeding again." He could feel a wet spot on his back, where her left arm was wrapped around him. "Jessie..."

She let go of him and sat up. She looked at her bloody wrist. The bandage had come undone and the wounds John had taped closed earlier were now open and bleeding steadily. She felt dizzy.

"Hey, hey...easy." John put his hands on her shoulders to steady her as she started to sway. He reached around him and pulled the first-aid kit towards him. "Don't worry about this..." He held her arm gently. "I'll take care of it." He took what was left of the old bandage off and gently pulled the tape up, that had come loose from the edge of her cuts, and started to wipe away the blood. When the cuts were cleaned, he eyed her wrist closer, it didn't look good. The skin surrounding the cuts was red, inflammed and felt warmer then the rest of her. _'Great...infection is not good right now.'_ He said to himself, then to her. "It looks okay, but I have to clean it..." He said hesitantly. "...like we did mine...with the whiskey."

She nodded wordlessly.

"Lay down, it'll be easier...relax...it'll be over before you know it."

Jessie laid down and put her left arm out to John and her right across her eyes, so she couldn't see anything. "Do it."

John poured the whiskey on to her wrist and immediately felt bad about it, when she cried out. He remembered how it felt, vividly, and he hated that she had to feel it too, again. He waited thirty seconds, giving the whiskey time to soak in, and then washed it away with water. He looked at her. Her arm was still across her eyes and tears rolled down her cheeks. "It's done, Jess. I just gotta put the bandage on, okay?"

Jessie had held her breath in anticipation. When the whiskey entered her cuts she cried out and gasped, it felt like someone punched her in the stomach. The air left her lungs and she had to scream at herself, in her head, to not pass out. When she felt the water rush over her arm and push the whiskey away, she relaxed and was able to catch her breath. She tried to control the way her voice came out, when she answered him, but it was still shakey and uneven. "Yeah, I'm okay."

He bandaged her wrist and moved her other arm away from her eyes, he smiled. "All done."

She sat up and looked at the bandage on her wrist. "Thank you. I'm sorry...ya know...about before...the dream and all." She said sheepishly.

"Don't apologize for that." He touched her shoulder. "You're still shivering...you should change out of those clothes."

She reached for her bag and went through it, pulling out fleece pullover and a pair of sweats. "Um...where-"

"I'll go over there," He pointed to the far side of the bunker. "Just tell me when your done."

Jessie watched as he stood up, went to the other side of the bunker and turned his back to her, then started to change her clothes.

"Ya know, " John said from across the room. "We slept for quite awhile, it might be a new day."

"Maybe." Jessie said pulling the fleece over her head. "It sure felt like a long time... I'm done."

He turned around and walked back to her. "Feel better?"

"A little."

He sat down next to her and pulled her in to a one-armed hug. She rested her head in the hollow of his shoulder and he rested his cheek on the top of her head. "It might help if you talk about it."

"I don't see how." She said quietly.

"After my Mother died... I had nightmares too. I would wake up screaming and crying ... I just wanted to curl up in to a ball and disappear. A few months later my Grandfather realized the nightmares weren't gonna go away on their own, so he took me to see someone...a Psychiatrist..."

"Did it help?"

"Not at first...cause I wouldn't let it...but then she made me realize something...that I blamed myself for my Mother's accident. I thought that if I wasn't so weak...Dad wouldn't have beat up on us...that if I just became who he wanted me to be...we would've been back in Boston and she'd still be alive. She took us away to protect me...so of course, I felt her dying was my fault..."

"Dad told me, you thought he was responsible for your mom's death. That somehow, he found out where you were hiding and made the accident happen."

"I did." He admitted, regret in his voice. "I did blame him."

"Do you still believe it?"

"No. It was an accident...I think I've always known...I was just so angry, it felt good to blame him."

"So, after you blamed him, the nightmares went away?"

"No, God, no." He said adamantly. "After I acknowledged my own guilt feelings, they went away. Well, they never really went away...I still have them sometimes...but that _one_... that _one_ that made me wish I had died with her... the _one_ that came back night after night..._that_ one never came back. I can barely remember it now, but I remember how it made me feel helpless and lost...like I was sinking in a dark hole with cement blocks tied around my ankles. I tried not to feel anything at all...to empty myself completely, ya know...pretend like I didn't care but-"

"That hurt even more...and it didn't hurt just you." Jessie finished for him. She knew that feeling.

John nodded. "Exactly. Hey, I'm no Psychiatrist, but you can talk to me...tell me about your dream."

"Why does it have to hurt so much?"

He lifted his head and kissed the top of her head. "I don't know." He rested his cheek on top of her head again and pulled her closer to him.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Jessie made up her mind to talk to him.

"He kept saying ..._'Sometimes you just don't think. Now look what you've done.'_...over and over again."

"Who?"

"Dad...he was in our car...at the accident, but he looked like he did after...after he got shot. Mom was dead, in the front seat and Travis' was crying in the back, but I couldn't see him...I just saw smoke. I couldn't open Travis' door and Dad wouldn't help me. He just kept saying _'Sometimes you_ _just don't think. Now look what you've done'_ He scared me. Then, Uncle Roy came...he was holding me...Dad told me I had to go with him cause everyone was gone..." She stopped, her body hitching as she held back the sobs, that threatened to return with the memories of her dream.

"Sssh...it's okay." He rocked her, until she calmed. "Why do you think he kept saying that?"

"I don't know. He's was never in my dreams about Travis' before...no one was. It might not of been that bad, maybe...if he hadn't been so scary. It was like he was angry with me...like he was at... " A little light came on in her head.

"What?"

"Like he was at home...when I left the penthouse to talk to Joey...before Susan's funeral. He said it to me then. He said _'Sometimes you don't_ _think'_..."

"He wasn't really mad at you, you know that right? He wanted you to go to the safe-house right away...he knew the only way you would go without him, is if you thought he was angry with you. He just wanted you safe...he felt bad about it afterwards. Robert said it took all he had not to go upstairs, after you, and tell you the truth. So, get it out of your head that he died angry with you, cause it's not true. He died loving you...wanting to keep you safe."

"I just wish I could've talked to him...before." She thought for a moment. "He changed in the end...after I started to wake up...he was more like him and he was holding Travis. He said I couldn't go with them...that I had to wake up cause you were calling me."

"What about Langston? Where was he?"

"He disappeared when Dad changed. One minute, he was holding me...the next he was gone."

"Why do you think he was in it at all?"

"I don't know...I guess cause of everything that happened."

"That's what you think?"

"I guess...I mean, sure." She pulled away from him and looked up. "Is there something else? What do you think?"

"Think about it, it will come?"

"What? You know? How could you know?" She was getting angry now. "It wasn't you he was putting his hands all over...or your throat he was trying to stick his tongue down when you were twelve!..." She stood up and looked down at him. "And you're not the reason all those people died!" She started to pace. "Susan...Sal! Why?! Why did Sal have to do it?! He could've left it alone...he could've said something...he could've got it right and killed that son-of-a bitch! Now everyone's gone because he tried to protect me!" Then, almost whispering. "He did it for me." She laughed. "Me."

John watched as she started pacing again. He stood up, walked over to her and stood in her path. "Nothing they did was your fault." He put both hands on her shoulders and shook her gently to get her to focus on him. Her eyes found his slowly. "Nothing Langston and his crew did...and nothing Sal did. They did it all on their own. Sal loved you...he wouldn't let anyone hurt you..._never_. Langston is the only one responsible for all of it. He lived...he had a second chance and instead of going on with his life, he opted for revenge. Hopefully, Kreiger took care of the sick bastard. Hopefully, he's rotting in Hell, right about now." He pulled her in to a hug. "You are _not_ responsible for anyone's actions but your own, Jessie, and you haven't done anything wrong. Don't feel guilty about any of this, okay? Just let it go."

She pulled away from him, half-smiling. "I thought you said you weren't a psychiatrist?"

"Sam must be rubbing off on me. How'd I do?"

"Thank you."

"That good, huh?" John smiled, brightly.

"Don't let it go to your head...and next time, just tell me if you know something."

"Sometimes it helps to figure it out on your own, Jess. You...uh...haven't said anything about Travis being in your dream-"

Jessie shook her head. "I can't go there, John...not yet. I'm not ready."

"Good enough. Whenever you are...I'm here." He pretended to look at his watch. "Time's up, just leave your billing address with my secratary and she'll set up another appointment."

Jessie laughed.

John grinned. Jessie was laughing and it gave him some hope. "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry."

"Yeah, I'm kinda hungry too."

"C'mon, table or booth?"

"You're crazy."

"There's plenty of the-"

"I'm not eating those little sausage things, John."

John laughed. "But they're good."

"Not eating them, buddy...sorry."

They sat down, side by side, leaning against the wall. The 'snackpack' lay between them and they each had a bottle of water at their side.

"Okay, would you like to know tonight's specials?"

"It better be a Twinkie."

* * *

Tbc... 


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: Don't own it ...that kinda sucks

Might've rambled a bit on this one...can't really tell...God, I hate reading my own stuff

* * *

Bailey rolled over and looked at his watch. He had to blink several times for them to focus on the numbers, but when they finally did, he closed them again and shook his head. It was 4:00 a.m. He had been tossing and turning the last three hours, trying desperately to clear his head and get some rest, but it hadn't worked. If he had dozed off at some point, he didn't remember it and he sure as hell didn't feel any different. He still had a headache and he was still exhausted. More mentally than physically, but the energy draining effect was the same. He groaned as he sat up and leaned back on the headboard for support. His mind raced.

The minute they returned to the penthouse, from the Medical Examiner's office, they began to work furiously. They employed anyone from the F.B.I and Boston P.D. that could be spared and sent them out to check the ship yards and every wharehouse or building within a twenty mile radius of the pier they had found Patrick's body. They looked at over a hundred building schematics, arial photos of the surrounding blocks, and made dozens of phone calls to local businesses, dock workers and ship yard security, and still... they had nothing. John and Jessie were still out there somewhere. Feeling desperate, he had called John's cell phone hoping Kreiger would answer, so he could plead with him to tell them where John and Jessie were, but Kreiger hadn't answered. When Robert suggested using Patrick's men, in the search, Bailey reluctantly agreed. He really didn't want a bunch of O'Doyle soldiers running around Boston seeking revenge for their boss' death but, he knew they could probably get answers thet he couldn't, so he told Robert to make the call. An hour later, a man that looked like he walked out of the locker room of the NFL, knocked on the door and Robert introduced him as Brian Kerrigan. Kerrigan was Patrick's jack-of-all-trades. Robert handled Patrick legally, Sal Minucchi had handled the money and some of the businesses, and Kerrigan took care of everything else. And, everyone could see why...the man was a mountain. Before he left, clearly shaken and upset by the news of Patrick's death and Jessie's disappearence, Kerrigan told him that he would personally shake down everyone in the city of Boston to find out where Jessie and John were. Bailey didn't doubt him for a minute and he hoped it didn't come down to that. They dove back in to the pile of pictures and blueprints, after Kerrigan left, and went over hundreds of possible scenarios and locations, until Bailey thought his head was going to explode from the pounding in his head. It was 1:00 a.m. and they needed a break. He suggested that everone get some sleep while he made some phone calls and checked in with everyone, but the others refused unless he agreed to also...so here he was, feeling just as bad as he did three hours ago. He hoped the others were doing much better and got the much needed sleep that eluded him. He pulled the comforter off him and swung his legs to the floor and stood up. If he was going to think he might as well make himself useful and go through all the stuff they had, _again._

He went to the kitchen to put on some coffee and then headed towards Patrick's office. He stopped in the living room when he saw Robert sitting on the couch. He was leaning forward with his head in his hands, staring at a glass full of Scotch. Bailey walked around the couch and sat across from him, in the recliner.

"Are you, okay?"

Robert looked up, noticing Bailey for the first time, and smiled weakly. "As _'okay'_ as I can be." He took a long drink from his glass, almost emptying it. "I just...I can't believe he's gone. I mean, I saw him with my own eyes...and I still don't believe...I don't want to believe it. It's just crazy, ya know...everything happened so fast. We never expected it to go this far." He finished what was left in the glass and re-filled it. "I keep hoping this is just a nightmare and I'm gonna wake up soon...and everything's going to be like it was...and everyone's going to be okay."

"That's understandable. These last few days have been rough and you lost a good friend."

"The best." He held up his glass, in a salute to Patrick, and then drank, finishing it in one long gulp and poured another. "Do you think they're dead?"

Bailey thought for a moment._'Did he?'_ He shook his head. "I don't know. I want to believe Kreiger...to believe they're alive and he's gonna call tomorrow and tell us where to find them, but it's not that easy. Langston has left nothing but dead bodies in his wake...so why would he leave John and Jessie alive? That was ultimately his goal, wasn't it? To kill them in front of Patrick...and then kill him. Why would he settle for less...but then, it doesn't make sense that Kreiger called and told us where to find Patrick's body...that he would tell us where to find John and Jessie. Where the hell is Langston in all of this? It doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit their M.O." He rubbed his temples, absently. " It doesn't make sense. I think Sam was right...something went wrong and Kreiger, for some reason, is trying to make it right. So, I'm inclined to believe him...to believe he'll call and tell us where they are. I just hope it's not to late."

"You have a lot more faith than I do. Me? I think they're de-" He couldn't bring himself to say it. "I think they're gone. I think we're going to get that call tomorrow and the joke's gonna be on us. We're going to find them alright...but in the same condition as Sal...or worse." He emptied the glass again, this time slamming it down on the coffee table. "They did it. They've won. I just wish they would've taken me the fuck out, first, so I wouldn't have to do it...so I don't have to bury my best friend and his daughter."

He reached for the bottle of Scotch but Bailey beat him to it. "I think you had enough. Don't give up on them, Robert."

Robert leaned back into the couch cushions and looked up at the ceiling. "I was thinking about Jessie," He said after a few moments, staring blankly at the ceiling. "That's what got me out here...I was thinking about how she was after the accident...after her mother and brother died...and I was thinkin', maybe, it would be better if she were dead. That way, she wouldn't have to go through that again. Jesus, Bailey, if she watched them shoot Patrick...if she watched him die...it took a long time to get her back after the car accident and she's still not a hundred percent...I don't hink she could deal with that kind of loss again, not without Patrick."

"She still has you, Robert. She has John, now, too...and she has us. John's family is our family."

Robert half-smiled, but his eyes never left the ceiling. "Thanks, Bailey...and hopefully, if she is alright...we will all be enough."

"The accident...how'd it happen?"

"They were coming home from Carolyn's parents house, in Jersey. Patrick was sick and had taken some medicine, that made him drowsy, so she drove. It was fall, and she loved to watch the leaves change colors, so they took the _'scenic route'_ instead of the main highway...it was early, on a Sunday morning, so there wasn't a lot of cars on the road...a truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and drifted into their lane, as they were coming out of a curve...she swirved to get out of his way, but he still managed to broadside them. The car rolled four or five times before coming to a stop...the State Troopers, when they arrived at the scene, said the car looked like it had been chewed up and spit out...they couldn't believe there were any survivors. Most of the damage was on the driver's side...Carolyn and Travis died instantly...Patrick, they said since he had been sleeping and his body was relaxed, absorbed the impact, so between his seatbelt and the air bag, he only had minor injuries...Jessie was thrown from the car through the rear window, the guy who stopped to call 911 said he saw her get up, she was about a hundred feet from the car, he couldn't believe she had walked away from that like she did." He took a deep breath, before continuing. "Patrick said if he hadn't realized Jessie wasn't in the car he would've never got out. He knew Carolyn and Travis were gone and he wanted to just close his eyes and go with them."

"Jesus." Bailey leaned back in to the chair. "I can't even imagine what that must've been like."

"He said he noticed Jessie was missing and started to get out to go look for her... he saw her standing at Carolyn's window. He said...he said the look on her face hurt him more than anything else. She knew her mother was dead..."

"The burn scars, we saw in the interrogation room that day...I thought you said he only had minor injuries."

"The car was leaking everything...the cops think someone absently through a cigarette down and it ignited one of the many puddles of fluid, that came from the car...they had gotten Carolyn out, but Travis was still inside and Patrick went crazy...he rushed the car before anyone could stop him...flames shot out from the undercarrige and swallowed him up. The fire was put out quickly but he still suffered third and fourth degree burns from his waist to his neck...he spent a year in the burn unit of Boston General...and almost two years after that in pain, from skin graphs and plastic surgery."

"Jessie saw that too? Saw him burn?"

Robert nodded. "She put her hands over her ears when he started screaming and didn't put them down until Sal and I got to the hospital four hours later. She wouldn't let anyone touch her...when we got there she was sitting on the floor in the corner of the Emergency Room with her hands over her ears, screaming when anyone tried to approach her. It took me and Sal almost an hour to coax her out of the corner and when she finally came out, she held me like a vice grip...God, the way she was shaking...it scared me. They sedated her so they could get a look at her injuries and couldn't believe her arm was broken...she had held her arm up and fought them off for four hours with a broken arm and didn't feel it...that's how deeply in shock she was. Me and Sal took turns staying with her, because if we weren't in the room she would lose it...she didn't speak for days...she just held on to us. It was hard...she cried for Patrick...we had to reassure her everday that he was still alive. She totally shut down when it came to Carolyn and Travis. Then, the nightmares started...and they havn't stopped."

"She ever see anyone...?"

"A couple of times, but she wouldn't talk to anyone... she detached herself from everyone...I guess she figured, if they left her, it wouldn't hurt so much. She started taking drugs to stay awake and then she would drink herself numb...she was lost..for years... and she wouldn't let anyone, including Patrick, help her."

"How'd she come out of it?"

Robert looked at him and smiled. "Patrick. She got hold of some bad stuff and almost died...Patrick was determined not to lose her to anything...he promised her he would not let her go, whether she like it or not. When she was released from the hospital he took her to Carolyn's parents house... when they came back five months later...Jessie was clean and sober...the only thing she couldn't shake were the nightmares. Patrick said they fought and cried together everyday until he wore her down...until he made her feel again and the damn burst...she was seventeen then, and five years worth of bottled up feelings came pouring down on both of them. He saved her...I think he saved them both." He sat up and leaned forward, tears rolling slowly down his face. "She needs him...I don't know if I could do what he did...what if I can't help her?"

"You love her, right?"

"Like a daughter...she's had my heart since the day I met her."

"Then, you have nothing to worry about...when the time comes, you'll do fine." Bailey felt his cell phone vibrate and dug it out of his pocket. "Malone." He answered tiredly. He listen for several moments, then he told whoever he was talking to that he would send Grace over immediately, before snapping his phone closed. He stood up. "A van registered to Roy Langston's brother-in-law was found at a construction sight...it was set on fire...there was a body inside...there pretty sure it's an adult male, but they can't I.D. him. They have the body at the Medical Examiner's office...I'm sending Grace."

"Bailey," Robert called out to him, as he walked away. He saw the panic in Bailey's eyes and heard the tremor in his voice. "It's not John, okay? We're gonna find John and Jessie together, not apart. You believed what Kreiger said, remember?"

Bailey nodded, smiling a little. " I remember. Thanks, Robert."

"There's no need to thank family, Bailey."

* * *

Tbc... 


	31. Chapter 31

Discalimer : Uh, I hate this part...No, I don't own it

* * *

After they ate, trying to keep Jessie's mind off things, John asked her if she wanted to play 'Tic Tac Toe'. It was the only game he could think of to play, that didn't require anything but something to write in the dirt with. John was up 20 to 17 when they stopped playing that and started playing 'Hangman'. Jessie was up this time, beating him 14 to 10.

"There's three I's in 'inconvinience', John." Jessie laughed, guessing his word.

"Really?" John looked down at the dashes he had drawn in the dirt and spelled 'inconvinience' in his head. "Damn, you're right. Okay, your turn."

"Nah, I don't want to play anymore. We'll call it a draw. I'm kinda tired." She leaned back against the wall. "What time do you think it is, anyway?"

"I don't know ...I'd say early...real early, Tuesday morning." He looked her over. She was so pale. "You feel, okay?"

"I have a headache...but mostly, I'm just tired."

He took some aspirin from the first-aid kit and gave them to her with some water." He slid over and sat down next to her. "How's your wrist?"

"It hurts sometimes, but it's okay."

"Sometimes?"

"Yeah...like, every once in a while a sharp pain goes up my arm from my wrist...otherwise, it doesn't bother me at all...I barely feel it."

_'That doesn't sound good.'_ John thought to himself. "How 'bout your head?"

"The aspirin makes it better, but the headache is always there." She looked at his side, then his leg. "What about you? Are you okay?"

"My side hurts a little...you did a great job wrapping it up... I don't think it's bleeding anymore, either." He rubbed his thigh, gently. "This, on the othe hand, hurts like hell. Sitting on the ground is making it stiff and it goes numb. There's a constant dull ache, kinda like a toothache. Langston really did a number on it."

"Sorry." Jessie said quietly.

"Don't even think about it, Jessie. I told you, you're not responsible for what he did, so stop. You didn't hurt me..._he_ did. Got it?"

"Yeah." She couldn't help but grin at him.

He winked at her. "Good." He picked up the backpack and opened it up. "Want some chips or sonething?" He took a bag out for himself.

"No thanks."

John finished the bag in a couple of handfuls. "Jesus, I think there was about ten chips in there, the rest was air." He took a drink of water to wash them down, then held the bottle out to her. She shook her head, to let him know she didn't want any, so he closed it up and set it down in between them. "Hey, you said you were tired...why don't we lay down for awhile, huh?"

"I don't..." She looked down at the ground. "I don't...want to go to sleep."

John crawled over to the duffel bag they were using as a pillow and laid down on his back. "C'mere." He said patting his chest.

Reluctantly, she laid down next to him. She let him guide her head to his chest and smiled when she felt his fingers run through her hair. "Are you sure this is okay? I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm fine. Relax...you don't have to go to sleep. Just rest."

"It's too quiet." Jessie said after a few moments.

"We could sing..." John suggested.

"I don't know about you, but I couldn't carry a tune with someone else's voice." She laughed.

John laughed too. "Me neither. I sing in the shower and the car...and only in the car if I'm alone. I made the mistake of singing in the car when Sam was with me and it was a month before the jokes died down."

"What song?"

"Sweet Caroline...I mean, how could you _not_ sing that song, from the top of your lungs, when you hear it?"

"Yeah, that's a gimmee...ya gotta do it. My Mom use to sing all the time...while she was driving, cooking...she sang good too. Dad told her she should have went into the music business, not real estate. What was your Mom like?"

John thought for a moment, then said smiling. "She couldn't sing, but she tried. She use to sing to me when I was sick or couldn't sleep...she couldn't carry a tune but she had the softest voice...she was beautiful."

"You were close?"

"Very close. It was just us...me and her...Dad was always-" He stopped suddenly, not wanting to say anything bad about Patrick.

Jessie turned to face him. "It's okay, you can say it...Dad told me how he was back then...it won't hurt me."

"He was always drunk and angry...and when he wasn't beating on me, he was beating on her. So, we just had each other. She use to tell me I was her best friend..."

"I'm glad she had you...that you had each other."

"Me too. On weekends we would stay up all night and watch movies...eat popcorn. She loved Clint Eastwood...we'd watch his movies over and over again...she liked Frank Langella too...I think I saw Dracula about hundred times."

"Frank Langella was a very hot 'Dracula'...he could bite me anytime...well not now, but back then." Jessie looked up because she felt John staring at her. "What?"

"He could bite you anytime? That is not something I want to picture..."

Jessie laughed. "What's the big deal? What you've never been bitten before." She grinned devilishly, moving her eyebrows up and down.

"We're not talking about me, we're talking about you..."

"Is this an older brother thing? C'mon John, get with the times...it's the new millenium...I'm twenty-one...I've had-"

John put his hand over her mouth. "Oh God, please don't go there." He could feel her laughing in to his hand. "It's not funny."

She pushed his hand away and continued to laugh. "Yes it is. Jeez, I thought Dad was bad."

"You told him when you..." John left it at that.

"Had _sex_. Yes, I told him. I told him everything...not, ya know, everything...but I could talk to him about anything, no matter what it was. Though, I must say, he was pretty tongue tied that night...and that was before he started drinking. I kept trying not to laugh...he was funny...he was trying so hard not to freak out."

"Boys. If I have kids, I hope they're all boys. I don't think I could handle my daughter _with_ boys..."

"You're funny too."

"Well, I'm glad I entertain you." John laughed. "Seriously though, can we not ever mention that again, ya know, you and sex. Not until you're married anyway."

"You're killin me." Jessie said, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.

* * *

Bailey paced, while George, Nathan and Sam went through all the rescources they had, for what seemed like the hundreth time. He was waiting for Grace to call from the M.E.'s office about the body that was found in the van. He kept saying it couldn't be John in his head, but the longer it took for her to call, the harder it was getting to believe. When his cell phone finally rang it took him a minute to get up the courage to answer. Expecting Grace, he didn't even look to see who it was.

"Grace, was it..is it John?"

_"Agent Malone..."_

"Kreiger?" He looked at the screen of his phone and saw that the call was from John's cell. He motioned for George to get on his computer to get a trace. "Kreiger?"

"_I'm just checking in Agent Malone...what's this I hear about John? Did you find them?"_

"No, we haven't. But, we did find a van ...and a body..."

_"Oh,that. Well, the body you found, that's Roy Langston. Probably not much left, but I promise you it's him. I killed him. Now, did you find O'Doyle where I said he would be? The tide didn't take him out to sea did it?"_

"No we recovered his body...under the pier, where you said it would be. Thank you. Steven Lewis...did you kill him too?"

"_No, Roy did that. He kind of lost his temper when Lewis ruined his plans and shot O'Doyle...anyway I was just making sure you found him...for the girl's sake. You'll hear from me tomorrow...and that will be the last time we talk Agent Malone-"_

"Wait, wait! Why can't you just tell me now...what difference would a day make?"

_"Exactly."_

"Kreiger?" The line was silent. "Dammit, he hung up. George, did you get anything?"

"Ohio. Just outside of Cleveland according to the cell towers..."

"Try to pinpoint it the best you can and call our field office in Ohio and the Highway Patrol...let's find this guy."

"What else did he say, Bailey?"

"You were right about him, Sam...he said the body from the van is Langston...he killed him. He said Lewis shot Patrick, so Langston killed him...because, I'm guessing, that killing Patrick before he killed John and Jessie messed up his plan. He said he was still calling tomorrow to tell us where they are. He killed Langston, but left them alive..."

"Langston must have screwed up pretty bad...Kreiger doesn't seem like the kind of man that would leave anyone alive." Nathan said looking at Kreiger's criminal file.

"Well, maybe John could shed some light on what went on, after Kreiger calls tomorrow."

"I guess it's back to the drawing board." George sighed, as he looked at the stacks of photos and paperwork that covered the table. "Nothing from Kerrigan yet?"

"No," Bailey said, joining him at the table. "He suppose to check in at eleven, hopefully he'll have something... anything."

* * *

Tbc 


	32. Chapter 32

Somehow between laughing and talking John and Jessie dozed off. As he came out of sleep, John wondered how long they had been sleeping because the room felt different. Warmer. He opened his eyes, rubbed the sleep out of them and blinked them in to focus. Needing to get up and stretch he reached down to move Jessie, she still had her head resting on him, and froze. She was why he had felt warm. The heat coming off her, made him think of what is was like to walk in to a bathroom after someone has taken a hot shower. He put his hand on her head, her hair was warm and wet with perspiration, and then, gently touched her cheek and neck. Her skin was like touching a warm iron. 

"Jessie.." He shook her shoulder. She stirred but didn't respond. He sat up and gently eased her on her back. Her face was flush and pale with fever. "Hey..." He patted her cheek gently. "Jessie, wake up."

"I don't want to go today...I don't feel good." Jessie mumbled in her sleep.

"C'mon, Jessie, wake up." He shook her shoulder again, this time, a bit harder.

"Five more minutes, Dad...please."

That scared him. "Jessie!" He yelled and when he saw her flinch, he calmed, but just a little.

Jessie opened her eyes. "What?" She said groggily. "It's hot in here."

John allowed himself to relax. "It's not _'here'_ that's hot...it's you." He laid his hand on her forehead. "How do you feel?"

"I feel okay." She started to sit up and changed her mind. "Whoa..."

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just sat up too quick. It made me dizzy."

He touched her arm just above the bandage on her wrist. It felt hotter than the rest of her and the redness he had seen earlier was darkening to purple. He cursed silently, not wanting to scare her. He took a deep breath and tried to hide his concern. "I think this is infected." He patted the bandage on her arm gently.

She sat up a little, propping herself up on her elbows. " I don't feel sick...I mean, I just feel hot...I told you, it doesn't even hurt, not really."

"I know and I believe you." He grabbed his duffel bag and pulled out a sweatshirt and a tee-shirt and gave them to her. "Put these on."

"But I'm hot...wouldn't I want to take things off, not put on layers of other clothes?"

"Just do it, you may feel different later." He picked up the first-aid kit and rummaged through it, until he found what he was looking for. A thermometer. It wasn't a regular, under your tongue thermometer, but a strip that looked like it belonged on the side of a fish tank. It looked kind of old and he wasn't sure how reliable it would be, but it was better than nothing. He pressed it agianst her forehead until he was sure it was going to stay and moved his hand away. 101 lit up immediately and the color had started to change for 102. He picked up the aspirin bottled and shook four into his hand, then grabbed a bottle of water and gave them to her. "Take those and hold on to the water. You need to keep hydrated." He looked at the thermometer. It seemed to have stopped changing colors and now read more than 102 but not quite 103. He took it off her forehead and placed it back into the first-aid kit.

"Well, what's the damage?" Jessie sat up the rest of the way and took another drink of water. She wished it was colder.

"102. We'll have to keep checking it. Are you sure you feel alright, though? Nothing else is bothering you?"

"No, I feel fine. I'm just hot. Hotter, now that I put your stuff on."

"If you feel any different...any worse, you tell me okay? Don't be scared. Promise?"

"I will."

"Make sure you keep drinking, okay? Even if it's just a mouthful once in a while."

"Okay." She watched him get up and start to pace. "John, I'm okay. Really."

"I just want to get my hands on that son-of-a bitch, Langston, just for a minute...so I could-" He shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts from his head. Being angry would not do either of them any good, right now, but he couldn't stop pacing. His leg hurt and the pain was getting worse by the minute. _'Great,'_ He thought. _'Fucking great. How much longer before I start burning up.'_

Jessie watched him pace and mumble to himself. She could see the pain in his face with each step he took. She stood up, unsteadily at first, and went to him. "It's your leg isn't it? The pain's getting worse."

He looked at her and nodded, continuing to pace.

"Kreiger's gonna call tomorrow, right? We could hold it together until then, can't we? We'll be alright."

John stopped pacing and smiled at her. "We'll be fine." He told her, but he didn't believe it. He pulled her in to a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated and feeling a little boxed in."

"And you're in alot of pain. I can see it, John." Jessie added.

"Yeah."

"Is your leg infected too?"

"It could be. I don't know...and I'm not sure I want to."

"You can't just take care of me, ya know, you have to take care of yourself too."

"I promised I would take care of you...and I keep my promises."

"You promised, Dad, didn't you? Before he.." She choked up as the words came out. "Before he died."

"Sshh. Yes, I did."

She pulled away from him blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. "Promise _me_, then. Promise me you'll look after yourself...that you'll tell _me_ if it gets to be too much...that you won't let yourself get worse, trying to protect me. Promise me, right now, or you can forget that I promised you...I won't tell you...I won't tell you anything else. " She backed away from him. "We'll rot together, silently,... cause I'm not gonna do it...I'm not gonna be the sole survivor in all this bullshit...I can't. I'll go crazy. I'd rather be dead."

He wasn't sure if it was the fever talking, or that she was scared, or angry, or a combination of the three, but he was sure that she meant it. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears and they made her face look even paler. She was watching him, intently, angry and pleading at the same time. "Okay," He reached out and touched her cheek, it was warm, too warm for his liking. "I promise." He took the sleeve of her sweatshirt and gently tugged her towards him and she walked in to his embrace. "We'll take care of each other, okay? Youre' not going anywhere and neither am I. We'll take care of each other." The sob he had been trying to hold back, escaped, and he felt her tighten her grip around his waist and press her head closer to his chest. "Thank you." He whispered into her hair, as he kissed the top of her head.

"Anytime." She let go of him and stepped back. "What can we do for your leg?"

"It has to be cleaned again and the bandage changed. I'll take some aspirin and try propping it up a little...to take some of the pressure off. But, we can wait a little while...until you feel better."

Jessie shook her head. "No, we'll do it now. This may be as better as I get...you said it yourself when you made me pile on these clothes, that I may feel different later. "We'll do it now, in case I can't help you later."

"Jessie, if I pass out-"

"Then I'll take care of myself until you wake up. I'll be fine...and even if I'm not there's really not much you can do about it, not really."

John didn't like it, but she had a point. There wasn't much that could be done, not in there current situation. He could give her aspirin, and water, and hold her so she would sleep, but that was about it. "Okay," He said, giving in. "Let's get this over with."


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: Don't own it...blah, blah blah

Hey guys, as the story is kinda of winding down I just want to thank everyone for their awesomely, kind reviews ...both here and on They make me smile and keep me going. So...thankyou, thankyou, THANKYOU...you guys are the best.

There's still a few chapters left...happy reading...thanks again :o)

* * *

As John took off his Jeans, Jessie took out the banadges, tape and guaze she would need and laid them out next to her. He could tell right away, that it wasn't going to be good. The guaze that wrapped around his thigh, holding the bandages in place, was damp and stained with a mixture of red and dark yellow. He rolled up the leg of his boxers as far as he could and unwrapped the gauze. The closer he got to the bandages, themselves, the worse it looked. When he finally got to the end and peeled away the bandages, he winced. The skin surrounding the wound was three different shades of purple and it hurt to touch. Some of the gashes and punctures had closed but others were bright red with inflammation and oozing blood, or pus, or both. The grapey smell of pus made his stomach turn, so he straighten up to get away from it. He looked over at Jessie to see if she was ready. She was staring at his thigh. He didn't think a person could be that pale and still be breathing, even the red flush in her cheeks from the fever was gone. 

"Hey..."

Her eyes slowly found his. "John." Was all she could think of to say.

"Gross, huh?" He grinned, trying to play it off that it wasn't as bad as it looked. "I guess Langston didn't think to clean his toys in between using them...hhmm, you would think he would take better care of his stuff. Remind me, when the bastard's caught, to explain germs to him."

Jessie was not amused. She knew what he was doing. "Yeah? Well, let's hope you still have your sense of humor when they have to cut your damn leg off." She was angry, but just for a minute, and regretted saying it a minute later. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I know you were just trying to...sorry." She looked down at the gauze she was holding in her hands. "I don't want that to happen to you-"

"Well it's not number one on my list either." He winked and she relaxed. "Look, you were right before, there's only so much we could do here...so we'll make the best of it and maybe...just maybe... nothing will turn green and fall off..." He laughed. "...'cause that would really suck."

Jessie shook her head, trying to fake annoyance, but she couldn't hide the fact that she was smiling. She gave in and laughed with him. "A couple more hours here and we'll both be ready for the looney bin. You ready?"

"No, but let's do it anyway."

He sat down next to her and took a couple long drinks from the whiskey bottle, then laid back on the duffle bag and waited while she rolled up some of their clothes and put them under his thigh, just above the wound, to prop it up.

"Want another drink?"

"No, go ahead. Don't clean it up right away, let the whiskey soak in really good."

Jessie nodded. "And don't _you_ try to stay awake...if the pain's too much, let go...I'll be okay."

His body went rigid. Fire! Your leg is on fire! That's what his mind was screaming as soon as the whiskey made contact with his thigh. He cried out and closed his eyes against the white sparkles that danced in his vision. Fire! Fire! Was all his mind was registering and he could almost hear a fire crackling, and feel his flesh bubbling and burning in the flames. He was sobbing. Groaning. Begging his mind, silently, to do something. _'Make it stop._ _Make it stop.'_ His face softened as his mind obliged him and took the pain away. Took him away.

Jessie had set the whiskey down after she had poured it on his thigh and grabbed his hand. She told him, practically yelled for him, to stop thinking and let go. It seemed like it took hours, but it was only minutes before his body went limp and he passed out. She slid her hand from his, flexing it to get the blood flowing again, and opened up a bottle of water. The mixture of whiskey, pus and blood running down his leg made her stomach roll and she started to feel dizzy. Shaking the feelings off, she poured water over his thigh, washing the mixture away, and wiped it clean. She found a small bottle of Betadine soap, while she was pulling out bandages, and used it on him. Covering the wounds thoroughly until the bottle was empty. She applied the 4x4 bandages next, using three at a time, she covered every gash and puncture completely. Then, she wrapped his thigh in several layers of gauze, to keep everthing tight and in place. Closing the first-aid kit she put the other duffle bag on top of it and slid it under John's calf, so his thigh was elevated a little more.

"Take as much time as you need, buddy." She told him as she wiped tears and grime from his face with a clean, damp shirt. Satisfied that she could do nothing else, she took a couple mouthfuls of water and moved to sit in the corner, where she could watch him and wait.

* * *

Robert sat back in the chair at Patrick's desk and sighed heavily. He had just got off the phone with the funeral director that was going to handle Patrick's body and services. Patrick wanted to be cremated and buried with his wife and son, he told the man, and even as he said it it didn't seem real. Maybe it was because Jessie wasn't there to grieve with him, to make it final. He didn't know. All he did know, is that for the last twenty-four hours he had been walking around in a foggy dream and he was waiting on edge for it to end. Was he or was he not going to have to bury his best friend's daughter also? He wiped at his eyes, impatiently, and started to get up to pour himself a drink, but went to the window instead. He opened it and took a deep breath of the city air. It was exactly fresh air but it felt good. It soothed him. He was so lost in it, he didn't hear the office door open or Sam walking towards him. 

"Hey," She said tugging on his shirt sleeve and smiling. "You okay?"

He nodded and smiled back. "Yeah, sure. Thanks. I uh...just made the arrangements for Patrick to be cremated..." He quickly looked out the window, so Sam wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

Sam knew why he looked away from her so quickly, so she put her hand on his back and moved it in small circles, comforting him.

"There won't be a wake or anything...he didn't want Jessie to go through that...he just wanted to be buried with Carolyn and Travis... and have a short graveside service" He looked at her and smiled. "All of you have been really great, since this whole thing started, despite knowing who Patrick was and...what he did...ya know, how he was with John. It meant alot to us."

"Patrick was, clearly, not the same man John knew as a child and the minute he excepted that...we did. He loved John, you could see it in his eyes...that day in the interrogation room...as tough as Patrick tried to be...when John came in the room...his walls crumbled a little and I saw a father there...I saw love. I'm glad John eventually saw it too...that they got to know each other again. I think they both needed it."

"I know Patrick sure did. He thought about John alot...he watched over him...protected him-"

"Protected him?"

"It doesn't sit well with the other families that Patrick has a cop, or even worse an F.B.I agent, for a son...but he made it very clear that no one was to ever touch him, no matter what, no matter how close John got to them...they were better off dead or in prison...then to have to face Patrick if something happened to his son. He only had to make good on that threat once...once was all it took."

"What happened?"

Robert shook his head, it wasn't a story he was willing to share. It showed the dark side of Patrick, that even he was afriad of, and he didn't want that to take away from the way they thought about him now. "It's nothing you need to know or worry about...just know that Patrick has always looked out for him."

The phone at Patrick's desk started ringing and Robert was happy for the, much needed, distraction. He knew Sam wasn't satisfied with the answer he had given her, but he just wasn't going to go there. Absolutely not. Not for anyone. He excused himself and headed for Patrick's desk.

"Hello?"

"_Bobby, it's Brian. I think we have something, we're on our way there..."_

"We?"

_"Joey's with me...it's a long story...stupid kid could've got himself killed."_

"Is he alright? Are you alright?"

_"The kid's a little banged up but he'll live. I'm fine, nothing that a little ice won't fix."_

"Well, Jesus, Brian what did you find out? Do you have a lead on them or what?"

Sam stepped up to the desk. "Did he fine them? Does he know where they are?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out." He told her, then. "Brian, c'mon give me something here."

_"Look, it could be nothing but...we need to take a look at Shawn O'Doyle's wharehouses again. Apparently, some of them had underground storage facilities that are not public record...only a handful of Shawn's men knew about them...so the information we aquired is a little weak...we know they're there, just not which of the eighteen of them has them. Get those guys started over there, Bobby, I'll be there in fifteen minutes."_

Robert hung up the phone. "Bailey, where's Bailey?"

"He's downstairs, checking in with the rest of the team...What? What's happened?"

"A few of Shawn O'Doyles wharehouses have storage facilities built underneath them...they're not on any blueprints...no one knows about them or exactly which one's have them. We need to go back and look at them again. It's got to be where they are. Langston was Shawn's right hand man, he would have known about them."

"It would've been just another way to hurt Patrick...to use his own father's place...to kill his children." Sam took out her cell to call Bailey back up to the penthouse. "I'm calling Bailey. See if George can narrow down the possibilities and maybe get us an idea of where to look once we get the searching started."

* * *

Tbc... 


	34. Chapter 34

Discalimer: 'Ditto' ...the previous chapters

Sorry it's been a few days, but unlike the previous chapters where I just sat in front of the keyboard and wrote, blindly, I actually wanted to think about the last couple of chapters, so it comes out right. I don't know which way is better but I guess we'll find out together.

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. You guys rock!!!

* * *

John groaned as he became aware again, leaving that still, dark place where he had been pain free. He moved his leg slowly and groaned again. A sharp pain had moved down his leg, but to his relief, had receded just as quickly as it came. _'I'm not doing it again.'_ He told himself. _'No way. Let them cut my leg off, at least they'll give me anesthesia before they do it, and lots and lots of pain medication afterwards._' He opened his eyes and tried to blink away the fogginess in his head. He felt like he had been sleeping for days, though he didn't know it , having no sense of time in the bunker, it had been almost four hours. Thirsty, he sat up to get a drink.

Jessie had been in and out of a light sleep, waiting for John to come around, when she heard him groan. She watched him, waiting to see if he had done it in his sleep or if he was awake. When she saw him sit up to get a drink, she smiled.

"Welcome back."

John turned his body around to face her. "Thanks, I feel...Jesus...Jessie how long have you been like that?"

She was sitting in the corner, hugging her knees, shivering like she was sitting on a block of ice. "I'm okay." Her voice shook with the rest of her. "Just...just can't keep warm."

Ignoring the protests from his leg, because he was moving too quickly, he grabbed the first-aid kit and crawled over to her. He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close. Heat was coming of her in waves and her breath was hot against his skin. He touched her cheek and forehead. She was sweating but her skin felt cool, and clammy. He let go of her and dug through his duffle bag for another sweatshirt. He put it on her and pushed the sweat-soaked hair from her face.

"Is that better?"

"Yeah...uh..a little."

He took the thermometer out and pressed it against her forehead. "How do feel?"

"Just cold...still...still have a headache. I...I drank water like...you...you said." The shivering was making her stammer.

John glanced at the thermometer and grimaced. It had past 104 and was slowly headed towards 105.

"It...it went up?" Jessie said, reading his expression.

"Just a little." He gave her a half-smile. He shook six aspirin in to his hand and gave them to her. "They may upset your stomach cause you've taken so many and you really haven't eaten anything, but they'll help with the fever and headache. Are you hungry? You should eat something...even if it's a bag of chips."

She wasn't hungry. She was tired, but she would eat something for him. He was trying not to show too much, but she could tell he was worried. "Okay."

John peeled the thermometer off her forehead. It had stopped just short of 105. _'Shit! Just great!'_ He panicked in his head. Shaking it off, he was not going to scare her, he picked up the 'snackpack'. "Okay, let's see...yep, you haven't eaten all the twinkies yet. Want one?"

"Sure." Her stomach felt queasy after the first couple bites, but she forced it down and drank some water.

"Want something else?" John asked as she finished it.

"No, I'm...I'm good."

_'Sure you are.'_ John thought. "Still cold?" She nodded. "C'mere." She inched closer to him and he pulled her to him, wrapping both arms around her and held her tight, hoping his own body heat would help. "Better?"

"Yeah. What...what do you think is wrong with..with me?" When he didn't answer she leaned up from his chest and looked at his face. He looked miserable. She put her head back down on his chest, deciding not to pursue it. "How much longer do you think we'll...we'll be here?"

"I don't know. I think it's Tuesday, I just don't know how far in to it we are. You should try to get some sleep..."

"I'm okay."

John ran his fingers through her curls. "You haven't really slept since the the nightmare...you need to get some sleep, to keep your strength up, or you're just gonna get weaker and weaker with the fever. I'm right here, you'll be okay."

"But I'm not tired." She said sleepily, but it was getting harder to keep her eyes open. "It's not...not fair...you know my weakness."

John smiled as he continued to move his fingers through her hair. "Just for a little while."

"You gonna sleep too?" She mumbled, as she gave in to sleep.

He knew he didn't have to answer her, he could tell by the change in her breathing that she had drifted off. He looked up at the trap door of the bunker. "You got to get us out of here, Bailey...soon."

* * *

Except to stop for gas and twice to eat, Thomas Kreiger had not stopped driving since leaving Boston. He got on I90 and just drove, not knowing exactly where he wanted to go, but wanting to put as many miles between him and Boston as he could. He was just outside Indiana, in West Unity, Ohio, filling up and stretching his legs when he realized just how exhausted he really was. He needed sleep and he needed to think about where he wanted to go. 

"Hey," He called over to the guy next to him. "You know where there's a motel around here? I don't need anything fancy, just a bed."

The man thought for a moment. "There's a Motel 6...maybe 10 miles from here, just jump on 13 you'll see signs for it."

"Thank you." Kreiger smiled, his friendliest smile, paid for his gas and headed for Route 13.

Twenty minutes later he pulled in to the parking lot of Motel 6. He went in and got a room, then went across the street to a liquor store and bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. He took a shower when he got back to the room and stood in the hot water for an extra fifteen minutes, letting the the water soak into his knotted muscles. The shower definitly relaxed him and after a couple shots of Jack Daniels, he was ready to lie down and get some sleep. His conscious, though, had other plans. As soon as his head hit the pillow and his eyes closed, visions of the people he had killed for Langston floated through his mind. He fucked up. Bad. Sure he was a contract killer, but he had criteria that had to be met. Rules he lived by. He thought of himself as Justice. Venegence. Money had never been a motive for him, but Roy Langston threw alot at him and he jumped at it. Skippping, his usually, intense research, he took Langston at his word, and jumped in with both feet. _'Fuck me...and fuck him.'_ He thought to himself. Most of those people, with the exception of O'Doyle's men, were not a danger to anyone but themselves. O'Doyle's girlfriend, which was the only reason she had been killed, and his children were no danger at all. Susan Grey was a teacher, for crying out loud! John Grant, for all the hell he went through as a kid, had nothing to do with his Father, and had turned out to be a cop/F.B.I. agent, and a damn honest one at that. And, the girl, Jessie, she was just a kid. A kid, who had lost her Mother and brother in a car accident, was pysically abused by her Grandfather, molested by a man who worked for her Grandfather, and was brought up by mobsters, and yet turned out the total opposite of him. Good. _'A sweet girl.'_ The bartender at The Harbor Breeze had called her. His upbringing was somewhat similar to hers, and God knows, he had never been known as _'sweet'._ Fucking Langston! He was a pig. The kind of pig he gladly killed, when asked. The kind of pig he had killed many times before. "You're a fucking idiot!" He said, slapping himself in the forehead and getting out of bed.

He paced and poured himself shots until there was nothing left but a mouthful at the bottom of the bottle. Bailey's words kept running around his head. _'What different would a day make?'_ Why the hell didn't he tell him? Why the hell didn't he tell him the first time he talked to him, for that matter? It really didn't make a difference...they would have been so busy with John and Jessie, that he could have slipped away just as easily. He was losing it and the alcohol in him was making it worse. He picked up the Jack Daniels' bottle emptied it in to his mouth and through it against the wall. "You should have never stopped driving." He said aloud, laughing at the thought. "You may have out run yourself, eventually." There were only to things he could think of to do, to settle himself, and he needed to do both before he sobered up. "Fuck me." He mumbled as he went to the nightstand and picked up John's cell phone. He flipped it open, hit the _'contacts' _button and stared, for several minutes, at the first name he saw. He smiled, then laughed. "Angel...damn, if that's not a sign and a half." He said, drunkingly. He sat down on the edge of the bed and hit the _'call'_ button. He never did believe in God, but made up his mind to confess to an Angel.

* * *

Tbc... 


	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer...Still the same as before

* * *

Angel was half-heartedly working on a sculpture when she heard the buzz of her cell phone. She stood up and sighed, not really wanting to answer it. Sam had been calling her twice a day to ask about Cloe and to keep her updated with their search for John, and though she was sure they would find him , she couldn't help but fear the worst. She knew how they found Roy Langston's other victims and it was hard to believe that they were going to find John and his sister alive. She picked up her phone, glanced at the screen and nearly dropped it. John's name flashed, as it buzzed in her hand, and she nearly flipped it across the room trying to answer it.

"John! They found you! Thank God! Are you alright?!"

_"It's not John, sweetheart." The voice said from the other end._

A chill ran up Angel's spine. Feeling her legs get rubbery, she sat down on the arm of the couch. She forgot. How could she forget? Sam had told her that Thomas Kreiger had John's cell phone. That he took it, in order to call Bailey to tell him where John and Jessie were. _'Shit! Why would he call me? Why would he_ _call me? I never knew Patrick O'Doyle...John and I aren't 'together' anymore...why-"_ Kreiger's voice interupted her thoughts.

_"I'm not going to pay you a visit, if that's what you're thinking. Believe me, I have to plans to come to Georgia. As a matter of fact, I have no intentions of leaving where I am...well, at least not pysically. I'm not going to hurt you, Angel...you or anyone else, not anymore."_

He spoke slow and deliberate. Slurring a word here and there. He was drunk. Angel took a deep breath and blew it out, trying to calm herself before speaking. "What do you want? Where's John?"

_"I just want to talk to you. John's back in Boston, where I left him."_

"Is he...is he dead?" She was unable to keep the tremble out of her voice, with that one.

_" I honestly can't tell you. I can tell you, he was alive when I left him. They both were, but... they were hurt badly. I gave them things they would need...things to help them. I hope it helped. I hope they're still alive. Do you believe me?"_

"Why would I? After everything you've done."

_"Being a cold-blooded killer does not automatically make me a liar as well, sweetheart. I promise you, I am a man of my word. I don't lie. I kill." He told her matter-of- factly._

"What do you want from me?! Why did you call _me_?" She was getting angry.

_"To talk, that's it. I had intended to call Agent Malone, but when I saw your name...well, it called to me. I knew I need to talk to you-"_

"Go to Hell, you crazy son-of-bitch!"

_"Angel! Wait, don't hang up! I'll tell you where they could find John." He listened for a moment, to make sure she was still there. When there was no dial tone, he continued. "If you listen to me now, I give you my word, when I'm through, I will tell you where to find John. I just need you to hear me out, okay? You don't even have to say anything...unless you want to." He laughed. "And as for going to Hell, I promise you, that's exactly where I'm headed...when this call ends. Angel?"_

"Go on...talk."

_"I've been a contract killer for more than half my life...I was 17 when I made my first kill...he was my Step-father. I killed him because...in the three years he had been married to my Mother he had beat, raped and tortured me and my younger brother and sister...did I mention I had a younger brother and sister?"_

"Uh...no..."

_"Well, I did. Jake and Sarah, twins, they were two years younger than me...anyway, for months we had been planning to runaway...it was starting to get really bad for Sarah and my Mother was keeping herself numb with alcohol, so she was no help to us. We didn't know where we were going to go, we just needed to get away...we had bus tickets to get us to Jersey and then...who knows. It never happened. My Step-father found the tickets in Jake's room and...he wasn't going to let us go. When I got home from work that night..." He choked up at the memory, took a deep quivering breath and continued. "He had beaten Jake, to death, with a baseball bat...Sarah was tied to the radiator...beaten...her clothes torn...shaking and staring at nothing...she had seen it...had watched him kill Jake-"_

"Your Mother?" Angel asked, hesitantly.

_"Passed out on her bed. My Step-father came out of the kitchen with the bloody bat and a big smile on his face... 'Guess you won't be going anywhere.' he said and came at me...everything happened so fast...somehow I got the bat from him...and I just hit him. I kept hitting him until...until his head came apart. It made me sick and happy at the same time..." He took another deep breath. "Something shifted in me that night...and it felt good...but the change didn't come until after my sister killed herself." He let himself cry this time._

Angel listened as he tried to control himself. She did not want to hear anymore. She was starting to feel bad for him and she didn't like feeling that way. It felt like she was betraying John. "Hey..."

_"Sorry..." He sniffled and then cleared his throat. "Ya know, this is the first time I've cried in twenty years...it kind of feels good...to cry for them. Now, where was I...oh yeah, my sister...Sarah never recovered from the abuse...from watching Jake die and then watching me kill my Step-father. She killed herself six months later...I found her in the bathroom, she had cut her wrists. That's when the change happened...that's when I began to feel nothing, but in return was able to do anything. I made my second kill that night. A guy was mugging some kid in an alley and I snapped his neck...it was so easy...it felt good and it never stopped feeling that way...until now. Ya know, in all these years...all the people I've killed...I have never killed an innocent, not even by accident...hell, I've had witness' to some kills, who saw me clear as day, and I left them...untouched. I fucked up this time, pure and simple...or maybe, deep down, I wanted to stop...so I sabotaged myself...I don't know. All I know, now, is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I did for Roy Langston." He was silent for several moments and Angel thought he was going to start crying again. "Angel?"_

"I'm still here."

_"Do you believe me?"_

She didn't want to. "Yes, I do."

_"Good. Thank you. The corner of Clayton and William street...that's where they are...there's a wharehouse...in the main office, there's a trap door under the desk...they're in there...in the bunker-"_

Angel was stunned as she listened to him. He was really telling her where they were. "What...what did you say..."

_"I told you, I would tell you where they are...I am telling you where to find them, Angel, this is not a game...I want it to be over. Did you hear the street names?"_

"Uh...Clayton...Clayton and...and..."

_"William." He finished for her. "If they're alive tell them I'm sorry...about everything...about what happened to their Father. No one should have to watch a loved one get killed." He thought of Jessie watching Patrick get shot and then dragged away, then the way she looked as she leaned in to him, of all people, for comfort afterwards. He found himself choked up again. "You tell the girl, how sorry I am...how it wasn't suppose to happen like that...she's been through so much, already...you tell John, not to let her make that change, okay? Please, you'll tell him won't you?"_

"Yes, I will...I'll tell him. You should turn-"

_"Call Agent Malone, now." He ended the call before she could say anything else._

Angel stared blankly at her phone for several minutes. She knew where John was. Holy shit! She knew where John was. _'Bailey! Call Bailey!'_ Her head screamed. She snapped to attention and dialed Baily's number as fast as her shaking hand would allow.

* * *

Thomas Kreiger walked slowly, as if sleepwalking, to his bag, the only thing he had taken with him from Boston, and pulled out his gun. He walked back to the bed, sat down, flipped the safety off and put the barrel under his chin. "One more...just one more to kill." He told himself and pulled the trigger.

* * *

Tbc... 


	36. Chapter 36

Discalimer: I do not own Profiler...ya da, ya da, ya da

* * *

John was startled awake by Jessie coughing. He rubbed at his eyes and looked down at her, she had at some point, moved to lay her head on his _'good' _thigh and curled up against his leg. He reached for a bottle of water and put his hand on her back, shaking her gently.

"Hey," He patted her back as she continued to cough. "Hey, I have water here...take a drink." When she didn't respond he pulled her up and leaned her against his shoulder. "Jessie..." He pushed the hair from her face and ran his hand over her cheek. "Jessie...hey..."

She stirred and pushed at the air above her chest, as she coughed. "Get this thing off me...I can't breathe..." She mumbled. She opened her eyes and looked up at John. "You said we would go fishing before we went home...did I get sick?"

John looked at her eyes, they were glassy and unfocused. She was looking at him, but not seeing him. Her coughing had eased when he sat her up, but he could hear a slight wheeze in her breathing. "Hey, stick with me, kiddo... Jess, want some water?" He watched as she tried to blink her eyes to focus on him. "That's it..." He ran his finger from her temple to her chin.

"John..." She rubbed at her eyes, weakly. "You're all fuzzy..."

"It's okay...it's just the fever."

She stopped rubbing her eyes and looked down at her chest. "Feels like there's something sittin' on top of me...I feel funny..."

"It's alright, don't worry about it...you're okay." He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, her or himself. He held the bottle of water to her lips. "Here, take a drink."

She took a few swallows and pushed it away. "That's good." She told him, and started coughing again.

John patted her back. "Easy...easy now."

"I don't like it...I don't like feeling this way." She turned and buried her face in his chest. "Please, make it stop."

"Sshh...lay back down, go back to sleep."

She let him guide her so that her head was resting on his thigh, again, and she curled around him as he stroked her hair. She started coughing a minute later and struggled to sit up. John helped her. He pulled her up and sat her between his legs, pulling her back to lean against him. He put his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. Her coughing subsided and he kissed her temple.

"Better?" He asked, as ran his fingers through her hair.

She nodded. "Can't lay down again...feels like someone's standing on my chest."

"It's okay...just lean on me... go back to sleep...you'll feel better when you wake up."

"I'm scared..." She whispered.

John felt tears slide down his cheeks and he stopped stroking her hair, for a minute, so he could brush them away. "Sshh...don't be. I'm right here...go back to sleep."

"Dad, will be here soon." She mumbled as she drifted off.

John held her tight. "Just rest...you here me?...I'm not gonna let you quit on me, got it?" He whispered in her ear and he was amazed when she nodded. He smiled, then leaned his head back against the wall. _'Hurry up,_ _Bailey...' He prayed. 'Please...'_

* * *

Brian Kerrigan arrived at the penthouse looking like he had just played a football game and won. He had a black eye and split lip, but he was smiling and could barely contain his energy. Joey, on the other hand, looked like something the cat dragged in, but somehow he managed to smile, too, proud of himself that he had helped get information that could help them find Jessie. As Grace dressed their wounds, Kerrigan told them what happened. He had gone to see Jake Dill, an employee of Ian O'Malley, who had been an upper level soldier for Shawn O'Doyle up until his death. After explaining the situation to him, the man was more than willing to help, he had liked Patrick and had been a friend of Sal's. He told Kerrigan about the underground bunkers that were used in some of O'Doyle's wharehouses to store contraband and how, sometimes, they were used to dispose of O'Doyle's enemies. As Kerrigan was thanking him for the information, four O'Malley men came out into the alley and spotted the two men talking. Faking an argument, so they wouldn't grow suspicious, Kerrigan cursed at him and turned to leave, but Joey who had been watching from the car, thought that the argument was real and Kerrigan was in trouble. He jumped out of the car and ran towards the alley, diving on the closest man too him. The three other men decended upon him immediately and Kerrigan ran over to help. The fight lasted about ten minutes. Kerrigan had managed to floor three of the four and as Dill held the last guy back, Kerrigan picked up Joey and left. 

George had been going over the building schematics of O'Doyle's wharehouses since Kerrigan had called and talked to Robert. Taking into consideration, their location and structure, he narrowed the possibilities down to thirteen. Bailey split everyone into teams, with the help of the Boston P.D. and set the search in motion. George had stayed behind with his computer to coordinate with everyone, and Grace and Sam waited with the E.M.T's. Bailey was with Nathan on his way to the wharehouse, he had assigned himself to, when his cell phone buzzed. They were all communicating with walkie-talkies so he was a bit annoyed that someone was calling him on his cell. He dug it out of his pocket and was surprised to see it was Angel. His first thought, was that something happened to Chloe. He only got the first syllable of her name out before she started talking, fast. Too fast. She was upset, that was obvious, but between their connection and her speaking so quickly, he couldn't tell what she was upset about. He turned cold when he heard Kreiger's name, that part came in loud and clear.

"Angel! Angel, honey, slow down! Did you say Kreiger? Thomas Kreiger? Are you alright?" He could hear her taking deep breaths, to settle herself, and when she spoke again she was calmer, but there was still a tremble in her voice. He couldn't believe what she was telling him. When he was sure she was finished , he repeated some of what he heard back to her, to make sure he heard correctly. "He told you where they were...Clayton and William, right? You're sure? Okay, good. He wasn't calling from Georgia? Uh-huh...you think he may kill himself...well, the last signal we got from him was from Ohio, so we'll have to start from there. I'm going to call the guys downstairs and put them on alert...and I'll have a car cruise the neighborhood. Chloe's still at school? Okay. I'll have someone go with you to pick her up. No, I don't think you should worry. Okay. Are you sure you're gonna be alright? Okay. I'll call as soon as we find them and they're safe. I'll tell him.Talk to you soon." As soon as she hung up, he threw his phone down and picked up his walkie-talkie.

"Georgie...Clayton and William...what's there.?"

_"Uh...a wharehouse...but not one that's on our list. What's up?'_

"Kreiger called Angel...he told her they were there. Who's in the vicinity?"

_"Uh...Kerrigan and Baker are the closest. You're about fifteen minutes behind them."_

"Kerrigan, you listening?"

_"We're turning around now, Agent Malone. We'll be there in ten."_

"Good. I'm headed there also. Sam?"

_"We just pulled out, Bailey, we're on our way. We should get there the same time as you."_

"Okay. Alright, listen up everyone, stick to your assignments in case Kreiger is jerking us around. As soon as we get confirmation, we'll need to get everyone there to secure the crime scene. Lt. Rummel, I'll need you, two more cars and a C.S.U. team to join us now."

_"We'll be there, sir."_

"Okay everyone, let's bring them home." He laid the walkie-talkie down on the dashboard and turned to Nathan, who was trying to cut there time in half by swirving in and out of traffic. " I hope Kreiger's on the level...and John and Jessie are alright."

* * *

John opened his eyes, though he didn't remember ever closing them, and tried to rub the bluriness from his vision. He felt hot, but it wasn't the same heat he felt with Jessie leaning against him. This heat was coming from him. Out of him. He touched his forehead, to confirm what he already knew. It was very warm and beaded with sweat. His hair was damp and when he leaned forward, to reach a bottle of water, he felt cold sweat run down his back. "Perfect." He said tiredly, and drank some water. He figured Jessie might need some water too. 

"Hey...Jessie." He shook her and patted her cheek gently. "Jessie, c'mon wake up...just for a minute." She didn't respond to him in any way, so he put some water on his fingertips and moved them gently across her lips. _'God, she looks pale.'_ He thought, when he noticed there was no color in her lips at all. "Jessie, please, just open your eyes and talk to me, okay?" He held her closer and laid his chin on her shoulder. He could feel her breathing and it was comforting, but he could also hear a wet, rattling noise in her chest each time she inhaled, and that scared him. He wet her lips again and she flinched. "Hey..." He smiled when she opened her eyes. "I knew you were in there...somewhere. Want some water?" He held the bottle out in front of her.

"No, I don't want anymore." Her voice was raspy, like she needed to clear her throat. She knocked the bottle out of his hand. "I think I drank too much...I feel sick."

"He could tell by the way she was just looking up at him, blinking, that again, she was looking at him but not seeing him. "It's just water, Jess."

"I don't feel good...I want to go home now."

"I know...soon, Jess...just a little while-" He stopped talking and looked toward the ceiling. He heard movement and muffled voices.He heard the trap door open and he stared, wide-eyed, as it swung open. Seconds later, the ladder slid into place and two pairs of legs came bounding down it's steps. Not recognizing either man, John pulled Jessie, protectively, as close to him as possible.

"Thank God." Brian Kerrigan said, as he and Mike Baker, a member of the Boston P.D., approached them. "We got 'em." He said into his walkie-talkie, then knelt down in front of John and Jessie. "My name's Brian Kerrigan...I work for your Father...this is Officer Baker...we're here to help you. We're gonna get you out of here." He looked down at Jessie. "Here...let me take her-"

"No!" John yelled. "Don't touch her...she needs to stay with me."

Kerrigan looked at John, closely. He could see the fever and pain in his eyes. He decided not to agitate him further and backed off. "Okay, buddy, okay. We'll wait for Agent Malone, okay? He's on his way...he'll be here any minute."

"Bailey? You know Bailey?" He relaxed a little, loosening his hold on Jessie.

"Yes, I've been working with him to find you. Is she okay?" He asked gently, as he reached out to touch Jessie's shoulder. He didn't like the way she looked or sounded, and the way she was staring at nothing, unnerved him. Her eyes looked glassy and dull, at the same time. "Jessie...hey...it's Brian. How's my girl?"

Jessie moved her eyes in his direction and smiled. "Brian...I'm...I'm in trouble now, right? Dad sent you to come get me."

Kerrigan looked at John. "What-"

"It's the fever, she's delirious..." John told him. "It comes and goes."

Kerrigan nodded. He moved his hand from her shoulder to her cheek and was surprised by how hot she was. "Jesus, she's really burnin' up." He moved his hand away and took out his walkie-talkie. "What's the e.t.a on the ambulance...we need to get them out of here..."

_"We'll be there in fifteen minutes." Grace answered._

"Hurry." He said, and put the walkie-talkie back in his pocket. "C'mon Baker, let's get their stuff together." He looked at John and smiled. "Almost there, buddy."

* * *

Tbc... 


	37. Chapter 37

Discalimer: Don't own it... :o(

Damn, I been trying to upload for days. It's 1:40a.m. and I can't believe it's finally working...woo-hoo!!

I'll have to hurry up and uplaod again before it goes down again...lol

* * *

John watched silently as Kerrigan and Baker gathered up anything that they had tossed aside the last couple of days. He was still a little wary of them but Jessie recognized Kerrigan, even in her feverish state, and that had made some of his apprehension melt away. He looked down at Jessie. She had drifted off again. It was getting harder for her to stay awake for more than a couple minutes at a time and even harder to wake her up. The latter was unsettling. He took a deep breath to settle himself and looked back up at the two men. Kerrigan was watching him.

"You okay?"

John nodded. "I'm just worried about her."

"You don't look too good yourself."

"I'm fine." John said sitting up straighter.

"Okay."

They both looked up when they heard footsteps approaching the ladder. Kerrigan went over to meet Bailey and Nathan as they walked down.

"They're in bad shape." He looked over his shoulder at John and Jessie. "They're both feverish, probably from infection. He doesn't want to let her go...he kinda freaked out when I suggested I take her from him. I figured you can talk to him...let him know I'm okay."

Bailey nodded and walked around Kerrigan to get to John. He couldn't help but smile. Sure, John looked like hell, but he was alive and that's what mattered.

"What took you guys so long?" John grinned when he saw Bailey and Nathan.

They crouched down on either side of him. Nate put his hand on John's shoulder. "You don't look too good, buddy."

"I don't feel too good, Nate. It's been a long couple of days. How'd you find us?"

"Kreiger called Angel." Bailey answered as he looked over John, and then Jessie. Kerrigan was right, they were in bad shape.

"He called Angel? Why would he call her?...she-"

"We'll talk about that later, John. Right now, we need to get the two of you out of here. We have an ambulance coming...and it would be easier for them if you were up in the office." Bailey touched Jessie's forehead and his brow creased at how hot it felt. He pushed damp curls from her face and he frowned when she didn't even flinch from being touched. "John, Brian is going to take Jessie up to the office, right now, okay? You know you can't take her yourself...Nathan and I will help you up the ladder...you'll be right behind her."

John looked from Bailey to Kerrigan, then back at Bailey. He conceded. "Okay, you can take her." He kissed Jessie's forehead and smiled when she opened her eyes. "Hey, we're getting out of here, Jess."

"We're going home..."

"Soon." Bailey told her. She moved her eyes toward him and he smiled at her. "Hey, kiddo."

"Bailey." She gave him a weak smile. "Is Dad with you?"

Bailey felt the others around him flinch, but he knew it was just the fever talking. The smile never left his face and he spoke softly. "No, honey, he's not...but it's gonna be okay...Robert will be here...and I'm here."

"Robert? Okay."

"Brian's gonna take you upstairs, now..." She barely managed to nod as she drifted off again. Bailey motioned Kerrigan over. "Take her out to the car...if the ambulance isn't here by the time we get John outside, we're taking them ourselves."

Kerrigan leaned down and picked Jessie up, cradling her in his arms. John was watching him. "Don't worry, I'll take care of her."

Bailey put his hand on John's cheek and patted it softly. " Hey, look at me." John did as he was told and Bailey smiled. "Kerrigan's okay. She'll be fine. C'mon, let's get you up."

"Okay. Just take it slow, my legs fell asleep."

Bailey and Nathan grabbed John underneath each of his arms and pulled him up slowly. He was fine, for a minute, and then his legs started to tingle as the blood rushed through them and the numbness melted away. When the pins and needles feeling hit his thigh, he doubled over and rubbed it with both hands, hoping to move it along quicker, because it was making his wounds throb and burn.

"Son-of-a-bitch...that hurts..." John said through clenched teeth.

"What's wrong with your leg?" Nathan asked, looking but not seeing anything.

"Razor wire...Langston wrapped it around my thigh...it's cut up bad...and it's infected."

"Can you walk?"

"Yeah, Bailey...just give me a minute."

Bailey nodded and unclipped the walkie-talkie from his belt. "Grace..."

_"We're about a block away, Bailey, there was a detour."_

"Okay. We'll have them outside." He turned to John. "Ready?"

"As ready as I'm gonna be, let's get outta here." John walked slowly to the ladder.

Nathan walked beside John, letting him lean on him for support, and Bailey walked behind them in case John lost his balance and fell back. They were out of the office and halfway to the exit when Kerrigan's frantic voice came over the walkie-talkie.

_"Shit! Malone, she's...dammit, she's having a seizure! Where the hell is that ambulance?!"_

_"Get her on her side...hold her, but hold her loosely...just enough to keep her from hurting herself."_ Grace's voice crackled over Bailey, Nathan, and Kerrigan's walkie-talkies.

Despite the pain it caused John ran towards the exit, Bailey and Nathan behind him. He pushed open the doors and squinted when the sun hit his face. When his eyes adjusted to the sunlight he spotted Kerrigan to his right and ran to him. Jessie had stopped convulsing and Kerrigan had her cradled in his arms again. He was pacing nervously, but stopped when he saw John, Nathan and Bailey.

"Jesus, she was talking to me..." There was a slight tremor in Kerrigan's voice. "...and I don't know...her eyes rolled back...she started shaking...Christ! She scared the hell out of me." He took a deep breath. "She seems okay now, though...she's just unconscious. What is taking them so long?"

"There they are." Nathan pointed at the ambulance that was headed towards them. It swung around and started to back up in front of them. Grace and two E.M.T's jumped out of the back when it came to a stop. The E.M.T's pulled two stretchers out with them and followed Grace. Sam got out of the passenger seat and ran over to John. She hugged him as she cried.

"Thank God, you're alright." She said over and over again.

Kerrigan put Jessie down on a stretcher and backed away, so Grace could check her out.

"We need to get her stable before we could mover her...cooling blanket..." She told the nearest E.M.T. "We need to get her temp down a little so she doesn't seize again." She put her stethescope to her chest and frowned at the noise she heard. "She's got a lot of fluid in her lungs." She and the E.M.T. inclined the head of the stretcher raise Jessie's upper body. "Get O2 started and a normal saline drip for the deydration." The other E.M.T. came back with the cooling balnket and they laid it across Jessie. " Call ahead... tell them to get an ice bath prepped...just in case." She noticed the bandage around Jessie's wrist and began to cut if off. She didn't like the way the skin surrounding it was discolored. "Dammit, this is it...this is what's causing the problems."

"What's wrong?" Bailey asked as he and the others leaned in to see what Grace was talking about.

Grace showed them the discoloration and the faint red line that ran up Jessie's arm, almost unnoticable. "It's blood poisoning." She eyed the three gashes, closely, as she cleaned them. "The one in the middle...that's the deepest...there must be a nicked vein...bacteria from the weapon got a free ride...to just about everywhere. We need to get her in now." She nodded to the E.M.T's and they lifted Jessie's stretcher and slid it into the back of the ambulance.

John watched silently as they put her into the back of the ambulance. She looked so pale and weak lying there on the stretcher, while Grace was examining her. He wanted to hold her again, to feel her breathe against him.

"Hey," Sam held John's hand and sqeezed gently, to get his attention. "You okay?"

"She looked...I don't know...I'm scared...she doesn't look good." He said miserably.

"Grace will make sure that she is taken care of...that both of you are are taken care of, okay. You're safe, now, we're going to get you well."

"Alright John, you're next." Grace stepped beside him, the two E.M.T's were behind her, standing on either side of a stretcher. She pointed to it. "Your chariot awaits.

John sat down on the edge of the stretcher. "Grace," He held her hand as she came towards him with her stethescope. "Will Jessie be okay?"

She didn't want to lie to him, but she didn't know what to tell him either. "We won't know anything until we see how far the blood poisoning has spread into her system and that fever is under control...but I promise you, honey, I'll look after her...until you get better. Now, c'mon, lay down so we could get you two to the hospital." She put her hand on his shoulder and eased him down on to the stretcher. She walked with the E.M.T's as they brought John to the back of the ambulance, waited until they got him inside and then walked back over to where the others were standing.

"What do you think?" Bailey asked as she approached them.

"I think another day would have made a big difference...especially for Jessie...we're lucky we got to them when we did. They're both suffering from infection and dehydration and Jessie has pnuemonia...John most likely has it too...that's all I can tell without a full examination...if that's all there is, it will take some time, but they should both be fine. I'm going to ride with them to the hospital. Sam?"

"Yeah, me too."

"Okay, we'll be there shortly...I want to check out some things here. The C.S.U. team found some blood evidence and I want to make sure the scene gets locked down thoroughly. I want to wait for Robert too...has anyone heard from him? Most of the other teams are here now..." No one had heard from him, so Bailey tried him on the walkie-talkie and his cell phone. He didn't get an answer from either of them.

"Maybe he went right to the hospital...after, ya know, he heard about the seizure." Kerrigan offered.

"Maybe. You two get goin." Bailey told Grace and Sam. "Call me if Robert's there. I'll keep trying reach him."

Grace and Sam left with the ambulance. Bailey went back into the wharehouse with the others to walk the cime scene. He tried contacting Robert again as he walked through the doors. There was no answer.

* * *

Tbc... 


	38. Chapter 38

Disclaimer: I do not own Profiler or it's characters...just the ones I created..

The last couple chapters will probably be a bit longer than usual...my goal is 40 chapters plus an epilogue, but who knows...I still got alot of stuff floating around my head and I might just decide to go all in...hhmmm.

* * *

Robert had been teamed up with Joey to help in the wharehouse searches and when Kerrigan told everyone they had been found, they changed direction and headed towards his location. They were close when they heard Kerrigan tell Bailey about the seizure and Robert's blood turned to ice in his veins. He went numb. Joey had tried to talk to him but everytime Robert opened his mouth to answer him, he had to fight the urge to scream. Joey pulled over and Robert opened his window and threw the walkie-talkie to the curb, breaking it. He couldn't do it. He couldn't listen to her die over the staticky airwaves of a walkie-talkie. They were too late. Damn Bailey, for giving him hope. For making him believe that Jessie would be alright.

"Get out." Robert stared out the window at the busted walkie-talkie.

"What?" Joey wasn't quite sure what he had said.

"Get out...get out of the car, Joey...now."

"But Robert...we should go...what about Jessie?...what if-"

"Get out of the car...now. I need to...I can't...he said she would be alright...I can't...just please get out...I have to go."

"Well, I'll go with you...you shouldn't be by yourself...I don't want to leave you by yourself."

"Go...I'll be fine."

"Robert-"

"Get out of the God damn car Joey!"

Joey got out of the car and stepped around to the passenger side. He leaned in the window. "Where you going?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know...I need to...I can't breathe...I'm sorry I yelled at you." Robert slid into the driver's seat. "Go back to the penthouse and wait for Agent Malone and his team...whatever they need you make sure it happens, got it?" Joey nodded and Robert gave him a half-smile, but his eyes were full of unshed tears. "I'll...I'll see you...uh...later, okay." He put the car in drive and drove away. Joey ran to the nearest pay phone.

Robert wasn't sure where he was going to go, he just knew he had to go somewhere. To keep moving. He felt like he was suffocating. _'We were too late. She's dead. Jessie's dead.'_ Was the mantra playing over and over again in his head. He put his foot down, hard, on the gas pedal and wove in and out of the traffic. It felt good, going fast. Driving dangerously. He didn't know where he was going, all he knew was that he couldn't stop. If he stopped his emotions would crush him.

* * *

They had gone over the wharehouse quickly, but thoroughly, and were anxious to get to the hospital. Nathan was staying behind with Lt. Rummel to help with the clean-up and organization. Bailey and Kerrigan were going to swing by the penthouse to pick up George and head over to the hospital. They had just pulled away from the wharehouse when Kerrigan's cell phone went off. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it, he didn't recognize the number. He shrugged and flipped it open. 

"Hello?"

_"Brian! It's me...Joey-"_

"Where the hell are you two?" He looked over at Bailey. "It's Joey." He told him.

"Robert's with him?"

"He should be. Joey, is Bobby with you?"

_"No, No. That's why I'm callin'. He told me to get out of the car and he drove away. My cell's in the car, that's why I'm callin from a pay phone. He got real upset when we heard about Jessie having a seizure. I think...I think, he thinks she's dead...that she died...Jessie's not, is she?...she can't be. He turned the walkie-talkie off...ya know afterwards...then he threw it out the window...so we didn't hear anything else...God, what happened?"_

"Jessie got through it...they're both at the hospital now..."

_Joey took a deep, settling breath._ _"Thank God. What do we do about Robert? I don't know where he went...he turned his cell off...I called a couple times and it goes right to voice mail."_

"Hold on a minute." Kerrigan told him, then explained the situation to Bailey, who had bee waiting, somewhat patiently, for Kerrigan to tell him what was going on.

"Have Joey go to the penthouse and pick up George...tell him to go to the hospital and let Sam and Grace know what's going on. We'll go look for Robert." Bailey told him.

Kerrigan nodded in agreement. "Okay Joey, listen..." He told Joey what to do and then answered any questions he had. "Take Jessie's car, you have a copy of the key don't you? Look in Patrick's desk, there should be a spare there. Uh...yeah, you could probably do that...bring comfortable stuff, ya know...sweatpants...tee-shirts. I don't know, buddy, we'll have to wait and see. Yeah, I know you do. I'll see you at the hospital." He hung up with Joey and called Robert. It went right to voice mail. He left a message, for him to call back immediately, and closed his phone. "What the hell's wrong with him? Whether something had happened to Jessie or not...he should've been there..."

"He's been through alot...up until now he's handled it pretty well...it was just a matter of time before it caught up with him."

"How do we find him? Shit! He could be anywhere."

"Well, let's start at his place...and we'll keep calling his phone, he may snap out of it and turn it back on-"

"Idiot!" Kerrigan slapped himself on the forehead, then looked at Bailey and said quickly. "I didn't mean you...I meant, I'm an idiot. Joey's cell phone...he left it in the car with Robert. He may have turned his cell off, but he wouldn't turn off Joey's. Maybe if we keep calling it, he'll answer...it couldn't hurt." He tossed Bailey his cell phone, as he drove. "Speed dial five...don't stop until he answers."

* * *

'It's been almost twenty minutes...give up already!" Robert yelled, glancing over at Joey's jacket, lying on the passenger seat. His cell phone had been ringing constantly, with only a pause long enough for whoever was calling to get put into voice mail, hang up, and call again. There was a moment of silence, then it started again. "Son-of-a-bitch!" He reached over and dug through the jacket's pockets until he found the phone. He pulled it out. His first thought was to toss the damn thing out the window, but something made him look to see who was calling. _'Brian. What the hell is so important that he needs to call Joey non-stop for twenty_ _minutes?'_ He flipped it open. 

"Joey's at the penthouse, call there." He said angrily.

_"Robert, it's Bailey-"_

"Bailey? Bailey, what are you...I already know."

_"You don't know anything, Robert. Jessie is not dead...she's at Boston General being treated...John's there too. They're alive...you here me? Jessie is alive. Where are you?"_

Silence.

_"Robert? Robert, where are you?"_

Robert had to pull over. He couldn't see, his eyes were blurry tears. He was holding his breath, trying to keep his composure. "Jessie's alive? Jessie's alive...she's not..."

_Bailey gave him a couple of minutes to let what he had told him sink in. "Are you okay? Where are you?"_

"I don't know...I was just driving...not paying attention to anything. I'm pulled over now...Jesus, Bailey, I'm sorry. I thought she was...I should have come anyway...I just needed to get away..."

_"I understand...it's alright. Give yourself a couple more minutes before you start driving again, okay? We'll meet you at the hospital."_

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, Bailey...I'll...uh...I'm on my way."

* * *

Robert got off the elevator ten minutes after Bailey and Kerrigan. He went to the nurses station and they directed him to the Emergency Room waiting area. He walked through the doors and Bailey, Kerrigan, Sam, George, and Joey stopped talking and looked at him. 

"Any news?" Robert asked joining them.

"Grace is back there with them, she hasn't come out yet." Sam told him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm better." Robert smiled, then guilt washed over his face. "Bailey, I'm really sorry about takin' off...there's was enough going on without you having to worry about me. I couldn't...I just couldn't stand the thought of losing-"

Bailey put his hand on Robert's shoulder and squeezed gently. "Hey, we didn't lose _anyone_, okay? I told you, before, it's alright. Don't give it another thought."

Robert nodded. "Yeah, okay...thanks Bailey."

"There's Grace." George said as Grace came through the E.R. door and walked towards them. She looked exhausted. She smiled, reassuring everyone.

"How are they?" Bailey took the lead, so she wasn't bombarded with dozens of questions at once.

"John's doing well. There's a laceration on his chest that's been cleaned and dressed...that didn't require stitches. He did require stitches on a laceration on his side...I stopped counting at 36, but the wound is clean...there was no infection. The wound on his thigh, though, that caused a lot of damage and it's infected. There's a lot of dead tissue that has to be removed and he may lose some muscle as well. He's very lucky...if they hadn't kept it somewhat clean, like they did, the infection could of went to the bone...and that may have led to amputation. He'll probably need a couple of skin and muscle graphs to help rebuild what he's going to lose and to help with the scarring, but that's nothing compared to the alternative. He has some bruised ribs, pnuemonia in his right lung and is mildly dehydrated...but they've started treatment and he should recover from that fairly quickly. He lost a significant amount of blood and is in alot of pain...he doesn't have the distraction of taking care of Jessie anymore, so it's all caught up with him. They have him on painkillers and they gave him a mild sedative, so he'll sleep...he's extremely exhuasted...mentally and phsyically."

"Can we see him?" George asked, relieved that his friend was going to be alright.

"They'll be moving him to a room in a hour or so...they want to watch him for a little while, so you can see him then. Right now, he needs to be left alone to rest."

Bailey nodded in agreement. "If that's what he needs, that's what he'll get." He glanced over at Robert, he knew Robert wasn't going to ask about Jessie, he was too scared of what he might hear. "And Jessie?"

"She's struggling...but she's still fighting. The blood poisoning severely compromised her immune system...it brought about the pnuemonia, which is in both lungs, but it has not effected any other organs or systems...which is very good. They had to put in a chest tube to keep draining the fluid build up and to keep her lungs from collapsing. She has a minor head wound, which required six stitches and the lacerations on her wrist have been cleaned, stitched, and dressed...no ligaments or tendons were severed and they cauterized the nicked vein, so she will have full use after the initial recovery. The main concern right now is the fever. Cooling blankets are keeping it under control, but her temp is staying at a steady 105...she could seizure again at any time and in her current weakened condition...it's...well, it's not good. She's lost alot of blood and is severely dehydrated, because of the fever, and her immune system is just not strong enough to handle everything going on right now. They have her stablized and are treating the blood poisoning, pnuemonia, and the dehydration...but if they can't get her fever down in the next half hour, they're going to put her in an ice bath."

"Jesus, they still do that?" George winced at the idea.

"Only in extreme circumstances...and in a half hour, if her fever has not gone down, it will be extreme. As bad as it sounds...it will help her."

"Is she awake?" Robert asked, his voice wavering a bit.

"She's still unconscious...but if they have to use the ice bath, that will definitly wake her. It will be painful and she'll fight it..." She stepped closer to Robert and put her hand on his shoulder. "She may need you to be there...to help her get through it...will you be able to handle that?"

Robert didn't know if he could or not, but if Jessie needed him, he would do whatever it took. He nodded. "Absolutely...whatever it takes."

"Well, I'm gonna head back and check on them. You should all go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat and drink...until they're in their own rooms, there's not much you can do. I'll call if they wake up or there's a change in their condition."

Bailey agreed and took the lead, again, by saying they would _all_ take a break and go to the cafeteria. Grace waited until he had ushered them along towards the elevators and the doors closed around them, before she went back through the E.R. doors.

* * *

Tbc... 


	39. Chapter 39

Discalimer: Don't own it, so I settled for the dvds

Okay, so much for ending it at 40 chapters...there's still alot more I want to say, so my new goal is 45. LOL

* * *

John felt someone hovering over him. They placed a cool, damp cloth on his forehead and then ran it slowly down each of his cheeks. It felt good. He opened his eyes to see Grace smiling down at him. He managed a weak grin as he blinked his eyes to focus on her.

"Hey Grace..." His voice was thick and raspy with sleep.

"How are you feelin', hon? Any pain?"

John shook his head. "Just tired...and thirsty."

Grace filled a cup with water, dropped a straw in it, and held it to his lips. "It's nice and cold."

The cold water felt good as it filled his dry mouth and ran down his throat. He drank what he needed and gently pushed it away. "Thank you." His eyelids felt like they had weights pulling them down and he was having trouble keeping them open.

Grace noticed him struggling to stay awake. "Don't fight it, John. They gave you a sedative...you need to rest, you're exhausted. Everything's okay...just rest."

"Jessie..." He mumbled sleepily. He was fighting a losing battle to stay awake.

"She's being taken care of, honey...sshh." Grace put her hand on his forehead and moved her thumb in small circles, in the spot just between his eyes, to soothe him. "That's it..." She watched his face softened, as his body relaxed, and listened as his breathing became deep and steady with sleep. Leaning down and kissing his cheek, she whispered. "It's good to have you back." She adjusted his blankets, checked his I.V. ports and left his room to go check on Jessie.

The attending Emergency Room doctor, Dr.James Buccannon, called out to her when he saw her walking down the hall towards Jessie's room.

"Dr. Alverez," He walked quickly to meet her halfway. "I was looking for you. We're going to go ahead with the ice bath...there's been no change in Miss O'Doyle's temperature. They're bringing her to it now... I thought you would want to tell your friends. The room we use is close to the waiting room...you need to prepare them for what they may hear."

"Thank you Doctor, I will. Hopefully, she won't regain consciousness until it's over."

"I'll send someone for you, if I need to..."

Grace nodded. She walked through the waiting room doors, and tried to hide the concern she felt, but it didn't work. Sam picked up on it right aaway.

"What's wrong?" Sam didn't try to hide hers, concern showed all over her face. "Are they okay?"

"John's fine. He's sleeping." Grace took a deep breath. "It looks like Jessie's going to need the ice bath, though, that's why I came out here ...listen everyone, if she wakes up, it's going to be very uncomfortable for her...and you'll hear it." Grace tried to put it as delicatly as she could. "It will sound bad, but trust me, she needs it if she's going to get better."

* * *

Buccannon looked on as two orderlies lifted Jessie's limp body, covered only in a hospital gown, from the gurney and placed her in to a tub half-filled with water and ice. They stood on either side of the tub, watching and waiting, ready to spring in to action if she were to wake up and realize where she was. A minute, that was all they had to wait before Jessie's mind screamed for her to wake up and get the hell out of Dodge, because it was too damn cold to lay there. 

The cold water brought her from her warm, comfortable darkness and slammed her into a freezing, harsh florescent-light reality. She thrashed against the cold porcelin tub and the ordlies knelt, as they reached in to hold her down, to keep her from hurting herself. She opened her eyes, fully aware now, and struggled hard as they held her. Buccannon knelt down in front of her and tried to calm her. He tried to explain what was happening, but she wasn't hearing any of it. Fighting them, with panic induced strength, she pushed, kicked, and thrashed around the tub, making it near impossible for the orderlies to hold her. Then, came the yelling and screaming. Calling Patrick, Sal, Robert and just about everyone else she could remember, in her current state of mind, she screamed for help. The water was too cold. It was so cold that it hurt. She begged for John, remembering how warm she felt when he was holding her. Calling out to him, she begged him over and over again to help her, to keep her warm.

* * *

"Jesus, it sounds like torture." Robert stood up and began to pace. They could hear Jessie loud and clear through the waiting room walls and he wanted it to stop. 

Joey tried to block it out by covering his ears, but it didn't work. He wanted desperatley to answer her, to help her, but he knew there was nothing he could do. He started to feel sick. He needed to get some air before his stomach emptied out all over the waiting room floor. "I need some air." He got up and walked quickly through the waiting room doors and to the nearest exit.

Kerrigan paled and was visibly shaken, as he sat feeling useless, listening to Jessie's struggling. "For Christ's sake couldn't they have done something else."

"Nothing else worked...it was the only option they had." Grace told him.

"How long does she have to be in there?" Bailey leaned forward in his chair, squeezing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. He was tring to keep his reation neutral, for the sake of the other's, but he wasn't sure he could do it much longer.

"They want to get her temp down to at least 101, so it depends on how quickly her body reacts and adjusts. They'll keep her in there until they get the number they're looking for."

"Excuse me, Dr Alverez..." A nurse said from behind her. "...Dr. Buccannon is asking for you."

Grace nodded, then looked over at Robert. "This is it...you sure you want to go in there?"

"No..but I'm going anyway." Robert followed Grace and the nurse through the double doors that would take him to Jessie.

"This is crazy...how could they let her go on like that...I can't believe there's no other way." Kreiger stood up and rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. He started pace, trying to decide what he wanted to do. "I can't listen to it anymore...she shouldn't have to go through that, not after everything's she's been through already. I'm gonna go check on Joey...could you..."

"We'll come get you...when it's done." Sam told him.

"Yeah...uh...thanks. Thank you."

"It' hard for them." Sam said, watching as Kerrigan left the waiting room.

"It's hard for everyone." Bailey stated matter-of-factly.

"C'mon, you've seen them, Bailey...they're a family...like we're a family. Patrick was more than _'the boss'_ to them, you can see that, and they're all Jessie's protectors...her big brothers...and like any big brother, they feel useless when they can't help."

"Speaking of big brothers, I'm glad John was spared this. He's been through alot, I'm worried about him."

Sam smiled inwardly, John was the son Bailey never had, and she loved the moments it showed. She put her hand on Bailey's. "He'll be okay, Bailey...he has us and he has Jessie...he'll get through it, so she can."

* * *

Kerrigan found Joey sitting on the bumper of a parked ambulance, smoking a cigarette. 

"When did you start smoking?" He asked sitting down next to him.

"Tonight. I bummed it off a security guard." Joey looked at Kerrigan and frowned. "I thought they were suppose to settle your nerves."

Kerrigan smiled. "Yeah, I heard that one too. You okay?"

"I just couldn't listen anymore...I wanted to go in there...to make it stop...Jesus, you heard her, she was in pain..."

"I know, buddy, I know...but it's gonna help her, you'll see."

"Sal, Patrick, and now...this. She shouldn't have to deal with so much...she deserves better." He threw the cigarette down and grounded it into the asphault with his foot. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I love her, Brian...I lover her alot."

"I know you do."

"I never told her...I mean, I've said 'I love you', but I haven't told her I'm in love with her...I didn't think it would matter...if Patrick ever found out we were ever together...well, I could just imagine what he would've done...Robert and Sal were bad enough...I was so scared when Jessie told them we were seeing each other...they said to wait and see how the relationship developed before we tell Patrick...now he'll never know. He'll never know, he introduced me to the one...the one person I want to be with...always."

Brian smiled at him. He envied him for knowing, at 26, what he had yet to figure out at 35. "Patrick liked you alot, Joey... and he had to trust you even more... he trusted you to watch over Jessie, when he couldn't...there are very few of us that he gave that trust to." He put his hand on Joey's shoulder and squeezed. "He probably would've have hated it at first, but I think Patrick would have been okay with you two...I think he would have been happy for both of you."

"I wish I could know for sure, though, ya know?"

"Yeah, kid, I know."

"We should probably go back inside, huh?"

"Not if you don't want to, Joey."

"I want to...I want to be there for her."

"Okay, let's head back in."

* * *

Robert had tried to prepare himself for what he was about to walk in to, after all, he heard what it sounded like, but it was ten times worse then what he had imagined. He watched, completely shaken and dumbfounded, for several minutes as the two orderlies tried to hold Jessie down, safely, in the water while Bucannon knelt by her head, holding it, to keep her from banging it against the tub. She had worked herself up in to a frenzy and he was talking to her, trying desperately to reach her. She was fighting them hard. Yelling, cursing, screaming. Never letting up. The orderlies were definitly paying for holding her down. One, had the beginnings of a black eye and scratches on his face, the other, had a bloody nose and fat lip. Buccannon looked up, noticing Robert and Grace for the first time. 

"Check her temp." He told Grace, then focused on Robert. "We could use your help...don't worry, it's uncomfortable and she's scared, but it's not hurting her."

Robert nodded nervously. He stepped up to the side of the tub and called Jessie's name until she heard him.

Jessie stopped struggling when Robert's voice, finally, got through to her. Her eyes locked on his, they were wild and pleading with him. "Robert! Please help me! Please get me out of here,please!" Her voice was hoarse from all her yelling and screaming. "Please, it hurts...it's too cold...it hurts...Robert please."

"103.9." Grace told Bucannon. She had taken advantage, when Jessie had stopped struggling, and slipped the thermometer into her ear. Jessie never even felt it. "Just a little bit longer, Jessie."

"What!?" Jessie just realized that neither of them were there to help her...to rescue her. She looked desperately at Robert, her eyes both accused and begged him. "Robert please..."

"Jess, listen to me...we need to get your temperature down...this is the only way...you have to-"

He really wasn't going to help her...she went crazy. "I hate you!" She screamed at him. She fought the orderlies and Buccannon, with everything she had, while cursing and yelling at Robert. Telling him she hated him, will always hate him for this and calling him every foul name she knew.

Robert flinched, visibly, the verbal attack clearly hitting home. He knew she didn't mean it, that she didn't know what she was saying, that it was just her illnesss speaking, but it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. His first thought, was to say _'fuck it'_ and get her out of there...to do what she had begged him to do, but he knew he couldn't. She needed this to get better. His second thought, was to do what he knew Patrick would have done ... climb in there, hold her, and sufffer with her, but he knew that was physically impossible. _'Either I'm too big or the tub's too small...take your pick.'_ He said to himself. _'Stop thinking and do something!'_ His mind yelled. He stepped up behind the orderly with the bloody nose and fat lip and tapped him on the shoulder. "Get up...let me in there."

The orderly gave Buccannon a worried look, but moved away when he nodded. "Good luck, man." He told Robert as they switched places.

Robert leaned into the tub as far as he could, the cold water soaking the front of his shirt and causing gooseflesh to break out all over his body, grabbed Jessie by the shoulders and told the other orderly and Bucannon to let her go. When they did, he pulled her to him. He held her head to his chest with one hand and her body as close to him, as the situation would allow, with the other. She continued to struggle against him, soaking him from head to toe, but he held on tight.

"Stop," His voice was soothing as he spoke. He laid his cheek on top of her head. "Jessie, please stop... you're okay...I'm here...I got you...please stop...sshh...listen to me,okay...please."

She stopped yelling, but still struggled against him, although not as hard as she had been. Then, she stopped completely and wrapped her arms around him.

"Good..." He told her. "Thank you. You're okay, Jess...just hold on to me."

"Robert..." It was if she had just realized he was there.

"Yeah...it's okay...I'm here."

"It's so cold...it's so cold, it hurts...it hurts alot." She started to cry.

"I know, Jess, I'm sorry. You're doing so good...just a little bit longer..."

"Okay." Her voice was muffled, as she sobbed against his chest.

He held her tighter and swayed gently from side to side until she stopped crying.

"Let's try her temp again." Bucannon suggested.

Grace nodded while she wiped tears from her eyes and face. Watching Robert with Jessie was heartbreaking and she just wanted to hold them both. She picked up the thermometer and knelt down beside Robert. she smiled. "You did good."

Robert smiled back at her. "Thank you."

Grace put the thermometer in her ear and Jessie looked up at her. She reached out and pushed hair out of Jessie's face. "You are doing so good, honey." She said smiling at her. The thermometer beeped and Grace looked at the reading. "101.4" She said aloud.

"Okay...good enough...we'll start her on human protein c for the blood poisoning and augmentin for the pnuemonia...with the fever weakened her immune system will get stronger...she'll be able to fight one thing at time instead of everything at once. Let's get her out of there."

The orderlies pushed the gurney close to the tub. Robert loosened his hold on Jessie.

"I'm gonna take you out now, okay? Hold on to me." Jessie nodded and he lifted her out of the tub, turned and laid her on the gurney. He adjusted her hospital gown , covering as much skin as it would allow and then pulled a blanket over her. She was shivering. He put his hand on her forehead and moved his thumb gently across it. "That's it, kiddo...it's over." He wispered. A ghost of a smile appeared on her face and he smiled back.

She felt the gurney start to move and she reached out and grabbed his forearm. "Stay..." She said weakly.

She was coming down hard from the adreniline rush of the past twenty minutes and she couldn't keep her eyes open. Robert bent down and kissed her cheek then moved his head to whisper in her ear. "Sleep...I'll be right here."

* * *

Alright, after reading it for the hundreth time (slight exaggeration) I'm just gonna say _'the hell with it'_ and post it. The Kerrigan/Joey conversation just kind of happened...I don't know where it came from...and I'm not sure I like it, but after deleting it, copying it and pasting it over and over again, I figured someone was trying to tell me something...who or what I don't know. So, if you like it...yay me! If you don't...well that's okay...cause like I said, I'm not sure I do either. Thanks for reading!

Tbc...


	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: Don't feel like writin' one, so there! (sticking tongue out)...please don't sue me though...I'm po

* * *

Hours later they moved John to a private room. Sam, Bailey, and George were sitting in his room, quietly discussing what they had left to do to close the case and get back to Georgia. When John groaned they stopped talking and looked in his direction. He opened his eyes and squinting at the bright overhead light that was hanging over him, he reached up and pushed it away. It hit his I.V. pole causing it to wobble from side to side. Sam moved quickly to his side and steadied it.

"Hey, hey...careful...don't pull anything out." She turned the light off and moved it to the other side of the pole. "Better?"

John nodded. "Thanks Sam."

George stepped up to the side of the bed and put his hand on John's. "It's good to have you back, John. We uh...were worried there, for a moment."

"Me too, Georgie." John grinned and moved his hand to put it over George's. "Thanks." He shifted in the bed, groaned, and rubbed at his thigh.

"You okay, John?" Bailey put his hand on John's shoulder, concerned about the pain he saw flicker across John's face.

"I feel like I was hit by a truck...twice. Everything's sore...my thigh hurts the worst, though, it's throbbing." He winced.

"I could get a nurse." George offered.

"No, it's okay...it's not too bad." He shifted again and started to cough. The coughing lasted several minutes, when it stopped he was breathing heavily and holding his side. "Ow..damn that hurts."

"Easy, John." Bailey told him. "You have some bruised ribs to go with that cut, so coughing is not going to feel good for quite a while."

"The bad news is, you have pnuemonia and you need to cough...it's the only way to get better...to get that junk out of your lung." Sam added. "So, don't try to hold it back...besides I'm sure that will make it hurt worse."

"So I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't...terrific."

Sam reached over and ruffled his hair. "Hey, you're never gonna get out of here with that attitude."

"I know." He said quietly. He looked around the room, just noticing that Grace wasn't there."Where's Grace? How's Jessie doing?"

"Grace is with Jessie. She's doing alot better since they got her fever under control...they had to put her in an ice bath to do it, but it did the job."

"Ice bath? Jesus, she's okay now, though, right? Is she awake? I want to see her."

"John, relax...calm down, don't get all worked up and get yourself-" Bailey didn't bother to finish what he was going to say, because John brought the thought to life. He started to cough and he doubled over holding his side. "Easy, John, easy." He looked at Sam and George. "Sam, see if you can find Grace...he's needs to know what's going on with Jessie. George, go get a nurse...he's needs something for pain." They left and his attention went back to John. He was on his side, curled up, his eyes squeezed shut from the pain his cough was causing. "Try to relax, John..." He rubbed John's back and shoulder. "If you relax, it'll stop."

"...hurts..." John managed to say through clenched teeth.

"I know, that's why you need to relax and stay calm."

George came back with a nurse, after checking the orders on John's chart, she gave him something for pain and a mild sedative to keep him calm and rested. She went through the routine of checking his temperature, his pulse and listening to his chest.

"I know it hurts Mr. Grant, but you'll have to cough to get that lung clear."

John cleared his thoat. "So, I've heard." He said sarcastically.

The nurse smiled at him, understanding his sarcasm. "Can I get you somethig to eat...you slept through dinner but I can get you something. They will not be bringing you breakfast in the morning because you're scheduled for surgery at eleven."

"Surgery?"

"Yes, on your thigh. The doctor will be in to discuss the procedure with you a little later. So, would you like something? Something light...like soup?"

"Soup is fine...preferably chicken noodle."

"Chicken noodle it is. Is there anything else I could get you?"

"No. Thank you."

"Okay, I'll be back." The nurse smiled at both men and left.

"Feelin' any better?"

"A little...the pain has eased up, but I'm tired...I hate feelin' so damn weak."

"You've been through alot, John...your body needs to heal...rest and you'll get stronger."

"I know, I know. Can you uh...get me some water?"

"Sure." Bailey poured him some water and gave it to him. "Look John, I'm not saying it needs to be done right now, but we're going to need an account of what happened...from the time you were taken until the time we found you. We could wait a couple more days, but we need to close up this case as soon as possible. Boston and Georgia ar both waiting for the reports."

"Okay. After my surgery...that okay?"

"That's fine."

John got quiet for several moments. He was absently pulling at the fuzz on the blanket that was lying across him. He looked up at Bailey, opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and looked back down at the blanket and his hands.

Bailey noticed he was struggling with something. "What is it, John?"

"Patrick's uh...was he...did they find him...where is he?" He glanced up at Bailey, but went back to watching his hands.

"We found him not long after they dump-...after they left him. Kreiger called me and told us where to find him. Robert had him cremated. When you and Jessie are ready...there will be a service and he'll be buried with Carolyn and Travis."

John nodded. His hands looked blurry and he realized his eyes had welled up with tears. He wiped at them and went back to playing with the fuzz on the blanket. He felt Bailey's hand on his shoulder and his eyes welled up again. He drew in a quivering breath. "Thanks Bailey."

"Hey, look who's awake." Grace was cheerfully loud when she and Sam walked in John's room. When she got closer to the bed she noticed the somber look on both men's faces. "Everything okay?"

John ignored the question and changed the subject. "Were you with Jessie? How is she?"

"Much better now that her fever is under control. She's on a new and very effective drug for the blood poisoning...which is working quite well. And, she's being treated for the double pnuemonia, which she is also doing well with. She's young John, once they give her immune system a kickstart, her recovery will be quick. She's been in an out of consciousness, but not enough to be aware of anything. Robert is with her, so don't worry, she's not alone."

"I want to see her."

"You can't right now...the doctor has limited her visitors to just us and Robert for the moment. Her immune system is still weak and they want to keep the room as clean and germ free as possible...you're too sick to see her...maybe early next week. Besides, you're having surrgery in the morning, you'll be restricted to your bed...it will be a few days before you could get up and move around."

"She'll want to see me, when she wakes up." John said quietly.

"I know, honey...she'll understand why she can't. And, like I said, Robert is with her...he's definitly not going to leave her alone. I had to drag him out of the room just to get him to change his shirt, which by the way was soaked in cold water..." She laughed. "The man can be very stubborn...if there wasn't a bathroom in her room he would probably use the bedpans."

The nurse came in and set up a tray in front of John. She placed his soup and a can of ginger ale down. "Can I get you anything else?"

"No." John gave her half a smile. "Thanks."

"No problem. Just give me a buzz if you need me." The nurse smiled at everyone and left.

"That doesn't look too bad." Sam nodded towards the soup.

"Help yourself. I'm not really hungry."

"John, you need to eat something, even if it's just half. When was the last time you ate?"

He smiled. "I had some vienna sausages and a bag of chips when we were in the bunker."

"Yuck." George wrinkled up his nose and smiled.

"Yeah, that's what Jessie said...she ate twinkies."

"So, what?...you haven't really had anything since we all had pizza Monday night. C'mon John, you have to eat a little something else, okay? Please, for me." Grace played the _'do it for me'_ card knowing he could never say no.

"Okay." John gave in. He picked up the spoon and began eating. They talked, keeping the subjects light, to distract John and keep his mind off Jessie and what had happened to them. Before he knew it, he had eaten the entire bowl of soup. "I guess I was hungrier than I thought." He drank some ginger ale and sat back into his pillows.

"Good job." Grace said as she pushed the tray away from the bad and out of the way.

"Thanks Mom." John grinned.

Grace put her hand on John's cheek and pinched it playfully. "Whatever it takes." He yawned and she patted his shoulder. "You should get some sleep."

"I'm okay...I'm not that tired."

Sam smiled, watching him as he blinked excessively to keep his eyes from closing. She reached out and gently touched his forehead. She ran her fingers, slowly back and forth and along his temple. "Get some sleep, okay...we'll be here when you wake up."

John nodded sleepily. "Just for a minute." He closed his eyes and then opened them. "Bailey?" He mumbled, closing his eyes again.

"Yeah, John."

"You'll make sure they're alright...Jessie...Robert..."

"They're safe, John. You're all safe now, it's over."

"...'kay..."

They stood around him, quietly, for several minutes, waiting, to make sure he was asleep. After listening to his steady, deep breathing they stepped away from the bed and headed towards the door.

"Coffee sound good to everyone?" Grace whispered. Bailey, Sam and George nodded in agreement, so they left John's room and went to the cafeteria.

* * *

Two days later...

_Jessie is sitting in one of Sal's box seats at the racetrack. It's hot and she's drinking a blue rasberry Icee as she waits for the races to begin. Blue, one of Sal's horses, is racing today and she has bet on him, big, to win. She looks around and wonders why she is alone. Sal's box seats are usually filled with friends or men that work for him and Patrick, but it's just her. Not even Joey, her shadow, as Patrick calls him, is there and that's really weird. 'Maybe they went for beer and snacks.' She thinks and looks back down at the track. Then, she feels someone watching her and she looks behind her and sees Sal. She smiles at him, gets up and sits next to him. 'Where ya been? The race is about to start.' She looks around and it's just the two of them there. 'Where is everyone?'_

_'Hey.' Sal says, watching her as she scans the surrounding area for anyone else. 'Jessie...'_

_Jessie looks at him. She notices scars on his face that she doesn't remember seeing before. She shrugs it off. 'Want some?' She holds her Icee out to him. 'It's hot today.'_

_'No.' He answers and watches as she pulls it back and sits back in her seat, focusing on the racetrack. 'Jessie...'_

_'Yeah.' She answers, but doesn't look at him. 'Hey, if Blue wins, you're buyin' dinner.'_

_'Jessie, look at me.'_

_She does. Looking hard at the scars on his face, it bothers her that she never noticed them before. 'Something wrong?' She asks, then reaches out, touches his face, and traces one of the scars with her finger. 'Sal, was this always here?'_

_Sal takes her hand and holds it in his. 'Jessie, I'm sorry you had to see me like that...that you had to find me that way.'_

_She smiles at him, but looks at him like he has three heads. 'Saw you like what? What're you talkin' about?'_

_'She's dreaming Sal...she doesn't know...she doesn't want to know.' Patrick says from behind them. He walks over, kisses the top of Jessie's head and sits down next to her. 'Hey Jess...how's my girl?'_

_'Dad, did you put money on Blue?' She asks him, it's as if he's been there the whole time. 'What the hell? The race should have started already.'_

_'There's not gonna be a race, Jess.' Sal still hasn't let go of her hand._

_'Huh? How come?' She takes a long drink of the Icee and shakes her head at the brain-freeze it causes. 'Ow.' She laughs. 'If there's no race, could we go to Ray's? I'm hungry.'_

_'Jessie, this isn't real...you're dreaming...we're-'_

_'Leave it alone, Sal...she's not ready...'_

_'You guys are acting weird. What's up? Can we go get something to eat or what?'_

_'We should go...she shouldn't stay here long.' Patrick tells Sal._

_'Where we goin?'_

_Patrick runs his fingers across her cheek, leans forward and kisses her forhead. "Sal and I are going...you're gonna wake up...it'll be alright...Robert will be there. He'll take care of you.'_

_'Dad?' She's confused and she looks at both men for answers._

_Patrick pulls her to him so their foreheads are touching. ' I love you...don't ever forget that.'_

_'I won't. Dad-' She stops when he moves away from her and stands up. She looks at Sal. Tears are rolling down his face and she hugs him. 'What's wrong?'_

_'I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...it's all my fault...everything...it's my fault.' He whispers, then pulls away from her and stands up. 'You're a good kid.' He tells her. 'You've always been a good kid...even when you weren't so good.' He smiles and put his hand on top of her head. 'I love you, you know...'_

_She smiles up at him. 'I know...I love you too.'_

_'Bye kid.' Sal walks around the seats, to where Patrick is waiting, and the two of them walk away from her._

_'Wait! I want to come with you!' Jessie stands up. They keep walking as if they don't hear her. 'Hey! I want to go too!' She yells again, but doesn't move. Somehow she knows she can't go with them. 'Dad! Sal!'_

_They both turn around. They're far away but she can hear Patrick as if he's standing next to her. 'We'll always be with you...when you need us, you just talk to us, okay? We'll hear you, I promise...and we could talk to you in your dreams, so no more mightmares, okay? You think about us and we'll talk...like now. When you're ready, we'll talk again. One way or another, Jessie, we will always be with you.' Patrick turns around and continues walking. Sal waves at her and then, follows Patrick._

_Jessie touches her face. Her cheeks are wet with tears. She watches as Patrick amd Sal fade away. She wants to move, to follow them, but her legs won't cooperate. She wants to call out to them, but her throat is dry and sore. She remembers she's still holding the Icee and she takes a long drink. It soothes her throat, but the cold goes right to her chest and she starts to cough..._

* * *

Tbc...


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: Still don't own it...

Sorry, it's been awhile guys. I had Sinusitis all last week and the headaches made it impossible to concentrate and forget about looking at a computer screen. I didn't realize how big this chapter was until I uploaded it...sorry it's a bit long. One I got back in to it, I didn't stop until I got all I wanted to say out...oops! Hope you like it...

* * *

She was coughing. A steady, rolling continuous cough and she was aware enough to realize that it was actually helping. She could feel the pressure in her chest shift with each cough, as the congestion in her lungs shook loose. She also realized, that though she felt warm, it was nothing like the heat she felt earlier. _'I'm getting better.'_ She thought.

"John?" Jessie's voice was weak and it came out like a weezing, whisper. She opened her eyes and then closed them again, the light around her was brighter than it was the last couple of days. She tried to clear her throat, but it was useless. It was so dry it felt like she had a mouthful of cotton. Opening her eyes again, slower this time, she squinted as her eyes adjusted to the light and tried to focus them. She licked her lips and swallowed, trying to generate some moisture, then tried again. "John?"

Robert was sleeping in a chair, next to Jessie's bed, and except for using the bathrooom, he never left it. She had been unconscious since the ice bath and often called Patrick, John, Travis, Carolyn and, even, Bailey in her sleep, so when he heard her call John's name, the first time, he didn't think anything of it. When he heard it the second time, she had sounded different to him, he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. Her eyes were open. He jumped up from the chair, slid his hand into hers, and hovered over her. "Jessie..."

Jessie's eyes slowly found his and for a moment she just blinked at him. Robert. She studied the room. A hospital.  
Her eyes found Robert's again. _'Was it all a dream?'_ She wondered.

"Jess, are you okay?"

"Robert, am I sick?"

Robert put his hand on her forehead and drew feather-lite circles across her skin with his thumb. "Yeah, baby, you're sick." He smiled. "You're getting better though...you're gonna be okay."

Her eyes wandered around the room again. "I'm in the hospital?"

"Yes." He answered. "You and John were brought here after you were rescued from the wharehouse."

"John's here too?" If John was in the hospital too, then it could not have been a dream. She grabbed Robert's shirt and twisted it in her fist. "Where's...where's Dad?" Her eyes were locked on his, wide with panic, and she started to shake. She saw the truth and pain reflected in his eyes and just like that, the events of the last few days played like an old 8mm movie in her head and there was no stopping it.

Robert watched as the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. There was nothing he could do but wait it out. She would let him know what to do next. Then, ignoring anything that she had attached to her, she sat up and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him fiercely. He hugged her back, just as forceful, rubbing her back and rocking her, as the sobs came. She was saying something but it was muffled as she cried in to his chest, so he only understood parts of it.

"Racetrack...Sal...scars on his face...Dad...dreaming...blue rasberry...had to go...always with me...waved...couldn't go..."

He pieced together that she had a dream about Patrick and Sal and he cursed silently, wondering if Jessie would ever be able to sleep a dreamless, peaceful sleep. "Sshh...it's okay...sshh."

Jessie pulled away and looked up at him, her eyes were brimming with tears. "He said...he said you'd be here when I woke up...that you'd take care of me..." Guilt washed over her face and she looked down. "I didn't mean it...I would never..." She drew in a quivering breath and just blurted it out. " I don't hate you!" She wrapped her arms around him again and buried her face in his chest, as she cried. "I love you, Robert...I don't hate you...I don't hate you."

_'Jesus, of all things to remember.'_ He thought. He never really believed that she meant it, but a wave of relief washed over him anyway and his own tears started to fall. "I know, I know you didn't mean it. Jess, it's okay...please don't think about it anymore...it's okay...I love you too, Jessie...sshh...everything's gonna be okay." She quieted after several minutes and her calm, steady breathing made him think that she had cried herself to sleep, so he started to pull away, thinking he would lay her down, but her grip on him tightened.

"I'm not asleep." She said, then moved her hand to her mouth and coughed for several minutes.

"You okay?" He asked, when she stopped coughing. "Want some water?"

She shook her head. "Where's John? Is he okay?"

"He's in a private room...he's fine...a little worse for wear, but he's okay. He had surgery on his thigh two days ago-"

"Surgery?"

He heard a hint of fear in her voice. "He's fine, Jessie, I wouldn't tell you he was, if he really wasn't...you know that, right?" She nodded and he ran his fingers through the back of her hair, twisting them through the curls that lay on her shoulders. "You did a great job keeping that wound clean, Jessie...he might've lost his leg if the infection got to the bone. The surgery was just to remove some dead tissue and repair the damage that was done. He'll be up and running in no time."

"I want to see him."

"You can't right now, Jess. You'll be here, in ICU, until your immune system gets stronger. You're both too sick, for you to be around him."

"You've seen him, though, right? You're sure he's okay?"

"No, I haven't seen him...I've been here with you, but Grace has been keeping me updated. She'll be by later, so you can ask her about John yourself."

"When can I get out of here?"

He was surprised she hadn't asked that question first. The year Patrick spent in the hospital burn unit, after the accident, had totally turned Jessie off hospitals and doctors. He also knew that they were going to have a hard time keeping her there if she thought she felt good enough to leave. "You missed the doctor today, he'll be back tomorrow morning, we could talk about it then." He pulled away from her and cupped her face in his hands. "Jessie, you have blood poisoning and double pnuemonia...you've been through so much mentally and physically...you can't rush to get out of here, okay? I know you hate it here, but you need to be here until you get your strength back or your relapse...so it's either a couple weeks here, now, or going in and out of the hospital and having to deal with doctors for months. Please, let them take care of you...I promise, I'll be right here with you." Jessie nodded in his hands and he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Thank you." He hugged her again.

"Robert?" Jessie broke up the hug, this time. She looked up at him her eyes bright with tears, but her face was expressionless.

"Yeah, kiddo..."

"What do we do...now that Dad's gone, what do we do?"

His heart sank at the grief and the lost look, that shimmered in her tear-filled eyes. He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned in close to her, so that their foreheads were almost touching. "We do what Patrick would have wanted us...what he expects us to do...we take care of each other."

She nodded slowly. "Take care of each other..." She repeated, quietly."Yeah, he..he would want that."

He eased her down on to her pillows, he knew she had had enough for one day, and she turned on to her side, curling up around the blankets. "Close your eyes, Jess, you need to get some rest." He pulled his chair closer to the bed, sat down, and reached over to run his fingers through her hair. "That's it...I'll be right here. Everything's gonna be okay."

* * *

John didn't remember much about the last two days except that the anesthesia, from the surgery, had made him sick and he was in a lot of pain. The pain medication worked really well but it made him sleepy, so he spent most of the last forty-eight hours sleeping. He moved his leg and tried to guage the pain it caused. Hopefully, the pain would be tolerable today and he wouldn't need pain medication, so he could stay a wake for more than an hour. It hurt, and he groaned at the uncomfortableness of it, but it wasn't too bad. He opened his eyes and saw Sam sitting in a chair by the window reading a magazine.

"Hey.." He said groggily.

"Hey stranger." she walked over to the bed, leaned over, and kissed his cheek. "You've been pretty out of it...how do you feel?"

"Remember that truck that hit me?" He grinned. "Well, I think his cousin 'the monster truck' took a run at me."

Sam smiled, at least he still had his sense of humor. "Can I get you something?"

"My stomach's a little queasy...maybe some ginger-ale or seven-up and uh...can you help me get up? I uh...need to use the bathroom."

"Sure, not a problem." She put the side rail down and helped him sit up and slide gently off the bed. He stood for a moment, making sure his legs were going to cooperate and then, took a small step forward. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah." John said as he took another unsteady step.

She walked with him to the bathroom door and waited as he stepped inside and closed the door. "I'll go to the nurse's station and get you a ginger-ale. Do you want anything else?" She asked him through the door.

"No. Thanks Sam."

Sam went to the nurse's station and hurried back so she could help him back into bed. After she got him settled, she opened up the can of ginger-ale, stuck a straw in it and gave it to him. "If you feel up to it in a little while, I'll get you some soup, okay?"

He nodded. "Thanks. Where is everyone?"

"Bailey and Nathan are with Boston P.D. filing reports, George is back at the penthouse copying all the computer info about the case we had for everyone's files and Grace left, just before you woke up...she's probably checking on Jessie."

"How is she?"

"She's okay...holdin' her own, like you. Grace said she's responding well to all her medications, better than they had expected. She woke up earlier today, so she's definitly headed in the right direction."

"I wish I could see her."

"I know you do, honey...hey, as good as the two of you are doin' it won't be much longer. How 'bout calling her? She's still in ICU, but she has a phone."

John perked up. "Yeah, okay."

Sam gave John the phone and he set the base down in his lap and picked up the receiver. "Dial zero. Her room number is 122."

John dialed the operater, listened as she connected him and waited for someone to answer the ringing phone.

_"Hello?"_

"Robert...hey, it's John."

_"John! How are you? Grace told me you had some trouble after the surgery."_

"Yeah, anesthesia is a bitch...and the skin graphs hurt like hell..."

_"I hear ya, I remember when Patrick-" Robert stopped, he didn't want to talk about Patrick, the wounds were still fresh and he thought he would upset John. "Uh...yeah I could imagine."_

John wasn't sure if Robert had stopped talking about Patrick beacuse it would upset him or it was upsetting Jessie, so he let it go. "I feel alot better...my stomach's still a little queasy but the pain has eased up, it's tolerable. How's Jessie?"

_"She's doing good...the stuff they're treating her with is working really well. I'm breathing a bit easier since she woke up...she had me worried. She said she had a dream about Patrick and Sal saying goodbye...now that all the craziness is over, she has to face everthing...it's going to be tough ...for all of us."_

"I'd like to talk to her.Is she awake now?"

_"She's asleep, but uh...hold on I'll wake her."_

"No, no don't, let her sleep. She needs it."

_"She needs to talk to you...she's worried about you...she needs to hear for herself that you're okay. It'll be okay. You probably need this too."_

John smiled. Robert had hit the nail on the head. "Yeah, yeah I do. Okay, but if she gives you a hard time, leave her be...let her sleep." He listened as Robert woke Jessie and told her that John was on the phone. He smiled and felt the tension slip from his body when he heard her voice.

_"John?"_

"Hey..."

_"Robert said you had surgery, are you okay?"_

"I'm fine, it went well...I told them I wanted a bionic leg, but we'll have to wait and see..." It was good to hear her laugh. "How are you doing?"

_"I'm okay...just tired."_

"You sure?"

_"I...I had...I didn't remember at first...everything that happened...I wish I didn't have to remember."_

John closed his eyes, he wished that too. "I know, it will be alright...we'll get through it." He heard her sniff and Robert talking to her. "Jessie, hey, talk to me. Are you alright?"

_She sniffed a couple times and let out a quivering breath. "I'm okay. Sorry."_

"Sorry? Jessie, there's nothing for you to be sorry for..."

_"I know...I'm tired, I guess. I miss...I just miss you being with me...I know you need to get better too...I don't like it here...I just miss you, that's all."_

"I miss you too. Hang in there a little bit longer, okay. Talk to Robert...he loves you. I love you. Everything will be okay...we just need some time."

_"Okay...I love you too, John."_

"I'll call you again later, okay. Get some rest...even if you don't sleep. Try not to think so much...and don't worry about me, I'm fine. We're both going to be fine."

_"Okay." She said weakly and sniffed._

"I'll call you in a few hours. Let me talk to Robert."

_"Hey..."_

"Is she okay? She's crying..."

_"A little, but she's okay."_

"Waking her probably wasn't a good idea..."

_"Maybe, but she needed it...needed to hear your voice."_

"I told her to rest and that I'd call her later."

_"Okay, sounds good. I'll make sure she gets some sleep."_

"Have her call if she needs to...give her a hug for me...take care of her, Robert."

_"Always. I'll talk to you later..."_

"Okay." John hung up the phone and handed it to Sam. "This sucks."

"Is she okay?"

"No, but she will be. Jesus, Sam, she's lost her Mother...a little brother...her father...a guy who was like a father to her...and it's not like they were sick or something, ya know...they were taken away...in front of her...she's twenty-one...Christ, if it were me, I'd be in the corner of a padded room somewhere, drooling...I just want her to be okay." He rambled, frustrated.

"She will be." Sam put her hand on his chest and drew circles with her fingers, calming him. "She's been around people who loved her, her entire life...she's strong..." She reached up and ruffled his hair."...like her older brother. It's not going to be easy and it will take some time, but she'll be okay."

He put his hand over Sam's and sqeezed gently. "Thank you." He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed the top of it. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Sam smiled, blushing slightly. "You're welcome. How 'bout that soup? You feel up to it?"

"Yeah, Ill try some...I'm kind of hungry."

"I'll get some saltines too..." Sam smiled at him again, and left.

* * *

After she finished talking to John, Jessie turned on to her side and curled up around the blankets, again. She listened to Robert as he talked to John and looked up at him when he hung up the phone.

"He sounded okay." Jessie told him.

"He's gonna be fine, Jessie. Try to get some sleep, okay?"

"I don't want to sleep. I don't...I'm not tired."

"You're beyond tired, Jessie...you're exhausted. You need to rest when your body is telling you to...especially if you want to get better and get out of here."

"I'll be okay."

"It's the dreams, right? The nightmares?" When she looked away instead of answering, he knew he had guessed right "Jessie, listen-"

"I don't want to dream...not about anything or anyone...waking up...it's too hard." She said quietly, still avoiding his gaze.

Robert thought for a minute, then said to hell with it. It may not be exceptable in the ICU or any other room in the hospital, but it didn't matter. Only Jessie mattered. "Move over." He told her, as he slipped off his shoes.

Jessie didn't think she heard him right. "Huh? What? Robert..."

"Don't worry, just move over."

She moved over in the bed, leaving him as much room as possible and he laid down nxt to her. He propped up on his elbow and rested his head in is hand. "C'mere." He urged her closer and she curled up next to him. Her forehead rested against his chest and he put his other hand on her head and ran his fingers through her hair.

"Robert, I don't think-"

"Sshh...it's alright." He stopped touching her hair long enough to tuck the blanket in around her, then continued. "Ya know, when you were four you got the chicken pox...your mother went to a Real Estate covention in Atlantic City for the weekend...your Dad insisted she go...he said between him and Sal, they would have no trouble taking care of you...boy, were they wrong. By Saturday night, they were ready to call Carolyn and throw in the towel. You never really felt good and the medicine made you sick...you were miserable and cranky...you wouldn't go to sleep and was just tired of the two of them...they were frustrated and practically standing on their head to make you happy, but nothing worked, frustrating them even more. I came by to drop off some paperwork for your Dad...I couldn't help but laugh when I saw them...all disheveled...dark circles under their eyes...it was too funny. Anyway, Patrick went to put the stuff I brought him to his office and while he was gone, you crawled up into my lap, put your head on my shoulder, closed your eyes and went to sleep. Sal couldn't beleive it...they had been going crazy, trying for hours to get you to go to sleep... and I come in, sit down and you're asleep in minutes. Patrick had to do a double-take when he came out of his office, if he could have been sure that you wouldn't have woken up, he probably would yelled in frustration...instead he just smiled and shook his head. _'' I guess she needed you_ _today, Bobby. She had enough of me and Sal."_ He looked over at Sal._ "Looks like Bobby's her white knight tonight...what'dya say we go get a drink to settle our nerves." _They left, came back a few hours later and you were still sleeping. I stayed over that night. I just laid down on the couch with you curled up on me and we slept until late the next morning." Robert smiled, as he remembered. He looked down at Jessie and she was asleep. He kissed her forehead. "I'll be right here." He whispered.

* * *

Tbc... 


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer...Hhmmm, last time I checked I didn't own it...hold on...yeah, still don't own it...hhmmm...maybe next time...

* * *

One week later...

John and Jessie both continued to improve. John enough to be discharged and Jessie enough to be moved out of ICU and into a private room. Bailey walked into John's room as he was getting dressed, while listening to a nurse give him his discharge instructions.

"That's about it, Mr. Grant...remember if you find any redness, swelling or discharge from the graph sites or sutures, please come in or see your physician right away. We've made an appointment for you, for next Wednesday, to have some or possibly all of the sutures removed." She nodded towards a pair of crutches. "Make sure you use those...you may feel that you don't need them, but they will help move along the recovery, and the pain won't be so bad if you don't have to carry your weight on that leg..."

"He'll use them, I'll make sure of it." Bailey said from behind them.

"Thanks Bailey." John grinned, but it was fake.

"Okay, then...any questions?" The nurse asked, smiling at the both of them.

"No. Thank you."

"Okay. I'll have an Orderly bring in a wheel chair and you can be on your way."

"That won't be neccassary, I'm not leaving yet. My sister was admitted here the same time I was, I'm going to see her."

"Oh okay." The nurse handed John his crutches. "Do you know what floor she's on and the room number? I can look it up for you."

"I have it. Thank you." Bailey told her.

That's it then, Mr Grant. Take care of yourself and make sure you follow those instructions. I hope your sister feels better and is discharged soon. Have a nice day, gentleman."

"Thank you." They said in unison.

Bailey picked up John's bag and put his discharge papers in it. "I uh...made arrangements for you to give a statement for Boston P.D. at two o'clock. I'll drive you over there. Since you and Jessie witnessed the same things I made it so she won't have to make a statement..."

"That's good, thanks Bailey."

"The rest of the team is headed back to Georgia...we have another case. I'll be going back after your statement. The Chief is giving you whatever time you need, even after you're clear for duty, but he does hope you'll be back-"

"I'm not leaving the VCTF, Bailey. Relax. Actually, I'm going to ask Jessie to come with me to Georgia...to stay...I'll understand if she doesn't want to leave, but I'm hoping she gives it a try...I think it's something we both need. I'm going to talk to Robert about it, to see what he thinks."

Bailey nodded. "Sounds good. I hope she comes with you...it would be nice to have her around. John, I haven't had a chance to tell you...I just wanted to say, I'm sorry...for the way things turned out. I should have-"

"Bailey, you're not...are you blaming yourself for what happened? Don't. We did everything we could...there's no one to blame here."

"Patrick...you and he seemed to be getting along...re-establishing a relationship...you should have had more time."

John looked down at the floor for a few moments. He would have liked to have had more time with Patrick, definitly. "You're right," He told Bailey. "But it's okay...What little time we had was better than nothing. I'm happy that I no longer have to remember my Father as the abusive drunk I grew up with...that I got to know the new man he became. He introduced me to a sister I love, like I've known her all my life...he saved my life back in that wharehouse, and I got to tell him I loved him before he died. It's not the ending I would have liked, but it's something I could live with." He looked up at Bailey. "You could've kept me off the case...things could have turned out much worse...there's no telling what would have happened to Jessie if she had been taken alone...they would probably both be dead... and with you guys in Boston, they would've had no problem getting to me in Georgia. The three of us needed to be together...thank you, for that...for getting me through those first couple of days and keeping me on the case."

Bailey grinned, put his hand on John's shoulder and squeezed. The silence between them spoke volumes. Each silently telling the other they appreciated and cared for each other. After all, they were family. "C'mon, let's go see how Jessie's doin."

* * *

Robert was sitting outside Jessie's room when John and Bailey stepped off the elevator and walked towards him. He stood up as they approached and clapped John on the back.

"They gave you your _walkin' _papers, huh?"

" _'Walking with crutches'_ papers, but yeah, I've been discharged."

"Well, that's good to hear."

"How's Jessie?" Bailey asked, nodding towards her room.

"She's getting better...but she's miserable. She hates being here...she's not getting enough sleep...and it's probably just a matter of time before she signs herself out. I'm hoping being in her own room and out of ICU will help, but I don't think it will last long."

"Can't they give her something to help her sleep?"

"She won't take it, Bailey, I've already tried. She doesn't like the way they make her feel."

"What are the nightmares about?" John asked, though he was pretty sure they were somewhat similar to the one she had at the wharehouse.

Robert shook his head. "She's not talking about them...they could be the same ones she had before this happened or they could be new ones...I'm guessing a little of both."

"She sleeping now?"

"No, she's taking a shower. Joey brought some clothes for her last night, so she's finally getting out of the hospital gown...which she is very happy about."

"You look beat, Robert."

"I'm okay, Bailey. I'm getting a little more sleep than she is...I just can't leave her alone, right now...she needs me."

"Look, I have a an appointment with Boston P.D. at two, I'm gonna hang out with her until then...why don't you go get some sleep...grab a shower...have a decent meal... ya know, get out of this place for awhile. Jessie will understand and she won't be alone."

Robert thought for a moment, it sounded good to him. "Yeah, okay. Thanks John. What time should I be back?"

"One- thirty will give us plenty of time to get there." Bailey told him.

"Okay. Let me just make sure she's okay and tell her I'm leaving for a bit." He went in to Jessie's room and knocked on the bathroom door. "Jessie, you okay in there?"

"I'm fine Robert...I can handle taking a shower and getting dressed."

"I know you can Jess, I was just..." He took a deep breath. "John's here. I'm going to leave for a little while...he's going to stay with you until I get back, Okay?"

"Sure..." She opened the door and stepped out. "You're coming back though, right?"

"I'll be back before he leaves." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Is there anything I can bring you?"

"No, I don't want anything."

"Okay then, I'll be back at one-thirty...call if you think of anything you want." He helped get her settled into bed and kissed her forehead again. "I'll see you later, Jess. Try to get some sleep...and don't give the nurses any trouble."

She smiled innocently. "Yeah, yeah."

John and Bailey walked in as Robert was leaving. She noticed John was in regular clothes and a wave of anger washed over her. If he was well enough to leave, why wasn't she? The anger disappeared as quick as it came, when he got closer to the bed, and she realized how happy she was to see him. She waited until he set his crutches aside, then sat up and wrapped her arms around him.

"Mmmm...it's good to see you too." John held her against his chest, swaying slightly. "I'm so happy you're okay...you had us scared for awhile...I missed you." He whispered into her hair, then kissed the top of her head. He pulled away and held her face in his hands. He wiped tears away with his thumbs. "You okay?"

"It's just... good to see you." She sniffed and wiped at her eyes.

He kissed the top of her head again, and then dropped his head down so that their foreheads were touching. "Everything's gonna be okay, Jess. I promise."

She nodded against him. She saw Bailey out of the corner of her eye and moved away from John. She had forgotten he had come in also. "Bailey..."

Bailey smiled and stepped up to the bed. "Hey, kiddo..." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "How're you doing?"

"I'm feel alot better...enough to get out of here, I think." She looked at John. "How did you get out?"

"It won't be much longer, Jess-"

"Doctor Buccannon said, at the very least, it could be another week...maybe two. I'm not gonna last that long, I'll tell you that right now."

"You need to do what the he says, if he's keeping you here, I'm sure there's a good reason. It's not gonna do you any good to leave before you're ready, wind up sick and then end up back here anyway."

"I know, Bailey." She gave him a half-smile. "Have you been talking to Robert?"

"No, but I've known your Brother long enough to recognize that stubborn streak..."

"Hey!" John tried to act offended, but he couldn't help laughing.

"Where's everyone else? Nathan, George, Grace, and Sam?"

"They had to go back to Georgia for another case. I'll be headed back this afternoon, but we'll be back the weekend to see how everyone's doing."

She looked at John. "You're not going?"

"Nope, you're stuck with me for a awhile. After I give Boston P.D. my statement, I'll be free to hang with you... for however long it takes."

"Statement?"

"I have to make a statement about what happened to us, Jessie...about them taking us from the penthouse...and everything that happened at the wharehouse."

Panic flashed through her eyes. "Do I have to do that too?" She looked nervously between both men. "I don't...I can't do that...please-"

Bailey put his hand on her shoulder. "You won't have to...I made sure that John's statement would be enough."

Jessie breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you. If you're giving a statemnet...it's really over, isn't it? Were they caught? Uncle...Roy and that other guy, the one that kind of helped us?

"It's over. Thomas Kreiger, he was the other guy, killed Roy Langston, and then he killed himself."

"That's good...I'm glad they're dead...I just wish I could have seen it...I wish I could have watched them die." Jessie said quietly. She couldn't look at either of them as she said it or afterwards. She stared at her hands as they twisted and pulled the fabric of her shirt.

John and Bailey looked at each other, then watched as she played with her shirt nervously. John was about to say something, when Bailey's cell phone buzzed, from his jacket pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at the number displayed on the screen.

"It's Nathan. I'll take it outside, it's probably about the new case." Bailey glanced back at Jessie as he left the room. She had not looked up since she had last spoken. "I'll be back..."

"Hey..." When Jessie didn't stop fumbling with her shirt or look up at him, he put his hands over hers and held them still. "Jessie, look at me." He almost regretted saying it. When she looked up at him, he saw a steely coldness that unnerved him, then she blinked and it was gone, and what he saw in it's place was sadness and guilt. "Jessie, I understand how you feel...I felt that way too...it's just the grief-"

Jessie shook her head and that steely coldness flickered in her eyes again. "It was me talking. I meant what I said. I saw what they did to Sal...I watched as my father was shot and killed...what?...maybe three feet away from me...I hate them... and I would've like to watch them die. If I could have done it myself ...I would have." She looked away from him for a moment, when she turned back she looked like herself again. She changed the subject. "How's your thigh? I didn't hear that bionic noise, The Six Million Dollar Man's legs made, when you walked in."

He was caught off guard by the sudden change in subject and he lost his train of thought. He started to open his mouth, to say something, but decided, for two reasons, to let it go for now. One, he knew she wasn't sleeping and her emotions were raw and stretched thin, and two, he didn't like how quickly she had changed. How blank her face had become. The cold, dark look in her eyes. It was like turning a light switch on and off. He didn't like it, not at all. It just wasn't her. She reminded him of Patrick. The Patrick he knew when he was a kid. The Patrick he and his Mother ran away from. A chill ran down his back and he shook unnoticably. He shook his head. _'No.' _He told himself. _'You're imagining things. Jessie's just tired...she's hurt and scared...she misses Patrick and Sal...she's been through hell...'_

"Hey, Earth to John...you there?" She was smiling and waving her hand in front of him, to get his attention.

"Um...sorry, I zoned out...what?"

"How's your thigh? Is everything okay?"

"I didn't get that bionic leg I wanted, but after it's healed up and I do a couple months of physical therapy...I'll be good as new. Thanks to you, ya know...you saved my leg."

She smiled , but shook her head. "I just did what you told me to, John. I couldn't have done it without you there..."

"But, you did a great job. I couldn't have done it myself...I couldn't have done enough for myself to save my leg."

"Well, let's just say we saved each other, because you saved_ me_...if I had been alone down there, I would've never made it..." She looked at him, her smile no where to be found. "I would have given up and died down there."

He hadn't imagined this time. That quick change from dark to light, then back again...and the last thing she had said, was that regret in her voice? He looked at her and smiled, trying to hide his concern. "Yeah, we saved each other." He told her_. 'But it looks like one of us needs a bit more saving.'_ He said to himself.

* * *

Tbc... 


	43. Chapter 43

DISCLAIMER : Same as always...don't own it

Sorry it's been a while guys I was visiting my Mother, in the sticks of North Carolina, and didn't have service long enough to read a piece of e-mail. I came very close to throwing my laptop at the wall more than a dozen times, but it survived, thank God. Now that I'm over my fanfiction withdrawl, I can concentrate again...Lol. Enjoy and thanks for reading and reviewing.

* * *

Robert was surprised when he walked into Jessie's room, at one-thirty, and she was sleeping. John and Bailey were sitting by the window talking quietly. He set his briefcase down and walked over to them. 

"How did you manage that?" He nodded towards Jessie.

"I don't know." John shrugged. "One minute, we were talking and laughing...Bailey was telling her stories he thought were funny about me...the next thing I knew, I looked down and she's asleep."

"We probably bored her to sleep." Bailey laughed.

Robert laughed with him. "Hey, whatever works."

"John, we need to get going." Bailey glanced at his watch, then fished his keys from his pocket.

"Yeah, okay." John limped to the side of Jessie's bed and picked up his crutches. He stayed at the side of her bed, for a moment, to watch her sleep. She was lying on her back, but when he reached over and layed his hand on her head, she turned towards him, on to her side. He buried his fingers in her hair, then opened and closed his hand slowly, letting his fingers slide gently, back and forth, over her scalp.

"John..." Bailey urged.

"Coming..." He leaned over and placed a feather-lite kiss on her temple. "I'll be back later." He said softly, as he straightened up and started to follow Bailey out of the room. "I shouldn't be more than a couple hours. If you guys need anything call me."

"I will. See you later, John. Hey, Bailey, I'll see you over the weekend, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be back Friday night."

"Okay, see you then. Good luck with the new case. Be careful." Robert walked them out of the room and waited for them to get into the elevator, before going back inside Jessie's room. He picked up his briefcase, sat down in one of the chairs by the window, and took out a pile of mail, he had picked up from his apartment and the penthouse, and started going through it. '_This should keep me busy for a while.'_ He told himself.

* * *

John had gotten through most of his interview, with the Boston Detectives in charge of his Father's case, with ease, but when it came to the details of the events leading up to and including Patrick's death, he broke down. Everyone, but Bailey, left the room to give him whatever time he needed to compose himself and continue. Fifteen minutes later, he was able to continue and he made it through the rest of his statement without needing to stop. When he was through, the Detectives shook his hand, thanked him, offered their condolences for Patrick, wished Jessie well, and told him that as far as they were concerned the case was closed. 

"You okay, John?" Bailey asked as the Detectives left the room. Looking at John, he could tell the interview had taken its toll, physically as well as mentally.

"Yeah." John said quietly. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "I didn't think it would be that hard...I just thought...I guess I'm not as okay with everything as I thought I was."

Bailey nodded in understanding. "You've been through alot, John...don't expect things to be settled inside you, so soon...it will take some time, but eventually it will happen."

"I know. Settled..." He thought of the look he had seen in Jessie's eyes earlier and something clicked inside his head. "Unsettled..."

"What's wrong?" Bailey watched John. He could tell, by the look on his friend's face, that he was lost in thought and that something was bothering him.

"I'm worried about Jessie...what I saw today...Bailey, I don't want to lose her, to what I saw today...to that darkness I saw in her eyes...she looked...she looked like my Father...the Father I knew as a kid. I can't let her turn in to that."

"You won't, John." Bailey told him matter-of-factly. He put his hand on John's shoulder."No one else is going to let it happen either, understand? Look, no one knows her right now, better than Robert, so talk to him. Between the two of you, you'll figure something out...you'll figure Jessie out." He moved his hand from John's shoulder to his cheek and tapped it gently. "C'mon, let's get out of here. I have a plane to catch and you need to go back to the hospital to be with Jessie."

John nodded. He smiled as he followed Bailey out of the room. Bailey always seemed to know what to say and do to ease his worries and he didn't think he could ever say thank you or be grateful enough, but he would try. For as long as he lived, he would try.

* * *

Robert had dozed off after only going through half of the mail. With Jessie sleeping, the room was quiet and it was easy to let his eyelids slide close and his body relax. It was a light sleep, though. He had heard Jessie's nurse come in and change her I.V. and he had heard a couple walk in, mistaking Jessie's room for someone else's, and then walk out again. He smiled as they walked out, because he heard a light slap and a _'I told you_ _so.'_

He sat by the window, his eyes still closed, and debated on whether to continue with the mail or start on the other paperwork he had brought. When he heard Jessie wimper from across the room, he opened his eyes and turned his head to see if she was awake or asleep. She was still asleep. Moving around the bed restlessly, she wimpered while her hands rubbed at her eyes and then, moved to brush something away from different parts of her body. He got up and walked quickly to the bed. He grabbed her wrists and held her hands still. She became more agitated and struggled to pull away from him.

"Stop it! No! Please..." She begged in her sleep.

Robert let go of her, but laid his arm across her to limit her movements. A cold sweat dampened her clothes and it sent goosebumps up his arm. He put his other hand on her shoulder and shook it gently. "Jessie...Jessie wake up. It's just a dream, honey, wake up."

"Stop...please...let me go...T.J. can't get out...T.J.!!" She sat up, breathing heavily and pushed his arm off her. "Don't touch me!"

Robert pushed wet curls from her face. "It's okay, Jess...it was just a dream...it's okay." She leaned away from his hand and it surprised him. "Hey..." His brow furrowed with concern. "Jessie..."

"Don't." She held her hand up to him. She was still groggy and disoriented from the nightmare and was struggling to keep her composure. "Please..."

Ignoring her request, Robert put his hand under her chin and turned her to face him. An array of emotions swam in her eyes and he moved his hand to her shoulder. " Jessie, you can't push me away, okay? I can't help you, if you push me away."

"I'm okay." She said quietly. Her voice shook and she drew in a quivering breath trying to steady it. "I'm okay." She repeated, a bit stronger this time.

"You're not...but that's okay, it's understandable." He pulled her to him and hugged her tight, holding her head against his chest. She didn't respond to him at first, but then she wrapped her arms around his back and snuggled her head closer to him. He smiled and ran his fingers through the back of her hair. "We're gonna get through it, Jess...all of it...but, you have to let me help you, when you need it...you can't push me away. You can do that, can't you? Let me help you?" She nodded against him and he kissed the top of her head. "Thank you. You want to tell me about it? You can tell me as little or as much as you want."

"Langston...he was...he was holding me and I couldn't get away from him. It was like...it was like he had a dozen arms...his hands were all over me ...touching me everywhere. I could hear T.J. calling for me...there was so much smoke...it was burning my eyes. He wouldn't let me go to the car to help him...he kept saying I was his...that everyone was dead and... now I was his."

He felt her shiver against him and he held her tighter, rubbing her back. "It was just a dream, Jessie. I'm still here...John's still here and Roy Langston is dead. You're not_ his_ and he can't hurt you...it was just a dream." He pulled away from her so he can see her face. "Are you okay?"

She gave him a half-smile. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Thank you for telling me about your dream...it'll get better, ya know...I promise." She nodded and he tugged at the sleeve of her shirt. "You should change before you get cold...I'll have the Nurse come in and change the sheets. I think you have a pair of sweatpants and a tee-shirt in the closet. I'll get someone to bring some more clothes over here later...oh hey, that reminds me...I saw Joey today, he wants to come by and see you."

"And he feels like he has to ask?" Jessie got her clothes from the closet and headed for the bathroom.

"I guess... c'mon you know him. He wanted to make sure you were feeling up to seeing him, before he just shows up. He misses you."

"Of coarse I would want to see him, no matter how sick I was... he's clueless sometimes...must be a guy thing." She smiled when Robert looked at her, pretending to be offended. "I'll call him."

"No! He didn't want you to know that he was coming, if I called him and said it was okay to come."

"Alright, alright...you call him."

"I'll tell him to come about six, then, you guys can have dinner...me and John will eat in the cafeteria, so you two can have some alone time. Oh, and I'll have him bring some more clothes." He stopped her before she could close the bathroom door. "Is there anything special you want? In the food or clothes department?"

"Something from Ray's...he knows what I like, and as far as the clothes go...just some tee-shirts and my pajama bottoms...they're the most comfortable thing to lay around in."

"Got it. I'll send the Nurse in and then, I'll call him."

While the Nurse changed the bedding, Robert stepped out of the room to get a better signal, so he could call Joey. John stepped off the elevator and walked up to him as he finished the call.

"What's up? Is the Doctor with Jessie?"

"No. She's changing her clothes and a Nurse is in there changing the bed linens."

"Was she sick? Is she okay?"

"She's fine. She had a nightmare and sweated everything up. How'd your statement go?"

"It was harder than I though it would be, but it's done now...it's over. Jessie's okay though? After the nightmare, was she okay? Was she...was she herself?"

Robert looked at him questioningly. "Herself? I'm not sure what you mean, but she's okay now...really. She was a upset about it, but we talked through it. I don't think she acted any different than she has before, after she's had a nightmare."

The Nurse came out of Jessie's room. "Everything's all set in there. If you want, I could talk to Dr, Buccannon about adding a mild sedative to her I.V...she'll sleep better and the nightmares won't be as frequent."

"Thank you. I'll talk to her about it." Robert told her.

"I'll be at the Nurse's station if you need anything else." She smiled at the two men as she walked away.

"Jessie won't take sedatives." Robert ran a hand through his hair and then rubbed the back of his neck, trying to ease his frustration. "I think it's being stuck in here, that's causing the frequency of the nightmares...I think once she's home, she'll be better...or at the very least, like she was before all this crazy shit happened. Joey's coming by at six to spend some time with her, that should help...he'll be a good distraction for her."

John looked confused. "Uh...Joey? Joey, Joey? Patrick's driver, Joey?"

Robert laughed, as he watched John slip in to _'older brother mode' _so easily. "That's right...you don't know about Jessie and Joey, huh? Well, don't feel bad because Patrick didn't either. Anyway, they've been seeing each other for about six months. They've kept it quiet, so I'm not sure how serious it is, but he's been good to her...he's been good _for_ her."

John's mind instantly went to the conversation he and Jessie had, in the bunker of the wharehouse...something about being bitten...the new millenium...having sex...he shook his head trying to erase the memory from his head. _'Great. Just great.' _John winced at the headache that was forning.

Robert patted John's shoulder. "Breathe, buddy, breathe." He laughed.

"You're okay with that? With Jessie being...ya know, with him?"

"God, now I remember why we didn't tell Patrick. John even if I wasn't okay with it, it wouldn't matter, she's twenty-one...I have no say in who chooses to go out with. If I wasn't okay with it, we would just have to agree to disagree." He smiled. "But, thank God, her choices have been good so far...I'd hate to look like you do right now."

"Ha ha." Joh shook his head. "I don't know how you did it when she was younger...I can barely deal with it now."

"C'mon," He said putting his arm around John's slumped shoulders and laughed. "Let's get in there before she thinks I got lost."

When they walked in Jessie couldn't help noticing the look on both of their faces. Robert couldn't stop smiling and John looked like he'd been kicked in the shin.

"Hey, what's up?" She asked them. She looked at Robert and nodded towards John. "What's wrong with him?"

"John didn't know about you and Joey...now he does." Robert grinned from ear to ear.

Jessie laughed. "Oops..."

"I'm glad you two find me amusing..." He pouted, but couldn't help smiling.

Jessie was still laughing. "Just promise me you won't say or do anything stupid when he gets here...he's very sensitive, and he'll freak out if he thinks... you're freaking out. Remember when we told Sal about us?" She asked Robert.

"Priceless...it was priceless. Sal said something about giving Joey cement shoes and being shark bait, and the poor kid turned sheet white and started to hyperventilate. I thought he was going to pass out, at Sal's feet. Sal felt bad about it later...but not too bad. Joey still cringes when we joke with him about it." He shook his head grinning. "I swear, if it had been Patrick he was telling, he would have spontaneously combusted right there."

"You didn't help the poor guy out?" John asked Jessie, as she and Robert laughed at their memory.

"I was too busy laughing. Robert was right, the look of pure panic on his face, when Sal said _shark bait_, was priceless."

"You guys are cruel."

"Maybe...but damn, it was funny. So, unless you want to be cruel too _and_ make us laugh...leave the poor guy alone when he gets here. No comments, not funny looks...just pretend you still don't know...or, better yet, pretend you do know and you don't care."

John frowned. "Yeah that'll work."

* * *

Tbc... 


	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer : I don't own it...but I am enjoying watching it on T.V. again...hurray! for the Sleuth Channel

* * *

Joey showed up promptly at six o'clock with take-out from Ray's and Brian Kerrigan. A large duffel bag hung off one of Kerrigan's shoulders and a messenger bag hung off the other.

"Hey guys." Robert greeted them as they walked in to the room.

"Hey. What's going on?" Joey nervously greeted them. He gave Robert a quick hug, shook John's hand, placed the take-out containers on Jessie's tray-table, kissed her chastely on the lips and hugged her. "God, I miss you." He whispered in her ear.

"Relax." Jessie whispered back. She could feel the muscles in his back tense up the minute she put her arms around him. "John's okay."

He nodded against her and straightened up. "I uh...I brought Chicken Parm and grilled Salmon...you can pick one or have some of both and I got cheesecake for dessert..."

"Cheesecake too? Damn, you really did miss me huh?"

He pushed hair from her face and kissed her again. "Yes...I did." He said softly, totally aware that Robert, John, and Brian were watching them, and it made him uncomfortable to have an audience.

"Thanks." She winked at him.

Brian put the duffel bag in the closet and then joined the others. He held his hand out to John, who reciprocated. "It's good to see you up and around. They cut you loose, huh?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, I forgot your name..." John said apologetically.

"That's okay...it's understandable. When we met you were in pretty bad shape and there was alot going on. Brian Kerrigan, I'm a family friend and I worked for Patrick."

"Nice to meet you. Thanks...uh...for your help at the wharehouse."

Brian shook his head. "There's no need for that...the _'thanks',_ I mean. Like I said, I'm a family friend." He stepped closer to Jessie and hugged her. "Hey, Jess." He pulled back from her and smiled. "Well, I gotta say, you look a hell of alot better than you did the last time I saw you."

"Thanks...I think."

"You scared us half to death, kid...I think I have about a hundred more grey hairs." He set the messenger bag down on the bed and opened it up. "I thought you could use this..." He said handing her a portable DVD player. "There's not much on daytime T.V. after Jerry Springer. I gabbed a bunch of DVDs from the penthouse...if there's something you want to see that's not there, let me know and I'll bring it by tomorrow."

"The Tick VS Season One?"

Brian pulled the DVD from the bag. "Got it."

"Nice." She said, a huge grin on her face. "Good job, Brian."

"SPOON!" Brian yelled loudly in his best 'Tick' voice. They both laughed.

"What did I just miss?" John whispered to Robert.

"They're huge Tick fans." Robert whispered back.

"Tick?"

"It was a cartoon...you'll see, she'll be watching it all night."

Brian leaned over and hugged her again. "I gotta go, kiddo...I have a problem I need to take care of, but I'll be back tomorrow. I'll get a pizza and some Sherbert and we'll have ourselves a Tick marathon, okay?"

"Sounds good. Thanks for bringing the DVD player and movies."

He nodded. "You're welcome, hon. Be good and keep getting better... you'll be out of here in no time." Brian turned to Robert. "I'm gonna go see Chang and see what his story is...if I don't like it, I'm gonna shut him down right there on the spot. He's had plenty of time to get out of the hole he dug for himself, I'm tired of the guy's excuses. Pat did everything he could to help the guy out and when he saw him start to flounder, he tried to give him a way out...Chang's a moron, plain and simple."

"I went with Patrick last month to see Chang...he had one excuse after another for why he couldn't get his shit together. I thought Patrick was gonna close him down then, but he let him go...said he had one more month to sink or swim." Joey added.

"Call me after you've seen him and let me know what you decided to do. I'll have to draw up some papers if you shut him down...I think I know someone who may be interested in taking it over. I'm good with whatever you decide, Brian." Robert told him.

They continued to talk for several minutes about the situation. Jessie looked on, listening intently as they talked. She started to feel funny. Her stomach started to roll and under their voices, she could swear, she heard her own heartbeat. It took her a minute to realize what it was she was feeling. It was anger. A deep seeded anger she never felt before. She hated hearing Patrick being spoken about in the past tense, so freely. He'd barely been gone for ten days and it was already business as usual. _How could they do that?_ _How could they just forget him like that?_ She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on her slow rolling stomach, if she didn't get it under control, it was going to empty out all over the bed. She was talking it down in her head, willing herself to not lose it, to not listen to what they were saying. _'Forget it. It's nothing. It's not what you_ _think.'_ She told herself over and over again.

John was also listening to the three men talk. He was able to follow some of what they were saying and he thought about asking more about it, but being a cop, he thought. _'What if, what they're talking about isn't exactly legal?' _So he decided he shouldn't know...or more to the point, he didn't want to know. He let it go. He stood there listening, more out of politeness than anything else, because they seemed to want to include him, but he was only half listening. He glanced over at Jessie. Sitting up and swaying slightly, she had a pained look on her face. _'No._ _Scratch_ _that, that's not pain...that's anger.'_ Her jaw was clenched, her eyes were closed, and her lips were moving, as she talked silently to herself. He stepped away from the conversation and moved closer to Jessie's bed. He reached down and put his hand over hers. She opened her eyes the minute he made contact and he flinched, slightly, at the dark look she shot him. Then it was gone.

"Uh...you okay?" John asked slowly, not knowing what to expect.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just...I have a headache...but it's not too bad."

"You seemed..." He didn't know how to bring it up. "You sure it's just a headache?...and that you're okay?"

"I'm fine, John. I'm a little tired and I'm hungry, but that's it...it's just a headache." She knew she was telling him what he wanted to hear. "You worry too much."

"Not when it comes to you..."

She smiled, but wasn't so sure she was happy about his comment or the way he said it. After all, she could take care of herself. She wasn't a drooling idiot, who needed constant care. _Where did that come from? _She could feel anger wanting to bubble up to the surface again and she forced it back down. Brian, thankfully, but unknowingly, caused a distraction when he announced, again, that he was leaving. Jessie and John both looked in his direction.

"Okay folks, I'm outta here. Robert, I'll call you later...Joey, I'll see you later...John, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, have a good night...Jessie, I will definitly see you tomorrow. Me, you and The Tick...all afternoon." He smiled when she laughed. "G'nite kid."

"Thanks Brian...g'nite." Jessie said as he left the room.

"Well, I'm sure you guys want to get to your dinner." Robert said eyeing the take-out containers on Jessie's tray-table. He wasn't looking forward to eating in the hospital cafeteria. "C'mon John, let's go see what they have to eat downstairs."

"There's plenty of food." Joey told them. "You could eat with us." He didn't really want them to stay, but it was the polite thing to do.

"No, but thanks anyway. You guys eat and spend some time together...you could both use it. Ready John?"

John gave Robert a sideways glance. _'Jesus, did he really have to say that last part?' _"Uh...yeah."

Jessie saw the look John had given Robert. _'What the hell?' _She couldn't stop a bubble of anger from breaking the surface. "What? You think we're gonna get naked the minute you leave and screw like rabbits! We're in a friggin' hospital... for Christ's sake, give us a little credit, will ya?!"

Joey's face turned bright red and he stared at the floor, finding the hospital's choice of tile very interesting. Robert, who thought Jessie was just torturing the two of them, turned away with his shoulders shaking from the laughter that he was trying to hold in. And John, just stood there, opening and closing his mouth, like a fish out of water. He knew. He knew the outburst had not been meant as a joke, but was serious. He saw the storm flash in her eyes and he heard the slight tremor in her voice as she fought, unsuccessfully, to control herself.

Robert turned back around. One hand was holding his side, while the other wiped tears from his eyes. A huge smile spread out across his face. "Jessie, give your old buddy a warning next time, huh? I don't know what hurts more...my face or my side." He slapped Joey on the back, playfully. "Your face turned a lovely shade of red, my friend."

"Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it." Joey said bitterly. He was annoyed with Jessie for what she had said and angry at himself for being embarressed by it.

"Take it easy, buddy, it's okay. It's not a big deal." Robert told him. Joey nodded and he squeezed his shoulder to reassure him. "Alright, then, you guys enjoy your dinner and chill out for awhile...me and John are gonna disappear for a few hours."

Jessie watched them go. Robert was shaking his head, still laughing about what she had said. John followed him out, saying nothing. He didn't even acknowledge Robert talking to him.

"John!" She called out to him, feeling guilty.

John stopped and turned, but didn't say anything.

"I just...I wanted to..." She stammered. His silence was like a slap in the face and it stung. "I didn't mean...never mind." She said defeatedly. She was thinking John was mad at her and she couldn't concentrate on what she wanted to say.

John knew he couldn't leave her like that, looking like a puppy that had just been kicked. He walked back in the room, went to her side and hugged her. She sighed and her body sank into him as relief washed over her. He hugged her tight and kissed the top of her head as he pulled away.

"It's okay...we're okay...I'm not mad." He smiled. "Enjoy your dinner." He looked at Joey. "Makes sure she eats...and not just the cheesecake...and save me a piece...I'll need something good to wash down the cafeteria food." He winked at her as he walked away. "See you guys in a little while."

Robert was waiting for him in the doorway. "What was that all about?" He asked quietly.

"I'll explain downstairs..." John ushered Robert out into the hall. "I'm worried about Jessie."

A nurse came in as John and Robert walked out. She smiled as Joey opened the take-out containers.

''That definitly looks and smells better than anything we have here." She walked over to Jessie's I.V. pole and checked the bag. "Well this is finished." She took the empty bag from the pole, disconnected the tubing from the port on Jessie's hand and threw it all in the waste basket. "That's it until 4:30...you'll get another regimen of antibiotics and they'll take some blood for a work up. Can I get you two anything? How 'bout another tray-table so you're not so crowded on that one?"

"That'll be good. Thank you." Joey answered.

"Okay. I'll be right back."

"You want to eat over by the window? With the two tray-tables we could sit in the chairs?" She nodded and he started to roll the table away from the bed.

Jessie reached out and held his forearm. "I'm sorry."

He sat down on the edge of the bed. Her hand was still on his forearm, moving it, he held it in his. "Why? Why would you say that? You know how it's been for me...how it's been for us. He's your brother, Jessie...he doesn't know me, but he knows what I do...who I worked for...what's he gonna think? I mean, I know what I'd think, if I were him..."

"I don't know...I don't know why I said it...it just happened...all I can say is I'm sorry...please, don't be mad...I'm sorry...I'm-"

Joey pulled her in to a hug before she could tell him she was sorry again, but heard it again, anyway, muffled against his shoulder. "I know...I'm sorry too...It's okay." He pulled back from her and played with the curls that fell on her shoulder. Leaning forward he kissed her gently on the lips, pulling back again, he searched her eyes for permission to better the kiss. He got his answer when she pulled him back and covered his mouth with hers. The kiss deepened as their tongues danced together, stopping only long enough to take in some air, the dance lasted several minutes. They heard something being rolled across the floor and they pulled apart, breathing heavily, as the nurse pushed another traby-table through Jessie's doorway.

"Sorry." Joey said before he could stop himself. He wasn't sure if the nurse was smiling because she saw them or because she was just happy.

"Don't worry about it, honey...you weren't doing anything I wouldn't do if I were in your situation." She laughed when Joey blushed. "See you at 4:30, Jessie." She said and left them alone.

"Robert was right, you do turn a lovely shade of red." Jessie laughed as she ran a finger over his cheek.

"Ha ha."

"It's good she came in when she did, ya know...her walking in on us making out, is alot better than John walking in on us getting naked and screwing like rabbits..."

"Oh, you are just too funny..." He pushed her, gently, down on to the pillows. "You should be a comedian..." He leaned down and claimed her mouth with his. The kiss was short, but deep. "C'mon," He said pulling her up. "Let's eat, I'm starving."

"But...you definitly should not kiss me like that and expect me to think about food."

"Uh-huh...you just want to get me in trouble." He smiled. "C'mon, I really am hungry."

"You're such a tease...I'll remember this, ya know."

* * *

Tbc... 


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: I don't own it...for the 45th time! lol

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After seeing the food the cafeteria had to offer Robert and John decided to eat at Deli around the corner from the hospital. They ordered sandwhiches and coffee and sat down at a booth while they waited for their order. John slid the salt and pepper shakers back and forth between his hands as he thought about what he wanted to say.

"John," Robert put his hand on top of the shakers to still them. "You obviously have something on your mind...c'mon, what's got you thinking so hard?"

"Jessie." John leaned back in to the cushion of the booth. Robert was patiently waiting for him to continue and he wasn't sure he wanted to. He struggled with his thoughts for a moment, then continued. " I'm worried about Jessie. Have you seen...I've seen this look...this change in her...it scares me...it..." He looked down at his hands. "She reminds me of Patrick...the one _I _knew as a kid."

Robert understood what he was saying, but he wasn't sure what John was talking about. He didn't notice anything, any change, in Jessie. "John, what're you saying? What exactly did you see?"

"Before with Joey...Robert, that wasn't a joke, she really snapped at me...before that, when you were talking with Brian and Joey, I don't know why, but she was angry...she was sitting there... she looked like a pressure cooker getting ready to blow it's lid...and earlier today when we told her Kreiger and Langston were dead...Jesus, the look in her eyes, she said she wished she could of watched them die or killed them herself. Robert, she gets this cold, hard look in her eyes and now...and now she's lashing out..."

"John, she's been through so much...she watched them _kill _her _Father_. She's angry, and she has every reason to be. She's stuck in the hospital, which I'm sure is messing with her head, reminding her of her Patrick's year long stay in the burn unit, which in turn, reminds her of the car accident that took away her Mother and Brother. She's an open wound...and open wound that will get closure when she gets out of here...when she can say goodbye to Patrick and Sal...when she can stop this whirlwind that's been her life for the last ten days, so she can feel what she needs to feel before being swept up in something else. Now that everything's over, she's being crushed with one incidents emotions after another, she's fighting it, and lashing out is the only way to relieve herself of everything she's feeling."

"I thought you were a lawyer?" John couldn't help but grin. What Robert had said made sense and it made him feel a little better.

"It's just a side job, ya know, until I can get my own show...like Dr. Phil." John laughed and Robert smiled. He was happy that he could put the younger man at ease. John had been through alot too and he was sure John was hiding his own pain to protect Jessie. It amazed Robert, the way they acted towards each other, they had become attached so quickly, like they had known each other all their life. "Look John, it's not that I have all this great insight or anything...it's just that I have expirienced this before. Unfortunately, Jessie has witnessed the unexpected death of a loved one before and I saw what it did to her...how it changed her, but she's not unreachable. We just have to make sure she doesn't keep everything bottled up. Her feelings are poison to her, right now, and we'll have to draw them out before she shuts down, and ...that coldness come through and take over."

"You make it sound so easy..."

"It's definitly not going to easy, John...the only advantage we have is that we know it's coming." Robert looked down as a pang of guilt washed over him. "After the accident, God, there was so much going on...we didn't see...until it was too late. She hid her pain for five years...buried it...trying everything to keep herself numb, until we almost lost her." He looked at John, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "I'm not going to let that happen again...I made a promise, to my friend, hell, to my Brother, that I intend to keep...until the day _I _die."

"I made a promise like that myself...so I think between the two of us we could do it...we could be there for her like he was."

* * *

"That was good. Thank you, for dinner, it was nice to have a decent meal for a change." Jessie grinned as she pushed her tray-table aside and leaned back in to her chair. She had chosen the Grilled Salmon and ate nearly all of it, including a salad, and she felt like she was going to bust. "That's the most I've eaten since me and Bailey had pizza for breakfast..." Her voice trailed off. She remembered that, that was the day of Susan's wake. That was the night her Father had been shot to death. 

"Hey, you okay?" Joey was still eating, he looked up when Jessie had gone silent.

"That was the day they took us..." She said absently. Her gaze moved from him to the window.

Joey pushed his dinner aside and knelt down in front of her. "Jessie..." He took both her hands in his and moved his thumbs soothingly over her knuckles. "Hey, look at me."

She turned her head and her eyes slowly met his. "What?" She almost whispered.

A single tear slid down, over her cheek, and before it went any further, Joey reached up and wiped it away with his thumb. "Jess, don't..." He said gently. "Don't force memories on yourself that you're not ready for...everything will come in it's own time, okay? But, if you need to...if you need to remember something...you can tell me...you can tell me anything. I'm not afraid to go where you've been, Jess...I promise you, I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me, got it?"

She nodded and more tears fell silently.

"C'mere." He pulled her to him, hugging her tightly at first, then loosening up, and just simply held her. She rested her head on his shoulder and he ran his fingers through the back of her hair, as they held each other in silence for several minutes. "You okay?"

"I'm better."

"You want to tell me about it?"

She pulled back from him and when she spoke there was a mixture of regret and guilt on her face and in her voice. " I was just thinking...ya know, if Dad hadn't gone to the wake...if we had all gone to the safe-house that day...we'd all be alright...he wouldn't be...he'd still be here. Why did he have to go? After what happened to Sal, he knew we were all in danger. He could've-"

"Jessie, he _had_ to go, you know that don't you? He loved Susan. He blamed himself for what happened...he couldn't have _not _gone. You knew him...Jessie, you know he couldn't have lived with himself...he had to be with her...he had to say goodbye."

"I know. I just thought if-"

"Don't do that to yourself. Don't think about what ifs, could haves _or_ should haves...you'll drive yourself crazy...and the ending will still be the same."

"You're right, I know that, I just...I just want him back."

"I know, Jess, I get it...and if I could make that happen for you, I would."

"There's that word again...no ifs, remember?" She smiled weakly.

"Sorry." He reached back and pulled his chair so that it was directly in front of hers. He sat down, held both her hands and leaned forward to get closer to her. "Listen, there's something I need to tell you...I know you're going through alot ...you're feeling alot of things, right now, so this may not be the right time to tell you...but, I know it's the right time for me, because the thought of losing you, was just too much for me, it scared the hell out of me..." He let go of one of her hands and reached up to touch the hair that lay on her shoulders. He twisted his finger, nervously, in her curls. "I want you to know, you don't have to say or do anything, after I tell you, okay? This is on me, right now, all you have to do is listen." He took a deep breath and let it out. "I just...I need to tell you that...that I love you. I know I've told you, casually, over a dozen times in the last six months...but, this is different...this is...I love you...I'm _in_ love with you." He moved in closer and kissed her softly on the lips. "Your the one I want to be with for...well, for forever. I-"

Jessie put a finger to his lips to quiet him. "Sshh..." She couldn't believe what she was hearing and her heart felt like it was going to burst. For the first time, in what seemed like forever, she felt good. Happy. "I wish I could tell you what, I know, you want to hear, but that's not what you want. I need to sort out-"

He pushed her hand away gently. "Jessie, I told you, you don't have to _say_ anything...I just wanted you to hear me out...I needed to tell you...I promised myself I would tell you when I saw you again. Please, don't don't say anything until you're ready...until you're thinking clearly."

"I do love you, Joey...at least know that much." She put her finger to his lips, again, this time tracing slowly around the outside, then she moved it to his bottom lip, pushing it down gently so he would open his mouth. Leaning in she put her mouth to his and placed a feather-lite kisses on his lips.

He watched her and it was driving him crazy. The next time her lips touched his, he put his hand in her hair and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss, seeking her tongue with his.

* * *

Joey was starting to feel uncomfortable, but it was a good uncomfortable. Hell, it was a great uncomfortable, but he was definitly in the wrong place to be feeling that way. They had been assualting each other with their mouths and tongues, for several minutes, and all the blood from his body seemed to be rushing to the same point, in a southernly direction. They had to stop, before it was too late, before he lost his sense of reasoning and gave in to what, he knew, she wanted too. He eased her gently away, receding his kisses as he did, until he stopped completely. She shook her head, smiling, knowing exactly what he was doing. 

"You're killin me..." She laughed.

"Believe me, there is nothing I want more right now than to be with you, but this is not the time or the place. There's nothing to keep anyone from walking through that door...including Robert and John."

"They know we're together...what do you think, they think, we're doing? Especially John..."

"I doubt that's what they're thinking... Robert knows me to well, besides, thinking it and actually _seeing_ it are two totally different things. I just told you I loved you, I'd like to live long enough to reap the rewards for more than just tonight." He grinned devilishly and kissed her, quickly on the the mouth.

"Smoothe, Joe, very smoothe." She chuckled. "But, okay, if this is what you really want-" She didn't get to finish, because he had done what she had predicted, he kissed her. Enjoying his kiss again, she smiled.

He shut her up. He kissed her hard and passionatley. He stood up and pulled her with him, one hand in her hair the other on the small of her back pressing her close to him. "_This _is what I want..." He whispered in her ear as he caught his breath. "You can feel it can't you? You can feel what I really want?"

She nodded as she kissed and nipped the place on his neck his pulse could be felt.

He groaned. He felt his control slipping again. "Jessie, please..." He couldn't believe he was saying it, and he laughed at himself, in his head. "Let's...let's watch movie."

She stopped and laughed into his neck. "Killjoy." She slid away from him, kissing his cheek as she went. "Okay, but I get to pick it..."

"Something PG...I don't think I could handle anything more than that right now." He took a deep breath trying to settle his body's excitement.

"How 'bout...Stand By Me?" She asked, after searching through the bag for several minutes.

"Perfect." Joey put what was left of their dinners on to one tray-table and pushed the other to the side of the bed, so he could set the Dvd player on it. She got into bed, lying down on her side, and he slid in next to her, wrapping his arm around her and resting his chin on the top of her head. She reached over and started the movie and he kissed the top of her head after she settle back into him.

"Remember...be good."

"Who me?" She said innocently.

* * *

Tbc... 


	46. Chapter 46

Disclaimer: Don't own it, but jeez, after 46 chapters it sure feels like I do. Damn, these things seem to be getting longer and longer...sorry if I'm putting you guys to sleep...lol

* * *

Joey reached over and turned the Dvd player off, being careful not to disturb Jessie. She had gone quiet the last half hour of the movie and he thought she had fallen asleep, so he laid there, quietly, content to just hold her. She surprised him when she turned on to her back and smiled up at him.

"I thought you fell asleep...you got quiet on me." He pushed hair from her forehead and placed a kissed in it's place.

"Sorry...I was just thinkin'..."

"Jessie..."

"I wasn't thinkin' about... the same stuff as before." She played with the collar of his shirt. "Tonight was good. Havin' you here, I kind of forgot where I was and why I was here. It was nice. Robert and John, they're...they're constant reminders that Dad's gone and it's even harder, now, to sleep...the minute I close my eyes..." She shook her head to clear it. "It's too much sometimes, ya know? I feel trapped here. I have no where to go...to forget...when it gets to be too much."

"I know you hate being here, but it won't be much longer. Robert said you'll probably be home next week...just hang in there a little while longer. I promise, I'll come by everyday to help you forget about all that other stuff." He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. He pulled away, lingering inches from her face. "It'll be just like this when I'm here..." He whispered. His chocolate, brown eyes looking directly into her bright, green ones. "Just like this..." He kissed her again, covering her mouth with his and pulling her into him.

"Wow..." Jessie smiled, when they came up for air several minutes later. "Just like that, huh?"

"Uh-huh..." He grinned, happy with himself for being the reason for her smile.

"I'll look forward to it...but there's something I need you to do for me." She sat up and slid off the bed. "This is not a big deal, okay? Don't freak out..."

"Why am I not going to like this?" He sat up, swung his legs over and sat on the edge of the bed in front of her.

"I want you to bring me some Provigil..."

"Jessie-"

She cut him off before he could protest. "You've seem me take it before and you know it's harmless. I just need something to help keep me awake. If I have to stay here, I have to be able to get away from some of it and since I need Robert and John to...to be here with me...I have to get rid of the nightmares."

"Jessie, you're still sick, you...you need to rest...you need to sleep, to get better You can't take drugs, in here, that are not prescribed to you. Jesus, what if it reacts with something they're giving you? They take blood, they'll find out and then what? How're you going to explain that? Jessie, listen to me, please, you can't take that stuff here...not while your sick, please. You can ask them to give you a sedative to help you sleep-"

"I. Don't. Want. To. Sleep. Don't you get it? I don't want to sleep...the nightmares...I can't stop them from coming and it hurts too much. It's too much to deal with...I need a break...I need a break or I'm gonna lose it. I just need them for a little while, okay? If anyone finds out I'll deal with it. Nothing's going to happen to me." She sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. "Look, it's okay if you don't want to do it, I'll understand, I won't be mad but... but you do know, that all I have to do is pick up the phone and I can get it here? With or without you. All I ask is that you keep quiet about it, that you don't tell Robert or John."

"If it's not a big deal, why hide it from them?"

"I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to and I don't want to see anymore doctors. I don't need them worrying about me...trying to fix me...I can take care of this myself. I'll just take them until I get out of here. I won't feel so trapped and I'll be able to go back to the way I was before. Joe, I need you to help me out here...even if it's just keeping quiet about it." He was looking down at the floor. She knew he was trying to decide what to do. She slid her hand into his and laced their fingers together. He looked up and she smiled. "It will be okay."

When he looked up and she smiled at him, he wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe that everything would be okay, that nothing would happen, but there was something, some part of him, telling him that something would go wrong. He was struggling, though, with the side of him that wanted to help her, that wanted to take all her pain and nightmares away and it was that side, that was breaking him down. She was right, there were over a dozen people she could call and have anything she wanted brought to her at any time and that worried him too. If he said _no_, what would stop her from asking for more than Provigil. Brian had told him she had problems with drugs and alcohol for years after the car accident, that took the lives of her Mother and brother, when she was twelve. He couldn't believe some of the stories Brian told. It was hard for him to picture the condition and places Brian had found her in sometimes, it had made him sick to hear it. That was a side of Jessie he never wanted to see. It would kill him. So, he was torn. He wanted to help her, but he didn't want her to harm herself. _'It will be okay._' she had told him. He gave in, basing his decision on three things; he trusted her, there was nothing he wouldn't do for her, and more than anything, he loved her.

"Okay," He conceded. "I'll get it for you, but you have to promise me...you have to promise me, that if you feel like something's not right, you'll tell me. You have to stop taking it and tell me the minute something isn't right, okay? And, you have to get _some_ sleep. Even if it's every couple of days...you have to stop taking it and sleep, nightmares or not..."

"I will...don't worry, everything will be okay." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Joey nodded. It didn't go unnoticed that she didn't promise him anything, but he knew she would never make a promise she couldn't keep. He also knew, that she would try and do as he asked. All he could do was hope that she knew what she was doing and that she would be alright. "So, where am I getting it from?"

"I have some at home...in my nightstand...in the bottom drawer there's a box with pictures in it...there should be a plastic bag at the bottom...it should have about twelve pills in it...that should be good enough until I'm discharged. If I wind up staying longer Jimmy C. could hook me up with some more."

"Jimmy C. from Ray's? You get stuff...pills from him?"

"Joey, it's not a big deal, okay, he's not my drug dealer or anything. He got the Provigil for me, after he heard about my sleeping habits, that's it...that's all I get from him, okay?"

"I belive you, just don't go to him anymore, okay? I don't trust him...if there's anything you need, I'll take care of it."

"Anything?" She grinned, devilishly. She slipped her hand from his and placed it on his thigh. Moving her hand up slowly, her eyes never left his. She made her way up to the top of his jeans and lingered there, playing with the button. Smiling, when she heard him groan, and not wanting to torture him because she knew he would never allow anything to happen, she moved her hand to his stomach and then to his chest. Her fingers moved across his chest, up and down his shoulders and then back again. "I need you." Her hand stopped in the middle of his chest, she balled his shirt up in her fist and pulled his mouth to hers.

All worked up again, he kissed her hungrily, leaning forward so she fell back on to the bed. He let his hands wander over her, over her clothes, telling himself to stay in control, forbidding himself to go any further. _'Christ, I'm gonna need a cold shower when I leave here.'_ He said to himself. He pulled away from her slowly, dragging her bottom lip with him as he went. "We definitly can't keep this up." He sat up, blowing out a breath as he tried to control his breathing, and smiled at her. "My self control can only take so much."

She sat up and put her arm around him. "Poor baby." She laughed as she kissed his cheek and rubbed his back.

"Thanks for you sympathy..."

"Hey, I don't remember stopping you, buddy, you did that all on your own."

"Don't remind me. Robert and John have been gone a long time..." He said, needing to change the subject.

"Yeah, they either left the hospital, to get some real food, or they're not sure what we're doing and they're nervous about coming back up." She elbowed him playfully in the side. "See, we had plenty of time...we could've had fun... at least twice."

"At leat twice, what? " Robert asked as he and John walked in at the end of Jessie's sentence.

Joey turned red and looked away nervously.

Jessie grinned, trying hard not to burst out laughing. "We watched Stand By Me and he didn't remember watching it with me before. I told him we've seen it together at least twice." She explained.

"Oh. How was dinner?" Robert asked.

"It was good. It was a nice change from the garbage they serve here."

"I'm with you , Jess... and let me tell ya, the food in the cafeteria isn't much better. I can't believe _doctors_ eat that stuff." John added.

"So you guys left? Where'd you end up eating?"

"A Deli around the corner...they make good sandwhiches and even better coffee. Nice waitresses too, right John? Our waitress was very fond of him." Robert told them happily. "I think she even slipped him her number."

"John...you dog..." Jessie laughed.

"She didn't give me her number." John protested. "Joey, help me out here..."

"Welcome to my world, John." Joey laughed. They all laughed with him.

After the laughter settled down, Joey pointed over to the tray-tables. "Dinner filled us up, so we left the cheesecake for you guys."

"Nice. This will go good with coffee later." Robert walked over to the tray-table and eyed the cheesecake. "Strawberries on top...sweet."

"Ya might want to move yours before he starts drooling, John." Jessie suggested, bringing on another bout of laughter.

Still laughing, Joey slid off the bed and stood in front of Jessie. "I gotta go, hon...I have some running around I need to do for Brian, before I meet up with him later."

"Okay." She pulled him into a hug. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I love you." He whispered as he slowly slipped from her arms.

"I love you too...but why're we whispering?"

"Oh.." He cleared his throat and spoke normally. "Sorry." He gave her a quick, soft kiss on the lips. "I'll see you tomorrow." He turned towards John and Robert. "I'll see you guys some time tomorrow, I guess. Have a good night."

"You too, buddy. See you tomorrow." Robert clapped him on the back as he walked passed.

"Good night, Joey." John smiled. "Thanks for the cheesecake."

"Anytime, John. Sleep well, Jess... I'll call you in the morning." Joey left. He gave everyone a little wave before he stepped away from their view.

Robert sat on the edge of the bed next to Jessie. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You look tired...you're not use to having visitors...it's been a long day."

She nodded. "Maybe, but I'm not that tired. Wanna watch a movie?" She asked looking back and forth between Robert and John. Both said okay. "Cool. I picked the last one, so you guys decide. I need to use the bathroom, get it set up, I'll be right back."

John moved the two chairs from the window to the side of bed while Robert went through the bag of movies.

"I think seeing Joey did her some good, she looks better...happier, ya know, not so bummed out." Robert said as he went through the bag.

"Yeah, I see it too. She needs to see more than our mugs everyday, I guess. I'm glad Brian's gonna come hang out with her tomorrow...that should be a big help too."

Robert's cell rang and he handed John three movies. "Here, pick one." He told him before pulling his phone out of his pocket and answering it. "Hello? Oh, hey, Brian...what's up?"

John was still trying to decide on a movie when Jessie came out of the bathroom. She sat down on the bed and watched as he shuffled the movies in his hand. "The Natural, A Perfect World, and Frailty...let me guess...Robert picked those?"

John nodded. "Now I have to pick one. I've seen The Natural...great movie, Redford is amazing. I think I've seen A Pefect World...it looks familiar and anything with Clint Eastwood is worth watching...but I've never seen Frailty..."

"It's a good movie, kind of dark, but a really good movie...definitly in my top ten."

"Frailty it is then." John handed it to her.

Jessie set it up and they waited for Robert to finish his call before starting it.

"He picked Frailty." Jessie said as Robert closed his phone an put it back in his pocket.

"Good choice, great movie, but uh...I'm gonna have to go. Brian's having some trouble and he needs me to be the middle man and help him out. It will probably take all night so I won't be back, here, tonight...but I'll be back in the morning, okay? I'll bring breakfast...whatever you want."

"Robert, chill out, it's okay, it's no big deal. I think, I'll live. Go do whatever it is you need to do and I'll see you in the moring, it's okay, really. John's here, I'll be fne."

"We'll be okay, Robert, don't worry." John reassured him.

Robert stood in front of Jessie, leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. "Try to get some sleep tonight, okay? I love you."

"I love you too." She said hugging him. She held him a little tighter than she meant to. Robert had been with her almost every minute of her hospital stay and she wasn't as sure, as she thought she was, about him not being with her overnight.

"Are you sure, you're okay?" Robert sensed her discomfort.

Jessie pulled away from him and smiled, although weakly, at him. "I'm sure. It's okay, go"

"Okay." Robert conceded, but was a little reluctant to go. "I'll call you later, after Brian and I get everything settled, to see how you guys are doing. And, I'll call in the morning to take a breakfast order. I should be back here by nine."

"Well, let's get the movie started." John said, after Robert left.

"Yeah, okay." Jessie said trying to keep the sadness out of her voice. "Can you get the lights? The screen picks up alot of glare."

"Sure." John switched the lights off and then settled into the chair, closest to Jessie's bed.

Jessie started the movie and laid back into her pillows. After several moments of wrestling with her thoughts, she gave in and said them aloud. "John uh...how's your leg?"

Hearing the nervousness in her voice, he turned to look at her. "It's okay. It's a little stiff, but I'm okay." He turned completely in the chair to face her. "Are you okay?"

She looked down at her hands, which were absently plucking at the fibers of her blanket. "I was just thinking...if your leg hurt...you should...if you needed to be more comfortable...well there's...there's plenty of room up here...enough that I wouldn't be too close , so I ...so I wouldn't hurt you...I just thought maybe you could..."

John reached over and covered her hands with one of his. "Jessie, do you want me to lay with you?"

Jessie nodded, still not looking at him.

He got up from the chair, walked around to the other side of the bed, took his shoes off and slid on to the bed, next to her. Sitting up and leaning back against the pillows, he put his hand on her shoulders and guided her backwards to lean into him. Her head rested in the hollow of his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the side of her head. "Better."

She nodded against him. "Thank you."

He smiled. He had missed being close to her and it was a comfort to them both.

* * *

Tbc... 


	47. Chapter 47

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Profiler' or any of it's characters...blah, blah,blah...happy now?

* * *

Halfway through the movie Jessie was struggling to stay awake and leaning on John was making it twice as hard. He had his arms wrapped around her, holding her close, so the rising and falling of his chest, as he breathed, was gently rocking her, lulling her to sleep. 

"Well, that was an ending I didn't expect." John said as the credits began to play . "I really liked it. It kept me guessing."

Jessie's eyes flew open at the sound of his voice. "Yeah, it's one of my favorite movies. I can watch it over and over again and not get tired of it." She unsuccessfully tried to suppress a yawn.

John laughed. "Someone's tired...ready to call it a night?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm good for another movie or some t.v., if you want..."

"I wouldn't last through another movie, I'm wiped. Walkin' around on crutches all day wears you out."

"Your leg's really gonna be okay, though, right?"

"That's what they tell me. With just a little more healing and some physical therapy, you'll be as good as new or at least just as good as you were before...in four to six weeks." John said in his best t.v. commercial voice.

Jessie laughed. "That's good. You're probably anxious to get back to work then, huh?"

"Yeah, but I think Nathan may be a little more anxious for that to happen, than me, because he's stuck doing all the leg work." John grinned. "He's probably hating me, right about now."

"When...when do you think you'll be going back to Atlanta?" Jessie asked hesitantly. She wasn't really sure she wanted to know the answer to that.

Joh caught the hesitation in her voice. He held her a little tighter and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Well, I'm no good to Bailey riding a desk...they won't clear me for field work until I lose the crutches, and I have at least two more weeks with them, so there's no sense in going back until I can work. So, you're gonna have to put up with me for at least two more weeks, but I'm sure, after tonight, you'll be happy to be rid of me by then." He said it jokingly, but regretted it immediately. He felt her unease and he wanted to kick himself for bringing it up.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I went off like that, it was stupid. I don't...I'm not usually like that."

"I was kidding, Jess, I didn't mean anything by it. I"m not mad now, and I wasn't mad before...not for a minute. You just caught me by surprise, that's all. It's okay. We're okay. Got it?" She nodded against him. "Good." Deciding she needed more reassurance he figured he'd throw himself out there and let her know he wanted her to go to Atlanta with him. "Hey, I've been thinkin'...maybe you can come to Atlanta with me when I go back? Ya know, get out of the city...get away from everything for awhile. I have a decent size apartment and a house, just outside Atlanta...it's quiet...secluded and you're welcome to stay for as long as you want or...or you could just stay..."

"You're asking me to stay...to live with you, in Atlanta?"

"Yes, I am. It's just something to think about, Jessie. There's no pressure, you don't have to decide right now, but know that the offer is always open. You're welcome anytime, for as long as you want to stay. I don't know what your plans are, once you leave here, I just want you to know you have another option, that you have a home in Atlanta...always."

"I don't know what my plans are either." She told him, then asked softly. "You want me to stay with you...after everything that's happened..._after everything_...you still want me to go with you?"

"Hey," He moved away from her, so he can see her face and she can see that he meant what he was saying. "It's _because_ of everything, that I want you with me. Jessie, you've only existed, for me, for two weeks and although circumstances kind of threw us together, I feel like you've always been here..." He tapped his chest. "You're part of me now. I missed out on being your brother for twenty-one years...whether you come to Atlanta or not, I don't want to miss anymore. You...and Robert too, we're family now...I gave up having a relationship with my Father and because of that, I had a brother I never got to know and a sister that needed a big brother to help her...to protect her. That's not gonna happen again, you and Robert, you guys got me for life."

Jessie didn't know what to say. She felt the same way and to hear it said out loud, overwhelmed her. She couldn't find her voice and her eyes watered, blurring her vision. There was a voice inside her, telling her to say _'yes'_, to go to Atlanta, to stay with John, and deep down, she knew who that voice belonged to. Not knowing what else to do, still unable to find her voice, she smiled and turned towards him, so she could wrap her arms around him and just hold him, tight. The second her head rested on his chest, the tears that threatened to fall, rolled down her cheeks like tiny rivers.

"It's okay, Jess, it's okay. Just think about it, okay?" She nodded. "We have time now." He felt his own tears start to fall. "Ya know..." He chuckled. "...this was not suppose to be a sad thing. If I knew we were gonna end up like this, I would've never brought it up." He sniffed. "What a couple of big babies, huh?"

She sniffed and laughed into his chest. "Big _cry_ babies." She gave him a tight squeeze. "I love you."

He sighed, happily, and kissed the top of her head. "I love you too, Jess...I love you too."

* * *

A dull ache in his leg brought John quickly out of sleep. He opened his eyes and massaged his thigh to work out the stiffness and get the blood flowing again. Some time in her sleep, Jessie had moved away from him and had curled up on her side around a pile of hospital blankets. It wasn't long after their crying session that she had finally given in to exhaustion and and fell in to a deep sleep, and he followed soon after. He smiled. 

Massaging his thigh didn't seem to be doing enough to ease the ache in his leg, so he slid off the bed and limped across the room to his overnight bag. He dug through it until he found the muscle relaxers and mild pain killers his doctor had given him. He took one of each. _'It probably would have been better to take these before...' _He thought to himself. _'Then , I wouldn't be in pain now. Oh well, lesson learned.'_ He paced the room, waiting for them to kick in, as his movement worked out the stiffness. It wasn't long before the dull ache disappeared and the muscles throughout his injured leg loosened up and took all the discomfort away. He sat down in the chair next to Jessie's bed and stretched out, leaning back deep into the cushions, he closed his eyes. Several minutes later, the full effect of the muscle relaxer/painkiller combination pulled him into a warm, welcoming sleep.

* * *

Hours later. 

Jessie's subconscious screamed for her to wake up...to wake up before it was too late, but it was useless, she was too deep into her sleep. So, her mind grabbed hold of her memories, fears, and imagination, mixed them all together and...

_Her head was pounding and her stomach felt like it was being squeezed in King Kong's fist. She heard voices, talking loudly or yelling, and she wished for deafness because the echo they were causing in her head was intolerable. Light stabbed at her eyes when she opened them, but she refused to close them, she just kept blinking until they adjusted to the light and she could focus clearly. Once they focused on what was in front of her, she wished for blindness._

_She was in a wharehouse, that seemed vaguely familiar but she's not sure why, sitting in a chair and standing directly in front of her, with their backs to her, are her father, Roy Langston, and two other men, she recognizes but can't place. Looking between them, at who they were being so attentive to, she saw Sal. He was hanging from the ceiling, by his arms, from a pair of hancuffs, a hook and a chain. His feet were flat on the cement floor and he was shirtless, bruised and bleeding. He was yelling, begging Patrick to help him, to stop, and he kept saying he was sorry for something, but the mud that she felt packed in her head, was preventing her from understanding everything he was saying. She turned her head to the left. Nothing, just darkness and shadows. She turned her head to the right and fear, like an Anaconda, swallowed her up, slowly, from head to toe. John. He was unconscious and handcuffed by one hand to the wall. Blood covered the entire left side of his face, making him look like a two-toned, half human/half alien character you would see in an episode of Star Trek. It was warm in the wharehouse, but looking at John, she suddenly felt cold and started to tremble from the inside out. She had to scream 'No!' several times in her head before she was able to verbalize it. All four men turned to look at her. She cringed._

_"Well, look, my girl's finally awake." Patrick said as he walked towards her._

_He looked like her father, he sounded like her father, but it felt wrong. His face was different, harder, and his eyes were all wrong. They did not look like her father's eyes, she couldn't put her finger on it, but they were just wrong. She started to ask him what was going on, but all she managed was a stuttering sound and a soft squeak._

_"You look a little green, Jessie. I told you all that drinking and partying, you do, was going to catch up with you someday. I told you, didn't I?"_

_She wasn't sure if she was suppose to answer him, it wasn't like she could anyway, so she remained quiet._

_"You are just a mess, young lady...a damn mess." He was standing practically on top of her, shaking his head in disgust. "It doesn't matter though, you're not getting out of this. I told you, the next time I had to teach someone a lesson, you were going to help me...you were going to learn how it's done. So, c'mon, get up." He grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her to her feet._

_Her legs felt like rubber, when he stood her up and she wondered why he hadn't noticed , or if he did, why he had said anything about her shaking, which to her felt like she was treading in ice cold water._

_Her father, or The- man- that -looked- like -her- father, pulled her along as he walked back over to where Sal was. "Lesson one..." He said to her as they stopped in front of him. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."_

_"Sal..." She managed to whisper._

_"Jessie! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...please, don't let him do this...don't do this, please." Sal begged her, his eyes wild with panic._

_"Sal..." Was all her voice would allow her to get out._

_"That's right, your buddy, Sal...and don't think we aren't going to talk about that later. You know what he did, your good, buddy Sal?"_

_She shook her head, her eyes fixed on Sal's pleading ones._

_"He got us killed...me and the boys here...he went behind my back, fucked up, and got me killed...got us all killed."_

_"But...but..." She stammered. The- man- that -looked- like -her -father, slapped her, hard, in the back of the head. She backed away from him, confused. Her father had never hit her, ever. She had never seen him get mad enough to even think about doing it. 'What the...' She thought to herself. Her backwards motion stopped when she bumped in to Roy Langston. She turned to look at him, he smiled, and she flinched. Pirhana. That was the only word she could think of to describe what she was looking at. Deciding, that The-man-who-looked-like-her-father was alot less scarier than The Human Pirhana, she moved quickly to his side._

_Patrick put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed, sending a shooting pain down her arm, but he said to Langston. "Don't even think about it, don't smile at her like that...don't even look at her...just because we're working together, don't think I won't rip your Goddamn head off and mount it on my wall."_

_"Your the boss." Langston told him._

_"Damn right. Now, let's teach this girl something. Sledgehammers?" Langston nodded and he and one of the other men disappeared. Patrick, his hand still gripping Jessie's shoulder, turned her to face him. "This is what's gonna happen, Langston and Lewis are going to show you a few things, then you and me are going to have some fun of our own...understand?" When she didn't answer him, he shook her. "Understand? Answer me dammit!"_

_"Y...yes...yes." _

_"Good, very good." Patrick looked over at the other man. "Where the hell did they go for those sledgehammers? Why didn't they bring them in with them when we got here?"_

_"I don't know. They don't work like us, Patrick. They're not really thinkers, if ya know what I mean."_

_"Then how did you get mixed up with them, Kreiger?"_

_"Money, boss, alot of money." _

_"Dad..." The word didn't seem to fit right with him, but what else was she going to call him. She pointed over towards John. "What..what about John?"_

_"So you know about your big brother, huh...damn pig cop...don't you worry about him, we'll take care of him after we deal with our buddy Sal."_

_"What?! He...he came to help us...he...he saved me...you can't-" _

_A slap across the face cut her off. Her right cheek stung and she could taste blood in her mouth. Standing there wide-eyed, she tried to hold back the tears, she knew would make things worse. He grabbed her shirt in his fist and pulled her towards him, so that their foreheads were almost touching._

_"Can't! I can't!" Patrick said through clenched teeth. "There is nothing I CAN'T do, you got that? Nothing. Now, I don't know what he's told you, what lies he's told you, but believe me, he will be taken care of tonight. He runs away with that bitch mother of his and becomes a cop...an F.B.I. pig...uh-uh...no way...there's no way a son of mine becomes a cop...and lives to tell about it. Do you know how bad it makes me look? The trust issues I have with other businessmen? That all ends tonight. You can understand that, right?"_

_She nodded and felt him twist more of her shirt in his fist. She knew what he wanted. "Yes, I...I understand."_

_Patrick let go of her shirt and pushed her away from him. "That's what I wanted to hear." He reached out and touched her cheek where he had slapped her. "I don't want to hurt you, Jessie, I really don't, but I will if I have to."_

_Jessie flinched when The-man-who-looked-like-her-father touched her still stinging cheek, but she wouldn't dare move away. She didn't realize she was holding her breath until he moved his hand away and it rushed out all at once. What the hell was happening? It didn't make sense. Everything was wrong and was going to get worse. She needed help. She needed someone to fix this craziness._

_"Robert...where's Robert?" She asked hesitantly._

_"Bobby will be here, don't you worry, he's just picking up another friend for the party." Patrick grinned._

_She didn't like it. She didn't like that grin on him, it made him look like The Human Pirahna. She was scared of the answer, but she had to ask. "Who? Who's he picking up?"_

_Still grinning, he answered. "Joey."_

* * *

Tbc... This was turning in to a huge chapter, so I decided to split it up. chapter 48 should be posted shortly...


	48. Chapter 48

Disclaimer: Not writing one...ha ha (but, please don't sue 'cause sadly, I work in retail...lol)

_

* * *

__"That's right, I know about you two, I've know for quite sometime now...and we will talk about that a little later too." Patrick turned to Kreiger. "Can you believe I took this kid in, gave him a job... I trusted him to look after my daughter...to be there when I couldn't and what does he do? He lays down with her and shakes my hand with the same hand he touches her with. Disrespecting son-of-a-bitch...I may just have to kill him, before I take care of your pig brother."_

_Jessie's head was reeling and the more he spoke the worse it got. She wanted him to shut up. She wanted to close her eyes and when she opened them be somewhere else. Hearing laughter and footsteps they all turned to see Langston and Lewis coming back. Lewis was carrying a sledgehammer. Langston was carrying a sledgehammer and a sawed-off shotgun. Her heart pounded in her chest and gooseflesh broke out across her body. _

_"Please don't hurt him." She didn't realize she said it out loud until The-man-that-looked-like-her-father shot her an angry look and asked her to repeat herself. "I...Dad...Please don't hurt Sal...don't hurt anyone...please, can we just go home...I just want to go home."_

_Patrick started towards her, but changed his mind. "When this is all over, I will deal with you." He said angrily. "I thought you were a lot smarter than this, Jessie, but I see I'm going to have to teach you so much more." Addressing Lewis and Langston he said. "Let's get on with this." Turning to stand face to face with Sal, his voice low and menacing, he leaned in and said. "This could go quickly or I could drag it out all day...cooperate and you get the quick way." He leaned in closer. "Don't make me hurt her, Sal...you know how she is...don't use her to stop me, because it will be bad for her and so much worse for you, just take your punishment and leave her out of it."_

_"I did it for her you know, do what you want, but I did it for her...and you. You shouldn't have her here, you son-of-a-bitch...she's not like you, she'll never be like you."_

_Patrick grabbed Sal by the throat and turned his head towards John. "Then she'll end up like big brother over there." He growled._

_Jessie felt faint. She had heard the entire exchange between Sal and The-man-that-looked-like-her-father and she was finding it hard to breathe, she felt like her chest was being squeezed in a vice. 'Just kill me too.' She thought. 'Kill me too, because I've obviously gone crazy and I can't live like this.'_

_Patrick let go of Sal. "Let's do this. Kreiger, hold on to my daughter, I don't want her trying to run out of here."_

_Kreiger pulled Jessie, who was too dazed to fight it, to him and wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides. He rested his chin on her shoulder. "It'll be over before you know it, sweetheart. It'll be hard, but don't let it change you." He whispered._

_"Remember what I said." Patrick told Sal. He nodded in Langston and Lewis' direction, giving them the go._

_Langston grinned. He moved to one side of Sal while Lewis moved to the other. Sal closed his eyes, his whole body shook in anticipation. Langston raised the sledgehammer above his head and brought it down hard and fast on Sal's barefoot. A second later Lewis did the same to his other foot._

_Jessie tried to double over, but Kreiger held tight. He could feel her stomach doing flip flops under his arms and he loosened his hold just a little._

_"Getting sick on me would not be such a great idea, sweetheart...just take a deep breath and ride it out."_

_She didn't know what turned her stomach more the sound of his feet exploding under the sledgehammer or the screams and sounds Sal made afterwards. She was not going to make it through this. Her eyes caught the bloody mess on the floor and she felt herself slipping into darkness, only to be yanked back by Patrick, who had pulled her away from Kreiger, held her hands out, and put something in them. She could barely hear what he was saying, everything was muffled by the fog in her head, she looked down at her hands and saw the sawed-off shot gun. _

_"No!" She screamed._

4:30 a.m. The nurse entered Jessie's room to re-start her I.V. medications and nearly dropped them on the floor, startled by what she saw. Jessie was tossing and turning in the bed, tangled in the blankets, completely soaked with sweat, and she was hyperventilating so much her lips were starting to turn blue. She moved quickly to Jessie's bedside and tried to restrain and wake her, but nothing she did worked. She pressed the call button to the nurse's station and told them she needed help and the on-call doctor. Leaving Jessie's side, she tried John.

"Mr. Grant!" She shook him vigorously. "Mr. Grant, I need you to wake up! I need your help."

"Huh...what.." He mumbled groggily still in the grips of the muscle relaxer and painkiller he took.

"Mr. Grant, please wake up...your sister, she's..."

As if on cue, Jessie screamed _'No!'_ and John jumped out of the chair, ripped from his sleep from the terror-filled scream he heard from Jessie. The nurse went back to her and again tried to restrain and wake her and after he collected himself, John did the same.

"Wake up, Jessie,wake up now! C'mon, wake up for me, Jess!" John pleaded as he tried to hold her, but her being coated with sweat and struggling made it impossible. He pulled the blankets from around her and threw them on the floor, so it was just her and the bottom sheet. "Jessie, c'mon wake up! It's not real, ya hear me?! You know it's not real! Wake up, you can stop it if you wake up!"

_Jessie tried to drop the gun, but The-man-who-looked-like-her-father stood behind her and held her hands to it with his. She tried to duck underneath his arms, but he let go of one of her hands, grabbed her by the back of the neck and yanked her back._

_"Please, don't make me...please." She begged him._

_"Shut up!" Patrick yelled. "Lewis, go wake up my boy over there."_

_"No, don't!" Jessie watched as Lewis walked over to John and kicked him. "Don't!"_

_John stirred and Lewis grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up. John mumbled something and Lewis put a gun to his head._

_"Just say when." Lewis grinned._

_Patrick pulled Jessie against him. "Stop fighting me or, I promise you, big brother's brains go bye bye." She nodded. "Good. Now, relax your body, loosen your arms up a little, and plant your feet...this thing's got a hell of a kick."_

_Jessie moved roboticlly, letting The-man-who-looked-like-her-father manuever her like she was a posable doll. She stared off into the darkness, in the space between Sal and John, because she couldn't look directly at either of them. She started to wonder if she had the strength to maybe turn the gun in on herself and take them both out, when she heard someone call her name. Someone she knew did not belong there. She turned her head towards the voice and blinked, dumbfounded. She closed her eyes and opened them, he was still there, it was really him._

_"T.J." _

_Travis John O'Doyle stood, not ten feet away, in his favorite Batman tee-shirt, denim shorts and Batman sneakers. He had a summer tan and his hair fell on his forehead in whisps and curls. She couldn't help herself, despite how bad the current situation was, she smiled at him. He smiled back, but then his expression turned serious._

_"Jessie, you need to go now. You need to leave here, right now." He told her. His voice was a mixture of desperation and fear._

_Jessie looked around at everyone, after he spoke. No one seemed to be paying him any attention at all. They didn't seem to be able to see or hear her little brother. "I can't. T.J, get outta here...before he sees you."_

_Patrick let go of one of her hands long enough to smack her in the back of the head, again. "Pay attention! You can do this, you will do it!"_

_"It's just a bad dream... Jessie, you can wake up anytime you want to. Wake up now, please, before he makes you hurt Uncle Sal."_

_Sal, who had not moved or said anything since they destroyed his feet, came to life at the mention of his name and whispered."Listen to him. Listen to T.J." And then, he went back to looking lifeless and fell silent._

_"Okay kid, ready? Take a deep breath and hold it...on three let it out." Patrick instructed._

_Cold sweat broke out all over her body. "Wait..." Her voice shook._

_"Jessie, wake up!" T.J. was yelling now. "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"_

_"One..." Patrick started counting._

_"Wait...Dad..."_

_"Two..."_

_"He's not our daddy, Jessie! " T.J. yelled. Tears started to roll down his face. "He's John's daddy, but worse! Wake up, Jessie! Please, wake up now!"_

_"Three..."_

_Jessie tried to move her hands away, but it was too late and The-man-who-looked-like-her-father was too strong. They squeezed the trigger together, blood and tissue splattered her face and arms, and the recoil took her breath away. She shook violently when she saw the mess the shotgun made of Sal's stomach. Falling to her knees, she looked at the blood and bits of Sal that landed on her and got sick. She threw up until there was nothing left inside her and then collapsed, to weak to hold herself up, on the floor._

Convinced that they could wake her up after they got her under control, the on-call doctor decided to restrain her. They had both legs and one arm in restraints when suddenly her body went rigid, like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water on her, she started to shake violently, her bladder emptied and her stomach followed soon after.

"Get her on her side!" The doctor yelled, as her stomach rejected it's contents. He looked over at John, who had moved away from the bed, so wasn't in the way of them helping her. "I'm gonna sedate her. This is a bad one, she's embedded herself pretty deep, and the stress is too much for her, she's still recovering."

John nodded wordlessly, completely shaken.

"Let's get a gurney in here." The doctor administered the sedative and Compozine to help settle her stomach. "When she's out we'll move her on to it so the bed could be cleaned and changed, we'll settle her back in once we get her bathed and changed. I'll call Dr. Buccannon as soon as I'm through here." He told John. "I'll let him know what happen. I'm sure he'll want to come in and see her... and talk to you."

John cleared his throat in an effort to steady his voice before he spoke. "Thank you." Was all he could manage.

"Hey, it's scary, I know...she scared me too, but right now she's okay...it's over. We'll do everything we can to help her Mr. Grant."

John nodded. "The sedative...it won't...what if she has another nightmare?"

"Don't worry, she won't. You need R.E.M. sleep to dream, with Ativan there is no R.E.M...the sleep is too deep. Unless we move her she can't even change her position...she won't move at all. Jessie will sleep and be completely at rest for ten to twelve hours."

"That long?"

"It will be alright, she needs it. The nightmares, are they always that bad?"

"I don't know, I've never seen her like that before."

_Patrick put his hand on Jessie's shoulder, as she knelt in front of him. "You did good, kid...don't worry about tossin' your lunch, it happens to everyone the first time, right guys?" Whether it happened to them or not , given the look Patrick gave them, they agreed with him. "See? It will get easier, I promise. C'mon now, get up, we have to finish this."_

_"N...no...I...I can't." Jessie stammered. She felt light-headed and empty. She did it. She couldn't believe she did it, but she did, the evidence was all over her._

_"Jessie, I may be a son-of-a-bitch, but even I'm not going to leave Sal like this...he's not dead yet...he's suffering and we need to end it...you need to end it. C'mon, now, get up."_

_She didn't dare look up to see what he was talking about, instead she looked over to where T.J. was still standing. He was crying. She looked down, a wave of guilt washing over her. "I didn't want to...I'm sorry." She heard footsteps and she thought he had walked away, but when she looked up he was standing at her side. "I'm sorry, T.J., I'm sorry."_

_"It's not real, Jessie...you didn't hurt Sal, that man did...Langston. None of this is real...they're all gone...even...even daddy. That's not him, Jessie, you know that. This is all made up...it's a bad dream."_

_"I feel funny, likes something's pulling me away." She no longer felt her father's hand on her shoulder, but she never felt him move it away, it just disappeared. She looked behind her, he was gone, and so were the others, including John. Hesitantly, she looked up, in front of her, there was no sign of Sal at all. The hook, the chain, it was gone. Everything was gone, except for a shadow that was moving along the floor and getting closer._

_"You wouldn't wake up, so they gave you something...the shadow...it will help you, don't be afraid."_

_"Will you stay with me until it comes?"_

_He nodded and smiled. Sitting down next to her, he reached over and slid his hand into hers. "He was mean...John's daddy...that's why daddy couldn't come for you. John's daddy wouldn't let him" He looked at her, his eyes brimming with tears and fear. "You can't think about him anymore...don't think about him anymore...he'll hurt you...he'll change you...please, don't think about him anymore, Jessie, please..." He hugged her fiercely. "I love you, please don't. It's not your fault...none of it was your fault."_

_"I don't want you to go..." Her voice sounded far away, even to her. 'The shadow must be closer.' She thought. 'It's getting darker.' She could feel herself being pulled to it like a magnet. "Stay with me, T.J., please." _

_But, he was gone and the shadow was on top of her now, warm and welcoming, drawing her in with a the promise of peace. She was tired and needed to let go, she let it swallow her up._

* * *

Tbc... 


	49. Chapter 49

Discalimer: Yeah, yeah...don't own it.

I had to do a little research for this chapter, but I did indulge, a little, just to keep it my own. I don't know if I like this chapter...hhhmmmff...it may be a little boring. I'll have to read it again after it's posted. Let me know what you think, so in case it is, I won't do it again...:o)

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By 6:00 a.m. the comotion in Jessie's room had died down and there was no one left but John and a nurse. The nurse had hooked up the I.V. medications, that she had originally came in to give Jessie at 4:30, and was writing in her chart. She glanced up and noticed John watching her. Her heart immediately went out to him. He was exhausted and still shaken up from Jessie's nightmare. He was still standing in almost the same spot, he had been, since being crowded away from the bed, when they had tried to restrain her.

"Can I get you anything before I go, Mr. Grant?"

"Uh no, no thanks." He looked over at Jessie. "How is she?"

"She's fine. Her vital signs are steady and normal...she's just sleeping, there's nothing to worry about. She'll sleep for a long time and there's really nothing you can do for her until she wakes up, so you can go ahead and get some rest too. If I'm not mistaken, you are still recovering from injuries yourself?"

John nodded. "Yeah, but I'm okay..."

"But, you'll be even better if you get some rest and take care of yourself. Honestly, Mr. Grant, she will sleep for at least eight hours, more likely ten to twelve, but at least eight...and she will be able to do nothing but sleep...no dreams, no nightmares, so please get some sleep. If your still sleeping in eight hours, I promise, I'll have the on-duty nurse come in and wake you."

"Okay." John conceded. "Thank you."

"Are you sure I can't get you anything? A blanket or pillow? Something to drink?"

"No thank you, I'm fine."

"Okay, I'll see you tonight then. I'll be back at eleven to check in on you guys... and you better look rested."

John smiled. "I will."

"The next shift starts at seven, but with Jessie sedated they shouldn't be in and out much to bother you. " The nurse finished signing off on Jessie's chart. "Good night, Mr. Grant. Take care and get some sleep."

John grinned at her persistance. "I promise. Good night...and thank you, for everything." He watched her leave, then sat down in the chair next to Jessie's bed. He slipped his hand under hers and held it. He didn't like that there was no reaction, that she was so still, except for her breathing. Leaning forward and still holding her hand, he folded his arms across each other, on top of the mattress, and laid his head down on them. He watched her, intently, for as long as his exhaustion would allow.

* * *

Robert called Jessie's room at 7:00 a.m. After several moments of listening to a ringing phone, he asked the operator to transfer him to the nurse's station on her floor. The nurse that answered told him what had happened earlier and updated him on Jessie's condition. Within a half hour he was at the hospital and in Jessie's room. Standing there, watching Jessie and John sleep, he was hit with a wave of guilt. _'Dammitt, you should've come back...'_ He told himself. _'You should have came back, you know better...John's still hurt, you shouldn't_ _have left him here alone with her...' _

He stepped quietly over to the bed, being careful not to wake John. Adjusting the blankets around Jessie, he leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "It won't happen again." Like John had been, he was disturbed by her stillness, it wasn't natural for her, so he had to keep glancing at the rise and fall of her chest to reassure himself that she was still breathing. He was about to pull up a chair and join John, in his vigil, when a nurse opened the door and waved him over. He nodded, walked away from the bed and stepped out of the room with her.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, Mr. Gibson, nothing's wrong...I just wanted to tell you that Dr. Buccannon is in his office. He would like to see you, at your convinience."

"Thank you. I'll go see him now. I know Jessie won't wake up for quite some time...can you keep an eye on John and let me know when he wakes up?"

"Of course. I'll call Dr. Buccannon's office if he wakes up while you're there."

"That'll be great, thank you."

* * *

Robert couldn't help but feel a little nervous when he knocked and then entered Dr. Buccannon's office. Buccannon was sitting at his desk reading a report, so engrossed in it, he didn't notice Robert right away, but when he did he stood up and motioned for Robert to sit down in the chair in front of him. 

"I've been going over the report from this morning...the nurse's told you what happened?" Buccannon asked him.

"Jessie had a nightmare, a bad one..."

"That's quite an understatement from what I'm reading here. How long has Jessie been having nightmares and does she always have such a strong physical reaction to them?"

"Uh...physical reaction?"

"Vomitting, wetting the bed, needing to be restrained..."

"All that happened this morning?! No, no that's never happened before. What was she deaming about? Did she say?"

"They weren't able to wake her, Mr. Gibson...she had to be sedated because they couldn't bring her out of it."

"Jesus, that's...that's never happened before. She always wakes up...we can always wake her up...it's never been so bad we can't wake her."

"So, the nightmares are not new thing? They're not a result of her recent trauma?"

"No, no...there was an accident when she was younger...her mother and brother died...Jessie and her father survived, but he was severely injured and was hospitalized for over a year...the nightmares started then."

"Was she injured?"

"Yes. She was thrown from the car...she broke her arm and had some cuts and bruises, but that's it, nothing serious. They said she was very lucky to have even survived it."

Buccannon nodded and made a note on the report in front him. "I've consulted with a collegue of mine...a psychiatrist...and although a determination can not be definitive, until he can evaluate her further, we've narrowed it down to two possible diagnosis'...PTSD and Nightmare Disorder. In light of what you just told me, I'm leaning towards Nightmare Disorder."

"PTSD...that's Post Truamatic Stress Disorder...Nightmare Disorder, what's that?"

"It's when nightmares...are complex and long, almost like a movie. They're as real to the sleeper as any event that happens when they're awake, and it's not outrageous stuff like three-headed monsters or Freddy Krueger...it's memories and real people...mixed with pain and guilt and fear...the fear is intense...the sleeper usually encounters or expiriences a threat to their life or their safety...or a loved one's life or safety...as the dream progresses the threat increases...the fear increases. Usually the sleeper wakes up just as the threat or danger reaches it's climax...but Jessie, I think she's had them for so long... and with the added stress from the latest trauma she's suffered, it's getting harder for her to bring herself out of them. The physical response she had this morning...they're getting too real for her. In other words, what she's dreaming is just as real and plausible to her as what took place in the actual events themselves."

Robert rubbed at his temples, his head was starting to throb. "What can we do to help her?"

"There are a few things that can help...there's counseling and psychotherapy...pharmocotherapy, which is the use of drugs...to control anxiety, for example...there's meditation and relaxation techniques she could be taught to use before going to sleep. This is a lifelong disorder, Mr. Gibson, but with treatment as she gets older, it will get better...excuse me." Buccannon was interupted by the phone on his desk ringing, he answered it. "Yes he is...I'll tell him...Thank you." He hung up the phone. "That was Jessie's nurse, she said to tell you John was awake. John's her brother, right?"

"Yes, he is. They haven't known each other long, but they've been through alot together."

"You should go then. I'll talk to my collegue again, then I'll bring him in to meet the three of you...he'll need to spend some time with Jessie, then we'll see where we need to go from there."

"Okay." Robert stood up and reached out to shake Buccannon's hand, he obliged. "Thank you, for everything you've done."

"We do what we can, Mr Gibson...and then I try to do a little more."

* * *

John was pacing when Robert got back to Jessie's room. He was limping, more so than usual, rubbing his thigh, and talking quietly to himself. If Robert didn't notice the pain in his face, he might have been amused by the sight of him. 

"Hey, you okay?" Robert asked him.

John didn't answer him and he didn't stop pacing, but he started talking, rambling. He was talking fast, not making much sense, to Robert anyway, and it took Robert a couple of minutes to realize that he was apologizing. For what exactly, Robert wasn't sure, but he knew if he didn't stop John soon, either his or John's, or both, of their heads were going to explode. He stepped in front of John to stop his pacing and held his forearm to keep him still.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down, John." He smiled hoping John would relax. "Slow down, buddy, I just spent an hour talking to a_ doctor,_ I could only process so much...I haven't even had coffee yet." John calmed and gave him a half-smile. Robert let his forearm go, but gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Thanks, for a minute there I thought my head was gonna pop...or yours was. What are you apologizing for? Wait, first, are you okay? Is your leg okay?"

"I'm fine, it's nothing, my thigh gets sore and stiff when I stay in one position too long. It will work it self out...moving helps." He started to pace again.

"Didn't your doctor give you anything for pain?" John stopped pacing, his face a mask of guilt, he looked down at the floor like a kid who just broke something. Robert was confused and concerned. "John, hey, you okay?"

"Last night...we fell asleep and I woke up...my thigh was hurting...I tried to get it to stop on my own, but nothing worked. I took ...my doctor gave me painkillers and muscle relaxers...I took uh...one of each. They must have knocked me out pretty good because I never heard Jessie...I didn't know what was happening until the nurse woke me up and Jessie was...she was in bad shape. If I didn't take those pills...I could've-"

"Stop right there, John. Listen to me, if there's anyone to blame for what happened it's me. You haven't been released from the hospital for twenty four hours yet and when I left here yesterday I didn't stop to consider that. I didn't think about you at all and that's unacceptable. You're still recovering, I knew what Jessie's nights have been like and I never should have left you alone. I should have come back after I finished up with Brian. I'm sorry, I should have been here for the both of you, it won't happen again." Robert put his hand on John's shoulders, forcing John to look at him instead of the floor. "It's not your fault, John. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?"

"I could've said something." John said quietly. "I guess I'm not doing as good as I thought I was...with my leg and all. I just wanted to be here for her."

"You were...and you still are, but you need to take care of yourself. You've been through alot, you have to take care of your pain too... and just like I'm here for Jessie, I'm here for you. Got it?"

John smiled. "Yes sir, I got it."

"Good." Robert moved his hands from John's shoulders.

"Thanks, Robert, for everything..."

"You're my best friend's son...you don't have to thank me for anything, ever...and hey, all my friends call me Bobby."

"Well, in that case...thanks Bobby."

"Anytime, kid." Robert grinned. He looked over at Jessie and his grin faded.

"It's creepy...Jessie being so still and quiet." John said watching him. Robert nodded. "What did Buccannon say?"

"He thinks...well they think, he talked to a psychiatrist about Jessie, that she has Nightmare Disorder and that judging by the pysical reaction she had this morning, it's getting bad and needs to be treated."

"Nightmare Disorder?"

"That's what I said. He gave me some literature to read up on, I'm sure it will explain it better than I can. He's gonna come by later, when Jessie wakes up to talk to the three of us." He shook his head. "She is not gonna like anything he has to say. He wants her to see a psychiatrist, she won't do it, especially if it means having to stay in the hospital longer."

"But, she needs help...after what happened this morning she'll see that, she's got to."

"I don't know, maybe...maybe this was the one, just don't get your hopes up. This afternoon should be interesting, to say the least."

"Great, sounds fun." John yawned and rubbed at his leg unconsciously.

Robert watched him. "Still hurts?"

"A little." John answered sheepishly.

"Look, why don't you take your meds and get some sleep? You look like you could use it and Jessie will be out for a few more hours, so there's no sense in both of us sitting around here staring at her."

"What about you?"

"I'm gonna get some coffee and read some of the stuff Buccannon gave me. I'll be fine. I want to call Joey too, I want to see if he's coming by here later, she made need him. Him being here yesterday made her happy, after she talks to Buccannon she'll need that again. Take care of your leg, John, and get some sleep. It's okay, I'll be here."

John struggled with what to do for a moment, but conceded. "Yeah uh...okay. You'll wake me if there's a problem?"

"Yes, I will." He watched John limp to his bag and get his pills. He waited until John shook one of each into his hand and then swallow them, before he would leave the room. "I'm gonna run down to the cafeteria and get some coffee...the chair by the window reclines a little, that may help. Get some rest. I'll have Brian bring some _real _coffee when he comes, I'll wake you then."

* * *

Tbc...

Sorry, for the delay in updating. I've been trying to stay current with other fics I'm reading, while reading Stephen King's new book (a new Richard Bachman book, if anyone's interested), working in retail (preparing for Back to School sucks!), and taking care of my German Shepard, who in the month of July, drives me crazy! (he's a big 112 pound baby when it comes to fireworks) So needless to say, juggling is not my thing...but I promise, I won't be a slacker no more...lol


	50. Chapter 50

Disclaimer: Only the characters I created are mine

Yikes! Sorry, I didn't realize how long it had been since I last posted. Damn summer weather...I am such a slacker :o)

* * *

Brian showed up at 2:00 with, the much needed, fresh coffee and some donuts. Robert was sitting in a chair by the window reading, Jessie was still sleeping soundly, to his dismay, and John was no where in sight. 

"You look like shit, Bobby." Brian stated, noticing the deep fatigue in the older man's eyes, accompanied by the dark circles underneath them.

"Thanks, Brian... and hey, try not to be so honest, okay?" Robert grinned.

"Sorry. Where's John?"

"He went for a walk, to stretch his legs." Brian handed him a tall cup of steaming coffee. "Thank you. The stuff they call coffee around here is like swallowing sludge from a toxic waste barrel."

"Is John okay?"

"He was still a little shaken when I saw him this morning...he was blaming himself." Robert shook his head. "Can you believe that? We need to keep an eye on him, Brian, I don't want him dismissing his own pain for Jessie's sake...or for anyone else's, we need to be there for him."

Brian nodded. "We will...as always." He looked over at Jessie, frowning he looked back at Robert. "Is she going to be okay?"

"I'd like to think so, but I don't know...it's...I don't know..." He let his words fade out when he noticed John just outside Jessie's room.

"Don't know what?" John said walking in. He walked over to them and leaned his crutches up against the wall. "God, is that Dunkin' Donuts I smell?"

Brian smiled. "A cop with a nose for D'n D...who'd of thought?"

"Ha ha..." He picked up a donut and took a huge bite, leaving only half of it in his hand. "You have no idea...the value of these on a stake-out." He said with a mouthful of a chocolate covered glazed donut. He sniffed the air. "Green tea?"

Brian and Robert were both laughing now. "With milk and one sugar, there's more sugar in the bag if you need more." Robert told him. "I remembered you're not such a big fan of coffee."

John swallowed his donut and grinned when Brian handed him the tea. He took a long drink, reveling in it as the warmth hit his stomach, it had been a long time. "Thanks. I'd kiss you if I didn't think you'd pound me into the floor."

"A pat on the back will work just as well...you just got out of the hospital remember?" Brian threatened playfully.

John laughed and popped the other half of the donut into his mouth. "Point taken." He winked at Brian, then patted him on the back. "Thanks."

* * *

Everything felt heavy. Her arms, legs, fingers, head, even her eyelids felt heavy. Her thoughts were swirling, like leaves in the wind, trying to settle under the thick fog that was lifting from her mind the more aware she became. She heard them talking. Robert, John, and Brian were talking about the Boston Bruins and the odds of them winning the Stanley Cup this year. As the the fog left, images of her latest dream trickled through her current thoughts, and heavy or not her eyelids flew open. She remembered the dream, but she did not remember waking from it. _'I didn't wake up.'_ She thought. She remembered T.J. telling her _they_ gave her something and she remembered the shadow, moving across the floor, pulling her into it. _'I didn't wake up and...and they sedated me.' _She felt a rush of panic move through her. _'They had to sedate me...' _Her senses went into overload and she felt everything and nothing at the same time. She trembled inwardly. 

"John." She called out to him. Her voice was thick and hoarse with sleep.

All three men turned to look at her, they moved at the same time, and were at her bedside in three strides.

"Jessie, it's okay, you're okay...you've just been sleeping for a long time." Robert pushed hair from her forehead and rested his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay now."

"I feel funny..." Her voice shook from her inner trembling.

"What do you mean funny? Do you feel like you're going to be sick?'

"No...I don't know. I just don't feel right...something doesn't feel right."

Not wanting to take any chances and nervous because of the way her voice shook, Robert decided that he wanted Buccannon to examine her. "I'm going to have the nurse page Dr. Buccannon...I'll be right back."

John turned slightly as he watched Robert leave and Jessie reached out and grabbed his wrist.

"Don't go."

John sat down on the edge of the bed, facing her. "I'm not going anywhere." She sat up and hugged him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder. "Jesus...you're shaking. Jessie, what's wrong?"

"I don't know...just...just don't let go."

He felt her whole body shudder against him and he had a sinking feeling that she wasn't talking about right now, that she meant something else. He held her close, rubbing her back in small circles, to calm and reassure her. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." He whispered.

Brian stood off to the side shuffling his feet nervously, feeling useless. "Jessie, can I get you something? A drink or something?"

Jessie nodded against John's shoulder and he turned his head towards Brian. "Can you get her some orange juice? The sugar might do her some good."

"Sure, no problem. I'll be right back, Jess...sit tight, kid." Brian hurried out of the room and headed to the cafeteria.

Dr. Buccannon in tow, Robert walked in as Brian was walking out. Brian told him he was going to the cafeteria and Robert nodded and continued into the room with Buccannon.

"Jessie, Dr. Buccannon is here, let him take a look at you." She nodded and John pulled away from her. "It'll be okay." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, before standing up and moving out of the way, so Buccannon could get in close to examine her.

Robert and John stood off to the side while Buccannon went through the routine of checking her blood pressure, pulse, lungs, pupils, reflexes, coordination, and took some blood. Stepping back from the bed he addressed the three of them.

"Well, physically you're fine. We'll run some blood work, but I don't expect to find anything. You're doing well with the blood poisoning medication. Human Protien C usually needs to run its course for twenty-eight days to complete recovery, but you're going to cut that time in half...and the pnuemonia is clearing up as well. Your left lung sounds are clear and the right, which was the weakest, is probably at about eighty-five percent and getting stronger by the day. But, you say you're not feeling well...can you tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't know." Jessie told him. "I just feel funny...shakey...like that feeling you get when you drop quickly and suddenly on an amusement park ride."

Buccannon nodded. "Okay. I'm going to order you up some I.V. fluids and something light to eat. You haven't eaten or drank anything since dinner yesterday...your blood sugar could be low, now that the sedative has worn off, your body could be telling you it needs something." He glanced over at Robert and John."Or it could be something else...Jessie do you remember what you were dreaming about earlier?"

Jessie flinched. She could feel Robert and John looking at her. "I remember."

"Can you tell me about it?"

_'You have a better chance of seeing pigs fly.'_ Robert thought after he saw the look Jessie gave Buccannon. She looked over at him and he shrugged, not knowing what to tell her.

"No." Jessie said looking back at Buccannon. "I don't see why it matters...what it was about...why does it matter?"

"It may matter alot, Jessie. What you could be feeling, now, is residual fear from your nightmare. The sedative may have turned it off, but as soon as it wore off, it was turned back on, like turning a t.v. on and off in the middle of a program." Buccannon explained. "Forget what it was about for a moment, do you always have such extreme physical reactions to your dreams?"

"I'm not sure I understand. Physical reactions? You mean like struggling? Stuff like that?"

"One orange juice...lots of pulp." Brian said, coming back into the room. He opened the small carton, stuck a straw in it and handed it to her. He looked towards Buccannon. "Hey, I'm Brian, sorry for interupting. I'll wait outside, I'm not uh...family...uh a relative, I mean." He started to leave, but Jessie stopped him.

"It's okay, Brian, you can stay." Jessie told him. Brian nodded and moved to stand next to John and Robert. She turned her attention back to Buccannon. "Is that what you meant?"

"No, nothing like that...reactions like that are very common. I was talking about, the throwing up...wetting the bed-"

"What!?" Jessie cut him off. She could feel anger bubbling and rising to to the surface. "I never...I didn't do that...I don't remember doing that!" She turned and glared at Robert and John. "Why didn't tell me!?"

Before Robert or John could answer, not that either of them wanted to, Buccannon tried to bail them out.

"It's okay, Jessie, don't get upset. Those things happening, helped us figure out what could be wrong with you. I spoke to a collegue of mine, a psychiatrist, and with the symptoms you've displayed...we both agree that you have a condition called Nightmare Disorder. He's going to work with you, to see if we can help you get things under control. He wants to meet eith you and start treatment when you're discharged...and by the looks of things, that will probably happen early next week."

Robert was watching Jessie, as Buccannon spoke to her, and he had to give her credit for keeping her obvious anger in control. "That sounds good, Doc. Jessie?"

Jessie ignored Robert. Keeping her voice calm and even, she spoke to Buccannon. "Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done and thank you for your concern now, but my...my nightmares...I can take care of myself. I don't want _any_ help. As for me being discharged next week..." She shook her head. "I want to do it Friday. This Friday. Do whatever you have to do, but make it happen, okay?"

That was something Robert did not expect. "Jessie, you can't-"

A voice shouted in Jessie's head. _'There is nothing I can't do, you got that? Nothing."_ "I just did." She told him matter-of-factly.

"Okay, look, why don't I go so you all can discuss this further, amongst yourselves, and we can talk about it again tomorrow, okay?" Buccannon interupted, hoping to diffuse the situation.

"There's nothing to discuss and no one to discuss it with...this concerns _me_ and _I'm_ telling you...I'm outta here in two days." Her anger was starting to be directed towards him and she didn't want that. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she continued. "It's not your fault, okay...it's nothing you did...I just need to leave. So, please, I need you to make it happen, because I will walk out of here Friday...discharged or not."

"I wish you would reconsider, you're upset...I just want to help you, Jessie." Buccannon looked over at Robert, John, and Brian. " We're all just trying to help you. But, if this is what you want...I'll have your discharge papers ready for Friday."

"Thank you, Dr. Buccannon."

"Okay then, I'll come by in the morning to see how you're feeling. Have a good night, okay? Have the nurse page me if you need to." He looked over at John, Robert and Brian. "Have a good day, gentleman...perhaps I'll see you in the morning as well." He nodded as they said their goodbyes and thank yous, then left.

John started to take a step towards Jessie's bed, but Robert stopped him by grabbing his elbow. "We both can't be the bad guy here, John." Robert told him quietly. "She'll need at least on of us tonight." He let go of John's arm and moved around the bed to face Jessie. She had her eyes squeezed shut while she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Jessie-"

She opened her eyes and moved her hand away from her face. " Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, doing her best to remain calm. "You told me everything was okay...that I'd just been sleeping for a long time...why didn't you tell me _why _I had been sleeping for so long? Why didn't you tell me what I did?"

"You woke up and said you felt funny, the last thing on my mind was worrying about what _had _happened, I was more concerned with _what_ was happening. I was worried about you, I guess I wasn't thinking. Why would it have made a difference?"

"If you would have told me..." She looked over at John. "If _either_ of you would have told me, I would've known what was wrong...I wouldn't have needed a damn doctor! I needed to be told, Robert, and not by Buccannon!" Her anger slipping, she was almost shouting.

"I'm sorry, Jessie, okay? What else do you want me to say? I'm sorry, alright? You want to be mad at me, go ahead...be mad, but you can't just leave here now, Jessie, not when they can help you...they can help you, why won't you let them?"

"I don't need their help...I can handle it...I can take care of myself."

"Sure, sure you can." Robert said sarcastically, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. " 'Cause you've been_ so_ good at it the last nine years...it's getting worse, Jessie, so I'd say, you're not handling much of anything."

"Robert, don't." John warned. It was time to stop them before it went to far.

"It's okay, John." Jessie told him.

"No, no it's not okay, Jessie...it's never been okay...we've all just pretended that everything was okay. Christ, Jessie, they couldn't wake you up...they couldn't wake you up and you puked and pissed all over yourself..." He knew he had gone to far, but he couldn't help himself. She winced, like she had been slapped. "Jessie..." Her eyes locked on his and couldn't remember what he was going to say. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, the cold, steely reserve that was eminating from her now, was not her. Shawn O'Doyle...definitly...the Patrick he knew before Jessie was born...absolutely...but, Jessie...never. Never had she displayed such a likeness to either of those men before, never. He, now, saw what John had been trying to tell him yesterday at the Deli. A cold knot of fear started to twist in his stomach.

"Are you finished?" Jessie asked him, bitterness dripping off every word. She was half-smiling at him, but the smile went no where near her eyes, which were two pieces of dark green ice.

"Jessie-"

"What? You're gonna apologize now? You just wanted to help right? Everyone just wants to help. You gonna hug me and tell me everything's okay? That it will all be better soon..."

She was angry, but unlike before, her tone was eerily calm and John wanted it to stop, he needed it to stop. He stepped closer to her and she turned her head to look at him. "Jessie, please..." His voice sounded desperate. "I can't...please, stop."

Her steely reserve wavered as she saw the desperation in John's eyes and heard it in his voice. Something was wrong, he looked scared. Had she done something? She turned to face Robert again, deciding to end the conversation for good. "You were right, things aren't okay...they haven't been okay for a long time and maybe they never will be...but, one thing's for sure...my father's dead, I saw it with my own two eyes. My father's dead and I have no interest in having a new one, understand? Now, _I am_ leaving here Friday...and I'll do it, with or without you."

Robert was relieved when Jessie looked at him. Though they were stormy, her eyes were back to their green crayon color and the coldness was gone. Now, she looked lost. Torn between being angry at him and wanting to do what John asked. "You _know_ I'll be with you." He told her. "Jessie, can't you at least-"

"I need some air." She said cutting him off. "I'm done here." She looked over at Brian. "Take a walk with me? I need to talk to you."

Brian, who had been wishing he had waited outside the room since Buccannon was there and the arguing had started, moved to the far corner of the room, desperately trying to make himself disappear. He was trying to block out eveything that was being said, because it was so unlike Robert and Jessie, and it was upsetting him. _'This is not how family behaves.'_ He thought to himself and barely heard Jessie speaking to him. He started to look at Robert, but he thought that Jessie would interpet it as him _asking_ Robert if it was okay, so he just nodded. "Sure, okay."

Jessie slid off the bed and stepped into her slippers. She met Brian at the door and turned around, facing Robert and John. "It'll be okay...if you're not here when I get back."

She left, leaving them to wonder if she was talking to Robert or John or both.

* * *

Tbc... 


	51. Chapter 51

Disclaimer: Don't own it...hhmmm

* * *

"Sorry about what happened in there." Jessie said to Brian as they stepped into the elevator.

"Not as sorry as I am." Brian told her sadly. "Where we goin' anyway?"

"One of the nurse's told me there's a terrace lounge on the seventh floor, she said it's nice up there...quiet."

Brian hit the seventh floor button and leaned back against the elevator wall. He glanced over at Jessie, who was leaning up against the wall also, staring down at her slippers, and lost in thought. "You okay?"

She looked up at him. "Uh-huh. I'm fine."

"You really gonna leave Friday?"

She nodded. "I have to, it's...things are getting out of control."

* * *

"What the hell just happened?" Robert was talking more to himself then to John. He was pacing in a small circle. "She..._we..._would _never_ talk to each other like that." He stopped pacing and looked over at John. "I saw what you were trying to tell me yesterday, I...I never thought I would see that in her. We have to-" Stopping mid-sentence, he realized John looked distracted, far away. Upon closer inspection he noticed how pale he was and that his eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "John...hey." He stepped in front of him, so John had to _see_ him. "Hey...John, you okay, buddy?" 

"When I was eight years old I broke four pieces to my father's Civil War chess set...my Grandmother gave it to him for his thirtieth birthday and if he was capable of loving anything back then...it was that...his chess set, especially after Grandmother died. I wasn't aloud to touch it..._'Don't touch it, don't breathe on it, don't even look at it' _that was the mantra I heard and followed on a daily basis." He laughed nervously, like he was eight again. "He kept it on a small table in the den and I'd give it a wide berth when I walked by it, like it was a rabid dog, not wanting to take any chances...cause I knew, I knew if something happened, I'd get beaten within an inch of my life...and sure enough." He blinked, his eyes finally focusing on Robert. "I was running through the den...to go outside and play before dinner...my shoe lace was untied and I tripped...I hit the table, the table hit the wall and then fell. In a panic, I crawled over to it, picked the table up and started picking up the pieces...I lifted up the board and there they were, four pieces, broken underneath it. I felt like I was being crushed in a vice, I couldn't breathe and I just started shaking and screaming. My mother came running and the look on her face just added to my fear. After a few moments she carried me upstairs and put me to bed...I laid there crying and shaking for hours and when dad's car pulled in, I just lost it again...scared to death of what he was going to do to me. My mother held me and told she was going to take care of it, that I'd be okay. She left my room to meet him downstairs, so I slid off the bed and pulled myself underneath it. A minute later they were yelling...I heard something break and mom was crying. He yelled at her and hit her, for what seemed like hours, and then it got quiet...then she screamed and cried even harder...begging him to stop. I heard him coming up the stairs and I froze. Then, he called my name and I thought...he's so calm, he's not yelling, maybe he's not mad anymore...I started to crawl out from under the bed and he grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked me out the rest of the way...he lifted me up with one hand and flung me into the wall...before I hit the floor he grabbed the front of my shirt and pinned me against the wall. I can't remember exactly what he was saying, I just remember his voice and how calm he sounded...and I remember how terrified it made me...I prayed that he would yell, so it would be less scary. I woke up two days later in the hospital...I opened my eyes and he was leaning over me...my mother was huddled in the corner broken and bruised...he grabbed my shoulder, hard, and in that dead-calm, emotionless tone...told me I had better keep my mouth shut...or next time I wouldn't be so lucky to wake up. I didn't think I'd ever be that scared again..."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Patrick did that to you, that he treated you and your mother the way he did...he regretted it deeply, I promise you. He would've cut off his arm before he would abuse someone he loved again."

"Jessie, she...I felt like I was back there again, back in that house...scared to death." John took in a deep quivering breath and rubbed his tear-filled eyes, impatiently. "I fought hard to keep myself from going down that road...to not get sucked in..." His voice trailed off, as he remembered something she had said earlier _'...just don't let go.'_ "I won't." He promised.

"John?"

"We can't let her slip away, Robert...no matter how hard she pushes..."

"We will, buddy." Robert but his hand on John's shoulder and squeezed gently.

"What do we do now? She wanted you to go..or me to go...or both of us to go..."

"We're not going anywhere. Whether she likes it or not, we'll be here when she gets back."

* * *

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Jessie asked Brian. They were sitting on bench, people watching, enjoying the flower scented air and the warmth of the sun, out on the terrace. 

"I think you've been through too much...that you've _seen_ too much...I don't think your crazy."

"Do you trust me...right now, after everything?"

"Jessie, it's me remember? You'll have to do better than that to lose my trust. I know you, I'd trust you with my life."

"But, do you trust me with mine?"

He nodded.

"Good, I trust you too. I need you to do something for me...John and Robert, I love them and God knows, I'll never be able to thank them enough for what they do for me...for putting up with me, but sometimes it's too much. I know they mean well, I just need them to trust me and I don't think they do."

"This is about Friday?"

"Yeah. I need you to back me up...to help me do what _I _need to do and not what everyone _thinks_ I need to do, but... I don't want to cause any trouble between you and Robert-"

"You don't have to worry about that. I'll clear my schedule Friday, come by here early and wait for you to be discharged, okay? Then, I'm yours for the day...we'll hang out, it'll be just like old times. Promise me something?"

"What?"

"Promise you'll take it easy, that just because your being released, you'll remember that you're still not well. Don't over do it."

"I promise. Thanks Brian." Jessie leaned across over and hugged him.

"Anytime, kid...you _know_ that. Can I ask you something,without you getting mad?"

She slipped from his arms and looked up at him. "Sure."

"Why won't you stay? If they can help you, if they can help you with the nightmares, why wouldn't you let them?"

"The truth? I don't know, I guess I need them. I need _something _to still be the same as it was before...even if it hurts."

Brian wasn't sure he understood her, but at least she answered him. "C'mon, let's head back down. You should probably eat something and we could watch The Tick."

"Nah, you go. I'm gonna stay here a little longer. This place almost makes you forget you're in a hospital. I'm sure Robert and John are still there...tell them I'm okay, everything is okay."

"Jessie..."

"I'm not going anywhere. Besides, if I went anywhere looking like this, people would think I escaped from a padded room and have me locked up." Jessie laughed.

Brian laughed with her, she was probably right. She had on 'Underdog' cotton pajama pants, a brightly colored tye-dye t-shirt, and big, furry slippers that looked like bear paws. "I can't believe I let myself be seen with you."

"Ha ha, funny."

Brian stood up. "Don't be too long, they'll worry about you."

"I won't." _'Just two more days.'_ She thought as she watched him go. She sat back, relaxed for the first time in days. _'Joey will bring the Provigil tonight and everything will be fine. I'll be better.'_

_

* * *

_

"Where's Jessie?" Robert asked when Brian walked in without her.

"There's a terrace lounge on the seventh floor, that's where we were, she wanted to stay a little longer. It's kinda nice up there."

"How is she?" John asked quietly.

"Fine. She felt bad about what happened the minute she walked out the door. She wanted me to tell you that she's okay...everything was okay."

"Did she say anything about Friday?" Robert hoped maybe she had changed her mind about leaving. Brian nodded, but from the look on his face, Robert knew she hadn't. "She's still set on leaving?"

"Yeah. Bobby she uh...she , well, I think she's figuring on you and John givin' her a hard time about it and everything, so she asked me to back her up. She wants me to pick her up Friday and I told her I would."

Robert smiled at Brian's nervousness. "It's okay, Brian. I wouldn't have expected anything less from you. You're one of four people that Patrick trusted to watch over her, Brian, it didn't just go away because he's not here."

Brian grinned, relief oozing from his body. "I know and thank you for reminding me. She told me she didn't want to cause any problems between you and me and I said it wouldn't happen...I guess I second- guessed myself when I thought about it on the way down here. I called Joey, he said he'll be here about six. I figured he could help with damage control. He's gonna bring dinner again, so I thought maybe we could go get a drink or something and get you two outta here for awile."

"Sounds good."

"How long do you think she'll be up there?" John wondered aloud, he had been thinking it in his head and was surprised that he voiced it. He wanted to see her before Joey came.

Robert could see the turmoil, that was still playing in John's head, in his eyes and he could only imagine what the younger man was feeling. He put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, why don't you go talk to her...it'll help...you and Jessie."

"Yeah...maybe."

"Go John, if nothing else, you'll feel better."

"Yeah, okay."

"How's your leg?" Robert asked as he watched John limped over to the wall by the window, where his crutches rested. John winced after taking several steps, and Robert realized John hadn't even taken an aspirin for pain since he had talked John into going back to sleep this morning. He didn't think John had sat down since he woke up either.

"It's sore, but okay."

"I know it would be impossible to get you to take a painkiller and get some rest, but at least take some Motrin, so you'll be a little more comfortable. The nurse put some on Jessie's table, for headaches."

"That'll work for now, thanks." John walked by them to leave and Brian handed the Motrin to him. "Thanks. I'll see you guys in a little while."

"Is he okay?" Brian asked Robert after John left.

"He will be...he just needs to talk to Jessie ."

* * *

When he walked through the door of the terrace lounge, John understood why Jessie had chosen to stay a little longer. It was like being in an indoor park. Their were varieties of plants and flowers, a water fountain, park benches, and fresh air and sunshine coming through several open skylights above him. He looked to the left and saw her a few feet away blowing bubbles for a little girl, he guessed to be about three. He watched them for several moments, smiling, while Jessie and the little girl laughed, as she blew the bubbles and the little girl gave chase to pop them. He walked closer. 

Jessie saw movement out of the corner of her eye, looked up, and saw John. She smiled and he walked up to the bench she was sitting on. The little girl turned around, to see who Jessie was smiling at, and smiled shyly at John.

"Bubbles!" The little girl announced.

"Lots of bubbles." John smiled down at her.

"Dessie blowdid bubbles." She held up her right arm, showing him her bright orange cast, and then reached out to put her hand, gently, on Jessie's bandaged wrist. "Gots boo-boos."

John nodded. "Oh, I see your boo-boo.." John crouched down, so he was closer to the little girl. He tapped softly on her cast. "I like your band-aid...it's very pretty."

She ran her other hand over her cast. "Owange." She pointed at the flowers on her shirt and shorts. "Owange too." She pointed at the spots of orange in Jessie's tye-dye shirt. "Dessie owange too."

"Two pretty girls...very cool...you could be twins " He smiled at Jessie. "Your twin is very cute."

Jessie laughed. "Yes, she is. Hey, Kaci, you know who this is?" She pointed at John and the little girl shook her head. "This is my brother, John."

Kaci grinned. "Kaci's bubba sreepin'." She pointed to an infant seat that was set on the floor in front of the bench, across from them, at her mother's feet. She put her finger to her lips. "Sshh...Tim sreepin."

"Okay." John whispered.

"C'mon, Kaci, time to go. Tell Jessie thank you for blowing bubbles with you." The little girl's mother stood up and started gathering her things.

"Tanku, Dessie." Kacie wrapped her arms around Jessie's waist. "Goin' bye-bye now."

"That was a very big hug, thank you, Kaci." Jessie put the lid on the bubble bottle and handed it to her. "Here's your bubbles...bye, maybe I'll see you next time."

"Kay, bye." Kacie looked at John and waved, smiling. "Bye, bubba."

"Bye, Kacie. Take good care of your boo-boo."

"Thank you!" Kaci's mother called over to Jessie as she picked up the infant seat, holding Kaci's sleeping brother, held Kaci's hand and walked away.

"That kid was just _too_ cute." John laughed as he watched Kaci, she kept turning around to wave at them. He turned his head to look at Jessie. "That was the first genuine laugh and smile I've heard and seen from you in a long time...probably since we played 'Doom' at the VCTF building...maybe you do need to get out of here."

Jessie gave him a half-smile, then looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry...back in my room, that wasn't me...it wasn't Robert and me...it...I'm sorry you had to see that." She looked up at him. "You were upset, I...I didn't mean to upset you"

John nodded. "You reminded me of someone, I'm trying to forget." He said quietly.

Jessie knew he was talking about the _'old'_ Patrick. "He told me about how he treated you and your mom and I could never really picture it...until now. I saw what he was capable of...I felt it."

The last part of her sentence came out in a whisper. John put his arm around her, pulling her close, and she rested her head on his shoulder. "In your nightmare?"

She nodded. "He...I never thought he could be that way...that he would hurt me."

"He didn't." John said adamantly. "He wouldn't. It was just a dream, Jessie, a bad one." He kissed the top of her head. "Will you tell me about it? Tell me how he hurt you?"

She nodded against his shoulder. " We were at the wharehouse..."

* * *

Tbc... 


	52. Chapter 52

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it.

I know, I know...it's been a long time between updates...I'm bad, very bad...sorry :o( I had to get through inventory hell at the job, before I could sit and spend the time I needed here, so now I'm up and running...go me!

* * *

John understood Jessie's reaction to her nightmare. Just listening to her describe it made him uneasy, so he could imagine what it would have been like to have visuals too. She started crying when she told him about what they had done to Sal's feet and broke down, sobbing, after she told him about Patrick making her shoot him.

"I felt his...him explode on me. It was so real. It felt so real." She cried into his chest as he held her. Her words came out in starts and stops as her body hitched from sobbing. "He was gonna kill you."

He rocked her."SShh...it wasn't real, it was a dream...a bad dream. You didn't shoot Sal and no one hurt me."

"Is she alright?" A nurse asked as she walked by them.

"She's fine." John answered. "Thank you."

John looked around. He considered taking Jessie somewhere else, because of the looks they were getting from some of the other people in the lounge, but decided against it. He thought that if he stopped her now, she would get a hold of herself and stop completely, and he didn't want that. He wanted her to get it all out, right there, before it festered inside her like an open sore. So, he continued to comfort and rock her, ignoring everyone else around them.

"It was just a dream, Jess. Patrick would never hurt you...that wasn't him."

"It could've been, though...he hurt you and your mom...he hurt alot of people...it could've been him."

He didn't know what to say. She was right. The father he knew was capable of everything she had dreamed about and much more. He had felt it and witnessed it himself. He also heard stories, growing up, about his father and his father's business associates, so he knew very well what Patrick was capable of. He wasn't one of the most feared men in Boston, hell, the enitre Northeast, for nothing.

John knew that Jessie was aware of it too, some of it anyway, so there was no sense in trying to sugar-coat anything. He put his hands on Jessie's shoulders and eased her away from him, so he could see her face. He cupped her face in his hands and brushed tears away with his thumbs. Her eyes were bright with tears and reflected a maelstrom of emotion, and he wanted nothing more than to take it all away.

"Jess, as far back as you can remember, did Patrick ever hurt you?" Jessie shook her head in his hands. "How about T.J.? Did he ever hurt him?" She shook her head again. "And your mom?"

"I never even heard them argue." She answered softly. "But-"

His hands went back to her shoulders and he squeezed gently. "No. There is no _but_, Jessie, you have to stick with what you know...**and you know,** the man you grew up with, he could have never done the things you dreamed about...he loved you. I saw it in his eyes when he was with you...when he talked about you. Patrick would never have hurt you, Jessie, not in any way...you have to believe that and forget about who he was before you knew him."

_He's not our daddy. He's John's daddy, but worse._ T.J.'s voice sounded in her head. "The dream...T.J tried to tell me, he tried to help me...I couldn't...it was hard...I knew something was wrong, I knew he was wrong, when I saw his eyes." Jessie looked at him. "They weren't like yours...warm and bright...making everyone who looks into them want to smile, even when they don't want to...Dad's eyes were like that... like your's...and T.J.'s." She looked away from him. "In the dream...they were cold and lifeless, like a fish. I was scared, but...I think, I didn't wake up because I wanted to be with him, it didn't matter what was happening...I just...I needed to be with him again. Is that wrong?"

"No...God, no." John pulled her back into a hug. "Listen to me, Jessie, you need stop...the guilt...blaming yourself...punishing yourself...you have to let all that go..."

"It's hard.."

"It wasn't your fault...nothing was your fault. There's nothing you could have done to prevent any of it, not now, and not back then."

"But it all comes back to me-"

"Only if you let it, Jessie. Don't think so much. You're looking for answers that aren't there, so you're making up your own."

"I'm tired...too tired to fight sometimes..." She pulled away from him. "I don't want to hurt you, like he did...ever."

"Why would you say that? Jessie, you could never do that-"

"I could feel it inside me...sometimes it's easier and it...it feels good to be angry. It makes everything else go away, even if it's for a little while." Her stormy green eyes looked into his. "I know you've seen it...it's what upset you today...and yesterday, when I snapped at you...Robert and Joey thought it was a joke, you knew that it wasn't. You knew, because you've seen it before...in him. I reminded you of him, didn't I?" She asked, the sadness in her voice made her sound ten years younger.

John nodded reluctantly. "It's okay, though, Jessie...it's not the same, you're not the same. Don't you see?You're aware of what's happening because deep down, you know, that behavior is not natural to you. You are not capable of doing the things he did...you don't have it in you."

"How could you be so sure? Dad changed, didn't he? What...what if I change?"

"You won't, trust me. I won't let that happen." He reached out and ran his fingers through her hair. "But you have to help me, okay?" She nodded and he smiled. "I know you don't want to do the psychiatrist thing...do you think it won't help or are you scared?"

"Both." Jessie said softly. "Mostly scared."

"Yeah, it could be scary, I get that. But, you need to talk to somebody, Jessie. You need to get everything ...to talk everything out. You'll feel better, once you let all that bottled up stuff go, Jess, I promise."

"I don't know..."

"I know...and you trust me, right?" She nodded. "I've been there, Jessie, I know what it's like. I went through it myself before I became a cop. I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't get help to deal with all the baggage I was carrying around, from when I was a kid." He was uncertain he should continue with what he wanted to say, but he needed her to understand, so he went on. "All the hate I had for him, the guilt about my mother's car accident...it would've consumed me and kept me from what I wanted to be...if I didn't put it in words and let it out. Now, I'm not saying it was easy and it hurt, like hell, but when it was over this huge weight, I didn't even know was there, was lifted from here..." He tapped the center of his chest. "...and I was ready to let it go and move on. You need to lose what's weighing you down, Jessie, before it crushes you."

"I don't know if I can...I'm scared..."

"Jess, it can't be any scarier than where you go now...or where you could be headed. The nightmares, they're getting worse and they're not going to go away until you face your feelings...and your fears."

"Why can't I just talk to you?"

John smiled. "You can. You talk to me about anything, Jessie...well, almost anything..."

Jessie chuckled. "I know, I know...anything having to do with me and sex is off limits until I'm married, right?"

He cringed. "God, I don't even know if I can handle that. Have you ever considered joining a convent?"

Jessie laughed out loud, heartily, causing him to laugh too.

"I was half serious, ya know..." John told her.

"I know." She shook her head, grinning. "Why do you think I was laughing so hard? It's probably a good thing, I didn't know you until a couple of weeks ago...Dad and Sal were bad enough...if it wasn't for Robert, I don't think they would have ever let me _'grow'_ up. I can see it now, you would've been ten times worse."

"Well, it's a big brother thing, it's part of the job description. But seriously, Jessie you can talk to me...I'm just too close to really be able to help you, to tell you what you need to hear. It would be better to talk to someone outside the family, but, of course, someone your comfortable with." He smiled nervously. "I uh...I think I know that someone...it's just a thought..."

"Who?"

"Sam. She has the backround, you guys know each other, but not enough for it to be a conflict of interest...she can help you, Jessie, you can trust her."

"Sam. You talked to her about it?"

"No, I haven't, I wanted to talk to you first. Jess, you have to want it...you have to want help for it to work. It's up to you, kid."

Jessie nodded and sat quietly for several minutes. "I need to think about it." She told him. "I can't promise you anything."

"I'm not asking you to. Just thinking about it will be good enough, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. Now, what'dya say we head back down to your room and get something to eat? Brian brought donuts and I could use a couple right now. And, I think there was a Boston Creme with your name on it."

"Well let's go then. I'm not one to let a Boston Creme donut get stale."

Standing up and reaching for his crutches, John laughed. "You should be a cop."

* * *

Robert and Brian were watching _Oprah _when John and Jessie got back to the room. John looked at the t.v. screen and then back at the two men, grinning. 

"Bored gentlemen?"

"We uh...I really wasn't paying attention." Brian stammered.

"**You **were the one who put it on." Robert pointed out, laughing. "It's nice up there on the seventh floor, huh?"

"Yeah, it was almost like being outside, the only thing missing was a hotdog cart...which is what brought us down here...we're hungry and there's donuts."

'Don't eat too many, Jess." Brian said as he passed the box of donuts to John. "Joey's comin' by at six, he said he was bringing dinner for you."

John took a powdered filled jelly donut and held the box out in front of Jessie. "Bottom left hand corner...one Boston Creme donut."

Jessie picked it up. "Sweet. Thanks."

"We have an hour and half before Joey comes, you wanna watch _The Tick?_" Brian asked.

"Yeah, definitly."

The four of them sat watching _The Tick. _Brian and Jessie laughed at their heroe's antics, Robert laughed at the two of them, and John was having trouble deciding who was crazier, the three of them or _The Tick._

"Okay...I didn't say anything when I saw that The Tick isn't actually a tick, but uh...whatever he is...and I didn't say anything about The Moth guy, who really **does** look more like a rabbitt than moth...or The Sewer Urchin guy, who talks like Rainman, but I gotta say something about this him..." John pointed at the screen.

"Chairface Chippenedale." Jessie and Brian said in unison.

"Chairface Chippendale? Seriously?" John shook his head as they laughed. "Guys, he's a body with a kitchen chair sticking out from between his shoulders...he has no face. He's looking at everyone and talking...where's his eyes? Where's his mouth?" He looked at the screen again. "And what's with the guy with the wingnut for a head?"

"John, buddy, calm down it's a **cartoon**...not real-life, it's not suppose to make sense." Brian patted John's back. "You're not suppose to think so hard when you watch this."

"Are you sure we're related?" Jessie laughed.

Robert watched the other three and smiled. He felt like the father of three kids sitting in front of the t.v. teasing each other. He had kept an eye on Jessie since she got back to the room and except for red-rimmed, slightly puffy eyes, she seemed to be more like herself. She wouldn't make direct eye contact with him, but he noticed her glancing over at him, every once in a while, and he could see a combination of guilt and sadness in her eyes. _'She's beating herself up for what happened earlier.'_ He thought to himself. _'Well, that makes two of us.'_

A nurse came in pushing an empty wheel chair and smiled at Jessie. "Dr. Buccannon ordered a chest x-ray, Jessie. He wanted to get one last look before you leave Friday, it shouldn't take long."

"Sure, okay." Jessie sat down in the wheelchair and waved as the nurse backed it out of her room. "See ya in a few."

"Hey, want me to go with you?" Robert asked before they cleared the doorway.

Jessie grinned. "Yeah...yeah I do."


	53. Chapter 53

Discalimer: Someone else owns it...

Whoa...this is a big 'un :o)

* * *

While Jessie got her chest x-rays Robert sat outside the x-ray unit, in a small waiting area, thumbing through a magazine. He looked up when the door opened and smiled at the nurse as she was coming out.

"Everything go okay?"

"Yes, perfectly. She's a very good patient. There's an emergency down the hall I have to assist with, so it will be a few minutes before I can take her back to her room. You can go inside and wait with her if you like."

"Thank you. I will."

"I shouldn't be long." The nurse told him and started down the hallway.

Robert pulled the door open and stepped inside the x-ray unit. A tech was sitting behind a large desk, signing off on charts, he looked up when Robert came in.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm here with Jessie O'Doyle. Her nurse said I can wait with her until she gets back."

"Oh, sure, no problem. Miss O'Doyle's in Room B, down the the left hallway, second door on the right."

"Thank you."

"I've already spoken to Dr. Buccannon, her x-rays looked great, both lungs are clear."

"That's good to hear, thank you."

"Your welcome. Giving good news is my favorite part of the job. I'll be out here if you need anything."

Robert nodded, smiling, and headed towards Jessie's room.

Jessie was lying on a gurney with her left arm draped over her eyes when Robert walked into the room. If she heard him come in, she didn't acknowledge him. He stepped up to the gurney and tapped her arm.

"Hey, you okay?"

Jessie moved her arm away from her eyes and smiled at him. She sat up, letting her legs hang over the side of the gurney, so she could face him. "Yeah, I'm okay. I have a headache and the lights are bright in here. The nurse had to leave, she said she'll be back as soon as she can."

"Yeah, I know." He studied her for a moment and could see that her headache was making her uncomfortable. He put his hand behind her head and rubbed gently. Leaning down he kissed the top of her head. "Stop thinking so much. It's over and done with. We're okay."

"How'd you-"

"I know you."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm sorry too." He sat next to her, put his arm around her, and pulled her to him, so her head rested on his shoulder. "I love you, Jessie, there's nothing you can say or do that will change that."

"I love you too. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"For as long as I'm around that's something you'll never have to worry about, understand?"

Jessie grinned. "Yeah." She moved away from him a little so she could see his face. "About Friday...I know your upset with me for leaving, maybe before I should-"

"Jess, all I want is for you to be healthy, okay...physically, mentally, and emotionally. I should have talked to you before Dr. Buccannon did, I'm sorry, but after I heard what happened I wasn't really thinking clearly, I just wanted to help. They really could help you, you know."

"Maybe, but I can't stay here much longer...I just...please, don't be mad."

Her eyes pleaded with him and he pulled her closer. "I'm not mad, Jessie. If anything, I'm worried and scared...I'm worried that you're never gonna give yourself a break...and scared of what it's going to do to you."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to...to worry or scare you. I'll try not to, I'll try to be better...to deal with everything better-"

"Hey, don't worry about how you deal with things, okay? Just don't try and deal with them alone. You don't have to, you know that, don't you?" She nodded against his shoulder. " Good, don't ever forget it. Don't worry about Friday, it's okay. We'll go home and take things one day at time. We'll get through this, kiddo..." He kissed the top of her head. "All of us. Together."

* * *

The nurse had taken longer than expected, so by the time they got back to her room Joey was there with dinner. 

"What took you guys so long? Did everything go alright?" John asked as the nurse wheeled Jessie into the room with Robert close behind them.

"Sorry, it was my fault I had an emergency and they had to wait for me. Is her dinner cold, I can heat it up?" The nurse answered before Jessie and Robert could.

"No, it's fine. I haven't been here that long." Joey told her.

The nurse nodded and handed Jessie two pills. "Motrin, for your headeache. If there's nothing else I could do, I'll be back at twelve to give you your antibiotics."

"No, I'm good, thanks." Jessie sat down on the side of the bed, poured herself some water, and took the Motrin.

"Then I will see you at midnight. Enjoy your dinner."

After the nurse left Joey moved to Jessie's side and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Hey." He smiled. "I brought Longhorn Steakhouse for dinner."

"Chili cheese fries?"

"Absolutely."

"Mmmm...I knew there was a reason I loved you." She kissed him. "How long have you been here?"

"Not long, half hour maybe." He nodded towards John and Brian. "They were watching _The Tick_ when I got here...John looked pretty confused."

"Hey, that was not confusion you saw...I was repulsed." He looked from one person to the other and began explaining himself. "_The Tick_ had a cold and the alien used his **snot** filled tissue to clone him. He wound up fighting a cloned version of himself made out of phlegm...it was disgusting."

They all laughed at him.

"Damn, that was my favorite one. We'll have to watch it again later, with desert...maybe we could get some green Jello." Jessie grinned.

"Green Jello, cute." John wadded up a Dunkin Donuts bag and threw it at her. "You're lucky I like you."

"Okay guys, what'dya say we leave them here, and go to Ray's for dinner, drinks, and pool?" Brian proposed.

Robert nodded. "Sounds good."

"Yeah." John agreed. "I'm hungry...donuts are not very filling."

Brian laughed. He stood up and handed John his crutches. "Alright, let's get outta here and leave these two to their dinner."

"See ya in a couple hours." Robert told Jessie and Joey as he followed John and Brian out of the room.

* * *

"I heard you had a bad morning." Joey said when the door closed and they were alone. "You okay?" 

"I'm fine. Look, I've been talking about it all day, I need a break, okay? Let's eat, I haven't had anything but a Boston Creme donut all day."

"Okay, we'll eat." He put his hand under her chin and guided her closer to him. He leaned in and put his lips to hers. His tongue parted her lips and when she accepted him, he put his hand behind her head, pulled her closer, and deepened the kiss.

They came up for air and Jessie sat, catching her breath, looking at him. "Whoa." She smiled, a big goofy smile. "What did I do to deserve that?"

He pushed hair from her face. "I told you I'd make you forget everything when I came here...and I always try to keep my promises. Did it work?" He winked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Well, I definitly forgot about everything that happened today...**now** all I'm thinking about is getting you naked." She raised an eyebrow and grinned devilishly.

Joey's face immediatly felt hot and he blushed, he looked around nervously, forgetting that the others had left and it was just the two of them. He breathed a sigh of relief. "You love doing that to me, don't you?"

"Yes, I do...but I'm totally serious."

"Jessie..."

"I know, I know, c'mon let's eat. If I can't have you, I'll settle for food." She slid off the bed, walked over to the tray-tables and started to unpack the take-out containers. When everything was set out between the two tables she turned to Joey, who was still sitting on the bed , watching her. "You stayin over there or comin' over here?"

He pushed himself of the bed and walked over to her. She fed him a french fry covered in cheese and chili. "Thanks."

They sat and had dinner. Joey kept the conversation lite and comfortable. He told her about the new band that was playing at Ray's on the weekend and that he was thinking of buying a new car. He liked the new Toyota FJ Cruiser and Brian knew someone who could get him a decent deal on one.

Jessie listened. Thankful that he didn't ask about the nightmare she had and the problems that it caused afterwards. If he was concerned about her being discharged on Friday, he didn't mention it, in fact, he was acting as if the entire day didn't happen. She wondered if he was doing it for her or if he had been warned by the others to not bring it up unless she did. She had told him earlier that she didn't want to talk about it, but it wasn't like him to give up that easily. For whatever reason he was doing it, she was grateful.

She ate half her meal and quite a few Chili Cheese Fries before calling it quits .She pushed her tray-table to the side and stood up. Joey looked at her plate and frowned a little.

"Hey, I thought you were hungry? You practically lick your plate clean when we eat at Longhorn...you okay?"

"I'm fine...and it was good, I just had enough, that's all. I guess my appetite's not what it use to be...maybe I'll feel like havin' more later." She covered her dish and sat down on the arm of her chair. "You finish eating, don't worry 'bout me, I'm fine."

Joey smiled and nodded. When he was done he pushed his tray-table away and sat back in his chair. "Damn, the steak was good tonight...or is it because we haven't eaten there in a while?"

"Probably a little of both." Jessie laughed as he patted his, now full, belly. "You sure you're done? You could have mine if you want."

"God, no. If I eat anything else, they'll have to take me outta here in a wheel chair." He sat up and pulled her into his lap. "I'm gonna have to start bringing you breakfast and lunch too, we need to fatten you up, you're getting to skinny here."

"Are you kidding and ruin my chances of becoming a Super Model? No way, buddy." She tried to be serious, but wound up laughing at the end.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against him. "Super Model, huh? Uh-uh..." He started nibbling on her ear, then moved to the back of her neck. "The only guy who gets to gawk at you is me." He whispered.

The warm wet trail he was leaving down her neck was causing goosebumps and heat to run through her body at the same time. She turned slightly and without missing a beat he moved to the side and then to the front of her neck. A fluttering sensation started in her stomach and spread throughout her body, which was now aching to be touched. "You better not be starting something you can't finish." She breathed heavily into his ear.

"I can't help it." He sighed into her neck, barely breaking his concentration as he continued the assault of his mouth on her neck, shoulders and along her collarbone.

_'He's torturing me...'_ She thought and smiled inwardly. _'...what a great way to be tortured.' _She put her head down and he knew what she wanted. He moved his mouth from her neck, to her chin, and then covered her mouth with his. She moved slightly, straightening out the slight angle their bodies were in, and practically crawled up his chest to be closer to him.

Lost in the kiss she had just deepened, and overwhelmed him with, Joey's hands, guided by his want, started to travel over every part of her body within reach. He slipped a hand under her t-shirt and he groaned when he felt her quiver at his touch. He moved his hand slowly upward, thankful she didn't have a bra on, he cupped her left breast and squeezed gently. When he felt her body stiffen, he pulled away quickly, thinking that he had hurt her somehow.

"Jesus, I'm sorry!" He tried to calm himself and catch his breath. "Did I hurt you?"

Jessie never saw it coming. One minute, she was with Joey, enjoying his kiss and his touch, hoping that he would forget where they were, let go, and give into their want. Their need. Then in a touch, she was gone, her mind taking her back to the wharehouse, taking her back to Roy Langston. It was no longer Joey's hand that touched her, it was his, and she froze. In flashes, like they were under strobe lights, Langston was standing in front of her, touching her, smiling that Pirhana smile...she saw her father charge at him, threatening to kill him...she felt cold steel being pressed against the side of her head...she could feel Langston's hands all over her, his breath on her face as he moved closer, his mouth inches from hers...

Jessie was scaring him. She was looking at him, but she wasn't, not really. It was as if she was looking right through him. Joey put his hands on her shoulders and shook her gently. She blinked and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that her eyes were focused on his.

"Jessie, what happened? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head slowly. "No...you didn't...nothing...it's nothing."

"Nothing! Jessie, please, don't tell me it was nothing. Tell me what happened. Where were you just now?...because you sure weren't here with me."

She was trying to wrap her mind around what happened. She thought about what she saw in the flashes and knew something was wrong. After Langston had touched her breast, except for holding her wrist to cut it, he had not touched her again and he never moved close enough to her to even try to kiss her. "What the hell am I doing?" She thought she had said it in her head, but she didn't, causing the worry on Joey's face to deepen. She took one of his hands from her shoulder and held it. "I'm sorry. It's okay."

"Please, tell me what's wrong." He said softly.

God, the look on his face was killing her. Jessie cursed Roy Langston and herself for letting Joey's touch remind her of him. _'Joey is gentle...and_ _safe...and beautiful.' _She told herself, over and over again. _'Don't let Roy Langston corrupt that. Don't let him kill that too.' _She had to fix it. Now.

"Listen to me, okay?" She reached out to touch his cheek and he nodded in her hand. "I'm okay." He started to protest and she shushed him. "Just listen, okay? I promise, I'll tell you everything you want to know, it just can't be right now. Right now, I need you. I need to be **with **you. Please, be with me... and help me forget."

"Forget what? I don't understand...why can't you tell me now?"

Joey was scared and unsure. She was frustrated and angry, but not at him. Jessie moved from his lap to the chair across from him. Leaning forward, elbows on her knees, both hands moved to the back of her head and she rocked slightly. _'What're you gonna tell him, huh? What **can**_ _you tell him that won't make him want to take out his phone and get Robert and John back here? Think! Think!' _

Joey knelt down in front of her. He moved her hands away from her head and she looked up at him. "Talk to me, Jess." He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. "I love you, please, talk to me."

_'To hell with it.'_ She thought. She tried to keep the desperation from her voice, so she talked quickly. "I need to get this out of my head...to get him out of my head, now, before it's too late. I don't want anything you do to remind me of him. I don't want him to kill us too."

"Who are you talking about, Jess? He could only hurt us if we let him."

"Langston. Roy Langston." She whispered, not wanting to hear his name out loud.

Joey flinched visibly. Roy Langston. No one really knew everything that happened in the wharehouse, no one but John and Jessie, and neither of them had volunteered any information. What had he done to her? He couldn't take the pained look in her eyes any longer, he hugged her fiercely. "Tell me what to do. I'll do anything."

Jessie studied the bed for a moment. No way, he'd never be comfortable with that. She pulled away from him. His chocolate brown eyes were bright with tears and her heart ached for him. What did she do to deserve him? She smiled, running a finger down one of his sideburns, and then kissed him.

"Shower with me." Whether he agreed to it or not, she needed to take a shower. Thinking about Roy Langston made her feel dirty.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, that was not what he expected. "But, what if they-"

"Give me your phone."

He started to pull it out of his pocket, then stopped. "What're you gonna do? You're not gonna call and tell them-"

"Trust me. Give me your phone."

Joey reluctantly gave up his phone and watched as she began writing a text message. When she finished she showed it to him.

_'Hey, it's Jessie. Take your time coming back here, okay? There's no rush. ;o) '_

"You're sending that to Brian?" Joey asked after he read it.

"Yeah. Don't worry about Robert or John, Brian won't say anything." She pressed _send _and they waited for Brian to respond.

"Are you sure about this?" Joey asked nervously.

"I'm sure."

A momenet later Joey's phone vibrated in her hand and she read Brian's response.

_'No problem, kid. I'll keep them out until at least 10:30. K? Have fun! ;o)'_

Jessie smiled and showed it to Joey, who couldn't help but smile also. Good 'ole Brian.

"That gives us over two and a half hours...we'll be okay...we have plenty of time. Okay?" Joey nodded. She texted Brian again, telling him 10:30 was fine and thanking him, then handed Joey back his phone.

They sat staring at each other for several minutes. Jessie knew Joey was nervous about doing what they were about to do, here in the hospital, and she didn't want to rush him. To her surprise, he took her hand in his and stood up. He pushed hair away from her neck, licking and then sucking the spot he had just cleared. Damn, he was good, in an instant the fluttering sensation in her stomach was back.

"I love you." She breathed into his neck.

That was all the encouragement he needed. He moved from her neck to her mouth, devouring it passionately for several minutes. They were both breathing heavily when the kiss ended. He smiled at her, took her hand in his, led her into the bathroom and locked the door behind them.

* * *

Tbc... 


	54. Chapter 54

Disclaimer: Don't own it, but thanks for letting me use it... :o)

Shout out to Julie95! Chapter after chapter you've been a great source of support for me. Thank you for all your wonderful comments, they inspire me to keep going, when I'm not sure I should. You're the best! Thanks!

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"What're you smilin' at?" Robert asked as Brian closed his phone and slipped it into his pocket. He was smiling like a kid in a candy store.

"Nothing." Brian said, still smiling. "I sent my mom flowers today...she was just saying thank you."

"Mama's boy." Robert teased.

"Damn right." Brian grinned. Being teased was a small price to pay to cover for Jessie and Joey. "You guys about done eating? How 'bout some pool?"

"I'm done. I could use some coffee though." Robert answered and waved the waitress over.

"John?" When John didn't answer, Brian knocked on the table in front of him. "Hey, Earth to John, you okay buddy?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm done." John answered, sounding distracted.

"Are you feeling okay? How's your leg?" Robert sensed his distraction and thought maybe he was in pain.

"I'm fine. My thigh's okay too, the Motrin helped. I'm sorry, I've just been thinking, that's all."

"About Jessie?"

John nodded. "About the nightmare mostly. Did she tell you about it?"

Robert shook his head. "No, we talked a little bit after her x-rays...we apologized...talked about Friday, but the nightmare never came up."

John sighed sadly. "I don't know how she does it...I've had my share of nightmares, but hers...that one...I couldn't do it. No way."

"That bad, huh?" Brian frowned.

"Yeah."

"Well then, let's get us a bottle of whiskey, three glasses and you can tell us about it." Robert put his hand on John's shoulder. "Don't keep all the worry to yourself, John, that's what **we're **here for."

John had to take two shots of whiskey before he could get started. Having had time to think about it, while waiting for the waitress to bring the whiskey and glasses, he decided that telling them about the nightmare might not be such a good idea after all. It was upsetting enough for him to hear it and he was sure telling it would be just as bad or worse, because he had to deal with their reactions. He wasn't sure how Brian would react, but he knew Robert, and he knew, like John did, that years ago that dream could have very well been reality. Also, the more he thought about it, his feelings for Patrick became conflicted and he did not want to go there again, but he did need to tell them. He needed someone else to hear it, so they could figure out what to do together. Taking a deep, calming breath he repeated everything Jessie had told him.

When he finished, he felt miserable. Robert, unsuccessfully tring to hide the tears that had welled up in his eyes, put his head in his hands and shook it in disbelief. Brian paled, his eyes wide and sad.

"Why? Why would she dream something like that? Dream about Patrick like that? I mean, I understand the way she dreams about Travis...but to dream that about Patrick...it's crazy! Shooting Sal like that...Sal? It doesn't make sense." Brian sat back in his chair, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. "I don't understand." He shook his head. "I don't get it."

"She's carryin' around so much and she's burying it all..." John said quietly.

"What happened in that wharehouse, John?" Robert looked up at him, his face a mask of fear and confusion.

John was startled by the question. Unable to look Robert in the eye, he looked down at the table and played with his napkin nervously. "I'm not sure...I don't...what do you mean?"

"Bobby, this probably isn't the place to talk about that." Brian told him. He could tell by John's actions that he was not ready to talk about what happened at the wharehouse and he knew Robert was not paying attention to that.

Robert ignored him. "Why did Langston go after Patrick? It had to have come up once they got Patrick there. What did Sal do?"

"Jesus, what makes you think Sal did something? Bobby, c'mon you can't expect him-"

John sat there quietly, listening as Brian tried to keep Robert from continuing his line of questioning. Robert sounded determined though, so he continued to twist and pull at the napkin in front of him and spoke softly. "He tried to kill Langston...Sal...he tried to kill Langston...he probably thought he had...Patrick didn't know...Sal...he did it on his own."

"What!? Sal would't kill anyone!" Brian almost shouted.

"Why?" Robert asked simply.

"When Jessie was staying with our Grandfather...when Patrick was in the hospital...Langston tried to..." John shifted in his chair. There was no turning back now, he had to tell them.

"Langston tried to do what?" Robert urged him on.

"He tried to...he tried to molest Jessie." John blurted out as quickly as he could.

"Son of a bitch...it just keeps getting worse." Brian poured himself and the others a shot, then downed his.

"Sal, you idiot..." Robert said barely loud enough for them to hear it. "How did Sal find out? Did Jessie tell him?"

"No. Jessie didn't even remember that anything happened, until Langston brought it up. Apparently, Grandfather left her with Langston for the day and one of his other men walked in on him trying to...to do something to her and they told Sal about it when he picked her up. Patrick didn't know...he didn't know about any of it." John drank his shot, swallowing hard. "Langston didn't care...when he realized Patrick didn't know about it and Sal did it on his own...he didn't care. He killed all those people...and he was going to kill us too...it didn't matter."

Robert nodded and slid his shot over to John. He watched him drink it and then poured him another. "Sal must've thought it would have been too much for Patrick to deal with, it probably was, but he shouldn't have done it...not on his own." He looked back and forth between both men. "I understand why he did it though...I can't say that I blame him for it...I'm not sure I wouldn't have done the same thing."

"I can't believe he didn't tell you about it. Why wouldn't he have at least told you?"

"I don't know, Brian, I don't know. Things were so crazy then, we were crazy. We were trying to deal with everything and hold it, and everyone, together at the same time. What Langston tried to do probably put Sal at his tipping point...he was fiercely protective of Jessie while Patrick was in the hospital. Langston was a dead man the second after Sal was told what had happened."

"But Langston didn't die."

"That's exactly why Sal shouldn't have done anything on his own. C'mon, you knew him, Brian, he was no killer...he probably choked at the end and left him to die, instead of finishing him off and making sure he was dead."

Brian nodded, poured himself a shot and drank it in one long gulp. "He really fucked things up, didn't he?" He asked sadly.

"His heart was in the right place...he made a mistake, a big one, but I don't feel any different about him because of it. The big horse's ass...I still love him." Robert poured himself a drink and held it up in salute. "To the big horse's ass, it's alright buddy, we still love you." He finished his drink and wiped at the tears that slipped from his eyes.

Again, John sat quietly, listening to them, and thinking, though his thoughts were becoming a little clouded from the whiskey. He thought about Sal and was both comforted and disturbed that he had loved Jessie so much that he had tried to kill for her. He tried to imagine what it took for him to do it, to actually go through with it, and he wondered if he had it. If he had what it took to protect someone at that level. To go to such an extreme sense of justice and kill someone in cold blood. He thought maybe he could, being the son of his father, and he shook his head, not wanting to continue that particular thought.

Instead, his thoughts turned to Jessie and his head cleared for a minute, a realization dawning on him. "She's pissed off at the both of them." He told them and they stopped talking and looked at him. He looked up from the napkin, he still held in his hand, like a security blanket. "She's pissed off at Sal and Patrick...that's what the nightmare was about...that's why she twisted Patrick, made him like he was before...that's why she shot Sal."

"John-"

"No. Robert...Bobby, think about it. She was there too...she knows what Sal did, what he tried to do...she knows he's the reason Langston killed everyone...that **he's** the reason Patrick is dead."

"Langston is the reason they're dead, John, he was crazy."

"I know that and you know that, but Jessie doesn't see it that way. She told me herself..._'everything comes back to me'_...that's what she said. Don't you see? Sal did what he did for her and Langston did what he did because of Sal...shit, she blames herself...and Sal...and she feels guilty about blaming Sal..." John talked quickly and everything came out in one long sentence.

"John, slow down. Relax." Robert moved John's whiskey glass from in front of him and gave him a glass of water. "Here, buddy, drink this. I'm gonna order some coffee too." Robert waved the waitresss over.

"It makes sense, Bobby...I think he's right. But, why is she pissed off at Patrick?" Brian asked John.

"I haven't figured that out yet." John slid his whiskey glass back in front of him and reached for the bottle.

"Hey, maybe you had enough, John, okay? Think about it, you'll want to take your meds later and you won't be able to if you drink too much. We'll have a cup of coffee, then go, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, you're right, Robert." John put the whiskey bottle down. "Sorry." He said, looking like a scolded puppy. He drank some more water.

"Nothing to be sorry about, John, okay? Nothing at all." Robert put his hand on John's shoulder. "Enough thinking for tonight, buddy...give your mind a rest."

John nodded. "Yeah...uh thanks...thanks Robert...uh Bobby."

Robert smiled at him. "Alright, let's have our coffee and get outta here."

* * *

They stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. Having had time to _'wash'_ one another playfully, make love, then wash each other again, by the time they were through Jessie and Joey were completely content and happy. Joey dressed quickly, barely drying himself off, causing his clothes stuck to him, and sat on the edge of the tub, waiting for Jessie. She glanced over at him, shook her head and laughed. 

"Yeah, that worked...hurry up and get dressed, so no one will know you were wet." She peeled his damp shirt away from the skin of his shoulder. "Nice move Joe...real good idea."

Joey smiled up at her and pulled the towel she had wrapped around her, away. Standing up, he held her hand, pulled her to him, pressing her further into him with his other hand on the small of her back, and claimed her mouth with his. Minutes later, he pulled away slowly, placing short open mouth kisses around her mouth as he went.

"If you were planning on doing that, why'd you get dressed so fast?" She grinned happily and started to unbutton his shirt.

He held her hands, stopping her from undressing him. "I couldn't help it. You standing there, wet, in a towel was driving me crazy." He brought their hands down to their sides and gave her a quick kiss before letting her go. "I'm gonna wait outside, if I stay in here with you, we'll never get out of this room." He gave her another quick kiss, then left her to finish drying off and dress.

Joey was lying on the bed, t.v. remote in hand, flipping through channels when Jessie came out of the bathroom. She watched him, smiling. His hair was still damp from the shower and it fell in wet tufts on his head, making him look much younger. Brian, when he really wanted to bust Joey's chops called him _'Jump Street'_, because he thought he looked like a young Johnny Depp, and she grinned, thinking that if Brian were here now, this would be one of those moments._ 'Johnny Depp Jr...hhmmm...can I be any luckier?'_

He caught her looking at him, with a big goofy grin on her face, and he smiled. "See something you like, baby?" He waggled his eyebrows up and down.

"Nah," She said nonchalantly. "Not really." She laughed.

He laughed with her. "Jerk. There's nothing on, wanna watch a movie?"

Between the emotional events of the day and the activity in the shower, even though she had slept with the help of a sedative most of the day, Jessie was exhausted. She knew she would never last five minutes into any movie, then she remembered something.

"Hey, did you remember the Provigil?"

_'Damn, I was hoping she forgot about that.' _Joey sighed. "Yeah, I remembered."

"Where is it? I could use one if we're gonna watch a movie."

"Let's forget the movie then...sleep with me."

Jessie sat down on the bed. "Didn't we take care of that in there?" She grinned devilishly and nodded towards the bathroom. "And, what happened to being afraid of being walked in on?"

"Yes, we did...but that's not what I meant." He took her hand, kissed the top of it and laid it on his chest. "I meant that we should actually sleep. I want you to sleep with me, so I know you've gotten some real rest before you start taking that stuff." He noticed her flinch when he suggested that they actually sleep and when she didn't say anything, he ran his hands through her damp curls. "Hey, it'll be okay...you'll be with me, I won't let anything happen." He moved his hand and brushed her cheek with his thumb. "I'll take care of you, Jess. I promise."

Sleeping was the last thing she wanted to do, but he had given her everything she needed earlier, so how could she say _no_ to him. Jessie gave him a half-smile and nodded.

"I can't promise you I'll sleep, but I'll give it a try."

"Good enough." Joey slid over on the bed and patted the empty space next to him.

Jessie curled up next to him, put her arm around his waist and laid her head on his chest. Immediately, the soft thump of his heart beating sounded like a lullabye. After several minutes of silence, she looked up at him.

"Are you sure you just want to sleep?" She winked at him.

Joey laughed and kissed the top of her head. "You're something else, you know that." He rubbed her back in slow circles. "It'll be okay." He whispered.

More silence slipped by and she looked up at him again.

"How come you haven't asked me about before?...Ya know, when I wigged out?"

"I didn't want to put a damper on a great night. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten, we could talk about it another time."

She snuggled back into his chest and smiled into it. "Great, huh?"

"When I'm with you, how could it not be?" He shook them both trying to stifle his laugh.

"Do you have any idea how lucky you are that it's been a few hours since we ate? You were so close to wearing my dinner, right now." They both laughed. "_When I'm with you, how could it not be? _Where in the world did that come from? Are you and Brian watching soap operas again?"

"Can't blame a guy for tryin'."

"Stop tryin'...please...and no more daytime t.v. for you, buddy."

They settled back down and this time, after a few moments, Joey broke the silence.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

_'I thought you said we'd talk about it another time?' _Jessie asked him in her head, then asked him aloud. "Sure. What?"

"What do you think Patrick would of thought about us being together? Ya know, as a couple."

That was not the question Jessie was expecting and she didn't know what to say. "Uh..he liked you alot...I don't think there would have been anything to worry about."

"That was a little vague...c'mon, seriously, I want to know what you think. Would I have been fish food or would have been okay with it?"

She started to give it some serious thought and immediately regretted it. In the middle of her thoughts the voice of The-man-that-looked-like-her father slipped through...'_I trusted him to look after my daughter...to be there when I couldn't and what does he do? He lays down with her and shakes my hand with the same hand he touches her with. Disrespecting son-of-a-bitch...I may just have to kill him...' _She squeezed her eyes closed and tried to push the thought back to the dark place it came from.

Joey felt her shudder against him and he hugged her closer. "You cold?"

Not trusting her voice and not wanting to tell him what it really was that caused her chills, she nodded against him.

He reached down and pulled a blanket over her and held her close against him. "Better?"

"Much better." She closed her eyes and held him, concentrating on his heartbeat. "Dad always said all he ever wanted...was for me to be happy...and you make me happy, so I think he would have been okay with us being together. I think, maybe he would've been upset that we didn't tell him right away, but I think he would have understood. Yeah, I think Dad would have approved."

The smile that crossed his face practically split it in two."Thank you, for telling me that." He kissed the top of her head, then buried his hand in her hair. He ran his fingers through her thick curls, while massaging her scalp slowly and he felt the tension quickly slip from her body as she melted against him. "I love you, Jessie."

"Love you too." She murmered sleepily.

Within minutes her breathing became the slow, steady breathing of sleep. Joey smiled, reveling in the sound of her, the feel of her against him, and continued to run his fingers through her hair until he drifted off as well.

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Tbc... 


	55. Chapter 55

Disclaimer: ...55 chapters and I still don't own it...damn.

Geez, the chapters sure don't seem like they're long when I'm writing them...enjoy :o)

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"Are you sure you won't come back with us?" Robert asked Brian as he stood up from the table. He handed John his crutches and watched him as he unsteadily got up from his chair. 

"Yeah, I'm gonna stay here for awhile...drink a little more. Don't worry, I'll call one of the guys to pick me up or call a cab. I'll come by the hospital in the morning to get my car."

"Just take it easy, okay? Don't drink to much. It won't help anyway."

"I know. I won't stay long. I'll call before I come tomorrow. Hug Jessie for me, okay?"

"I will. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Ready John?"

"Yeah...uh yeah, I'm okay." John's voice was as unsteady as his balance.

Brian smiled at him. "You get some rest, buddy, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay." He said simply and followed Robert out. The crutches, thankfully, keeping him steady.

John got into the car, locked the door, leaned against it and rested his head against the cool glass of the passenger side window. It felt good. He watched the traffic go by, closing his eyes when the lights of an approaching car became too bright and opening them again when they passed by. He was trying hard to clear his mind, but the whiskey had his head spinning with questions and images, he couldn't settle.

Robert glanced over at him, noticing the younger man's troubled look. "You okay? Do you feel okay?"

"He saved my life..." John said softly, never taking his eyes from the window. "Patrick...he saved my life that day."

"John..."

"Langston...he had a a knife at my throat...after everything he had done so far, I was sure he was going to take my head clean off."

"John, you don't have to do this now."

John continued, acting as if he didn't hear Robert at all, his voice was steady and detached.

"Patrick got away from Lewis...elbowed him in the face...broke his nose...Patrick, he...he charged at Langston...God,everything happened so fast...he knocked Langston away from me...Lewis recovered...pulled out his gun and...and...Patrick was standing over me when the bullets hit...he just...he just kind of crumpled to the floor in front of me...blood was coming from everywhere...it soaked his shirt...I tried to stop the bleeding...the bullet to his chest seemed like the worst, so I covered it with my hands...leaned into it hard...it didn't...it didn't help though...Jessie said _'Dad, don't leave me.'_ and...and...the look on her face..." He choked back a sob, banging his head against the window in frustration.

"John, it's okay...you can stop now." Robert reached over and put his hand on John's shoulder. "It's okay, buddy, relax...stop now." He cursed himself silently, wishing they hadn't gone so far from the hospital to get something to eat.

"He said I couldn't save him and he was right...there was nothing I could do...I couldn't do anything." He took in a deep quivering breath. "I couldn't do anything." He repeated.

Robert couldn't see his face, but he caught John's reflection in the window when a car passed by when the headlights washed over his face, and he saw tears coming down his cheeks in streams. _'This is my fault.'_ He thought. _'I never should have asked him about the wharehouse, he wasn't ready.'_ They were only minutes from the hospital, but he pulled over anyway. His hand still on John's shoulder, he turned towards him.

"Look at me, John." John didn't move. Robert squeezed his shoulder gently. "C'mon...please."

John conceded and turned his head, slowly, to face Robert. Tears shimmered in his eyes, their color making them look like deep pools of ocean water, and made several trails down his face. Robert could see he was struggling, trying to hold back, because with every breath he took his body shook.

"Listen to me, there was nothing you could have done for him, John. Nothing. It wasn't your fault. Grace, saw his wounds...even if we would have gotten to him right after he was shot it wouldn't have helped...there was too much damage. No one could have saved him, John. No one." He watched as John continued to struggle with himself. He was so quiet, Robert could barely hear him breathe. "You could let go, John...it's okay, I promise."

John looked away from him, choking back a sob. He couldn't do it. He couldn't let go, because he was afraid his grief would crush him. When he looked back at Robert, his eyes pleaded with him. "I...I can't." His voice shook and it barely came out as a whisper.

Robert moved his hand from John's shoulder to the back of his head and pulled him into an embrace. When John tried to pull away he gently held him in place. He could feel John's resistance starting to give.

"It's okay, John...go ahead, let go...I got you."

His forehead resting on Robert's shoulder, John could feel the knots inside him start to unravel, and as hard as he tried to stop it, he was fighting a losing battle. His strength ebbing, he gripped Robert's upper arms for support, shuddered violently, then came undone with body racking sobs. He cried. He cried for himself, he cried for Jessie, but mostly he cried for Patrick, the father he had always wanted and, now, would never get to really know. The father he had began to love again.

"I guess Jessie's not the only one burying things, huh kid?" He rubbed and patted the back of John's head as he held him. Robert smiled. "You are definitly your father's son...hold everthing in until you choke on it...an O'Doyle trait I wish would have gotten lost in the gene pool." He chuckled "That and the damn Irish stubborness." A small laugh escaped John and he grinned. "You take all the time you need, John...we have all the time you need."

Twenty minutes after he started, John quieted. He pulled away from Robert's shoulder sniffing and wiping at his eyes.

"Sorry." He said softly, wiping at his face and nose with his shirt sleeve.

"I see you picked something else up from the old man...apologizing for needing a friend. You don't have to apologize to me for that, not ever, okay?"

John nodded. A small smile crept across his face."Thank you."

"You don't have to say that either, but your welcome...always. You okay?"

"Yeah...ya know, I've been tellin' Jessie this whole time to let things go...that she'll feel better...and the entire time...I didn't realize...I thought I had kind of delt with things...that I could handle everything...I guess maybe I haven't and I can't."

Robert started the car and pulled back on to the highway. "Don't beat yourself up over it, John, it's not just you. None of us has really delt with it. We're all tip-toeing around the fact that Patrick is gone, instead of dealing with it and trying to move on...I know I've been doing it. Jesus, I haven't even looked at his Will yet. I saw him laying there in the morgue, I set up his cremation, and it still seems unreal to me. I've been thinking about it...I think it's because we haven't said goodbye yet, that we haven't laid him to rest with Carolyn and Travis. We need to do that and make his being gone real...final. I think it will help us all, especially Jessie." He glanced over at John. "I'm going to make the arrangements for the service for Saturday"

"This Saturday?"

"Yeah. Jessie will be out of the hospital...I don't want the the thought of his service lingering over her head for days, I don't want to give her too much time to think about stuff that won't do her any good, it would be best to get it done as soon as possible."

John thought about it for a moment. "You're probably right." He said quietly. "I just wish it didn't have to happen at all..."

"You and me both, buddy...you and me both. You want stop somewhere and get some coffee?"

"No, let's just get back, I just want to get some sleep."

"You're okay, though?"

"I will be...tonight...tonight helped...but I feel like I just went twelve rounds with Bernard Hopkins and I just want to crash."

"Well, I can understand that."

* * *

Robert smiled as he and John walked into Jessie's room. 

"Look at that." He elbowed John and nodded towards the bed. Jessie was on her side curled up around a blanket and Joey was on his side curled up around her. "Sleepin' like babies." He whispered, stepping closer to the bed.

"I wonder how Joey managed that." John plopped himself down in one of the chairs and reclined it. His emotional breakdown sobered him up, but it weakened him. The walk to Jessie's room sapped the last of his strength and he could barely keep his eyes open. "I probably don't want to know, do I?" He yawned, settled deep into the chair and closed his eyes.

"No, you probably don't." Robert laughed and turned towards John. "Hey, hey wait a minute. John." He went over to him and shook him gently, stirring him awake. "Don't go to sleep yet, buddy...take your meds first, okay? You may not need them now, but you you'll be glad you took them later on...you won't wake up in the middle of the night in pain, okay?"

John nodded.

"Just give me a second..." Robert went through John's bag and took his prescription bottles out. He shook one of each out into his hand, went to the water pitcher on the bedside table and poured half a tumbler, then brought both over to John. "Sit up a little, John...here, here's your pills." He waited for John to swallow them, then gave him the water. "Good. You okay?" He asked as John finished the water and handed him the empty tumbler.

"Uh-huh." John settled back into the chair and closed his eyes. He was asleep the second his eyes closed.

"Is John okay?"

Robert was a bit startled by the sleepy voice he heard from behind him. He walked over to Jessie's bed and leaned over the side to place a kiss on her temple. "Sshh...he's fine, Jess, he had a couple of drinks too many tonight, that's all. Go back to sleep."

"Joey's still here..."

Robert smiled, she was still half a sleep. "I know, honey, it's okay. Go back to sleep."

"Are you sure my brother's okay?"

"I promise...sleep now, you can see John in the morning."

"Okay."

Robert watched and listened, staying by her side, but she didn't move or say anything else. She had gone back to sleep, although, he wasn't convinced she was ever really awake. He placed another kiss on her temple, softly so he didn't wake her, then went and sat down in the chair across from John. He sat back and watched over them.

At midnight the nurse came in to give Jessie her I.V. antibiotics. Robert was relieved that the nurse didn't wake her. Satisfied that everyone was sleeping soundly, Robert closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest.

* * *

_She was standing at the bottom of the four levels of stairs that led to Boston Raceway. It had to be the middle of the day because it was so bright out everything looked white and shimmered around the edges. She looked around her, there was no one, so she shielded her eyes and looked towards the top of the stairs. There were about ten people walking around, that she thought maybe she recognized, but only one stood out. He was sitting on the very first step, playing with cars, looking down at her and smiling. She waved at him and ran up the stairs to meet him._

_"T.J.!" She said excitedly, slightly out of breath when she sat down next to him._

_"I was wonderin' when you'd come." He hugged her. "I'm glad you're here, Jessie."_

_"Me too." She held him, not wanting to ever let him go. "What're we doin' here?"_

_He slid away from her, pocketed his cars and stood up. "C'mon, I'll show you." He waited for her to stand up, then took her hand. "We're gonna watch the races...all of us... together."_

_She let him pull her along, leading her to wherever they were suppose to go. She studied the other people as she passed them by and suddenly stopped walking. She recognized almost all of them. People from the neighborhood, Patrick's men, and faces she had seen in the newspaper. They were Langston's victims. His kills._

_"T.J., where are we?" She asked nervously. _

_"It's okay, there's nothing bad here, Jessie. No one's gonna hurt you...there's no one here that could hurt you. C'mon, it's gonna start soon." He started walking again and pulled her along with him._

_She walked with him, looking down as she went, so she couldn't see any more faces. When they started down some steps, she stopped again, suddenly realizing where they were headed. Sal's box seats. She looked up and to her right, then backed up, as far as holding T.J.'s hand would let her. _

_"I...I want to go." She stammered. "Right now."_

_"Jessie, it's okay, I promise." T.J. told her, he tried to pull her along again, but her feet would not move this time. He looked at who her eyes were fixed on. "Daddy, won't hurt you, Jessie."_

_She couldn't take her eyes of him. He was standing at the railing looking down over the tracks, Sal was standing to his left and Susan Grey was standing on the right. They must have been walking the horses around, because they were pointing down at the track and Sal was looking at his racing form. A tall, blond woman caught her eye and Jessie suddenly felt lightheaded. She watched the blond woman walk up behind Patrick and wrap her arms around his waist. He turned and kissed her and made room for her to stand in front of him. Jessie's mouth felt like it was full of sand._

_"M..mom...that's mom..."_

_"Uh-huh, mommy's here too. I told you all of us were gonna watch together. C'mon."_

_Jessie slid her hand from his and backed up. "I don't want to...can we just go? I want to go...go someplace else. Please, can we go someplace else?" _

_"Jessie, it's okay-"_

_"No!" She yelled, making him flinch back from her. She hated that she scared him, but she didn't trust being here. She couldn't be sure which Patrick was standing down there and she didn't want her mother to see anything bad happen. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I yelled...please let's just go back to the stairs, okay? I want to stay with you, T.J., but I don't want to go down there."_

_"Okay, Jessie, okay. Maybe another time we can watch together."_

_"Maybe." She glanced over at Sal's box seats again and froze. Patrick had turned around and was looking at her. He smiled and waved her over. She shook her head, turned and ran for the steps, hoping T.J. was right behind her._

_She went down the first level of steps, just to be safe, and sat down on the landing, holding the railing for support as she tried to calm herself. A shadow fell on her and she started talking without looking up._

_"Maybe we should go someplace else. I mean, we don't have to stay here, do we? We can go anywhere we want...just not the wharehouse and not here...I don't want to be here, T.J., I'm scared...let's just-" She looked up and saw that it wasn't T.J. standing over her, it was Patrick. She looked away quickly. "Please make him go away, please make him go away..." She whispered over and over again. She felt him sit down next to her and she couldn't help turning to look at him. Her eyes wide with fear, she felt like a rabbitt cornered by a wolf._

_He reached for her shoulder and she cowered against the railing causing him to draw his hand back, like he had touched something hot. She saw sadness wash over his face and his eyes filled up with tears._

_"Jessie, I just wanted to...I...please, don't be afraid of me..."_

_Tears rolled down his face and with a trembling hand she reached out and touched his cheek, her fingers came away wet. They were real, his tears were real. _

_He reached for her again, instinctively she flinched, but this time she didn't move away. He pulled her into his chest and she clung to him, burying her head and holding him as tight as she could._

_"Jessie I would never hurt you, never, please believe me." He cried desperately. "The man who could have, died along time ago...the day you were born. I would never do anything to hurt you. Please say you believe me. I can't take you being afraid of me. Tell me you're not afraid of me, Jessie...please."_

_He was sobbing hard now, reminding her of the night he had seen the crime scene photos from Sal's apartment. It was killing her to hear him that way. "I'm sorry , I'm sorry...I'm not afaid of you, I'm not!" She yelled, her face still buried into his chest. "I believe you, I promise...don't cry anymore...please, stop crying." She pleaded with him and her own tears fell._

Her shoulders hitched with quiet sobs and it woke Joey.

"Jessie." He shook her gently. He reached up, switched the overhead light on and leaned over to see her face. She was crying, but she was still sleeping. He glanced over at Robert and John, to see if he had woke them when he turned the light on, he didn't, so he switched it off. Her hair was damp with sweat and he pushed it away from her face. He pulled her close to him and leaned over so he could whisper in her ear.

"Sshh...it's okay, baby, you're here with me...you're right here with me. Everything's okay, Jess...everything's okay cause you're here with me." He ran the back of his fingers, gently, up and down her cheek. She was starting to settle down, he kissed the side of her head and continued his featherlite touch on her cheek. "I love you, Jessie. You're here with me and I love you so much..." He repeated it several times until she quieted.

When he was sure she had settled back in to sleep, Joey curled up as close as he could to her and rested his chin on the top of her head. "I love you." He whispered again and closed his eyes. Soon his breathing matched hers in sleep.

Robert smiled. He had woke up the minute Joey had turned the light on, but he had turned it off so quickly, Robert kept quiet. When Jessie didn't say anything, he knew she was dreaming. Not wanting to interfere, unless it got bad, he decided to let Joey handle it, so he just sat and listened. It didn't take long for him to settle Jessie down, and Robert couldn't have been happier that Jessie was with him. Joey was attentive and gentle, and he seemed to genuinely love her and want to take care of her. Yeah, he was definitly happy they were together. Jessie needed him.

He couldn't seem to stop smiling, despite the fact that Jessie's sleep was disturbed by another dream. _'She could be with Joey out in the open now...it could help...maybe things will be okay after all.'_ He thought and hoped. He looked at his watch. It was 5:30a.m. _'I'll call Brian in a couple hours...get him to bring breakfast.' _He stretched, then sat back in his chair, shifting until he got comfortable. Closing his eyes, still smiling, he went back to sleep.

* * *

Tbc... 


	56. Chapter 56

Disclaimer: Don't own nuttin' but the Dvds

Whew! This is a bigun'. Sorry it's been so long between updates but the older I get it seems the easier it is to distract me. Is it possible for someone to get A.D.D in their thirties? (Uh, late thirties now) LOL. Anyway, as always, enjoy!

* * *

It was still dark when Jessie opened her eyes, but the bathroom light was on, casting a dim glow in the room. Blinking, to clear her sleepy, limited vision, she could see John and Robert asleep in the shadows, and she couldn't help but smile in their direction. 

Joey's left arm was draped, loosely over her waist, she lifted it slowly to her face, and squinted the face of his watch into focus. It was not quite six in the morning. She smiled inwardly, happy with herself that she had slept through the night without incident. _'Joey was right. I was okay with him.'_ She placed a feather-lite kiss on top of his hand, slipped from underneath his arm, then slid off the bed. Stepping into her slippers, she walked quietly from the room.

"You're up early. Everything okay?" A nurse smiled at Jessie as she passed the Nurse's Station.

Jessie stopped to answer her. "Everything's fine, thank you. Went to bed too early I guess." She smiled back at her, then nodded towards her room. "Everyone's still sleeping in there, if they come out lookin' for me, can you tell them I just went for a walk? I shouldn't be gone long."

"I sure will." The nurse said enthusiastically.

"Thank you." Jessie continued down the hall. She wondered, as she went, how anyone could be so damn cheerful in the morning. Heading for the elevators, she stepped into an empty lift, and pushed the seventh floor button. She had a lot to do today. Alot to think about. She had to convince Robert and John to leave her for the next couple of nights, reassure Joey that taking the Provigil was going to be okay and that it would help her, and prepare herself to go home. The elevator door opened, hopefully she could find the answers she was looking for somewhere in the Terrace Lounge. It would be quiet and peaceful, the perfect place to think.

* * *

Robert's phone vibrating in his pocket stirred him to awareness. Without opening his eyes, he reached into his pocket, pulled it out, flipped it open, and put it to his ear, not bothering to check to see who it was. 

"Yeah." He answered, his voice thick with sleep. "Hey, Brian. Yeah, yeah, good morning to you too. Yeah, but it's okay, I planned to get up and call you anyway. Did you get home okay? Good. He's fine. No, he didn't get sick, but he told me some things he had on his mind and we delt with them. He's been holding on to some stuff he needed to let go of. I told you we needed to keep an eye on him. Uh-huh, we just need to do a better job. He fell asleep as soon as we got back here." He opened one eye and looked over at John. "He's still sleeping. What time is it anyway? Really? It just feels earlier. They're..." He opened his eyes and looked over at Jessie's bed. "Well, Joey's still sleeping. Jessie's up, somewhere. Yeah...bagels, juice and coffee should be fine...oh and tea for John. Give them another hour, nine o'clock should be good. Okay. No, I'm gonna swing by my place later, thanks anyway. Okay. Bye."

* * *

After checking with the nurse, at the nurse's station, Robert learned that Jessie had left the room at six, a little over two hours ago. Being there was not much to do in a hospital for two hours, he guessed that she had gone up to the lounge on the seventh floor. 

When he stepped out of the elevator, Robert immediately saw the attraction to the Terrace Lounge. It was un-hospital like in every way and he could see it as a haven for patients and their families easily. It was an escape from the doctors and nurses, it didn't have that antiseptic smell of hospital hallways and waiting rooms, and there was no sickness or death lingering in the air. And John was right, all it was missing was a hotdog cart. He looked around, since it was still early, there were just a few people scattered about, but he didn't see Jessie. He walked around the fountain to get a better look of the other side and spotted a small playground. When Jessie was little she loved playing on the slide. He smiled, remembering Patrick having to bribe her with nothing less than everything under the sun, every time he took her to the park and it was time to leave. He walked over to the playground and found her lying on the slide, her legs crossed and her hands tucked behind her head, like she was on a hammock. She turned her head and smiled at him as he got closer.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself." Robert sat down in the grass beside her. "You okay?"

"Uh-huh, just thinkin' and..." She pointed up at the skylights. "I wanted to see the sun come up."

"What're you thinkin' about?"

"Everything. Probably too much for this early in the morning." She looked at him keeping her gaze steady, so he would see that she had given it alot of thought and was serious about it happening. "I want you and John to go home tonight, to your place or the penthouse. Joey will stay overnight with me. I don't want John, or you, to sleep in those chairs another night. He needs to get some real rest, in a bed. It'll be good for him and his leg. I want you to go with him, so he knows that's it alright. You going will assure him that it's okay. And, with Joey with me, it will be. Last night was proof of that, and even if it's not you're only a phone call away. I don't want John to worry about me so much anymore, he needs to take care of himself. You can make sure he does that."

"I guess you have been doing alot of thinking."

"It's only for a couple of nights, then I'll be home."

"Okay, if that's what you want. We'll stay at the penthouse, until you get home." He said easily.

Jessie was surprised he had agreed so quickly. "Wow, I was expecting a little resistance there. What's up?"

Robert smiled. "Nothing. I just happen to agree with you, that's all."

"Really? Huh, that's weird." She looked back up to the skylights, grinning.

"What else you been thinkin' about up here?"

"Going home." She answered quietly. "Dad's not gonna be there...ever. I'm gonna hate that." Looking back at him, she half-smiled. "But I don't want to be any where else..." She looked away quickly and wiped impatiently at her eyes.

"Hey, hey." He reached for her arm and squeezed gently.

"I'm okay."

"Jessie, listen, I was thinking about having Patrick's service on Saturday-" She winced and paled a bit as he mentioned Patrick's service, so Robert quickly changed gears. "We don't have to do it Saturday, okay? We could wait, if you need more time, it's not a big deal. We could do it whenever you're ready."

Jessie sat up and shook her head slowly. "I just...I haven't even thought about that needing to be done. I haven't thought about that part at all. God, that's terrible isn't it?"

"Jess, it's okay, it's understandable." Robert tried to hold her hand, but she shook him off and got off the slide. He stood up.

She ignored him. "No. I want to do it Saturday. He shouldn't...he shouldn't have to wait to be with Mom and Travis. I want to do it Saturday, Robert, okay? Can we?"

Robert nodded, watching her struggle as the reality of what was going to happen settled in. Like John, the night before, she looked like a dam ready to burst, but she didn't have whiskey in her to weaken her defenses, so she was holding steady.

"Okay." Jessie took a deep quivering breath, calming the emotional storm that threatened to rise to the surface. "Besides, it really doesn't matter if we did it Saturday or a week from Saturday, I'd still feel the same way about it." She wiped at her eyes, cursing silently.

Robert took her arm and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he held her head to his chest. He could feel her trembling. "I'm sorry, Jess. I wish things had turned out differently and we didn't have to go through this, but we do. It's going to be hard and it''ll hurt like hell, but we'll deal with it as it comes. Okay?"

Jessie pulled away from him, wiping her face with her shirt sleeve. "We should go back now."

She was shutting down on him, so he stepped up to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Jess, you could talk to me. Tell me what I could do to help."

"There's nothing, it's nothing, I'm okay. I just...I want to go back to my room."

Jessie walked away from him and headed for the elevators. Robert followed minutes later.

* * *

When they got back to the room Brian was there with breakfast, so Robert decided not to push Jessie into talking. John and Joey were awake and the three of them were sitting by the window, eating and reading the sports page, going over the stats of the Boston Red Socks and the Atlanta Braves. 

"Hey, there's my girl." Brian announced as Jessie walked in. He stood up and gave her a quick hug and kissed her forehead. "Goodmorning. I brought you some Everything bagels and Orange Juice, lots of pulp, so go ahead and dig in."

"I'll eat in a little while. I'm gonna take a shower and get dressed. Thank you, though, for bringing breakfast."

"Anytime, hon." Brian looked over at Robert, sensing something was off by the way she was acting. Robert shook his head and Brian nodded, silently communicating that they would talk about it later.

John noticed something was wrong too. He wasn't sure if it was the lighting, the sunlight, or a combination of the two, but somehow she looked paler than usual. As she walked by him, he reached out and touched her arm. "Everything okay?"

Jessie put on her best smile. "Yeah, I'm just a little tired. A shower will wake me up."

"What happened?" John asked after Jessie had gone in the bathroom and closed the door.

"I told her about wanting to have Patrick's memorial service on Saturday, she didn't take it well."

"This Saturday? Jesus, Bobby, she'll be home a day, she needs time." Brian told him.

"I don't think she's ready, Robert, it be like throwing salt in an open wound." Joey added.

"I know that now, but she's insisting we do it Saturday, so I 'm gonna go ahead with it. I think we're damned if we do and damned if we don't, but there's no going back on it now."

"I'm not even ready for it, how could she be?" Brian said quietly, shaking his head.

"She may come to realize that between now and Saturday, but for now we'll assume that Saturday is the day. I'm going to make the arrangements today. It's going to be pretty informal, Patrick didn't want it to be a big thing, he just wanted it to be about family and close friends. It'll be an open forum, so I want you all to feel free to say something at the service, but only if you want too, okay? Don't think that you have to, it would be hard for anyone."

* * *

The rest if the morning was fairly quiet with the talk of the memorial service weighing heavily on everyone's mind. Except for some small talk about what Robert, Brian, and Joey had to do, and an occasional laugh from Jessie and Joey, who were watching Jerry Springer, no one said anything. 

Robert and Brian left at noon. Robert was going to go home to shower and change, do some paperwork at the office, then talk to their Priest about the memorial service. He would be back by six. Brian would not be back until the next day. Joey had to leave a half hour after they did. He was sitting with Jessie on the side of the bed watching TV, he slid off and stood in front of her.

"I have to get going." He pushed hair from her face.

"I need to get up and walk around a little..." John said standing up and reaching for his crutches. He wanted to give them some time alone before Joey left. "I haven't been off my butt all day, I don't know what's more numb, my leg or my ass." He laughed. "I'm gonna go do a couple of laps up and down the hallway."

"Thanks John." Joey smiled at him., as John left the room. He looked back at Jessie and kissed her softly on the lips. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." She played with the buttons on his shirt, not looking at him.

He put a hand under her chin and lifted her face to meet his. He looked into her eyes for several moments, searching for the truth, and he found it when she looked away from him. "Jess..."

"I don't know what you want me say..."

"I want you to talk to me..."

"I don't want to get into it right now, besides you need to go. We can talk later, okay?"

He hugged her. "I just want to help. He kissed the top of her head before pulling away. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ziploc bag. "You look tired, you might need one of these." He placed the bag of Provigil in her hand. He didn't want her to take them, but he didn't want her to sleep without him. He wanted to protect her. "You sure these will help, they won't hurt you?"

"They won't hurt me. Thank you." She took one, then put the bag in her pocket.

He leaned in until he was just inches from her face. "I love you." He whispered and kissed her. Gently at first, then parted her lips with his tongue and deepened the kiss. He groaned happily when her arms went around his neck and pulled him closer. Before things got out of his control, he pulled away, kissing her as he went. "I'll be back as soon as I can. I was thinking Chinese for dinner, since it's not going to be just us."

"Chinese sounds good."

"Okay. I'll see you a little later then." He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand and gave her a quick kiss. "I love you."

"Love you too. Now get going, so you could do what you need to and get back here."

John was walking back in as Joey was walking out. They said a quick goodbye to each other, then John went and sat on the side of the bed next to Jessie. He put his arm around her and squeezed playfully.

"It looks like you're stuck with me for the day, kiddo."

She smiled at him. "Being stuck with you isn't so bad."

"Thanks...I think. Well, what'dya want to do?"

"Whatever you want to do is fine. I probably won't be very good company today. Sorry."

"Jessie, we don't have to do the service on Saturday, we could wait until-"

"No, it can't wait, it's not right. He needs to be with Mom and Travis, he shouldn't have to wait, I should be able to do that for him. I'll be fine. Trust me, I'm not gonna feel any different or deal with it any better if we wait." She looked down at the floor. "I've never been to one before...a memorial service or anything like that, not even Mom's or Travis', because Dad thought it would be too much for me. I saw their funeral five years later, Dad had Robert video tape it, because he was in the burn unit and couldn't go...when it was over, I thought, _'Well, that's it, I can never feel any worse than that.'_ Boy, was I wrong." She looked back at John, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Losing him was never an option for me."

John pulled her to him, hugging her tight, and rocking her gently, as she started to cry softly into his chest. "I'll be right there with you, Jess, just like I'm here now...hold on to me."

She could feel the storm brewing inside her again, waves churned her stomach, and she was suddenly grateful that she had eaten anything. She pushed herself, gently, away from him and slid off the bed. Taking deep breaths, willing her inside turmoil to cease, she paced.

Having done it numerous times himself, since his father's death, John knew what she was doing. "Jessie, you can't keep turning your feelings off like that. You have to let yourself feel-"

"If I let myself feel, all I feel is bad." She said angrily. She wiped at her eyes, continuing to pace.

John got off the bed and stepped in front of her. She was looking down as she paced and if he didn't put his hands on her shoulders, she would have walked into him. "You're not going to feel anything else until you feel that, first. Sooner or later the corks gonna pop on that bottle you've got buried in the pit of your stomach and you're gonna drown in what comes out."

"Well I'm a good swimmer, I could tread water for a long time."

"What are you so afraid of? It's me, Jessie, you know you can trust me."

She moved away from him. "I know and I do trust you...there's just do much going on inside me, I can't get it to settle...I can't sort it out."

"Just try. Tell me something. Anything."

Jessie shook her head. "I don't know...it's-"

"Okay, okay..." John put his hand on her back. "C'mon, let's sit down." He led her to the chairs by the window and they sat down. "Stop thinking for a minute and just listen. I'm gonna tell _you _something, okay? I've been pushing you to talk, to tell me what you're thinking, and how you feel, but I haven't really done those things for you and I want to. I want you to know that what's happened affected me too...that you're not the only one that's tormented by guilt."

"I don't...I'm not..." Jessie was shaken by the last part of his statement. Shaken, because no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't think of anything for John to feel guilty about. He had done nothing but take care of her and Patrick from the moment they had returned to Boston, and except for the short amount of time he had been in his own hospital bed, he had been by her side since the night of Susan Grey's wake. She was hesitant to know, but she had to ask. "What do you feel guilty about?"

"It's my fault." He said quietly. "Patrick's dead because of me."

"What?! That's not true! John, I was there, I saw what happened...and anyway, Langston was going to kill us all no matter what. Lewis' screwing up and killing Dad first, is the only reason we're still alive. There was nothing you could have done to change any of what happened. What do you think you could've done while you were cut, bleeding, handcuffed and your legs were tied? Unless you're some kind of Houdini, who didn't use his magic to get himself free, there was nothing you could've done. Even if you did get yourself free, there were three of them and they had guns. You can't blame yourself for that, John, I won't let you. If I have to tell you ten times a day, everyday, for the rest of my life, I will. It wasn't your fault."

God, he wished it were true. All he wanted to do was hold her and take refuge in what she said, but he couldn't. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. If he wanted her to open up, he was going to have to do it too, he had to tell her what he had done wrong. "Jessie, that's not what I meant...the wharehouse, it's not what I'm talking about."

He sounded miserable. His voice was filled with pain and guilt, and it scared her. Was there something she didn't know? She wished he would look up so she could see his face. She reached across and put her hand on his head. "No matter what you tell me, Dad's death could never be your fault, John. Do you hear me? It **can't** be your fault."

John shook his head. "But it is. Jessie, the night we were taken...I didn't...when I opened the door, if I would have been more careful...if I would have had my gun, like I should have, like any other God damn cop or F.B.I agent **would** have done, given the situation we were in, things may have gone differently that night. If I followed, what any rookie could tell you is text book procedure, I might've taken Lewis out, maybe Kreiger too...or I could've alerted the surveilence teams outside the building, or at he very least, I could have checked the guy out before I opened the damn door!" He finally picked his head up. His face was twisted in anguish, his eyes were bright with tears and his chest hurt, like it was being sqeezed in a vice. "But no! I had to open the door like I was expecting a fucking pizza! I let them just waltz in and take us. Don't you see now? It's all my fault. I didn't do my job."

"No." Jessie told him adamantly. "That wasn't your fault. Stop, okay? I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself. It wasn't your fault. Nothing that happened-"

"Jesus, don't you get it?!" He shouted, then put his head down in his hands again. "If they didn't take us, Patrick would have never left the wake...if he doesn't leave the wake, he doesn't die. Everything would have been okay, if I would've done my damn job. We would've gone to the safe-house and everyone would've been okay. Patrick would still be alive and you'd...you'd be okay. I'm sorry." He started to cry. "I'm sorry, Jessie, I'm so sorry."

Jessie couldn't believe he was doing it, that he was sitting there in front of her blaming himself and apologizing to her for Patrick's death. She was angry at him and hurting for him at the same time. She wanted to both smack him in the head and hold him, so they could cry together. She leaned forward so that their heads were touching, and put her hand on his back.

"I'm not buying it, you hear me? I told you, no matter what you told me, what happened, wasn't your fault. You've done nothing-" He started to shake his head. "Listen, you've done nothing but look out for us, since you came to Boston, and I was screwed up _way_ before you met me. John, you gave Dad another chance, you-"

"**I** got him killed." John choked out.

Jessie knelt down in front of him, reached underneath him, fisted his shirt in both hands and pushed, forcing him to sit up and look at her. "Don't say that! Stop saying that!" She shouted, hitting him in the chest while she held on to him. "Please..." She begged him, tears flooding her eyes and spilling over to her cheeks. "It wasn't you, it was him...he caused all of it...he should of left it alone, nothing really happened and I never went back there again. It was his fault...his fault that Dad died...that they all died... and we got hurt...and I hate him for making you feel this way!"

John blinked in surprise, realizing that Jessie was about to give up something huge. "Who are you talking about?"

"Sal. It was Sal, okay, not you. Sal, he shouldn't have...he...he didn't-" She stopped, her eyes wide with the reality that came with what she was saying. She blamed Sal. She blamed Sal for everything that happened. The man, who was second only to her father, who loved her unconditionally like she was his child, the man who would do absolutely anything for her, and did. She blamed him and just said she hated him. She let go of John, feeling lighted-headed and cold, her chest started to heave as a part of her came loose.

John grabbed her and pulled her to him before she fell back into the chair. She was crying and by the time her head hit his chest she was sobbing. "Okay, okay..." He rocked her as he held her. "That was a big one...that was tough." He held her tight while she clung to him, and he started to cry again. "It'll be okay...we're gonna be okay."

Several minutes later, Jessie's sobbing turned to soft wimpers. She took a deep shuddering breaths, trying to control the hitch in her breathing as she calmed. Her hold on John loosened up and he ran his fingers through her hair.

"You okay?" He asked, kissing the top of her head.

She nodded against him. "You?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"I loved him...I loved him alot."

"I know. You still do, that's why it hurts so much."

"Why did he have to go after Langston? He didn't have to do that."

"He loved you."

"Why didn't you tell me how you felt about Dad's death before?"

"I don't know. I was scared I guess and I didn't want to upset you...you've had plenty to deal with, I didn't want toadd to it, but mostly I was scared about what you might think."

"Don't do that again, okay? Tell me no matter what. Promise."

"I promise."

She pulled away from him, and looked up into his face. "You know it wasn't your fault, right?"

"I can't help but feel some responsibility for it, Jessie. The cop in me knows, I should've done things differently."

"Well, look at it this way then, if you **would've** had your gun, they would've had a perfect excuse to kill you right there and then, and they **still** would've taken me. Dad would've only needed one of us to bait him into leaving the wake alone. All three of us would be dead right now. We never would've had a chance."

Jessie had a point and John shuddered at the thought of her handcuffed and hanging from the ceiling, in his place. Or worse, if he didn't have John too, Langston might have continued where he had left off with Jessie nine years ago while he waited for Kreiger to deliver Patrick. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind before his imagination completely took over. "I don't want to think about that. I guess you're right though...they could've killed me then." He took a deep breath and sighed. "Look, maybe we should **both **start putting the blame where it belongs, on the crazy, son-of-bitch Langston, and give ourselves a break. What'dya think?"

"Okay." She nodded in agreement, but deep down she knew it wasn't going to happen, not for her.

"Good." John smiled. He sniffed and rubbed at his damp, puffy, red eyes, then framed Jessie's face with his hands and wiped the remenants of her tears away with his thumbs. "We are a sorry sight, for sure. Jesus, if Robert walked in that door right now, he'd never leave us alone again." Jessie laughed, and John grinned. It felt good to make her laugh. "What'dya say we clean ourselves up and get out of the room for a while? Walk around a little, maybe go up to that lounge again?"

"Yeah. That sounds good."

"Okay then, let's go wash the tears and snot from our faces and get the hell outta here."

"Nice."

"Actually," John said examining his shirt. "Check your shirt, I think most of it wound up there." John laughed.

"Gross." Jessie shook her head as she laughed with him.

John got up to get his crutches, when he turned around to head towards the bathroom, he stopped because Jessie was just standing there looking at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked walking back over to her.

"Nothing. I just..." She grinned. "I just love you, that's all."

John pulled her into a hug. "I love you too. Now, let's get outta here before the waterworks start again."

* * *

Tbc... 


	57. Chapter 57

Discalimer: Don't own nuttin'

It's been longer than I wanted between updates, but I had most of this chapter done before I went on vacation and when I came back and read it, I didn't like it so much. So, I deleted it and started over again. This is much better...I think. Oh well. Lol.

* * *

The next two days went by quickly. With some reluctance John agreed to leave Jessie's side and stay at the penthouse with Robert, while Joey stayed overnight with her. And, John had to admit he did feel better and his leg had more mobility, with less pain, after a few days of sleeping in a bed and taking his meds when he was suppose to. He couldn't help but laugh when Robert got on him about taking care of himself, because he was like Bailey and Grace rolled in to one, fathering and mothering him at the same time. He was happy that Patrick and Jessie had Robert in their lives. It was obvious that he cared for them deeply and although he would probably deny it, John had a hunch that it wasn't just Carolyn, Jessie, and Travis that was responsible for his father's turnaround, but he was sure Robert's friendship, loyalty and brotherly love played a part in it as well. He had learned alot about Robert, as well as more about his father, in the two nights he had spent with him and he had come to respect him for everything he had done for Patrick and Jessie, and often found himself wondering what it would have been like to have had him in his life, as Jessie did, when he was growing up. 

John looked over at Robert from the passenger seat, smiled, then looked away. They were on there way to pick up Jessie from the hospital, which neither of them were particularly happy, but couldn't do anything about, and Robert really hadn't said much all morning. John understood though, he wasn't talking much either. They were both tired and with John groggy from his meds and Robert suffering from a little hangover, it was easy for both of them to lose themselves in the fog that clouded their minds. But, John was sure that their condition probably wasn't the only reason for their silence, so leaning back into the seat, he closed his eyes, pushed through the grogginess and remembered the two of them just hours before...

Robert saw John glance over at him, but before he could say anything John looked away. He felt bad about getting drunk and dragging John down memory lane, but the closer it got to Patrick's memorial service, the more he felt he had talk about him. He had taken three aspirin with his coffee this morning, so his steady, throbbing headache was now an intermitent pulse between his eyes, and hopefully, soon, that would disapate completely, allowing him to concentrate and speak in complete sentences. He shifted in his seat, it seemed like being uncomfortable was the only way to keep himself awake, and thought about everything he had drudged up during his drunken trip down memory lane, and wondered how John, after everything he had heard, could be sitting next to him right now...

_It had been a little rough for them both. Robert had drank a little too much and continued, like the previous night, to tell John stories about Patrick. He laughed, cried, got angry, hated him, loved him and felt everything there was in between, so John comforted him when he needed it and asked questions when he felt Robert wanted to indulge more into a particular story. _

_Robert was happy that John was interested in the life Patrick had after he and his mother left, especially after what he had gone through. Anyone else might have been jealous or bitter, but not John, and that was a testament to what kind of man he had become despite his childhood._

_When Robert had gone quiet after awhile, John figured he was getting ready to call it a night, or morning if you wanted to get technical, since it was almost three, but instead he sat up on the couch and looked as steadily at John as the liquor he had consumed would aloud, with tears shimmering in his eyes._

_"Ya know," Robert's voice was a mixture of anger and sadness. "With Patrick...there was...he did alot of things I didn't agree with or approve of, but it was his life and his business, so I let him go...let him make his own mistakes...and there were times, that later, I regretted not trying harder to convince him to do something different, if not the right thing...but I what I regret most, especially now, after getting to know you these past few weeks, is not pushing him harder to get back in contact with you. He tried once, after your mom's accident, but after your Grandfather told him that you thought he had killed your mother and that you hated him for it...it crushed him and stripped away any thought of you and him ever reconciling...but after what he had done to the both of you, he couldn't really blame you for feeling that way." Robert sighed and finished his glass of Scotch. "He really fucked up, didn't he? And, you really hated him for it, huh?" He put his glass down and when he looked back at John the tears that had been threatening to fall, rolled down his cheeks._

_John suddenly had to wipe at his eyes. He wasn't exactly sure when and why he had started to cry, he just knew that he felt bad and he couldn't help himself. He shook his head and looked down at the floor. "I didn't...I didn't hate him, not really. Deep down, I knew...I knew he didn't do it. I knew he didn't kill Mom, as bad as he was to us, he would have never done **that**, but I was so angry...I was thinkin' that if he hadn't been hurting us, we would have never left Boston and she would have neer been driving on that mountain road...it was so easy to blame him...God, losing her hurt so much...more than anything he ever did to me..." He choked back a sob before putting his head in his hands._

_Robert leaned over and put his hand on is shoulder. "I'm sorry, John. I'm sorry I brought it up, the last thing I wanted to do was upset you. But, more than that, I'm sorry for what you had to go through." He squeezed and patted John's shoulder._

_John picked his head up. "It's_ _okay,_ _I'm okay." He sat back into the couch and blew out a quivering breath. Turning his head towards Robert, he half-smiled. "It wasn't all bad. There were times where he would leave me and Mom alone for months. He would come and go from the house like a ghost, it was like we weren't even there and we could do whatever we wanted and not be afraid of what he might do, ya know?"_

_Robert nodded, smiling sadly at him_

_John continued. "And then there were times, where he was actually like a real Dad. It was like a stranger took over, but it was still him...like he had a good twin and an evil twin inside him and every once in a while he would let the good one out."_

_"Really?"_

_John nodded. "My sixth birthday...that was one of the best birthday's I ever had and it was because of him."_

_"What did he do?" _

_John laughed. "He scared the hell out of me at first." He looked up at the ceiling and smiled. It was almost like he was watching the memory play out across a bright, white movie screen above his head. "He wasn't much for being involved in birthday parties or anything and my sixth birthday wasn't any different. Up until then it had just been family that was invited over to the house and my Mom would take me and a couple friends to do something fun the next day, but that year, he told her I could have a real birthday party at the house...whatever kind of party I wanted, however many people I wanted to invite, it didn't matter as long as it was all done and cleaned up by the time he got home at five o'clock. So, that's what she did. I had a birthday party with the works, with all my friends from school and the neighborhood...we had a blast. By four o'clock the party was over, everyone had left and we had the place cleaned up, looking like nothing had ever went on. I went upstairs to play with my new toys while my Mom cooked dinner and at five o'clock when I heard his car pull up in the driveway, I thought 'We did a good job cleaning up, he's going to be happy.' Then, the front door opened and he yelled 'John, come out to the garage right now!' First I froze, then I panicked. I wanted to just crawl under the bed and hide, but I knew if I didn't go to him, that would've made it much worse. I started to shake the moment my foot hit the first step and it got worse with each step I took. I looked for my Mother when I finally reached the bottom ot the stairs, but she was nowhere in sight, so I walked out the front door, looking like a deathrow inmate going to his execution. All I kept thinking about was what I could've done. Did we miss something in the party clean up? Had some of my friends gotten into the garage, which was **his** place, and made a mess? Or worse broke something? I had myself so worked up that I wished I had gone to the bathroom before I came out, because I thought the minute I saw him I was gonna wet myself...it would have been all over for me if that happened. But then, I noticed the back of his car sticking out of the garage and I relaxed a little. My six year old logic was telling me that if something was wrong in the garage he wouldn't have pulled his car into it, so maybe it wasn't that bad. He came out of the garage and saw me just standing there, looking like a scared rabbit, and he surprised me 'cause he looked sad..."_

_"He knew you were scared of him, he felt guilty." Robert told him._

_John nodded, then continued. "I guess he realized I wasn't going to come any closer...or didn't want to, so he said. 'No one's in trouble, John. Come over here, son, it's okay.' **Son**. Now that was new. I walked up to him, slowly and he reached into the garage and pulled put a Big Wheel. My face must've lit up like a Christmas tree 'cause he smiled and set it down in front of me. 'Your Grandmother got me one of these, or something like it, when I was your age and it was my favorite thing in the world. I rode it until the damn thing fell apart.' He put his hand on my shoulder, instictively I flinched, but he didn't seem to notice or just ignored it if he did. 'Go ahead, sit on it.' I sat down and he picked it up and turned so that I was facing the bottom of the driveway. 'See that lever down there on the right...you pedal as fast as you can and then pull on that...you'll love it. It'll give you a hell of a ride. Go on, John, try it.' I did what he said...I pedaled as fast as I could and when I got to the bottom of the driveway I pulled the lever" John looked over at Robert, smiling like kid in a candy store. "The wheels locked and I turned completely around, it was awesome, but that wasn't the best part. The best part was...he was laughing, **really laughing**, clapping his hands and yelling. 'Great job, son! That was a good 360!' I just sat there looking at him, not really believing what I was hearing and seeing. I felt something...it felt like something was crawling on my cheek and I wiped at with my hand...I was crying...I was crying because even at six, I knew how rare it was, how rare it was going to be, to see him like that...happy, laughing and cheering me on. I wiped at my face as I rode back up the driveway, I didn't want to ruin what was happening by him seeing me cry, and when I got to him he ruffled my hair and said. 'That was good, John. That was fun, right? How'd that feel?' He was smiling and so happy that he was almost bouncing up and down. I was so excited to see him like that I could barely talk, but I told him it was awesome and that he was right, I loved it. 'I knew you would.' He said. 'You go ahead and ride it until dinner, if you want, okay? I may get a visitor, so keep an eye out for cars. Happy Birthday, John. Did you have a good day?' I just nodded, afraid if I opened my mouth I would cry again. 'Good. I'm gonna go change my clothes and clean up for dinner, I'll call you when it's ready. You remember what I said about keeping an eye out for cars, okay?' I told him I would. He started to walk away, and I don't know what made me do it, but I got off the Big Wheel, ran up to him and hugged him. I thought he would push me away, because he stiffened up, I guess I surprised him, but I felt his arms slide around my back, so I hugged him tighter. 'Your a good boy, John.' He said. 'Happy Birthday, son.' He pulled away from me, smiled and walked into the house. Those...what?...fifteen twenty minutes with him, they were the best birthday present he could of ever given me. I loved him that day, more than anything." John sat up and poured himself a drink. "I don't know what it was...what got into him and I guess, **now**, I'll never know, but I'm glad it happened."_

_"It didn't last long did it? Patrick acting that way."_

_John shook his head. "Nope. A week later he split my lip. He backhanded me in the mouth for accidently spitting my gum out on the den floor. I was watching Woody Woodpecker, in the middle of laughing my gum came out of my mouth and the next thing I knew my mouth was bleeding and he was standing over me. He said. 'I bet you next time you laugh you'll have no problem keeping gum in your mouth, will ya John?' Damn, he came out of nowhere, I didn't even know he was home."_

_"The way he treated you and your Mother, especially since I know it didn't have to be that way, because I saw how good he was to Carolyn, Jessie, and Travis, it disgusts me...makes me sick. But, you have to know, and you've heard me say it before, he regretted it, hated himself for it and would have given anything for a chance to make it up to the both of you. He never stopped thinking about you and he was always watching over you. Looking out for you. Protecting you. He was proud of the man you'd become and of the career you chose. He admired you for going against the grain and becoming a good cop, an honest cop, despite the family name you carried. Hell, we all did."_

_"Thank you." John wiped at the fresh tears that rolled down his cheeks. "Thank you, for telling me that." John yawned as he sat back into the couch. He was done talking about Patrick, it had mentally drained him, and he just wanted to close his eyes and sleep through the next couple of days, but he knew that was not an option. So, he changed the subject. "I'm worried about Jessie. She was acting funny today, yesterday too. I think maybe she's having second thoughts about Saturday and she doesn't want to say anything."_

_"I think so too, but if she won't tell us about it, there'snothing we could do...the perfect example of the O'Doyle stubborness." Robert watched John struggle to keep his eyes open. "I'll bring it up again tomorrow, maybe she'll change her mind and give herself a little more time. C'mon, let's get off this couch and drag our asses to bed. Tomorrow's gonna be tough and we'll need all the sleep we could get. I think Buccannon is going to discharge her about noon, so we'll head up there about ten, that'll give us about..." He looked at his watch as he stood up. "Wow, a good four hours of sleep." _

_"Ouch. It's really that late?"_

_"Yep. Sorry about that."_

_John stood up. "It's okay. Talking to you, it...uh...it helps."_

_Robert put his hand on John's shoulder. "Well thank you, I'm happy to help."_

Four hours later they woke up and a half hour after that, well, here they were, in the car and on there way to pick up Jessie. Both wondering what the other was thinking and if they were alright.

"You okay?" Robert asked, finally breaking the silence.

John opened his eyes. "I'm fine, just tired. You?"

"Tired and hungover. About last night, I'm sorry for-"

"There's nothing for you to apologize for, Robert. Like I said earlier, talking to you helps. Talking to you is the next best thing to talking to **him**...you're the only one left who **really** knew him and I want to know whatever you want to tell me. Good and bad, I want to know the man you knew...the one Jessie knew. I want to know my Father again."

Robert smiled. "You will, I promise. Anything you need, John, I'm here."

"I know. Thank you."

* * *

Joey sat tapping his leg nervously. He didn't know what to do about Jessie. She hadn't slept at all in the last forty eight hours and he was sure that she had taken more of the Provigil than should have, but she insited that it was harmless and that she was okay. John and Robert didn't seem to notice how unlike her she seemed to be, but he thought, maybe, they were blaming her anxiety on Patrick's upcoming memorial service. Or maybe she was just good at hiding her behavior around them, but after they left and it was just the two of them, all that pent up energy came out full force. She could't be still for more than a couple minutes, she was irritable, aggressive. One minute she was in his face yelling and then, she would be all over him, wanting him. They probably had over a dozen petty arguments in the last two days and he could only remember what three of them were about, the rest were just her going off on him because she was frustrated or confused easily. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to help her. She was like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde and it was taking it's toll on them both. He was slowly losing patience with her, getting just as frustrated as she was. 

When he heard the water from the shower stop flowing, he turned the t.v. on and pretended to watch it. He didn't want her to know he had been sitting there brooding. She came out of the bathroom drying her hair with a towel. Peaking out from underneath it, she noticed he had packed all her stuff for her and laid out anything she was going to need to leave.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that." Jessie sat down on the edge of the bed and put her socks on.

Joey shrugged. "I know, but I wanted to."

She slid off the bed, walked over to him, leaned down and kissed his cheek, then moved her mouth over to his, kissing him softly. "Thank you." She whispered against his lips.

He couldn't help but smile and return the kiss. "You're welcome."

She gave him another quick kiss before straightening up and went to the other side of him to get her sneakers. She bent down to get them and as she got back up a wave of dizziness swept over her and she started to fall forward, Joey caught her arm before she could hit the metal arm of the other chair.

"Whoa." Jessie shook her head and stood up slowly. "Everything got fuzzy there for a minute." She laughed. "Thanks for catching me before I took a header into the chair." She went to give him a "thank you" kiss, again, but he got up from his chair and stepped away from her. His brush off stunned her. "What was that for?"

He paced in a small circle rubbing the back of his neck. "Nothing. It's nothing."

Another brush off, now she was angry. "What's your problem?!"

He stopped pacing. "You said those pills wouldn't hurt you! You said they were harmless!"

"They didn't and they are..."

"Bullshit! You havn't slept in two days, you buzz around here like a damn bee...I see way you shake sometimes and I know the headaches are bad, I've seen the Motrin you've been taking. That stuff's affecting you, Jessie, wether you want to admit it or not. You need to stop taking it and you need to sleep."

"Well, thanks for the observations, doc." She said sarcastically. "And don't worry, I don't have anymore, so I'll be good as new in no time-"

"You took all those pills, in two days?! You doubled what you should have taken, Christ, it's no wonder you've been like this. You could have really hurt yourself. What the hell's the matter with you?"

"I'm standin here ain't I? Nothing bad happened, I'm fine. If you've been so concerned or unhappy with me, why didn't you say anything about it?"

"You're kidding right? What the hell do you think we've been doing the last two nights? I've been trying to tell you, but you won't see it. We haven't had a normal conversation in two days, Jessie, and you haven't even noticed. We're either arguing, like now, or you're all over me...there's been no middle ground, it's been one thing or the other and it's making me crazy, okay? We need to stop."

"You know, it's funny..." Jessie's voice was dripping with anger and sarcasm. "I didn't hear you complaining about me being all over you when I was jerking you off last night...hhmm, I must have missed it."

"See? Jessie...okay, ya know what? Now, you're just being a bitch."

"Really? That's just sweet of you, honey, thanks. But hey, I can fix this...you don't want to argue, you don't want me 'all over you', as you say...well then, we'll just stay away from each other for awhile, okay? How's that? Then you won't be so tired anymore-"

"That's not what I want and you know it. Jess, I just want you to talk to me. Stop hiding behind everything and just talk to me." He stepped closer to her and reached for her hand, but she moved it out of his reach and took a step back. "Jessie, please..."

Her head was pounding and she wanted to rub her temples to try to ease the pain, but she wouldn't allow herself to do it because it would prove his point. She had to get out of there, away from him, before it got worse. She shook her head. "No, I can't talk to you right now...not like this, not after...I need to think...and we need a break." She turned and headed out the door.

"You're okay with what's happening? We're not gonna try to fix this?"

Jessie stopped but did not turn around to face him. Her voice shook when she answered him. "No...to both questions." She walked quickly out the door before he could stop her or say anything else.

"Nice job, Joey. Nice fuckin' job." He told himself after she had left. He took a deep breath, to settle himself, and opened the door to go after her.

Joey stopped just outside her room. She didn't go far. He saw her standing in front of the Nurse's Station and watched as the nurse handed her some pills and a cup of water. He watched her take them and drink the water, then she sat, put her head down and rubbed the back of her head. He wanted nothing more than to go to her and just hold her, but he knew that's not what she wanted, so he watched her for several more minutes before going back into her room. She'd come back, he knew, after she had some time to herself.

Jessie leaned back against the wall and willed the Motrin to work faster. God, her head hurt and being angry didn't help much. She wasn't angry with him, not really, she was angry with herself. She knew he was right. He was right about all of it, but she had no intentions of conceding, and telling him that, not yet anyway. He had let things go for two days before deciding to confront her, that upset her, but him brushing her off at first, that did it, that really pissed her off. She hated that more than anything he had said. Maybe she was being over-sensitive, she's sure she was, but the last of the Provigil would be out of her system in a few hours, and she could feel her mind and body's need for sleep waitng, impatiently, just on the edge of consciousness, ready to ambush her and take over, but she wasn't going to throw in the towel yet, she still had some fight left in her.

Taking a deep, calming breath she decided it was time to go back to her room. "Ready for round two?" She asked herself as she stood. Starting to walk down the hall, she stopped and turned when she heard familiar voices coming closer. A half a second later, Robert, John and Brian came around the corner and she smiled at them. _'Perfect timing as usual. So much for talking things out with Joey.'_

"You ready to go, kid?" Brian asked.

"Definitily." She looked Robert and John over. "You guys look **'Dawn of the Dead'**, what'd you do last night?" She grinned.

John groaned and Robert mumbled something about more coffee and breakfast.

Jessie looked at Brian and laughed. "Jesus, they even sound like zombies."

* * *

Tbc... 


	58. Chapter 58

Hey everyone! Im sorry its been so long since the last update. After i put my dog too sleep in November, things kind of went downhill for me and I felt like I was losing everyone and everything that I loved. And it's been awhile since I really had an interest in writing or anything else for that matter, but I've been thinking about my story lately, and have gotten back into reading others, and I think I'm ready to continue. I hope you are all still interested and I promise to work hard and update regularly. There is still quite a bit more I want to say, so there are plenty of chapters left. Hopefully, I can get back to where i was and continue to keep you reading and reviewing. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

* * *

Shortly after they entered her room Dr. Buccannon came in to give Jessie her discharge papers, home-care instructions, and an appointment for a follow-up visit for the next week. Jessie thanked him, he said goodbye to everyone, then left.

"You guys want to go to Ray's for breakfast before we head home?" Robert asked everyone as they headed down the hall to the elevators. He had noticed the tension between Joey and Jessie and he thought going for breakfast might help.

John yawned a "yes".

"Sure." Jessie agreed.

"I have a lot to do today, I should get started." Joey looked over at Jessie, then down at the floor.

"C'mon, you have time for breakfast. You're gonna make me feel like a slave-driver if you don't go. C'mon, you're going." Brian told him.

Joey looked at Jessie again, searching for what she wanted him to do. She shrugged and he answered hesitantly. "Yeah, okay."

They entered the parking deck and Brian pulled Jessie by the hand towards his car.

"C'mon, you're riding with me." He told her, then to the other three. "We'll meet you guys there."

* * *

"So what's up with you and Joey?" Brian asked as he pulled on to the highway. Jessie looked at him like she didn't know what he was talking about. "Don't give me that look. I know you too well. Joey looks like someone stole his puppy and you look like that time we all went fishing on your Grandpa Rick's boat and Sal ate your mini box of Frootloops."

"He left me with the Rice Crispies, I wanted to push him overboard for that. He got his punishment though, when he got sea-sick and wound up with used Frootloops all over his shoes." Jessie laughed, getting lost in the memory.

"Do I have to kick his ass?" Brian asked after several moments of silence.

"Huh? Who?"

"Joey. Do I have to kick his ass?"

Jessie smiled at him. "No. It's okay. It's not him, it's me. We'll work it out."

"He loves you alot." Brian stated matter-of-factly.

"I know. I love him too. I don't what I'd do without him...without any of you."

Brian grinned, pulling her into a one-armed hug as he drove. "The feeling's mutual, kid, we wouldn't know what to do without you either."

* * *

Ray Cromwell, owner and operator of **_'Ray's', _**almost tripped over two chairs and a little boy, when he saw Jessie walk in, because he couldn't get to her fast enough. When he finally reached her, he wrapped his arms around her and started to cry.

"God, you're okay. Thank God, you're okay. I'm so sorry about Patrick. He was a good Dad, he loved you very much. I'm so sorry. And Sal, I'm so sorry about Sal too. He was a good man. I know you loved him alot." He said over and over again as he hugged her.

"Thank you. I know. Thank you." Jessie told him. When she felt tears start to well-up and then slide down her cheeks, she pulled herself from his hug, and wiped at them impatiently.

"Jesus, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't, Ray, it's okay." She told him and smiled, to prove it.

"We're starved." Robert blurted out. He wanted to take Ray's attention away from Jessie. He knew Ray meant well, but whether she wanted to admit it or not, he was upsetting her. "Can you set us up with a table? What's good for breakfast this morning?"

"Oh, sure, sure, your usual table is empty, go sit down and I'll bring some juice and coffee. The pancakes are to die for, Jenny really out did herself, she wipped up some blueberry and banana pancakes today." He rubbed his round stomach. "I've probably had ten aleady. Go ahead, sit and we'll set you guys up with a little bit of everthing. Okay?"

"Sounds good. Thanks Ray." Robert said and ushered everyone towards their table in the back of the room.

True to his word Ray brought them plates full of pancakes, eggs, sausage, and bacon, making their table look like a Shoney's breakfast buffet.

"I'm getting full just looking at it." Jessie put a couple of pancakes on her plate and drowned it in syrup.

"Oh my God, the banana pancakes are awesome." Brian said through a mouthful of them, then he added three more to the three he had on his plate.

"So what'd you guys do to make you look like an extra in zombie movie?" Jessie asked John and Robert.

"Stayed up too late...drank too much...talked too much." Robert answered. "Ya know, the stuff an old man like me shouldn't do after 10:00pm."

John laughed. "I don't think age has anything to do with it, Robert, I didn't handle it well either."

"You talked about Dad, huh?" Not only could she tell they hadn't gotten much sleep, but they had the tell-tale puffy eyes of someone who had been crying too.

"Yeah. We were swapping stories...trampling down memory lane." Robert said pouring his third cup of coffee.

"You told stories about Dad?" Jessie asked John. She wondered if they was good or bad.

"Yeah, I told him about my sixth birthday, when Patrick gave me a Big Wheel."

"Really? Dad got me one when I was six...Travis too. He said he had one when he was little, it was his favorite. I swear, if he could've gotten on it he would have. He loved-" She stopped, realizing how much she hated talking about Patrick in the past tense. "He...uh...would watch us ride it for hours." She almost whispered.

John nodded. "Hey," He decided to change the subject. "Bailey and Sam are coming tonight, their flight comes in at seven."

"They're coming for Dad's service?"

_'Well maybe this isn't such a great subject to talk about either.'_ John said to himself, then answered her. "Yes."

Jessie nodded. "That's good. Dad really liked them, especially Sam, he said she reminded him, a little, of my mother."

Robert agreed. "She does...around the eyes and her smile."

Everyone had gone quiet at the table for a moment, concentrating on the food on their plates. Jessie was just playing with hers, mixing it together, pushing it from one side of her plate to the other. She was about to get up from the table, when a hand came down on her shoulder, causing her to jump a little.

"Hey, you're okay. When did you get outta the hospital?"

Jessie recognized the voice immediately and winced, knowing that Joey was not to happy about who was standing behind her. She turned halfway around and smiled. "Hey Jimmy. Yeah, I'm okay. I was discharged today."

"That's great. We missed you around here. " He knew everyone at the table but John, so he reached over Jessie with his hand extended to him. "Jim Callahan, but Jimmy C. to my friends. I went to high school with Jessie."

John shook his hand, totally aware of the looks Jimmy was getting from the others at the table. "John Grant. I'm Jessie's brother."

"I didn't know you had an older brother, Jessie. Nice to meet you, man." He looked back at Jessie. "Well, I don't want to keep you from breakfast. I just wanted to say, it's good to see you and I was sorry to hear about your Dad and Sal...and if there's anything I could do or anything you need, you know where to find me."

Joey answered before she could. He knew he should've just sat there and kept quiet, but he couldn't help it. All he could think about was the Provigil Jessie had taken and what it was like for them the last two days. he turned halfway around and glared at Jimmy.

"She doesn't need anything from you." Joey told him matter-of-factly. "Get lost."

Brian nearly choked on the bacon he was chewing. John and Robert just stared at him dumbfounded, and Jessie was shooting daggers at him with her eyes, but it didn't stop him from glaring at Jimmy or repeating himself.

"You heard me, right? Get lost, Jimmy."

"Okay, dude, chill. Sorry for interupting your breakfast. Jessie, take care of yourself. It was good to see you." Jimmy backed away from the table, turned and left.

"What the hell was that all about?" Brian asked after revovering from his near choking.

"You-" Jessie started to say, then closed her eyes and starting counting to calm herself. She wanted to go off on him, but there were two things stopping her. One, they were in a public place. And two, she couldn't really get into it with him because there would be no way of arguing without the Provigil coming out. She knew it was what he was thinking about and that he was still upset over the the argument they had this morning. So, she counted, closing her eyes and praying for the strength to keep her from losing it on him. She opened her eyes, but all she could see was red when she looked at him.

"What were you-" She bit her lip and got up from the table. "I can't...I'm gonna go say goodbye to Ray."

"I'd hate to be you later on, buddy." Brian shook his head. "What the hell **was **that?"

Joey wanted to get up and leave, he had made things worse and there was no way Jessie was going to talk to him anytime soon, but he couldn't. He couldn't just leave like that. "Nothing. It's nothing. We just had a bad morning, that's all." He said quietly. "We'll talk it out later."

No one wanted to push the issue, so they let it go. Besides it being none of their business, they knew Jessie or Joey kept their relationship theirs and wouldn't want them to interfere.

Joey turned so he could watch Jessie, wanting to make sure she was okay and he didn't upset her too much. She was talking to Ray and every once in ahwile she would wipe at her eyes when she listened to Ray talk. _'Great, just great.'_ He thought. _'Way to make things worse instead of better.' _He started to ask one of them to go rescue her when he saw Jimmy C. approach her._ 'Son of a bitch. I'll kill him.'_ Joey watched them intently. He saw Jessie nod towards the table and he knew she was apologizing for what he had said. _'I meant it, don't apologize for me.' _They talked for several more minutes and when he leaned over and hugged her, Joey stood up so quickly he almost dumped his plate in his lap.

Brian was watching him, watch Jessie, the entire time. He put his hand on Joey's forearm. "Relax, it's nothing. Look, he's leaving, Joe. C'mon sit back down."

"You'll just make it worse if you go over there." Robert added.

Joey nodded and sat down. "Someone should go over, Ray can be overwelming under_ normal_ circumstances."

"I'll go." John said getting up. "I need to move around a little, everything I ate is just sitting in my stomach like a cement block. I feel like I should be telling you when the baby's due." He patted his full belly.

"Tell her we're ready to go when she is." Robert told him. "And send Ray over here, I want to talk to him about making some cold cut platters and some other stuff for after the service tomorrow."

* * *

Jessie knew it was John standing behind her from the expression on Ray's face. He was grinning from ear to ear, despite the tears that stood in his eyes, like a proud uncle.

"Ray, this is my brother-"

"John. John Grant isn't it?" Ray finished for her excitedly.

John nodded, smiling. "Yeah."

Ray walked around Jessie and enveloped John in a hug, catching him off guard and making Jessie laugh.

Ray pulled away, still grinning. "I'm sorry 'bout that. I get a little excited sometimes, but from as much as Patrick use to talk to about you I feel like I know you."

"No problem. Thank you for breakfast, it was delicious."

"Oh, it was my pleasure, my pleasure, believe me. I knew your father well. We went back a long way. He helped me open this place up." He reached up, with a meaty hand, and patted John on the back. "You look just like him, ya know, just like him."

John nodded. "So, I've been told." He smiled, then looked over towards their table. "Uh, Robert needs to speak to you...I uh...think he needs your help with something."

"Bobby? Oh sure, sure." Ray started to walk away, then stopped suddenly. "If you need anything, help yourself. Jessie knows her way around this place, so just help yourself." He gave them a big lopsided grin, then walked away.

"He's a big guy...enthusiastic...I felt like I was in a vice when he was hugging me." John said as he sat down on the stool next to Jessie.

"Yeah. Ray's like a big, friendly Grizzly bear. When I was little, I use to think he was a giant." Jessie laughed. "He use to put me and T.J. on each one of his shoulders and we would wave like we were on a parade float." She got quiet for a moment, watching the bubbles of the lava lamp that sat on the other side of the counter. "Dad, liked Ray alot." She said quietly.

John reached over, buried his hand in the back of her hair and rubbed the back of her head slowly. "You okay?"

Jessie closed her eyes and nodded slowly. "Why does everything have to be so hard?"

"It's only hard if you don't let the people you love help you through it."

"It just hurts so much..."

"I know. You and Joey...everything okay?"

Jessie glanced over at the table where the others were sitting and watched Joey, who she could tell was trying hard not to look over at her, then looked back at John. "Yeah. It's my fault...I guess I haven't been myself the last couple days, with me anxious to get home and all, and I've been kind of a jerk to to him, while he's been nothing but good to me. We'll talk later, after we've both had some time to cool off and think about what we want to say. We'll be fine." John nodded and she gave him a half smile. Looking back at the lava lamp, she took a deep breath. "Tomorrow...I...tomorrow I don't think..." She shook her head, frustrated that she couldn't get out what she wanted to say.

John shifted his stool closer, put his arm around her, and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Its okay." He told her. "Do you not want to go through with tomorrow? We could do it another time, Jess. Give yourself some time to get a little stronger and adjust..."

"No, that's not it...tomorrow...I don't think...I..." She looked at him, her eyes bright with tears. "I won't be able to say anything..." She blurted out. "For him...I can't do it, John...I just...I can't do it."

John pulled her head to his chest and she wrapped her arms around him, so he did the same, holding her tight. He rested his head on top of hers.

"Don't worry about that, okay?" He whispered. "Patrick knew how much you loved him and that's all that matters. You don' have to say anything, trust me Jess, no one in their right mind can question how much you loved Patrick or how much he loved you. " John kissed the top of her head. "Tomorrow's going to be hard enough, so get whatever guilt you have over this out of your head, okay? For me."

"Are you going to say anything?" She asked, still holding him tightly.

"I've been thinking about it...these last few weeks have been crazy...I mean with us being thrown together...for the reasons we were...I'm still torn, ya know, between the Father I knew and the one you knew. I wish I could have had more time with him...but I don't think I should. I mean, for years its been no secret that his oldest son hated him...that his son, his **cop** son, would have taken him down in heartbeat if he had gotten the chance..."

John had gone quiet and Jessie pulled away from him, gently, and looked up at him. There were tears standing in his eyes, making his ocean colored eyes incredibly bright and lost at the same time. She touched his cheek and he looked down at her, the tears spilling from his eyes as he did.

"It's okay." She told him. "You had every right to feel that way John, _**every**_ **_right_**, you hear me? I loved Dad more than anything...but the way he treated you and your Mother, it was inexcusable...back then...he was a monster." At the word monster she had a flashback of the dream she had had in the hospital, when Patrick as forced her to hold a shotgun and shoot Sal. She shivered inwardly and leaned back into John, hugging him tight.

John hugged her back. "Im just happy I got to know...I got to see, that he loved me...and I realized that no matter what I thought or did, I never stopped loving him. He was my father and I was his son and I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Hey, everything okay?" Robert asked tentatively from behind them.

"We're fine." John answered for the both of them. He pulled away from Jessie and looked down at her, smiling, as he brushed tears from his cheeks, then hers. "Right?"

Jessie smiled back at him. "Right." She turned her head towards Robert, still smiling. "I'm okay." She told him. "We're okay."

Robert nodded and grinned. It amazed him how close the two of them became in such a short period of time, it was almost like they've been together their entire lives and he couldnt be happier about it. "Okay then. How 'bout we go home? We have alot to deal with in the next couple pf days."

Jessie hesitated a moment. The thought of going home suddenly made her uneasy, but she shook it off quickly and it went unnoticed by Robert and John.

"Yeah, okay." She said, doing her best to keep her voice steady.


	59. Chapter 59

Finally, an update!! Sorry, it's been so long, longer than I wanted it to be, trust me. It was a little harder than I thought it would be getting back in to the swing of things and staying focused. I hope it's up to par and that you like it.

* * *

John kept glancing back at Jessie, from the passenger front seat, as she sat quietly in the back, watching the familiar places and roads go by. They were close to the penthouse and he wanted to make sure she was alright.

"Hey," He turned in his seat to face her. "You okay?"

Jessie looked at him and half smiled. "Yeah, I'm okay." She lied of course. She was feeling everything **but** fine and the closer they got to home, the worse she felt. "Are _you_ okay?"

"Besides feeling tired and full enough to hibernate until spring, I'm okay." John grinned. Jessie laughed and his grin turned into a full blown smile.

While John was watching Jessie, Robert was keeping an eye on the both of them. He knew John was worried about her, he could see it in his eyes, and he could see that Jessie seemed anxious and was not as all right as she pretended to be, he just wasn't sure why. He wasn't sure if it was Patrick's service, her argument with Joey, the conversation she and John had at Ray's, that had upset them both, or the fact that she was going home. Maybe it was a combination of it all. He would talk to John later to make sure he was all right and to try to ease his worries, but he wasn't sure how he could help Jessie. He knew that until she was ready, she would never give away anything she was feeling.

He smiled when John made her laugh. He wondered if they were aware of how much they really needed each other. He didn't think they did, not at the level he was seeing anyway. Right now, John was Jessie's lifeline and Jessie was John's connection to their father. The connection of love and trust, John had always wanted, not the hate and fear that he had felt in the past. It was sort of a new beginning for them both.

"Ya know, " Robert looked at Jessie from the rearview mirror. "We could go to my apartment tonight. It's closer to the cemetary so we could sleep a little later. You have your room and plenty of clothes there, so you'll have everything you need and there's plenty of room for John, Bailey and Sam...and anyone else who wants to stay. It might be easier on you if you're not so overwhelmed your first day home. What'dya think?"

Jessie looked from John to Robert, the smile gone from her eyes and shook her head. "I want to go home." Not completely sure it was what she wanted, she took a deep breath and tried to keep her voice steady. "I need to go home."

"Okay Jess. I just wanted to-"

"I know." She said smiling weakly. "Thank you."

"I told Joey to finish up early today. I want him to pick Bailey and Sam up at the airport...maybe get some take-out...are you two...is that okay?" Robert was still watching her from the rearview mirror. "Brian has to take care of some business in Gloucester, it will probably take all night or I would have him do it."

"It's not a problem, it's okay. Joey and I are fine."

Robert nodded and Jessie turned back towards the window again and they drove the rest of the way in silence.

* * *

It started as soon as Robert's car stopped in front of the their building. A coldness started in the pit of her stomach and slowly spread throughout her body. Her skin immediatley broke out in gooseflesh and she shivered inwardly. Jessie wrapped her hand around the car door handle, but for a moment couldn't remember how it worked, so she just sat there as Robert and John got out. Robert knocked on the window and she jumped, but smiled.

"Everything okay?" Robert asked, as he opened the door for her.

Jessie nodded and got out. "My...uh...foot fell asleep, I was waiting for the pins and needles to stop." It was the only thing she could think of to say.

Brian's car pulled up behind them. Brian and Joey got out, both trying to hide their worries behind a smile. Brian walked up to her, put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head.

"How's my girl?" He asked quietly.

Jessie hugged him back, hoping he couldn't feel her shaking. "I'm okay. Just a little tired. " She knew that he wasn't asking how she was "physically", but she decided to play dumb and it worked.

"I bet your bed is gonna feel like heaven tonight, compared to the hospital bed you've been sleeping in, huh?

She nodded. "Definitly."

* * *

It only took a moment of standing in the living room, for Jessie to realize what a huge mistake she had made insisting that she go home. She mentally cursed herself for not staying in the hospital or taking Robert up on his offer to go to his apartment, because there was no way she was going to be able to handle staying in the Penthouse. The minute she stepped throught the door she found it hard to breathe and she had to keep reminding herself not to hold her breath. She could feel Patrick all around her and it was overwhelming, it felt like the walls were closing in on her. Voices were fading in and out around her, like she was underwater, but she couldn't make out words. A hand on her shoulder and a gentle shake, made everything clear again. Looking up, her eyes slowly found John's and she nodded when the words "Are you alright?" sounded clearly in her head.

"Sit down, Jess." Robert said pulling her towards the couch. She was very pale and unsteady on her feet. "Jessie, look at me." Her eyes were clear when she looked up at him, but her color was still ghostly white. "How do you feel?"

"Just a little dizzy. Everything just kind of hit me all at once, I'll be okay." Jessie wasn't quite sure who it was she was trying to convince, the four concerned men standing around her or herself.

John sat down next to her. "Maybe we should go to Robert's, you'll feel better there. Let's go, okay?"

Jessie shook her head. "I'm alright. I just need to lay down for a little while. I'll be okay, John." She looked up at the other three men hovering over her. "Really guys, I'm okay. It was just a little...a little too much for a minute, I just need a couple hours to get used to everything...to get used to being here, ya know...without Dad. I feel better now, honest." It was getting easier and easier to lie to them and somewhere deep inside it bothered her, but she new it was the only way to satisfy them without giving anything away.

Whether she knew it or not Joey could see right through her. He knew she was struggling to keep herself together and to keep everyone from knowing she was doing it. He knelt down in front of her, not knowing or caring if she was still angry with him, and put his hands over hers. He could feel them trembling, ever so slightly, under his and he wanted desperately to pull her in to his arms and hold her, but he knew she wasn't ready for that.

"Jessie, please...going to Robert's...that's not such a bad idea. This is too much for you right now, please..."

Looking into his pleading eyes, Jessie almost did it, she almost gave in and let go, but she regained control as quickly as she had lost it. "I'll be okay." She told him, trying to sound and show a confidence she didn't feel. "I just need some time, that's all."

Jessie started to get up, so Joey moved aside and helped her. He put hand under her elbow, pulled her up gently and waited for her to steady herself before letting go. "Jess..."

"I'm alright." She told him sternly. "Im going upstairs now...to lay down for awhile...and sleep." She knew telling them she wanted to sleep would make them willing to let her go more easily.

"I"ll go up with you." John said standing up next to her.

The only way to pacify them was to agree to John's offer, but Jessie was going to do it on her terms. "Okay, but just until I fall asleep, then you gotta come down here and get some rest too. Deal?"

John nodded. "Deal."

"And _you_ sleep_ too_." Jessie said stressing her words as she looked at Robert. "No sitting up worrying about everything and everybody, okay? You need to get some sleep too."

"Okay." Robert couldn't help but smile, because a little bit of the old Jessie crept back into her voice and eyes when she spoke to him.

"Promise?" She asked hoepfully.

"Yes. I'll get some sleep too, I promise."

Jessie smiled. "Thank you."

"Well, if you guys are gonna crash, we'll get out of here and get to work." Brian announced. He put his arm around Jessie and pulled her into a hug. "I probably won't make it back here tonight, Jess, but if there's anything you need, you call me okay? "

"I will."

Brian kissed the top of her head and gave her one last squeeze before letting her go. "I'll see you in the morning, kid." He turned to Joey, who he could see was reluctant to leave, and put his hand on his back to urge him along. "Ready Joe?"

"Uh...yeah, okay, yeah." Joey said hesitantly. He wanted to hold her, but wasn't sure if it was something _she_ wanted. "Jessie...I...Jessie...I'm sorry for what happened this morning...at Ray's and-"

"It's okay." Jessie hugged him fiercly, quieting him. "It wasn't just you, it was me too."

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too."

Joey pulled back slightly so he could see her face. _"She's still so pale." _He thought to himself. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Jessie smiled. "I'll be okay."

She smiled at him, but it never reached her eyes and Joey wanted to say _'The hell with it'_ and stay with her. He reached up and touched her cheek, then leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. "If you need me, I'll be here." She nodded and he kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you too. Don't worry about me, okay."

Before Joey could decide not to leave, Brian put an arm around him and gently eased him towards the door. "C'mon buddy, let's get outta here so they could get some rest. He'll see you guys later and I'll see you guys in the morning. Remember what I said." He told Jessie as he followed Joey out and closed the door behind him.

"I just need a few hours so i'm gonna set my alarm clock for three, you guys go ahead and take as long as you need. I'll wake you when Bailey and Sam get here, if you're still sleeping." Robert announced after Brian and Joey left. "Can I get you your meds, John?"

"No, thanks Robert, I don't need them right now." John put his hand on Jessie's shoulder. "Ready to catch some z's, cause I sure am."

"Yeah okay." Jessie answered half-heartedly. She just about decided she really wasn't ready for anything.

Robert moved closer to Jessie, pushed her dark curls gently from her forehead, and placed a feather-lite kiss there. He lingered for a moment, his forehead touching hers. "We'll all be okay, if we stick together, I promise." Jessie nodded in acknowledgement, so he kissed her forehead again before moving away. "Sleep well, both of you."

* * *

While Jessie was in the bathroom, John walked around her room looking at the pictures that were scattered about and on the walls. Twinges of jealousy and regret moved through him as he glanced from one photo to the next. He was jealous of Jessie because, he could see it in the pictures, that she had the family life, with their father, that he had always wanted. There were family portraits, vacation pictures, and pictures of them just doing everday family things with her mother and Travis.

_"They look soooo happy." _John said to himself. He could see no fear in their eyes, no fading bruises, just happiness and love and he wondered what it would have been like to be part of that. To be part of them. He picked up a picture of Travis. The boy was grinning from ear to ear, as he sat against a tree, holding up a goody bag filled with candy. His face was painted to look like a tiger, but John could still see the similarities between him and Travis and immediatly felt regret. Regret for having never known, the sweet-faced, smiling, little boy that shared his ocean colored eyes and happy-go-lucky smile.

John put his index finger on the frame's glass and traced the outline of Travis face, absently trying to push his brother's blond curls away from his eyes. "I wish I could've known you." He whispered. "I'm your brother." John wiped at the tears that he felt roll down his cheeks. "I'm your brother." He repeated. He put the picture back in it's place and sat heavily on the foot of Jessie's bed. He was exhausted, physically and mentally.

Jessie paced the bathroom floor, taking deep breaths and saying over and over. "C'mon Jess, keep it together...keep it together." She thought that being in her own room would ease things a bit, but she was wrong. She stopped in front of the mirror and looked at her reflection and winced at the person staring back at her. The loss and pain in her eyes was undeniable, even to herself, and she covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a sob that shook her entire being. She turned the water on, in case John could hear her, sat down on the bathroom floor, drawing her knees to her chest and hugging them tightly, and rocked herself as she cried.

John stared at the bathroom door. He could hear the water running, but nothing else, and he was getting nervous. He walked over to the door and listened for movement on the other side, but all he heard was water. He stepped closer and knocked gently.

"Jessie? Jessie, is everything okay?" He asked softly, trying to keep the worry out of his voice.

Jessie lifted her head up, from her knees, and wiped at her eyes. "Yeah...yeah uh...everything's fine. I'll be out in a minute. I'm just uh...I'm just washing up."

"I'm right here if you need me." John told her, sensing something wrong.

"I know, but I'm okay. I'll be out in a minute." Jessie stood up, leaned over the sink and splashed her face with water. The cold water felt good against her warm, tear streaked skin and she hoped it would be enough to hide that she had been crying. She turned the water off and dried her face with a towel. "Keep it together." She told herself and took a deep breath, to settle herself, before opening the bathroom door.

"See, I'm okay." Jessie said as she stepped out of the bathroom and almost into John.

John looked at her closely. Her eyes were red and the skin underneath them was puffy. She had obviously been crying. He touched her cheek and half-smiled. "Yeah, I see." He started to pull her into a hug, but she stepped away. "Jess, I just-"

Jessie knew the minute John wrapped his arms around her she would start crying again, so she stepped away from him and walked towards the bed. "I'm really tired." She sat down and looked back at him. "I just want to go to sleep, okay?"

"Okay." John relented. He watched as she got into bed, pulled the comforter up around her, and stared blankly up at he ceiling. "Do you have any meds to take?" He asked as he walked around to the opposite side of the bed and sat down.

"Not until later, around dinner time."

"Okay." John leaned back into the headboard and stretched out next to her. "Everything's gonna be okay...I mean, it will get better."

Jessie looked at him and nodded. "I love you." She said quietly, her voice cracking as tears slid down her cheeks.

"C'mere." John said patting his chest. She moved closer to him and rested her head in the crook of his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her even closer. He kissed the top of her head and pushed rogue curls form her face. "I love you too, Jess. Robert was right, ya know, if we stick together, we'll get through this okay."

Jessie nodded against his shoulder. "I know."

"Close your eyes and get some rest...I'll be right here."

"Okay." Jessie said sleepily. She sighed deeply and slowed her breathing down. She had faked falling asleep many, many times before and she was very good at it, so she was sure John would fall for it. She deepened her breaths as she slowed them and let her body relax against him.

"We'll be okay." John whispered, kissing the top of her head again.

Jessie lay quietly next to him, waiting. Waiting patiently for him to decide that she was sleeping comfortably and he could leave her, like he had promised.

* * *

TBC...


End file.
